Chapter 5 - Still Here
Jane and I ended up chatting until almost midnight.
Not continuously.
We're twenty-three.
We had lives.
Well—
Jane had a life.
I had spreadsheets.
But every time the conversation looked finished, one of us sent something else.
Random.
Normal.
She told me about one school she had applied to.
I told her one customer had tried asking for fifty percent discount because apparently confidence was free.
She sent:
HAHAHAHA tinanggap mo?
No.
WOW
I stared.
What does wow mean
Growth ??
I sighed.
Everyone.
Everybody had apparently noticed how terrible I used to be at saying no.
Ang sama niyo sakin.
Truth lang
Then—
May employee ka na daw sabi ni Chloe
I frowned.
Why is Chloe issuing company updates
Proud daw siya sayo
I stared.
That was—
unexpectedly sweet.
I typed:
One part-time lang.
Still. Dati ayaw mo magpatulong.
There it was again.
I remembered Grade Eleven Lia.
College Lia.
Twenty-two-year-old Lia.
If there was a project, I'd do more than my share.
If someone needed something printed, I'd handle it.
If business got busy, I'd disappear.
Different scale.
Same disease.
Trying to stop doing everything myself.
Jane:
Good.
I laughed.
You and Chloe have one vocabulary
Good?
Yes
Good
I sent a middle finger emoji.
She reacted with a laughing face.
Old rhythm.
Still there.
Saturday morning, Jane messaged.
Free ka mamaya?
I was checking material inventory.
I looked at the unfinished work.
Then at the message.
Nothing urgent.
I could finish Monday.
Dangerous thought:
Or I can finish now.
No.
We were not doing that.
Why?
Kain tayo.
Then:
Try ko yayain si Chloe.
That made me smile.
Where?
Robinsons?
Local.
Easy.
Nothing dramatic.
Game.
Jane:
WOW
I closed my eyes.
Can everyone stop being shocked when I agree to go out
No
Fair.
At lunch, Mama asked—
"Lalabas ka na naman?"
"Yeah."
"Kala Chloe?"
"Maybe."
"Jane?"
"Yeah."
Mama nodded.
No dramatic ah.
No suspicious smile.
Jane was Jane.
She'd known the name for years.
"Tagal mo na rin hindi nakikita si Jane."
"Last year."
"Ganun katagal?"
"Yeah."
"Eh nag-uusap naman kayo?"
"Chat."
Mama made a face.
"Hindi pareho yun."
I paused.
Okay.
Apparently Mama and Chloe were running the same campaign.
"That's why we're meeting."
"Good."
Sofia, sitting across from me, looked up.
Not at Mama.
At me.
One second.
??
Then back to her food.
I narrowed my eyes.
She did not acknowledge me.
Smart girl.
Very irritating smart girl.
Mama continued—
"Sabihin mo kay Jane dalaw naman sila dito ni Chloe."
"Okay."
"Tagal na rin nila hindi napunta."
"They barely come here."
"Eh di ngayon."
"Ma, hindi ako events coordinator."
Sofia snorted.
Mama ignored me.
"Basta sabihin mo."
"Yes."
I got to Robinsons a little early.
Not twelve-minutes-early corporate psycho early.
Six minutes.
Progress.
Jane messaged:
Nandito na ko
I looked around.
Then saw her coming toward me.
And—
there.
That was weird.
Not because Jane looked different.
She did, obviously.
Almost a year.
Hair slightly different.
Makeup.
Clothes.
Little things.
But she was still—
Jane.
Someone I'd known since I was twelve.
Someone I'd liked since Grade Seven.
Someone who knew.
Someone who had already given me the answer years ago.
Friends lang talaga kaya kong ibigay.
And we'd survived it.
No tragedy.
No ruined friendship.
No dramatic permanent distance.
Just life.
College.
Work.
Different schedules.
Then me vanishing for almost a year because apparently I had started practicing for my eventual death early.
Jane stopped in front of me.
"Hi."
I smiled.
"Hi."
She looked at me.
I looked at her.
Maybe a second too long.
Her eyes narrowed.
"Ano?"
There.
Still Jane.
I laughed.
"Nothing."
"Ba't ka nakatingin?"
"I haven't seen you in almost a year."
"Eh di tingnan mo."
I laughed harder.
"Okay."
"Ang weird mo."
"You started it."
"Ako?"
"Yes."
"How?"
"You asked why I was looking."
"Because ang tagal."
"Exactly. One year."
Jane stared at me.
Then laughed.
"Bwisit."
Easy.
Still easy.
Chloe arrived fourteen minutes later.
"Sorry."
Jane looked at her.
"Fourteen minutes."
Chloe stared.
"Binilang?"
I immediately pointed at Jane.
"SEE?"
Jane laughed.
"Hindi ko binilang. Nakita ko oras."
"Same defense," I said.
Chloe looked between us.
"Perfect. Dalawa na kayo."
"Shut up," Jane and I said together.
