Chapter 8
Gene eats some dinner with Santiago, taking their plates up to their shared bedroom and sitting on the carpeted floor with it.
They catch up, Gene telling Santi about his trip with Ray—minus any of the obvious parts—and they take turns toking on a weed pipe.
Going a few days without weed and then coming back to it, it feels like returning to an old friend.
He needs this. After witnessing Ray gush up to Carol, he really fucking needs this.
Santi gives Gene the piece of paper that he wrote Toshiko’s number on, and once done with his food, Gene heads back downstairs to the kitchen, passing by Ray, Carol, and the others sitting in the living room without saying a word to them.
Gene puts his dishes in the sink, then turns toward the phone resting on the counter, grabbing it off the hook.
Fingers trembling, looking down at the note, he dials the number.
The rotary turns. The line rings. His heart beats fast, and eventually, someone answers.
“Hyatt on Sunset, how may I help you?”
Oh wow, she’s still been staying at the Hyatt this whole time. It makes sense, though, since she doesn’t have a permanent address in the States. Gene tells the clerk the room number Santiago wrote down, and the line is redirected to Toshiko’s room. After a few rings, there’s an answer.
“Hello?”
Her voice is just as lovely as he remembers. “Hey, Toshiko? It’s me, Gene. Gene Hillard, of the Dusty Brooms.”
“Gene?” She gasps. “Oh, you called me back! That makes me so happy, thank you.”
He chuckles, feeling a little light headed from the weed. He honestly didn’t smoke that much, but even a small hit can still make him, at the very least, buzzed. “Of course. I just got back from vacation today, and Santi let me know you called.”
“Yes, he said that. How have you been? How was your holiday? It’s been a while.”
“It’s been good. After we were done recording in Las Vegas, I took a trip with Ray to northern Michigan. We had a fun time; we watched the fireworks. Just got home earlier today.” Toshiko doesn’t need to know more than the basics. “What about you?”
“Hiro and I just got done recording all the vocals he needs for my new album,” she says cheerfully.
“Hiro?”
“Oh, I mean Yasuhiro. He’s been wanting to go by Hiro more while in the States since it’s easier for Americans to pronounce. So, I’ve been calling him that, too.”
“Ah, okay. Yeah, that’s cool.” Gene remembers Yasuhiro. He’s the man Toshiko came to America with: her manager, producer, and close friend. They are only friends too, as Gene remembers Yasuhiro describe in his own words—‘no romance’.
“I had to do quite a lot of recording, and rerecording, since not only did I sing in Japanese, but English as well.” She chuckles in Gene’s ear.
“Japanese was easy. But I had to redo my takes so many times in English. Hiro thought I sounded fine, but the record label representative who was listening in thought my pronunciation was off. I thought that was unfair. My English is great, is it not?”
“That’s crazy. Your English is amazing! You barely even have an accent.”
“You flatter me.” She giggles. “I know I have an accent, but yes, I didn’t think it was that bad to where I had to redo so many takes. Oh well. My part of the album is done, and all the rest is up to Hiro.”
“Well, that’s good, at least. You’re all done for a while, until the release.”
“Yes, definitely. We even had a photoshoot earlier in the week, too, so I’m done with press photos for the moment. I really don’t have anything to do for about a month or so. Which… well, is why I tried calling you, to see if you were available.”
He wraps the cord around his finger. “Really? A month?”
“Yes. With all the work that still needs to be done on the album, finishing it, mixing it, distributing it, and there’s two versions—Japanese and English—that’ll take about a month. I’m free, though, because it’s not like I have to worry about any of that. I just sing,” she laughs.
Thinking about it, Gene gets it. Even with his own music with the Brooms, once they were done recording, Gene himself didn’t have to worry much.
Ray mixed their singles and first album with Dennis, and then the tapes were sent off to the RCA to make masters of.
That’s basically all they have left to do still with their second album, too—mixing it and the like.
“Okay, then… did you want to meet up?” he asks.
“Of course!” Toshiko says cheerfully. “I’m not sure what works best for you, though. I’m all the way in California, and you’re in Michigan.”
“Hmm…”
Could he fly out there to California to meet her?
Money isn’t really an issue for him so he technically could, but honestly, he doesn’t feel like traveling somewhere all on his own yet.
He just got back home. His head feels heavy even trying to think of traveling again right now.
But maybe, if she were up to travel, and the fact she has so much time on her hands…
“What if you stayed at our place for a while? Would you be able to?” he asks.
“Yes, of course I can!” Her voice pitches higher, talking quickly. “I can fly there as soon as you want me to. Michigan is your home, right? I’d love to experience where you are from, show me around places you know. It sounds more fun than being bored at this hotel for another month.”
“A-alright, sure.” Gene lets out a shy laugh.
“You can come over whenever you’re ready.
The band is taking a break for the moment anyway, so we’re not busy.
We could do whatever. And we live in a pretty big house, so we’ve got tons of room for you to stay with us.
I’m assuming Yasuhiro would stay in California if you came over? ”
“Yes, he has to since he’s the one working on the album. But I don’t think he’ll mind me doing whatever I want to do, since I’m not needed. Uwah, I’m getting excited!”
Gene’s mouth stretches in a smile. “I’m excited, too. It’ll be good to see you again.”
They continue talking for a bit, with Gene giving Toshiko their address and her telling him plans of when she hopes to fly over.
She still needs to buy plane tickets, of course, but Gene promises that whenever she does arrive, he’ll be there to pick her up from the airport.
They exchange polite goodbyes, with Gene’s cheeks feeling a little warm as he hangs up the phone.
This will be good for him, finding the company of a woman again.
He remembers how they’d met before, how beautiful she was, her sophisticated, artsy aura, and how lovely her voice was when singing.
