Chapter 38 - Narrowing
There were three now.
Celeste.
Audrey.
Victoria.
Not finalists.
Not a shortlist.
Not a roster.
Three women I was still dating.
That was all.
Unfortunately, Jane and Chloe had other terminology.
"Final three," Chloe said.
"No."
Jane counted on her fingers anyway.
"Celeste."
I stared.
"Audrey."
"Stop."
"Victoria."
"There is no final three."
Chloe smiled.
"There are literally three."
"That is not the point."
Jane took a drink.
"So what's the point?"
"The point is that I am dating three people."
"Exactly."
"Casually."
Jane raised an eyebrow.
"Celeste doesn't sound casual anymore."
Fuck.
I looked away.
Chloe immediately noticed.
"Interesting."
"I hate that word."
Celeste was serious.
That part was becoming increasingly difficult to pretend I hadn't noticed.
Not exclusive.
Not demanding.
Not asking me for a decision.
But serious.
She held my hand automatically now.
Asked to see me regularly.
Kissed me like she had stopped treating every date as something temporary.
And when she'd told me—
I am not casual about you anymore.
I believed her.
Obviously.
The problem was—
I wasn't casual about her either.
Not exactly.
Audrey remained quieter.
Not absent.
Not passive.
Quiet.
There was a difference.
She didn't ask for dates every week.
Didn't compete for Friday nights.
Didn't message—
miss me?
She just—
showed up.
And when we were together, I liked being there.
Our next date was a Sunday afternoon.
She wanted to show me a restored old house she liked.
Not one of her projects.
Just—
a place.
We walked slowly through it.
She pointed out windows.
Materials.
Old details I'd never notice on my own.
I listened.
Mostly.
At one point, she stopped and looked at me.
"You're actually interested."
I frowned.
"Why wouldn't I be?"
"Most people ask me about architecture then regret it."
"I ask questions I want answers to."
She smiled.
"I've noticed."
We got coffee after.
No rush.
Audrey sat across from me.
Then asked—
"Celeste getting serious?"
Fuck.
"Why does everyone know everything?"
"I don't."
"You just asked."
"You mentioned she wanted exclusivity eventually."
Right.
I had.
Fair.
"Yes."
"And Tori?"
I paused.
Audrey saw that.
Of course.
"More dates?"
"Yes."
She nodded.
Then took a drink.
No visible reaction.
I stared.
"What?"
"What?"
"You're very calm."
"Should I not be?"
"I don't know."
She smiled.
"Lia, we agreed casual."
"I know."
"So I'm not going to behave like we're exclusive when we're not."
There.
Good.
Then—
"But I'm still interested."
That landed quietly.
Like everything Audrey did.
"I am too."
She nodded.
"Then we're fine."
Simple.
Before we left, Audrey reached for my hand.
First time.
Not dramatic.
Just—
"Can I?"
I looked down.
Then at her.
"Yes."
Her fingers slipped into mine.
Warm.
Gentle.
No smug—
verified?
No joke.
Just Audrey.
We walked like that for a while.
And I liked it.
A lot.
Different.
Again.
Annoying.
Then came Tori.
Second date.
Thursday.
She picked a restaurant near neither of our workplaces.
Deliberate.
No chance of accidentally calling it a work dinner.
I appreciated that.
She was already there when I arrived.
I sat.
"Hi."
"Hi."
Tori smiled.
Then—
"No meetings today."
"Correct."
"No Julia."
"Correct."
"No workflow."
"Correct."
She nodded.
"Good."
I laughed.
"You really wanted the distinction."
"Yes."
"Why?"
"Because I like you and I don't want work doing the heavy lifting."
Oh.
Direct.
Again.
Dangerous.
Dinner moved even easier than the first.
Maybe because we had already established enough.
She asked what I did when I wasn't working.
I said—
"Travel. Family. Friends. Sometimes piano badly."
Her eyebrows lifted.
"Piano?"
"Badly."
"Why?"
"I like it."
"That's enough."
There.
No—
You should monetize it.
No—
content opportunity.
Just—
that's enough.
I liked that too.
Fuck.
I asked what she did outside work.
Running.
Cooking badly.
Reading.
Travel.
Trying new restaurants.
Occasional hiking.
Actually resting.
That last part—
very attractive.
Then she asked—
"How late do you usually work?"
"Still six."
"Still?"
"Yes."
"Even when things get bigger?"
"Yes."
"Actual six?"
"Mostly."
"Good."
I stared.
"What?"
"Nothing."
"You keep saying good like you're grading me."
Tori smiled.
"Maybe I am."
"Dangerous."
"Do you want the rubric?"
"No."
"Good."
I laughed.
After dinner, we walked.
No destination.
Same thing Celeste and I did.
Different feeling.
Tori walked beside me without touching.
Then—
"Question."
"Go."
