Chapter 17
After their third show of the tour, Ray’s been having a good time.
Being on stage, making music with the Dusty Brooms, singing for all their energetic fans and being close to Gene—it’s everything he could ask for.
The first two shows were in Detroit, and today they finished performing at the Cleveland Stadium in Ohio.
They’re still driving the bus around from city to city instead of flying, but at least now all the main band members have their own hotel rooms in each place they stay.
Ray still shares one with Carol, but he doesn’t need to worry about kicking Santiago out if she wants to be… intimate.
Which… Ray hasn’t been intimate with her at all since the tour started.
She hasn’t asked, hasn’t pushed it, and Ray hasn’t initiated anything either.
He’s worried she’ll get restless soon. But he can’t focus on her—all that’s been on his mind is Gene.
How he pulled him into the dressing room a few nights ago, held him against the counter, fucking him relentlessly…
And yet, Ray has been paranoid. Too afraid to try that stunt again.
If he tries it after every show, people might get suspicious.
Why are you always losing something, taking Gene to the dressing room to go find it with you?
There’s probably other tricks he could pull, but he hasn’t been crafty enough to figure them out yet.
He’d thought of just dropping into Gene’s hotel room, but what would Carol do in the meantime?
How would he shake her off? Maybe that idea will just have to wait until she finally goes to one of her modeling gigs.
But as he thinks that last thought, sitting in a beach chair beside Carol around the outdoor pool of their Holiday Inn, another thought slaps him in the face.
I’m such a piece of shit for wanting to cheat on her again and again, aren’t I?
He glances over at her, lounging in her bikini, her skin glistening under the tall lamps lighting up the pool.
A dagger stabs his heart. She never deserved to be treated like this.
Every time he reminds himself of what he’s doing, he second guesses everything.
As much as he wants Gene, should he really be sneaking around, lying to his girlfriend about what he’s doing?
To be fair, Gene’s doing the same thing.
He’s actually in a relationship with a woman, too.
But at least she’s not here with them, being on her own tour in Japan.
It’s funny—Ray doesn’t think Gene has mentioned Toshiko much at all since he got back home from his trip there.
It’s almost like she only exists when Gene can physically see her.
So, Ray is being shitty to his girlfriend, and so is Gene. Which doesn’t make the situation any better. But he has to keep appearances. He can’t ruin the band with their relationship worries, especially when it involves him having sex with another man.
Oh god, if this gets out, all hell would break loose.
A breeze hits his skin, giving him a chill, made worse by the fact he’s only in his swim bottoms.
His mind keeps drifting to a thought he’d had back during that vacation in St. Ignace with Gene: what if he breaks up with Carol?
Though what always stops him from doing that is one simple thing—how would Carol feel?
What would happen to her if he were to break it off then and there?
She basically abandoned her old life to come with the Brooms on tour and live with them.
Ray is the one who wanted her in the first place, right?
How shitty does that make him to want her one minute, then dump her the next?
She’s become attached to him; he can’t just break off their connection as if it were nothing, as easy as cutting a string with scissors.
It’s more complicated than that. Their lives have become intertwined—knots jumbled together.
Thinking about it further makes his head hurt, and he hasn’t even had anything to drink yet.
Gene seems to be drinking plenty, though.
He’s on the other side of the pool, still dressed in his clothes from the show, sitting beside Santiago and Nicky.
They’re passing a joint around, taking a hit before they hand it off to the next person in their circle, bottles of liquor resting beside their chairs.
A fire burns in Ray’s chest. As he watches them, he can’t help but frown.
It’s nonsense feeling this—there’s nothing wrong with members of the band hanging out with each other.
But Ray has noticed that these past few days, Gene has been spending more time with Nicky than before.
I wish Gene would come over here and sit with me, instead.
“It’s getting a bit cold out,” Carol says, jolting Ray out of his thoughts.
“Oh, uh… yeah. Probably would be even colder if we went in the water.” He chuckles. They got ready for a swim, but haven’t even bothered leaving their chairs.
“For sure. I don’t know what I was thinking… I urged us to get ready and then dozed off just sitting here,” she giggles.
“I suppose I dazed off a bit, too. Have you…” He hesitates to finish his sentence. But… he already started, so he might as well ask. “Have you been taking Quaaludes again?”
