Chapter 24
Ray can’t do anything but stand there, holding his painful cheek, as Santiago rushes into his room.
“Ray! What’s going on?” Santi asks, his eyes frantic.
“Can you… can you shut the door, please?”
“Oh, sure. Yeah, that’s fine.” Santi does so, closing the door and leaving himself and Ray alone in the motel room. “Is your face alright?” He gasps. “Oh my god, did she slap you?!”
“Y-yeah, she did. Um, was Gene out there? Did you see him at all?”
“He was hanging out with Maurice and Nicky in their room. I checked up on them after I woke up, and when I left their room, that’s when I saw Carol storming out of here.”
“Oh. Okay. Thank god. I can’t imagine if he had to hear all that…”
“You mind telling me what ‘all that’ even is? So I can help you out, man.”
“Yeah. Um, we can sit down…”
Ray sits on the edge of the bed and Santi follows, sitting to Ray’s left—the side of both the slap and the hickey. He lowers his hand, showing Santi the marks.
“Ouch.” Santi winces. “She hit you hard.”
“Well, I deserved it. If you see here, too…” He points to his neck.
“Oh, yeah. I wasn’t quite sure if that was what I thought it was, or something else…”
“It’s exactly what you think it is.”
“Huh. I see.” Santi rubs his chin. “Mind telling me who it was from? It obviously wasn’t Carol.”
As much as he wants to still hide the truth, he knows there’s no point anymore. Carol will be expecting him to tell the rest of the band sometime, regardless. Besides, wasn’t Ray thinking of spilling the beans to Santiago anyway? Now’s as good a time as any. He should just go for it.
“It’s from Gene. Carol is mad because I cheated on her with Gene.”
Santi’s thick brows shoot up high on his forehead. Ray can hardly bear to look at his expression, but does anyway.
“You cheated on her with Gene,” Santi repeats.
“Yeah.” Ray nods, solemnly. “That’s the truth.”
“I knew it. I fucking knew it,” Santi says, not in an awfully accusing manner. He looks down toward his lap, bumping his fist on his leg.
“You knew?”
“I mean, I saw the signs. You and Gene all cuddly and kissy with each other. But I wasn’t sure how far things had actually gotten with you guys.
I was hoping that since Carol is your girlfriend, and with how things had ended with Harriet, you were doing better and staying true to her.
But it all makes sense now.” Santi points at him.
“You still were weird and distant with her because… because you’re in love with Gene! ”
Ray jolts, the shock of him moving causing the bed to ripple underneath them.
“Now, hang on a sec, I… um, well…”
“Oh, am I assuming too much, too soon?” Santi pulls back his finger, resting his hand in his lap.
“I—I mean, uh…”
Am I in love with Gene?
It’s such a big question to ask, one Ray definitely doesn’t want to answer on a whim. He can’t just admit something like that to Santi when he hasn’t even been able to think about it himself. Saying he had sex with Gene is one thing, but talking about his feelings is a whole ’nother can of worms.
“I don’t want to answer that right now. Um… yes, I care for Gene, obviously. But…”
“Hey, it’s okay, Ray. Sorry for bringing that up.” He puts his hand on Ray’s shoulder, rubbing it tenderly.
“I’m the one who should be sorry. Fuck. You shouldn’t be reassuring me, when Carol is the victim here. I’m the asshole who ruined her life.”
“Okay, I agree with you on the asshole part. But I wouldn’t say you completely ruined her life, man.”
“Well, either way, I’m her boyfriend and I ruined our relationship. How about that?”
Santi shrugs, his hand still on Ray’s shoulder. “And maybe you did. It sounded like she’s really mad at you, which is understandable. Does she even still wanna be with you after that?”
It amazes Ray that Santi is so relaxed with him, even discussing distressing matters such as this. Shouldn’t Santi be furious? But Ray remembers back when he and Harriet broke up—Santi was understanding back then, too. Oh, I don’t deserve such a wonderful friend as you, Santi.
“She said she was giving me one more chance to ‘pull my act together’. I don’t know, Santi. I’ve been feeling weird about staying with her, even before this all happened. But I still care for her, I’ve helped her with her career, she lives with us and has been traveling with us…”
“Do you love her, though?”
That gets Ray to bite his lip. He shakes his head, looking down toward the carpeted floor. “No, I guess not. I’ve been with her for a whole year, and yet…”
Santi raises his pointer finger. “You see, your reluctance to admit anything about your feelings for Gene, and then how you’re able to tell me so easily you’re not in love with Carol, are all the answers I need.”
“Santi!” Ray stares at him, his cheeks feeling blisteringly hot.
“What? I’m just stating what I’m seeing.”
“Well…” Ray huffs. “Even so, it’s not like I can actually be with Gene, anyway. He’s got Toshiko. And even if he were single, we’re both guys! We’re in the Dusty Brooms! We’re becoming international celebrities, basically. I can’t be in a relationship with a man, at least not publicly anyway…”
Santiago pouts his lips to one side. “As much as I hate to say it, I see your point. But I still don’t think you’re doing Carol any favors by staying with her if your heart’s not in the right place.”