"Do you want a relationship this life?"
I froze.
This life.
She meant—
this phase.
This time in my life.
Normal wording.
Still.
The phrase hit differently.
I looked ahead.
"Yes."
"Eventually?"
I thought.
"No."
Tori looked at me.
I corrected—
"I mean, not eventually in the vague sense."
"Okay."
"I actually want one."
Her expression changed slightly.
Good.
Not triumphant.
Just—
information.
"With the right person?"
"Yes."
"Same."
There.
Another dangerous point of alignment.
Then she asked—
"What are you scared of?"
Excuse me?
I laughed.
"That's a Date Two question?"
"Apparently."
I thought.
Not work.
Not failure.
Not money.
Not being alone.
Something else.
"Choosing wrong because I don't want to lose someone."
Tori looked at me.
That answer had come too easily.
Interesting.
She nodded.
"That's fair."
"You?"
She thought.
"Choosing someone who likes what I do more than who I am."
Oh.
Fuck.
No joke.
No corporate line.
Just that.
I liked her more immediately.
Inconvenient.
We walked another block.
Then Tori said—
"You don't have to choose anything now."
"I know."
"I mean it."
"I know."
"Good."
I laughed.
"There it is again."
"What?"
"Good."
She smiled.
"Get used to it."
At the pickup point, we stopped.
No awkwardness.
Just—
something waiting.
I knew it.
She knew it.
Then Tori said—
"Can I hold your hand?"
Oh.
There.
Different from Celeste.
Different from Audrey.
Still direct.
I looked at her.
"Yes."
She took my hand.
Simple.
Her thumb brushed once across my knuckles.
That was it.
Fuck.
We stood there like that for maybe a minute.
No need to walk.
No need to fill silence.
Then Tori looked at me.
"Can I kiss you?"
My brain went very quiet.
There.
Finally.
Not because Celeste already had.
Not because she was catching up.
Because we got here.
Exactly like she said.
"Yes."
Tori leaned in.
Slow enough that I could change my mind.
I didn't.
The kiss was brief.
Soft.
Warm.
Then she pulled back fully.
No second kiss.
No trying to escalate.
Just—
looked at me.
"Okay?"
"Yes."
"Good."
I laughed.
"Of course."
She smiled.
Then—
"I wanted to do that last time."
I stared.
"What?"
"But I meant what I said."
"You waited?"
"Yes."
"Why?"
"Because I wanted to know if I still wanted to after another date."
Fuck.
That—
was extremely Tori.
"And?"
She smiled.
"Obviously."
My ride arrived.
Tori squeezed my hand once.
Then let go.
"Next week?"
"Yes."
"Friday?"
I paused.
Celeste.
Already.
Tori saw.
"Booked?"
"Yes."
"Celeste?"
I stared.
She laughed.
"Your face."
Everyone needed to stop reading my face.
"Saturday?"
"Free."
"Dinner?"
"Yes."
"Date?"
I smiled.
"Yes."
"Good."
Friday belonged to Celeste.
And somehow—
she knew.
Not the details.
But enough.
Again.
Information governance in my life was fictional.
Celeste took my hand when we met.
Automatic.
Then looked at me.
"Tori kissed you."
I almost walked into a wall.
"What the fuck?"
She smiled.
"Jane."
"WHY DOES JANE KNOW?"
"Julia."
"WHY DOES JULIA KNOW?"
Celeste laughed.
"Relax."
"I need NDAs."
We sat for dinner.
Celeste looked fine.
Actually fine.
Not fake fine.
Then—
"How was it?"
I stared.
"You really want details?"
"No."
"Good."
"I just want to know if you liked it."
Direct.
I nodded.
"Yes."
She nodded too.
There.
Tiny shift.
Not jealousy exactly.
Recognition.
Tori was becoming real.
Celeste reached across the table.
Palm up.
I took her hand.
Then she said—
"Okay."
I narrowed my eyes.
"What does that mean?"
"It means I need to stop acting like I have unlimited time."
Oh.
Fuck.
There it was.
"I don't want to pressure you," she said.
"Okay."
"But I also don't want to be so mature about this that I accidentally let you drift away."
That made me laugh softly.
"That's very honest."
"I know."
Then—
"I want you, Lia."
No maybe.
No unless.
No joke.
I stopped smiling.
Listened.
"I know you're still deciding."
"Yes."
"And I'm not asking you tonight."
"Okay."
"But I'm done pretending I'm casual."
There.
Again.
Clearer.
Stronger.
I tightened my hand around hers.
"I know."
"Good."
After dinner, we walked.
Her hand never left mine.
At the parking area, she stopped me.
"Can I kiss you?"
I smiled.
"Yes."
She did.
Longer immediately.
Not rushed.
Not aggressive.
Just—
certain.
Her hand settled lightly at my waist.
Mine moved to her arm.
