Chapter 31 #2
“Enough about school. Anything exciting happening in your love life? Since mine obviously isn’t going so great,” Ray asks with a smirk, sitting next to Mick on the bed.
Mick is a little shorter than him, but not by much.
They have the same dusty blond hair, too, albeit Ray’s is longer.
Ray has been letting it grow out a bit, about the same length as Gene’s now.
“Oh, uh… well, I’m not in a relationship, if that’s what you mean,” Mick says. If Ray didn’t know any better, it looks like there’s… blush on Mick’s cheeks.
“Well, even if it’s not an official relationship, has something happened?”
Mick adjusts his glasses. “Uh… yeah, actually. I… made some friends. And I’ve known them for a while now, but some stuff happened with them, and in turn it made me… realize something about myself.”
“Mick, you’re speaking way too vaguely for my own liking. What do you mean?”
“Ah, uh…” Mick stutters, biting his lower lip, fidgeting with his hands in his lap. “So, my friend, who’s also now my roommate this year. When I first met him, he had a girlfriend. But they broke up, and then he met someone else. And… now he has a boyfriend.”
“A boyfriend, huh?” Ray raises his brows. “Okay. Well, what’s that got do to with you?”
“It made me realize… uh, something about myself. You know I was never into dating or girls in high school, right?”
“And I figured that was just because you were an awkward nerd.”
Mick laughs. “Yeah, that’s still true. But there’s more to it. I realized that, if my friend could date a guy, maybe I could, too. I’ve never been into girls because… I’m gay.”
Ray’s jaw hangs open. “Really? You’re gay?”
“Yeah. And I’m pretty sure of it, too.” Mick fidgets with his thumbs in his lap some more. “Oh, you aren’t gonna make fun of me for that, are you?”
“What? Oh no, no, I never would. I’ll make fun of you for other things, but never about that.” Ray puts his hand on Mick’s shoulder, reassuring him. That gets Mick to smile. “Have you told Mom and Dad yet?”
“No. I’m honestly a little afraid to. You just saw how they were. They mean well, but it seems like, at least for you, they’re expecting you to start a family. With me, if I end up dating a guy, that’s basically impossible.”
“Yeah, I get that.” That expectation put on him, imbued in him subconsciously or not, is one of the reasons Ray denied his attraction to Gene so strongly in the beginning. He can’t marry Gene, he can’t start a family with Gene—why even entertain the idea of getting together with him at all?
And look at me now, still pining after him all this time.
“But, even so, there’s nothing wrong being gay,” Ray tells Mick. “If our parents believe that, they’re wrong. Do you know my friend, Maurice? He’s gay, too.”
“What, really?” Mick’s eyes widen. “Wait, does that mean his friend Kenneth is…?”
“Yup, they’re boyfriends. I guess I haven’t told you about them, since you don’t really see them all that much.”
“Yeah, I had no idea. But that’s really cool.” Mick smiles.
“Now you know.” Ray gives him a smile back.
It’s so easy for Ray to talk about anyone but himself.
But with the topic at hand, and Mick confiding in him something so personal, maybe Ray should tell him what’s been going on in his own life.
Mick already knows about him cheating, and as his brother, he should know this.
“And, uh… It’s not just Maurice that’s… queer.” Ray clears his throat. “Something must run in the family, if you’re gay, Mick.”
“Run in the family…? Wait, Ray, are you saying that…?”
“Yup.” Ray rubs Mick’s shoulder. “I like guys, too. I like both guys and girls.”
“Really?” Mick chuckles. “So you’re bisexual.”
“I guess that’s the word, yeah.” Ray nods, moving his hand back down to his lap. “You know this whole problem with me cheating on Carol? Well, it all kinda stems from this whole… bisexual thing.”
“Wait. Hang on.” Mick holds a hand up. “So you’re saying—confirming to me—that you cheated on her with a guy?”
“W-well, yeah. You got that right.”
“Who was it with? Wait, you don’t even have to tell me. It was Gene, right?” Mick asks with a devilish grin, one Ray almost never sees on his brother’s face.
“What?!” Ray gasps, his heart beating fast. “How did you know?”
“Lucky guess?” Mick chuckles. “It almost seemed like there was something going on between you two, but I couldn’t be sure since you were dating Carol. He’s your best friend; you’re always so close to him. But I remember on your birthday, he sang that song for you: ‘It Was Always You’.”
Ray’s face burns thinking about that. He loved the song Gene sang, how he chose such a sweet one for his birthday. But was there some sort of underlying meaning…? “I guess it’s just that obvious, huh?”
“Like I said, I couldn’t be sure. But there were signs. With Gene singing you that song, it was almost like… he was proclaiming his love to you.”
“Love?!” If Ray thought his cheeks were hot before, they’re really on fire now.
“You two love each other, in a way, if you’re best friends, right?”
“W-well, yeah. I just… I haven’t really thought about our feelings deeper than that, I guess.” Ray shrugs.
“Maybe that’d be something to look into? I mean, if you guys went so far as for you to cheat on Carol…”
“I don’t know. What good would it do, since Gene has his own girlfriend: Toshiko? It’s all so fucking complicated. We’re in a famous rock band, too. Gah, it’s just…”
“Hey, it’s alright.” This time, Mick puts his own hand on Ray’s shoulder. “Sorry you’ve been going through it. And that Mom and Dad maybe made things worse.”
“Well, none of that’s your fault. You’re fine, Mick.” Ray takes a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “Maybe we should turn the subject back to you, and your… awakening, I guess you could call it,” he chuckles.
“Oh, yeah, that’s fine.” Mick smiles.
“Now, this friend of yours…” Ray can’t help but ask, being too curious. “I know you said he has his own boyfriend, but… did you ever have a crush on him?”
“What! Oh no, no, not Fred.” Mick’s face is beet red, and he waves his hands in front of himself. “He’s just my friend! He’s not even my type, anyway.”
“Oh? So what is your type?”
“Uh…” Mick fidgets with his hands again, and then adjusts his glasses. “Well, look at the poster right there on the wall.”
He points to it, showcasing the classic shirtless pose of—
“Jim Morrison? Really?” Ray gasps. “Maybe that’s why it’s on your wall. It’s not just because you like his music, but so you could ogle over him—”
“Well, it wouldn’t be any different than you looking at those hoochie magazines you’d always keep in your room,” Mick counters.
Ray blushes. “Okay, okay. Fine. But, if not your friend, Fred, then is there anyone else you have a crush on? You already know about me and Gene, so I think it’s fair you tell me yours.”
“No one in particular.” Mick shrugs. “I have met guys I like, but… no one I’ve wanted to pursue further than kissing.”
“Does that mean you’re still a virgin?”
“Yeah, so?” Mick pouts. “It’ll happen when it happens, okay? I don’t wanna rush into it.”
“Okay, okay. Sorry,” Ray chuckles.
“I have gone out to meet people, though. There’s this gay bar in Detroit—Frank Gagen’s. Have you heard of it?”
“No, can’t say I have. Could you tell me about it?”
“Yeah, sure…”
They go on like that, connecting with each other in a way they never have before for the rest of the night. Ray can’t describe how happy he is to know that his brother is also queer. It means so much to him, to have someone in the family who understands.
Now if only society as a whole could be just as understanding…