But even that notion, just thinking of singing, brings his mind back to Ray.
And as soon as he turns around to walk through the living room—Ray is standing right in front of him, blocking him from going anywhere.
“Oh, uh… hey Ray,” Gene says with a sheepish smile.
“You heading to your room?” Ray asks flatly.
“Um… yeah, I was going to.”
“I’ll go with you. There’s something I want to talk about.”
Gene gulps. “A-alright.” As Ray stares at him, making eye contact, his gaze is so cold.
Those blue irises are like ice crystals.
Gene knows without a doubt that Ray must’ve been listening to everything from his phone call.
Countering Ray’s ice is a heat that rises within Gene, who’s already feeling completely sober again.
He has no right to be upset at me inviting Toshiko over if he’s going to be that way with Carol.
So, yes, they do have something to talk about. Gene leads the way up the stairs, Ray in tow, and they make it down the hall to the master bedroom: the room Gene shares with Santiago. As Gene opens the door, Santi is still inside, sitting on the carpeted floor with an acoustic guitar in his lap.
“Oh, hey Gene! Ray!” He smiles. “What are you guys doing up here?”
“We, um…” Gene’s brows draw together. “Me and Ray want to hang by ourselves for a minute, if that’s okay.”
“Yeah, that’s fine.” Santi pouts, standing up and holding his guitar by its neck. “Everything alright?”
“Yeah, we’re good,” Gene lies, trying to force a smile. Ray, behind him, takes a deep breath. “Just want some privacy, that’s all.”
“Well, alright. I’ll head downstairs to give you guys some space.”
Gene and Ray walk further into the room as Santi heads out the doorway, taking his guitar with him. Before he leaves, though, Santi holds onto the doorknob, tilting his head curiously.
“Let me know if you need anything, okay?” Santi says. “Hope everything really is alright.”
Santi always has such good intuition. “We’ll be fine,” Gene reassures, trying to keep his fake smile on.
“Alright, alright,” Santi says, before finally shutting the door and leaving them all by themselves.
The two stay quiet as they listen to Santiago’s footsteps fading in the distance, getting quieter and quieter, as he heads down the stairs and can no longer be heard.
Ray huffs out another long, slow breath. He doesn’t make eye contact, looking off to the side as they stand idly in the room. “Why are you inviting her over?”
Right to the point, I see. “Why can’t I invite her over?” Gene snaps back, making Ray flinch. “She called, and asked to see me again. I figured it would be nice if she wanted to stay for a bit.”
“A bit, huh?” Ray asks, lifting his gaze to make eye contact with Gene. “Were you planning on fucking her again?”
Gene’s heart stutters—his eyes open wide, staring dumbfounded at his best friend. “So what? What if I did? I know you’re still planning to fuck Carol again, so why should it matter? You’re acting like a hypocrite.”
Ray scoffs, but says nothing.
“Look, if you want me so badly, why haven’t you broken it off with her?” Gene finally addresses the elephant in the room, throwing his hand out and gesturing toward the door.
Ray takes yet another deep breath, in, and out. His cold expression turns softer, more vulnerable—almost sad. “You know I can’t do that, Gene.”
“Why fucking not?”
“Because!” Ray huffs, his eyes appearing glossy. “I mean, you should know, Gene. First of all, I still like her, she’s done nothing wrong. But most importantly—she’s a woman. You know that you and I can’t be together in the same way because we’re both men.”
Those words—as true as they may be—hit like a punch to the gut. He hates that this is reality; it makes his blood boil. “Yeah. I get it,” Gene says, frowning. “So you have no right to be jealous of Toshiko, then. If you’re gonna be with a woman, I’ll be with a woman, too.”
“Fuck. Well, fine.” Ray blows out another pained breath, lifting his hand and running his fingers through his hair, pulling his bangs away from his face. After dropping his hand back down to his side, he shakes his head. “Sorry for bothering you with this.”
Gene closes his eyes for a moment, feeling a pressure behind them.
When he opens them back up, he gazes at Ray again.
Ray is so fucking beautiful, with his luscious, pouted lips and messed up curly blond hair—it hurts.
“It’s alright,” Gene says. “Maybe… maybe we just shouldn’t talk about it like this. I don’t know.”
“Yeah. Whatever.” Ray shrugs. But then—he reaches forward, grabbing Gene’s hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. It takes Gene’s breath away. “I’ll be downstairs, I guess.”
The touch from Ray’s hand throws a dagger into Gene’s chest, ripping his heart in two. “Alright. I might be down later.”
“Okay,” is all Ray says, looking Gene in the eyes one last time before he lets go of his hand. And then, Ray turns around, opening the door to the hallway and shutting it behind himself, leaving Gene alone in the room.
It hasn’t even been twenty-four hours since Gene last tasted Ray’s lips, and now, he’s not sure if he ever will again.
So much has happened in so little time, the pressure becomes overwhelming—bursting—and tears fall down his cheeks.
He can barely keep himself standing upright, so he sits down on his bed, hoping no one else will hear his sobs.
Throwing a hand over his mouth, he tries to keep quiet.
What good is sobbing doing, anyway? He’s such a fool to cry.
He doesn’t think he did anything wrong with inviting Toshiko over.
But he can’t help but yearn for Ray’s touch, too.
What he needs to do is get over it. Maybe he’ll have another vacation with Ray again, maybe not. Who knows at this point? He can’t predict the future. But it all still hurts his heart, feeling that dagger tear through a little bit more.
He needs something to dull the pain.
So Gene finds the pipe he was smoking with Santiago earlier, fills it with more hash, and lights it up. The smoke enters his lungs, welcoming him with its warm embrace.
This is exactly what he needs.