36. Murray
Hindsight could be a bastard. Aye, it might give you clarity, but sometimes it just tormented the fuck out of you.
If I’d known how one wee conversation might derail the best thing I had going on in my life, I might have better considered what I’d thought was an innocuous discussion. With hindsight I could see it most definitely was not an innocuous discussion.
I’d returned to my bedroom to change into clothes and London had clearly managed to sneak out earlier.
She met me and Kelly in the kitchen for a quick breakfast before she had to leave.
She’d obviously overheard our conversation and managed to coax it out of Kelly before she departed.
London’s comfort and assurance seemed to boost Kelly, and it reassured me that my daughter was in a better headspace when I dropped her off for school.
The last thing she chatted about was how she couldn’t wait to get her provisional license in eighteen months so she could learn to drive.
I reminded her a provisional license did not mean she could drive herself to school, that she’d have to wait until she was seventeen for that, but it didn’t seem to deter her.
The thought of buying my child a car messed with my head a bit until I reminded myself it was three years away. I wouldn’t linger over how quickly I knew three years could slip by.
Maybe I was too caught up in those kinds of thoughts, wanting to make the most of the time we had. Maybe that was the reason I didn’t think beyond the need to make London as happy as she made me. Maybe that’s why I fucked up when I bumped into Tierney McRae.
I’d gone into Leth Sholas to speak with Shona McIver because there had been a problem with her latest delivery.
She insisted she’d paid for a small delivery of langoustine.
The crustaceans were expensive and therefore lucrative, and I had three trawlers dedicated to catching them.
Shona rarely ever ordered them because they were hard to sell to islanders at the price she had to charge to make a profit.
Now and then, however, she’d buy some in and advertise the hell out of them.
People were more likely to splash out when it was a rare occurrence.
Somehow, the langoustines had been missed off her delivery, so I’d promised to throw in a wee bit extra to make up for the inconvenience. I noted a cooling in her friendliness, but I didn’t take offense. I understood if she felt a bit awkward now that I was married to London.
Deciding to grab a coffee before heading into the office, I saw Tierney coming out of the bakery and called to her. She turned, and I noted her pregnancy bump. It was small but visible now. It made me feel a bit protective toward her.
“Murray, hey.” Tierney grinned broadly as we closed the distance between us, meeting outside Pages & Perks. “I’m just grabbing lunch for me and Spoon. We’re trying to put everything in place for Emmy so we don’t need to worry about leaving her alone with the B and B over the weekend.”
“London mentioned that was the plan this morning.”
Tierney’s gaze was suddenly searching. “Hey, I wondered if I could get your opinion on something.”
“Of course.”
“Before you two married, I’d considered asking London to be the permanent manager at the B and B so she had a bigger slice of the business.
It would have meant her moving in, though, so obviously now you two are married and that seems to be going well …
” She nudged me and winked. “That’s no longer a possibility.
But I was thinking, it’s such a shame London’s culinary talents are restricted to breakfast. It might be nice to offer a unique fine dining experience at the B and B.
Something that only happens once a week or a few times a month.
And London can choose the menu. I know she’d be interested in playing around with local ingredients. Do you think she’d go for that?”
Unfortunately, I was not one for lying and I’d already had to lie to my daughter that morning. Therefore, I think my answer to Tierney’s question was written all over my face.
She frowned. “What’s wrong?”
Though London didn’t mean it to be, it was unfair to let Tierney believe she was happy at the guest house. Tierney was dreaming up plans for them both and bloody London would probably go along with them even if she didn’t want to.
I didn’t think before I spoke. “You need to talk to London about that.”
“Why? What’s going on?”
“Just talk to London. And ask her to be honest with you about whether she really wants to do that.”
“Why wouldn’t she want to? What don’t I know?”
I sighed heavily. “You know London better than anyone, and you know how much she feels like she owes you and Ramsay for getting her out of New York and away from Nick.”
Expression slackening and her pretty eyes darkening with understanding, Tierney almost spoke in a whisper, “Are you saying London doesn’t want to work at the B and B but has stayed on because she thinks she owes me?”
“She would never tell you that … but she deserves to be happy. And I think she thinks what she owes you is even bigger than what she knows you would want for her.”
Tierney appeared shell-shocked as she turned to look out at the harbor. “How … how did I not see it?”
“Tierney—”
“No, I’ve been totally wrapped up in my own—” She gestured to her bump. “I missed it.”
“By all accounts, you have been the kind of friend a person only dreams of having in their life.” I pressed a reassuring hand to her shoulder, and she turned to me, slightly dazed and so upset, guilt and something like dread needled me. “Just … just talk to London.”
“I will.” Her expression transformed into determination. “You bet your ass I’m going to talk to her!”
Before I could stop her, London’s best friend marched down the street, heading up toward the B and B.
I had an inkling that this could go very badly for me.
I’d soon find out that that was a gross understatement.
LONDON
While I was trying to prep everything for Emmy to do the continental breakfast over the weekend with no issues, I also decided to deep clean the kitchen. Nee couldn’t be around some of the stronger chemicals, so I’d ushered her out to go get us some lunch while I worked on the ovens.