“I know. Well… I’ll think about it. The tour is almost over, and I don’t want to make any final decisions like that until we’re done traveling. But even still…”
Santi rubs Ray’s shoulder again. “I know this is rough, man. But I’m here for you. I’m your friend first and foremost, rather than Carol’s. And I’m Gene’s friend, too. Did you want to talk to him about this? Or I can for you, if you don’t want to…”
“N-no, I’ll talk to him. It should be me; it’s my responsibility to tell him about what just happened. Since we don’t have a show until tomorrow night, I won’t have to wait. I’ll tell him sometime tonight, because I doubt Carol’s gonna want to spend any more time with me for a while. So… yeah.”
“I can make sure Carol stays with Pat or something to give you time to do that, if you want.”
“Yeah, that sounds good. Thanks, Santi.”
“No problem, man. On that thought… is she going to tell Pat?” Santi’s brows lower, concerned.
“I asked Carol not to tell anyone about me and Gene. Since, y’know, I’m worried about this info getting out… Fuck.” He buries his face in his hands, shaking his head against them.
“Your secret’s safe with me, Ray,” Santi says, giving him another reassuring rub on his shoulder. “I’d never do something like that to you. I’m sure Pat’s the same.”
“I don’t know… I’m not ready to tell her yet. Or Stefan—I mean, I barely talk to Stefan as it is. Maybe I’ll wait, see how things go from here, and maybe eventually… My god. Why am I so fucking careless? I’m so worried about ruining the band…”
He breathes heavier, a pressure rising in his skull.
But Santiago is still here with him, comforting him before the thoughts veer off into dangerous territory.
Honestly, he’s so fucking glad Santi came into his room when he did.
If Santi wasn’t here to calm him down after all that with Carol, Ray knows he’d be a stuffy, unruly, sobbing mess.
“I’m in this band too, y’know,” Santi says. “We’re a team. Nothing bad is gonna happen to us, and I’ll make sure of it. If you trust that Carol won’t tattle about you two, then I trust her, too.”
“Yeah. I don’t think she will. But now…” He lifts his head from his hands, staring off toward the TV on the dresser. “I still gotta tell Gene about all this.”
After checking out of their motel, the Dusty Brooms are ready to hit the road to California.
Gene hasn’t had much of a chance to talk with Ray this morning, but he definitely wants to.
Even though Ray assured him before he’d left the room that things would be fine, Gene’s been worried about Carol finding out what Ray did with the lingerie.
His nerves had been eating away at his core, not wanting to be alone in his empty room, so he hung out with Maurice and Nicky for a bit this morning before they were ready to leave.
And now, it’s time to board the bus. After stuffing their luggage in the compartments on the bus’ side, Gene walks up the steps and finds a spot in the middle next to a window.
Carol and Pat rush in next, with, oddly, Carol dragging Pat into the back area where the bunk beds are.
That can’t be a good sign. Gene’s nerves tangle in a knot again, a lump forming in his throat.
Something must’ve happened between Ray and Carol—exactly what he was afraid of.
Ray himself boards next, looking down the aisle. He makes eye contact with Gene. As if he were in a hurry, he shuffles down the aisle, sitting down in the unoccupied spot next to Gene, setting his small carry-bag on the floor.
“Hey Ray,” Gene says, turning more toward his best friend.
“Hey Gene.” Ray is wearing a scarf around his neck, obviously to cover up the hickey.
He also looks to be wearing concealer, not just on what Gene can see of his neck but on his face as well.
Ray glances toward the aisle again, giving Santiago a friendly wave as he walks by.
Maurice and Nicky follow, heading back to the same area as Santi.
“Is… something the matter?” Gene dares to ask.
“Um… yeah.” Ray nods, turning his head toward Gene again. “I don’t really wanna talk about it here, with everyone else around, though.”
“That’s fair.” Gene reaches into his blazer’s pocket, grabbing an Altoids tin. “You want a hit? I was thinking of having one myself.”
“Yeah, that sounds good.”
Gene takes a joint out, stuffing the tin back in his pocket and grabbing his lighter out in the process. He lights it, takes a hit, blowing the smoke out the cracked window next to himself and handing the joint over to Ray. He takes a hit eagerly, giving it back to Gene as he exhales.
“Thanks babe,” Ray says quietly enough for no one else to hear.
“No problem.” Gene takes another hit, long and slow. “Did she… did she figure out… ‘the thing’?”
Ray pouts. “What ‘thing’, exactly?”
“Oh, um… the… the clothes.”
“Oh, no. Not that. But…” Ray shakes his head. “Though, she’s not going to want to spend time with me for a bit, that’s for sure. That’s all I want to say for now. I’ll tell you more later; I’ll go with you to your room.”
“Alright. That works.” It must be really serious, then. And if Ray is troubled, it troubles Gene, too. Especially if it has to deal with Carol. He passes the joint to Ray again, and he takes another hit. Hopefully the weed helps his nerves, as it always does for Gene.
After Ray gives it back, Gene takes his free hand and places it on Ray’s thigh.
The touch makes Ray blush—such an adorable shade on his cheeks, showing despite the concealer, causing Gene to smile.
He doesn’t need or expect Ray to return the touch, but he does anyway, setting his hand atop Gene’s.
His heart flutters. Every now and then they hold hands like this.
Even before they’d gotten more physical with each other, their bond was always reassured with holding the other’s hand.
Gene threads their fingers together. And they stay like that, feeling the other’s warmth, for the remainder of the long bus ride.