27. Transitioning, Learning to Breathe
Chapter twenty-seven
Transitioning, Learning to Breathe
I f you’ve read this far, I hope you’ve forgiven Edie for being the soft-hearted soul she is. We all know she made mistakes and perhaps she looked for love in all the wrong places, but you gotta love her ability to bounce back, take a chance, forgive, and not be bitter. If I had gone through what she has experienced, I’d lock myself in an underground bomb shelter and you’d never again see my face in the light of day. Not Edie; she keeps hope alive, romance lucid, and love possible. You’re probably shaking your head wondering how she could be so gullible. That may not be the word you’d use, so thank you for being kind.
All that happened the previous couple of years, selling their businesses, moving to Florida, her husband Andy walking out on her leaving her penniless, and Christopher coming back into her life, made her head spin. She’d had a good run but was left with little to show for it. Friends who supported her through the years questioned how she could move forward and not be filled with hate and animosity. In her own words, she explains, “I’m just shallow. Things roll off my crooked back like water off a duck’s back.” From my point of view as her friend, I believe that’s who she is. The circumstances she’s endured don’t define her. Edie doesn’t harbor hostility; heartache hurts but life still waits to be lived.
Her heartaches were probably deeper than she chose to remember but she realizes we all have the right to make our own choices. She can’t force someone to love her so she can’t hold it against someone who chooses to walk away. She walked away as well. We make choices on many things. We may be physically attracted to someone but choose, because of our religious, personal, or moral commitments not to pursue that desire. She has a thing about dirty shoes. Don’t laugh, please. If a man’s shoes are clean, polished leather, she likes that. It’s probably from all the countless hours she spent spit-shining Sean’s boots and shoes when he was in the Army. It’s an indication that maybe his undies are clean, too. I know, too much.
Also, he’s got to have good teeth, at least the ones she can see. We may reason through the possibilities of the “what-ifs” if we get involved. If we decide the risk is worth taking, the decision still lies with the other person. If he’s a really good catch, Edie may nudge him with all her feminine tactics, but in the end, it may not work out anyway. There are so many unknowns in life, particularly in relationships that each of us must decide how much of a risk we’re willing to assign or just walk away not knowing what might have happened.
She knows so many women who are now in their twilight years who eat their TV dinners alone because they couldn’t take the plunge or even a small chance, whatever the reason. They may not even have a Hope Chest full of memories to glean through to comfort them. Of course, she’s been hurt but she’s also been loved, pampered, spoiled, and kissed a million times. You know she loves kissing, so there you have it.
Oh, she experienced deep grief, regret, questions, and sorrow but she’s usually willing to accept responsibility for her mistakes and try to remember we are all human and no one has reached perfection. We are subject to desires we can’t explain, actions that don’t make sense, decisions that would be better another way, so who is she or any of us to judge another human? She has her moments of jumping up and down cursing like a sailor but she tries hard not to let those things she doesn’t understand scar her heart. So, from here, she moves on like a girl who chooses to forget she’s ever been hurt.
You know Edie loves men so she’s always open to experiencing another one, his approach, possibilities, and what he may add to her life. Women crave romance the way men crave sex. It’s hard to say who she loved most or deepest. Each love is different. She loved Christopher the longest and she said the one who rescues us, (the maiden in distress) becomes our knight. Even to this day, more than fifty years later, she still remembers his scent, the way he ran his fingers across her skin, the way they melted into each other as they lay together, the beauty of the way he gently loved her, and the softness of his kiss. But her many years of wondering when Christopher might walk back into my life are over, so here comes her next year.