They were all sparkly and new by the time Nee marched back into the B and B.
And I mean she marched.
“What the actual hell?” Nee barked as she entered the kitchen, practically throwing a white bag with presumably our lunch in it onto my clean island.
Confused by her hostility, I peeled off my rubber gloves. “Can you be more specific?”
“You don’t want to work here but you’ve stayed because you think you owe me?”
My chest suddenly tightened as my mind raced. There was only one person who knew that. But there was no way he would …
No.
No way.
“I bumped into Murray who had the decency to tell me the truth.” Nee crossed her arms defensively over her chest, her mouth trembling like she was seconds from bursting into tears. “I kind of wish my best friend would have been the one to tell me. Now I feel like I’ve been holding you captive!”
“What?” I gasped because it was suddenly hard to breathe. “No. Nee. No. That is not at all what’s happening here.”
Her betrayed expression killed me. “Do you want to work here or not? And be honest. I don’t want your martyr bullshit, London. I want the truth.”
Since I wasn’t ready to tell her the truth, all I could do was stand there, gaping at her like a fish out of water.
Understanding crushed Tierney’s expression. “Oh my god. Oh my god!” She turned on her heel and stormed out.
“Nee! Tierney!” I hurried after her too late. By the time I threw open the entrance door, Nee was already in her SUV and swinging out of the parking lot, gravel kicking up under the wheels of her vehicle.
I wanted to cry.
Not just for hurting my friend … but because Murray had betrayed my trust.
Murray!
The tightness in my chest worsened and the world started to spin as the familiar terror bound me. My cheeks tingled and I felt paralyzed by the sensation taking control of my body.
I’m dying.
Oh god, I’m dying.
I didn’t know how long I huddled against the reception room wall struggling to breathe or focus until Emmy found me.
Her calm voice brought me out of the panic attack and when it was over, I was exhausted.
I felt like I’d just run a week-long marathon.
The Canadian seemed to understand exactly what happened and brought me a glass of water before insisting I lie down in one of the empty guest rooms.
I thought about it.
But anger pushed through my exhaustion and despite Emmy’s protestations, I grabbed my purse and car keys. Fumbling for my phone, I shot off a text to Murray.
Where are you?
I was just about to get into the car when my phone beeped. It was Murray.
Just pulled up to the office. You OK?
A million emotions made my fingers fly aggressively over my keypad and I ended up having to correct a bunch of errors before I pressed send.
I need you to meet me at the house. Now.
I got a single word back.
OK.
I assumed the asshole knew why I was so abrupt in my texts. My heart winced at even calling him an asshole in my head. But he was! He was such an asshole for turning out to be just another asshole!
Fifteen minutes later, I pulled up to the house behind Murray’s Discovery. He leaned against it and my heart hurt at how handsome he was.
A handsome asshole!
It was too difficult to dwell on how devastated I was, so I grabbed the reins of my rage and flew out of my car. “How dare you!” I yelled, stopping a good distance from him.
Murray’s expression was pained as he pushed off his SUV, palms out to me like I was some kind of frightened animal he was trying to coax. “A ghràidh, please hear me out.”
“Don’t call me that!” I spat, my entire body vibrating with the aftermath of my panic attack and my wrath.
He had the audacity to flinch.
“You went behind my back and told Nee I didn’t want to work for her. That I wasn’t happy.”
“I didn’t mean to do that. I just want you to be happy and she deserves to know.”
“That wasn’t up to you!”
He winced again. “I know. I’m an idiot.”
“No, you’re worse than an idiot!” I took a step back as Murray walked toward me. “Stop. Don’t come near me.”
Murray appeared shocked. “I would never hurt you, London.”
I guffawed. “What the hell do you call this? Because I call it trying to control my life and I will never let a man try to control my life. Ever again.”
He shook his head, seemingly horrified. “That was never … London, no—”
But I couldn’t see past my blinding heartbreak and fury. “You’re just like Nick. Trying to control my life to suit yours. Alienating me from Nee! She won’t even talk to me!”
I barely registered the way Murray stumbled back like I’d hit him.
Heavy, awful silence fell between us, interrupted only by the sounds of the water and the seagulls overhead.
Murray looked at me like he’d never seen me before.
“I shouldn’t have said what I said to Tierney.
She approached me about it, and I couldn’t lie.
I wasn’t thinking beyond wanting your happiness.
But how fucking dare you compare me to a monster who abused you.
” He turned and yanked open the driver’s door and jumped inside.
I stumbled out of the way as Murray swung the large vehicle around and sped away from me just as fast as Nee had.
This morning we’d been lying in bed together and I was happier than I’d ever been in my life.
How had everything changed so quickly?
A sob burst forth before I could stop it. I cried so hard, my ribs ached. I wanted to call Nee, but she wasn’t talking to me. I couldn’t call Taran or Cammie because we were all supposed to leave for Glasgow today and I didn’t want to ruin Taran’s bachelorette weekend.
I felt so alone.
For the first time since Murray and I got together for real, I felt so deeply alone.