Chloe stopped.
??
"No," I said immediately.
"I didn't say anything."
"Your face."
"My face exists."
"Unfortunately."
We ate somewhere simple.
Chicken.
Rice.
Fries.
Drinks.
Nothing worth documenting.
Which apparently meant Chloe needed to document it.
"Picture."
"No," I said.
"Why?"
"Food muna."
Jane nodded.
"True."
Chloe looked offended.
"Wow. Against me."
"We're hungry."
"You're always hungry."
"Yes."
"Fair."
We ate.
And within maybe five minutes—
it stopped feeling like a reunion.
That was the strange part.
No formal catching up.
No:
So tell me everything that happened this year.
Because we hadn't completely disappeared from each other's lives.
We knew the broad strokes.
Chats did that.
Jane knew about my business.
I knew about her applications.
Chloe knew everything because apparently she was a surveillance network.
What we had missed were the details.
The small things.
Jane had changed shampoo.
Chloe had gotten into some new show.
I had apparently developed the shocking ability to sit through an entire meal without answering customers.
Jane noticed that one.
Halfway through eating, my phone buzzed.
I glanced at it.
Order inquiry.
I put it face down.
Jane stopped chewing.
"What?"
"Nothing."
"No, what?"
She pointed at my phone.
"You're not answering?"
"Later."
Chloe also stopped.
I stared at both of them.
"Can you please stop observing me?"
Jane laughed.
"Dati sasagot ka."
"I know."
"Habang kumakain."
"I know."
"Habang nag-uusap tayo."
"Yes, Jane."
"Good."
I closed my eyes.
"There."
"What?"
"That fucking word again."
Chloe laughed.
"Good."
"I hate both of you."
After eating, we walked around.
No real destination.
Chloe wanted to look at shoes.
Jane wanted to check notebooks.
Of course she did.
I followed Jane toward stationery while Chloe disappeared into another aisle.
Jane picked up a notebook.
Pink.
I stared.
She looked at me.
"What?"
"Nothing."
"What?"
"Pink again."
She smiled.
"Cute."
"You have like twelve."
"Hindi twelve."
"How many?"
Silence.
I raised an eyebrow.
She put the notebook back.
"Next."
I laughed.
Then she picked up another one.
I looked at the price.
"That is overpriced."
Jane sighed.
"Here we go."
"What?"
"You're doing the business thing."
"I'm saying mahal."
"Pwede mo naman sabihin mahal."
"I just did."
"After staring at the binding like may audit."
I laughed.
"Habit."
"Relax."
I held up both hands.
"Fine."
She bought the pink one anyway.
Naturally.
We found Chloe sitting outside another store.
She looked at the paper bag in Jane's hand.
"Notebook?"
"Yes."
"Again?"
"See?" I said.
Jane pointed at both of us.
"Leave me alone."
Chloe stood.
"Coffee?"
I nodded.
Jane:
"Sure."
There.
Old trio.
No ceremony.
While Chloe ordered, Jane and I sat at a small table.
I looked at her.
Again.
Not intentionally.
Something looked different.
She caught me almost immediately.
"Now what?"
I blinked.
"What?"
"Nakatingin ka na naman."
"Your makeup."
She stared.
"What about it?"
"Different."
"New foundation."
I leaned slightly closer.
Jane did not move.
"What brand?"
She told me.
I nodded.
"Okay."
"Okay?"
"Yeah."
"That's it?"
"Medyo dry here."
I pointed near my own nose.
Jane immediately touched hers.
"Halata?"
"Not really."
"Then why did you notice?"
I paused.
Excellent question.
"Because I'm looking at your face."
Jane stared.
I stared back.
Then she laughed.
"Exactly!"
I laughed too.
"Fine."
"Ang tagal mo na talagang ganyan."
There was no accusation in it.
Just history.
I shrugged.
"You've had the same face for years."
"Grabe."
"I mean—"
"I know what you mean."
She was still laughing.
"Use moisturizer before makeup."
"I do."
"What moisturizer?"
She told me.
I frowned.
"Try something more hydrating."
"Since when are you skincare expert?"
"Years."
Technically decades.
"Send mo."
"Sure."
Then—
"Niacinamide."
"What?"
"I'll explain later."
Jane stared.
"Biglang consultation."
"Free."
"Wow."
"Friend privilege."
She smiled.
"Okay."
Simple.
No meaning.
Just pores.
Chloe returned carrying three drinks.
She stopped.
Looked at us.
We were still sitting slightly too close because I had been inspecting Jane's foundation.
Her eyes moved between us.
I sighed.
"Makeup."
Chloe handed me my drink.
"I didn't ask."
"Good."
Jane started laughing.
"Defensive."
"I am explaining."
"Nobody asked," Chloe said.
I stared.
Fuck.
I took my drink.
"Thank you."
"You're welcome."
We walked around for another hour.
At some point, Chloe got distracted by a call.
Jane and I slowed down.