Then shoulder.
The kiss deepened only in the sense that neither of us seemed interested in ending it quickly.
Nothing sexual.
Nothing beyond kissing.
Still enough to make my entire brain useless.
When we separated, Celeste stayed close.
"Okay?"
"Yeah."
"Again?"
I laughed softly.
"You're very committed to consent."
"Yes."
"Good."
"Is that a yes?"
"Yes."
So she kissed me again.
Long.
Warm.
Deliberate.
At some point, I forgot the parking area existed.
Forgot the week.
Forgot the fact that Victoria Reyes had kissed me twenty-four hours earlier.
Which was—
information.
Potentially dangerous information.
When Celeste finally pulled away, I was still holding her shoulder.
She smiled.
Not smug this time.
Something softer.
"I'm serious."
I knew she wasn't talking about the kiss.
"I know."
Then—
"I hope you take me seriously too."
That hurt a little.
Because I did.
Very much.
"I do."
Celeste nodded.
"Okay."
She stepped back.
Then smiled.
"Goodnight."
I checked the time.
9:34.
"Finally appropriate."
She laughed.
Saturday—
Tori again.
Third date.
No work.
No Julia.
No accidental professional excuse.
Just us.
And somehow, after Friday with Celeste—
I expected comparison.
Didn't happen.
Tori did not feel like less because Celeste had kissed me longer.
Celeste did not feel like more because of history.
Different people.
Different feelings.
Still impossible to reduce.
Tori took me somewhere quieter.
Dinner first.
Then a walk outside.
She asked about Sofia.
Remembered her name.
Asked how the beauty business idea was going.
I stared.
"You remembered?"
"You told me."
"That was one conversation."
"Yes."
"Good memory?"
"When I care."
Fuck.
There.
Later, I asked—
"Are you still seeing the other person?"
"No."
I stopped.
Tori looked at me.
"What?"
"Because of me?"
"No."
Good.
"She and I weren't progressing."
"Okay."
"I ended it before our second date."
Oh.
Interesting.
"Does that mean you're only seeing me?"
"Yes."
I froze.
Tori immediately added—
"That's my choice. Not a request."
Very important.
"Okay."
"I'm not asking you to stop dating Celeste or Audrey."
"Okay."
"But I prefer focusing on one person once I'm genuinely interested."
There.
That's who she was.
Not pressure.
Just preference.
I liked knowing.
Probably too much.
Then she asked—
"Does that make you uncomfortable?"
"No."
"Good."
I laughed.
"You really like that word."
"Yes."
At the end of the night, Tori kissed me again.
Still not long.
Still not trying to compete with anyone.
One kiss.
Then another after asking.
Slightly longer.
Enough.
Different.
I liked that too.
Fuck.
Audrey was still there.
Quietly.
And that made things even harder.
She didn't escalate because Tori did.
Didn't ask about Celeste's kisses.
Didn't make me prove anything.
She just kept seeing me.
Talking.
Holding my hand sometimes.
Being—
good.
Very good.
Maybe that was the problem.
Everyone was good.
In different directions.
Sunday coffee.
Jane and Chloe.
Of course.
I sat down.
Jane stared at me.
"No."
She smiled.
"You look tired."
"Dating is labor."
Chloe nodded.
"Three."
"Do not."
Jane:
"Tori kissed?"
I stared.
Fuck.
"HOW DO YOU KNOW EVERYTHING?"
"Julia."
"I AM BLOCKING JULIA."
Chloe laughed.
Then—
"Celeste?"
I drank coffee.
Jane screamed quietly.
"Oh my God."
"Please stop."
"Both?"
"Yes."
Chloe:
"Audrey?"
"Holding hands."
Jane slowly leaned back.
"Lia."
"What?"
"You actually did it."
"Did what?"
"Started dating."
I stared.
Then laughed.
Yeah.
I had.
Maybe too successfully.
Jane counted.
"Celeste serious."
"Yes."
"Tori?"
I paused.
"Getting serious."
Chloe noticed the pause.
Of course.
"Audrey?"
"Still dating."
Jane looked at me.
"Who's leading?"
I sighed.
"No one."
Chloe:
"That's becoming less believable."
I stared.
"It isn't a race."
Jane smiled.
"Okay."
Then—
"Who do you think about when you're not with them?"
Fuck.
I stopped.
That—
was a much better question.
I didn't answer immediately.
Because several names came to mind.
Celeste.
Tori.
Audrey.
But—
one came first.
I hated that.
Jane saw my face.
Her eyebrows lifted.
Chloe saw Jane's face.
Then mine.
"Oh."
I pointed at both of them.
"No."
Jane smiled slowly.
"I didn't say anything."
"Don't."
Chloe:
"Interesting."
"I'M LEAVING."
I did not leave.
But I seriously considered it.
Because apparently—
the dating pool was narrowing itself.