35. London
Because of my crazy body clock, I woke before Murray did. I didn’t mind. I liked watching him sleep. He looked so much more at peace in sleep. The only time Murray had appeared relaxed in the past two weeks was when we were here, in his room, making love or fucking.
Last night had definitely been fucking. I squeezed my thighs together at the memory.
We’d had sex every night for the past three weeks.
Three weeks of surreal, nighttime magic, our intimacy building, but also our trust. Things were so good between us, I’d felt encouraged enough to ask him to take charge more, do what felt good to him too.
I never thought I’d feel safe enough to give up control with a partner, but with Murray, I didn’t feel like I was giving up control.
I trusted if something wasn’t working for me, he’d stop in an instant.
As it was, I had teeth marks on my fingers from having to bite down on my cries of pleasure as Murray took me hard last night.
We’d both fallen asleep a few minutes after coming, so replete from our epic orgasms.
There had been many times I wanted to tell him I loved him, but something kept holding me back.
I knew it was fear.
And it frustrated the heck out of me.
We were still sneaking around, hiding our physical relationship from Kelly, but she was aware we had gone on a date a few nights ago, so we were taking steps toward being out in the open.
In terms of outside forces, it had been the most peaceful three weeks since our marriage started. No threats from Nick. Nothing from Jill.
The Walsh situation hung over us like a death knell, but at least we had a reprieve from the threat of them for a while.
Murray and I had taken advantage of the quiet to explore each other’s minds and bodies. We’d even sung together in the music room, and if Kelly hadn’t been in the room, it would have probably ended up with us going at it on the floor.
Unable to help myself, I began exploring Murray’s body as he slept.
I’d never felt possessive over a man before, but as my palm smoothed down his hard stomach, I felt a fierce ownership over him that surprised me.
Especially considering it would probably freak me out if he felt the same way about me.
Nick thought he owned me and look where that got me.
But this wasn’t like that, I realized. I didn’t think I owned Murray. But I did think of him as mine, and there was a nuanced difference between ownership and belonging to someone.
If he thought of me as his, I wouldn’t mind that at all, smiling to myself as my hand slid over his cock. It started to grow hot and hard in my grip and Murray groaned, his eyes flickering open.
It took a few seconds for sleep to drift out of his expression and realization to dawn. His gaze turned tender and hot. “When will it be enough, woman?” he teased.
Laughing, I squeezed him hard and he grunted, hips jerking into my touch. “Never,” I teased back. “I’m insatiable.”
“We don’t have time,” he groaned regretfully.
“We do if we shower together.”
“Hmm.” Murray’s lids lowered over his eyes sleepily.
Guilt suffused me and I released him, pressing a kiss to his chest. “You sleep.”
“What?” His eyes flew open and he reached for me, tugging me back into bed. “No, where are you going? You leave for Glasgow today. This is my last chance with you before you go.”
Laughing, I tried to pull away, unsuccessfully. “I’ll be back on Sunday, not next year. And you’re exhausted. You shouldn’t have to get up at the ass crack of dawn just because I do.”
“Maybe you could finally talk to Tierney and you wouldn’t have to either.”
Part of me wanted to be annoyed that Murray kept pushing the subject of my job at the B and B, but I knew he only wanted me to be happy. “It’s not the right time.”
“When will be the right time?”
“After the baby comes, maybe?”
“A ghràidh, if you are waiting for the perfect time, trust me, there is none. Especially once a child comes along. Tierney is always going to have something else going on in her life. But I cannot imagine after watching how close you two are that she would ever want you to stay in a situation that doesn’t make you happy. ”
But I owed her.
I looked away, disappointed. “You don’t understand.”
His calloused palm cupped my face, drawing me back to him. “I do understand. I understand you feel you owe her. But she doesn’t want you working for her because you feel you owe her. She wants you working there because it makes you happy.”
“I can’t walk away.” I shrugged, feeling like I was disappointing him now. “I know it’s not the most perfect arrangement for us as we explore our relationship. The hours are shitty, I know, but—”
“London, I don’t care about that. I’d make this work with you if you had to take a job in goddamn Australia. I care about your happiness. Can you honestly tell me you’re content at the B and B?”
When he stared soulfully into my eyes like that, I couldn’t lie. So I evaded instead. “Like I told you before, I’m not not content.”
At his tightening expression, I kissed him, distracting him. “Come shower with me.” I slid my hand between his legs again. “Show me forty-year-olds still have it.”
“Och, you’re in for it now.”
I stifled my amusement, remembering Kelly was just down the hall, as Murray hauled me out of the bed and over his shoulder.
I was still giggling as he lowered me gently into the shower and then blasted the cold on us. “You bastard!” I shrieked.
Murray’s laughter bounced off the tiles, his Scottish blood handling the chill like it was nothing as he donned a condom.
I playfully pushed away his advances, pretending to be pissed, but as the water turned warm and then hot, I found myself pliant and wanting as he thrust into me, stealing more than kisses, more than orgasms.
Stealing my heart over and over …
I was on the cusp of coming when Murray suddenly tensed against me, his expression slackening with surprise.
Then I heard it.
The loud banging on the bathroom door.
“Dad!”
Oh shit.
“Kelly?”
“Dad!”
“Bloody hell,” he murmured, giving me an apologetic look as he pulled out.
I shook my head, pushing him out of the shower. “Go,” I murmured as I switched off the water.
Murray quickly shrugged into his robe that hung on the back of the bathroom door and hurried out, closing it behind him to conceal my presence.
“What’s wrong?” I heard his muffled question.
I tiptoed out of the shower, grabbing a towel as I neared the door so I could listen.
“Jill has been calling me on and off since four in the morning. I put my phone on silent, but I have all these crazy voice messages from her.” Kelly sounded bewildered and furious. And hurt.
“What is she saying?”
“Listen.”
I slowly, quietly dried off as Jill’s voice reached my ears. I couldn’t hear all of it because she appeared to be slurring, but the gist of it was that Jill couldn’t get through to Murray because Murray had blocked her. She listed all her grievances against him.
“What does she mean by ‘your dad better hold up his end of things’?”
Oh goodness, the Walsh brothers plan. She’d almost let it slip to Kelly. The selfish moron!
“I paid her bail,” Murray lied.
I winced for him, knowing he hated lying to his daughter.
“She promised to back off on the custody arrangements if I paid her bail.”
“Oh. Well, good. But Dad … I want to block her. I can’t deal with her.”
I experienced a flare of sympathy. I’d had to do the same thing after my parents refused to acknowledge the truth that the great Nick Huston had been abusing me.
They were cut out of my life, and I never wanted them back in it.
Even if a small part of my heart would always wish for them to magically become good parents, rationally I knew cutting them out would save me heartache in the long run.
“Then block her, m’eudail. You can always change your mind later if you want. But if this is what you need now, do it.”
Things were quiet for a few seconds, so I didn’t know what was happening.
And then I heard it. The sob.
Kelly was crying.
I wanted to rush out of the bathroom to comfort her too. Instead, because of my own suggestion, I had to hide in Murray’s bathroom. Eventually, I heard him take her upstairs to make an early breakfast and I waited, heart pounding, for my moment to leave.
At the top of the stairs, I managed to skitter past the kitchen and into my bedroom without being seen.
But it suddenly didn’t feel so good.
All this sneaking around.
After listening to how upset Kelly was, however, I knew we needed to put our own wants and desires aside to make sure Kelly’s emotional well-being was prioritized. Jill had put that girl through enough already.