She looked at me.
"Mas okay ka ngayon."
I glanced over.
"That's vague."
"Parang..."
She thought.
Then—
"Mas present."
I stopped internally.
Not physically.
We kept walking.
"What does that mean?"
"Dati kasi kahit kasama ka namin, parang may ginagawa ka pa rin sa utak mo."
I laughed quietly.
"That sounds bad."
"Medyo."
"Ouch."
"Sorry."
"No, you're right."
She looked at me.
"Ngayon parang..."
"What?"
"Nandito ka."
That one landed.
Because Original Life had been full of rooms I had physically occupied while mentally being somewhere else.
Meetings during dinner.
Emails during birthdays.
Problems during vacations.
Work while someone was talking to me.
I looked ahead.
"Trying."
Jane nodded.
"Good."
I sighed.
"There it is."
She laughed.
"Sorry."
"No, you're not."
"Hindi."
Chloe rejoined us.
"What did I miss?"
"Lia has changed," Jane said.
I looked at her.
"Excuse me?"
Chloe nodded.
"I know."
"You two are discussing me like I'm not here."
Jane:
"You are here."
I paused.
She smiled.
"See?"
I pointed.
"That was annoying."
Chloe:
"What?"
"Nothing."
Chloe immediately—
"Ah."
"No."
"I literally just said ah."
"Exactly."
By late afternoon, Chloe needed to leave first.
Family thing.
She waved.
"Bye. Next time ulit."
Jane:
"Text pag home."
Me:
"Don't steal fries next time."
Chloe:
"No promises."
Then she left.
Jane and I were still waiting for our rides.
Just us.
Not strange.
We'd done this before.
Years before.
Age twenty-two.
Pink cake.
High school days.
Normal.
She looked at me.
"Birthday mo next month."
I groaned.
"Don't."
"What?"
"You remember."
"Of course."
"You always remember."
"Friends tayo, Lia."
There.
Easy.
I smiled.
"I know."
"What do you want?"
"For what?"
"Birthday."
"Nothing."
"Impossible."
"Food."
"Obviously."
"Chicken."
She laughed.
"Chocolate cake?"
I looked at her.
"You remember?"
She stared.
"Of course."
Right.
Old friend.
Years.
No need to be surprised by everything.
"Yeah."
"Okay."
I narrowed my eyes.
"What are you planning?"
"Nothing."
"Jane."
"Wala nga."
I laughed.
"Suspicious."
"Arte."
My ride arrived first.
I stood.
"See you."
Jane nodded.
"Message pag home."
I smiled.
"Same."
"Obviously."
I started walking.
Then she called—
"Lia."
I turned.
"Hmm?"
"Wag ka ulit mawala ng one year."
There was a smile on her face.
Casual.
But the words landed anyway.
I shoved my hands into my pockets.
"I'll try."
Jane made a face.
"Try?"
I laughed.
"Fine. Hindi."
"Good."
"Jesus."
She smiled.
"Bye."
"Bye."
Pag-uwi ko, Mama was in the living room.
Sofia too.
"O?" Mama asked.
"Masaya."
"I didn't ask yet."
"I know the sequence."
Mama laughed.
"Si Chloe?"
"Same."
"Jane?"
"Same."
"Kamusta na?"
"Okay."
"Teacher?"
"Applying."
Mama nodded.
"Sabihin mo dalaw sila."
"Yes."
Sofia looked up.
"Kasama si Ate Jane?"
I looked at her.
"Yes."
"Nice."
Then back to her phone.
Nothing else.
??
I narrowed my eyes.
She ignored me.
Smart girl.
That night, Jane messaged.
Home?
Yes. You?
Yes.
Then:
Thanks today.
I smiled.
Thanks din.
A few seconds.
Masaya.
I stared.
Simple.
No hidden meaning.
Just a friend telling another friend she had a good day.
Yeah. Same.
Then:
Next time wag chicken
I gasped.
Excuse me
HAHAHAHA
Blocked.
Jollibee naman
I laughed.
That's still chicken.
Pause.
Okay ikaw pumili next.
Dangerous.
Trust me.
I stared at that.
Then smiled.
Fine.
I put my phone down.
Jane.
Grade Seven.
High school.
Rare college meetups.
Pink cake.
One year of mostly chats.
The feelings had never completely disappeared.
I knew that.
Jane knew that too.
But that didn't make every lunch a date.
It didn't make every look a sign.
It didn't make friendship less real.
She had already told me what she could give.
And I had accepted that a long time ago.
Maybe twenty-three-year-old Lia had sometimes treated friendship like the painful thing left over after rejection.
Forty-five-year-old me knew better.
There were people from my first life I would have given almost anything to sit beside one more time.
Talk to.
Eat with.
Hear laugh.
Friendship wasn't consolation.
Presence wasn't small.
Jane was here.
Chloe was here.
My family was here.
And somehow—
I had been given another chance to actually show up for all of them.
That was more than enough.