“Yeah.” She nods with a shrug. “It’s no big deal. I hope you’re not gonna get on me about that again.”
“N-no, it’s fine. As long as you’re not gonna… overdose or anything bad like that.”
“Pssh, I’m alright.” She flicks her hand toward him. “Let’s go back to the room, shall we? Before it gets too late, and you feel too tired.”
“Yeah, for sure.” He knows exactly what she means by that. He’s been dreading it, but still—
What the hell is wrong with me?
He needs to stop obsessing over Gene, and actually pay attention to his fucking girlfriend.
He doesn’t need to worry about her with the Quaaludes; she knows how to take care of herself. She doesn’t need him doting on her constantly. She doesn’t like him asking about it anyway. But he still cares about her. Which means he shouldn’t always be so aloof toward her needs.
He gets up from his seat, taking her hand in his. He glances across the pool one more time.
Of course, he makes eye contact with Gene.
Ray gulps, then turns around, leading Carol toward the hotel.
Two days later, the Dusty Brooms are in New York state, performing at the Buffalo Memorial Auditorium.
It’s a wonderful show, just like always, Gene feeling the groove as he strums his guitar.
His favorite moments are the ones when he gets to sing next to Ray.
His singer looks so gorgeous tonight, a long scarf hanging around his shoulders, tossing his shirt off after the first song.
Gene doesn’t think he’s ever seen Ray shirtless on stage before, but it’s a very much welcome change.
Ray’s muscles are toned from all the dancing, moving gracefully, sweat dripping down his skin…
Gene’s mouth waters. He runs up to the microphone on cue, standing next to Ray, and they sing the lyrics in harmony:
“She flies me up like a plane, higher and higher.
There ain’t no way I can deny her.
‘Fly high, baby, fly away with me.’
She’ll be the star of all my dreams.”
Their lips almost touch, being so close.
It’s always such a thrill—will they actually kiss on stage one of these days?
It might be too much of a risk at this point, but at the same time, would the audience care?
How would they interpret it? Would they see it as simply risque rock-’n’-roll like Iggy Pop, or something more between singer and guitarist?
Gene isn’t sure, and once the song is over and they have a minute to break, he grabs his secret bottle of Jack Daniels from behind the amp and takes a swig of it.
Later, once the show is over, the Brooms retire to their hotel.
They’ll be on the road again in the morning to make it to their next one—their first show in Boston.
Some of the band heads to their rooms, while others hang out at the cocktail lounge, like Gene himself.
He spots Ray by the bar, his shirt back on, with Carol hanging onto his arm, unfortunately.
Honestly, Gene hasn’t spent nearly as much time with Ray as he would’ve liked to.
Sure, they perform on stage, and they’re still around each other when hanging out with the band and their entourage.
But the only time they’ve had to themselves was that one moment Ray dragged him into the dressing room.
Maybe Gene could be more assertive, putting himself out there and asking if Ray could share some time.
That’s essentially how he’s done it in the past. He could always be sneaky and think of some excuse, like how Ray had asked to ‘find this wallet’.
But Carol—fucking Carol is always with Ray.
An uncomfortable fire burns within Gene; he knows it’s jealousy.
But seeing her touch Ray when he can’t, kissing him when he can’t, pulling him away because she’s allowed to, because she’s his girlfriend… Gene can barely take it some days.
But he doesn’t want to seem like he’s avoiding Ray. No, what he wants most of all is simply to be together with him. Though he can’t be pulling Ray away from his girlfriend all the time. That would be suspicious. So he walks up to them and figures he’ll just do what he can: talk.
“Hey, Ray! How’s it going,” Gene says.
Ray turns around with a smile on his face. “Gene! Oh, we’re not doing much. Just having a couple shots.”
“You sure it’s only a couple?” Gene chuckles.
“Yes. I’m not like you, who can stomach a dozen all at once.”
Gene flicks his hand. “Whatever, man. As long as you’re having fun.”
“Yeah, it’s been good. I know we just got done with a show, but I already can’t wait until the next one.”
“Same here. Maybe we could find some time to write again, soon? Just you and me.”
“For sure, I’d love that. We haven’t written anything new since before you left for California. I miss it. We really need to.”