37. London
Ididn’t see Murray before Quinn arrived to pick me up.
He was dropping Taran and me off at the ferry terminal that afternoon.
I’d already said goodbye to Kelly at breakfast, so I locked up the house, hoping my misery wasn’t written all over my face as Quinn got out to take my small carry-on from me.
Giving him what I hoped was a breezy smile, I thanked him as he loaded my luggage into the back of the truck with Taran’s.
“All okay?” Taran frowned at me over her shoulder from the front passenger seat as I slid into the back.
“Excited.”
My friend narrowed her eyes but didn’t respond.
Poor Quinn tried to make small talk, but I couldn’t seem to force out anything more than one-word answers. By the time we reached the harbor, I wished I’d made my excuses not to go to Glasgow. I didn’t want to ruin such an important weekend for Taran.
Once Quinn pulled the truck to a stop, Taran squeezed his arm. “Sweetheart, can you get the luggage? We’ll be out in a second.”
He flicked me a look before leaning over to give his fiancée a peck on the lips. Then he jumped out to give us privacy.
Taran half turned in her seat. “London, what has happened?”
Her concern made me feel even guiltier. “I don’t think I should go. Nee isn’t talking to me, and I don’t want to cause drama for you this weekend.”
Her brows drew together. “Why aren’t you and Tierney talking?”
Renewed hurt and heartbreak reared its ugly head, transforming into anger. “Murray broke my trust and told her something he shouldn’t have. Now she’s not talking to me and he’s—” I looked away, almost choking on his betrayal.
Taran let out a heavy sigh. “Well, there’s no way you’re not coming to my hen weekend, so get your arse out of the car.
We have an entire ferry journey to sort it out.
And if that isn’t enough time, we have an entire train ride to Glasgow.
And if that still isn’t enough time, you two can duke it out while trying on bridesmaid dresses.
What we aren’t going to do is not sort it out before we get home.
Okay? Mummy has spoken,” she joked before sliding out of the truck.
And despite how awful I felt, I couldn’t help but let out a little snort of admiration.
To our credit, Nee and I attempted not to make our current disagreement awkward and weird for Taran and Cammie.
We engaged in conversation with our friends but carefully avoided talking directly to each other.
Taran and Cammie kept throwing each other little worried glances that Nee and I pretended to be oblivious to.
It was not at all how I’d imagined this weekend.
I’d been so looking forward to spending time with my friends and in a new-to-me city.
At least on the train down to Glasgow, I could lose myself in the passing scenery. Which was spectacular and made me long to travel around the rest of the country.
We arrived at our hotel in the middle of the city center tired and ready for bed.
We’d eaten on the train and decided to retire for the evening inside the Victorian terraced hotel.
The plan had been for Nee and I to share one of the two rooms we’d booked, but without even discussing it with us, Cammie and Taran made the executive decision that I’d share with Taran instead.
“I’m sorry,” I apologized as soon as the hotel room door shut behind me and the bride-to-be.
The room was a large twin with Victoriana purple and pink wallpaper, brass accents, and a kind of over-the-top floral and brass glam.
The light feature in the middle of the room was a huge brass dome with brass feathers attached around the rim.
It was boutique and moody and should have been a cool backdrop to a special weekend.
“Are you ready to tell me exactly what happened?” Taran asked as she dropped down onto the end of one of the king-size beds.
Shaking my head, I sat on the old-fashioned velvet sofa opposite her. “I think I should keep it between me and Nee for now. She’s already pissed at me for telling Murray before I told her.”
My friend frowned. “Should I be worried about you?”
“No.” I let out an angry huff. “Which is why that controlling bastard should have kept his mouth shut.”
Taran’s eyebrows practically hit her hairline. “Whoa. You are bloody angry at Murray, eh?”
“Uh, yeah.” I pushed up off the sofa, not wanting to discuss that either. “I need to pee.”
Locking myself in the stylish bathroom, I sat down on the toilet seat and curled my hands into fists, breathing deep.
In and out. Slow. Easy. I refused to cry and I concentrated on my breathing to stave off another panic attack.
My gaze caught on the stunning turquoise and diamond engagement ring Murray had slipped onto my finger several weeks ago.
Longing and hurt rose up within me. I’d been so proud to walk around Leth Sholas wearing the ring; a more perfect piece for me didn’t exist. How could a man who seemed to know me so well go behind my back and drive a wedge between me and my best friend?
A sob caught in my throat and I covered it, taking a few deep breaths.
Two minutes later, after using the bathroom, I discovered I was bleeding.
My period had come three days early.
Great. Just what I needed for a girls’ weekend that involved trying on dresses with a best friend who wasn’t talking to me.
MURRAY
Staring down at the burner phone DC McCubbins gave me, I read over our text messages from today as I sat on the deck off the music room.
The evening was mild, despite the lack of sun, and the sea breeze grounded me.
Or at least I imagined it did. I grasped onto anything to make me feel sane so I didn’t roar all my frustrations out into the night.
Everything was set for us to execute what Fraser had started calling “the mission.” In five days’ time, I’d be on a boat traveling to Southport to entrap a criminal gang.
While a set of officers would arrest Russo and the men on his boat after we were out of sight, another set, in conjunction with the Gardai, would arrest Siobhan, and another were going to raid every single Walsh-run residency, including the Walsh brothers’ own home.
It was a big operation for a small organization. Well, two organizations, if you counted Siobhan Cosway’s.
And hopefully it would mean the end of the threat.
At the sound of tinkling piano keys, I tucked the phone out of sight in case Kelly saw it and wondered about it. My chest felt like a sack of concrete laid on it and I pushed it out, trying to ease the weight, to no avail.
London was in Glasgow and we hadn’t said goodbye.
Hurt and resentment mingled with my guilt.
I shouldn’t have done what I did, and I regretted not fully thinking it out before I opened my big mouth … but what London … comparing me to … it was fucking wrong and shitty.
Worse still, it had me questioning our entire relationship.
I’d put Kelly through one marriage of constant disagreements and tension.
I would not put her through another. I wouldn’t put myself through it.
The idea of being compared to that bastard Nick Huston anytime I made a mistake chilled me to the bone.
The French doors opened behind me, and I glanced over my shoulder to find my daughter there.
Kelly gave me a small smile as she padded across the deck in thick socks pulled over the bottom of her joggers.
She sat down beside me, pulling her legs up to her chest and wrapping her cardigan around her knees.
The cardigan was one of London’s. An oversized blue thing she wore around the house a lot.
I was forever finding it draped over furniture in different rooms. That tight feeling compressed on my chest at the sight of Kelly in the borrowed clothing.
We sat in silence for a while, lost in our own thoughts as we stared out at the water.
“Are you okay, Dad?”
“Fine, m’eudail.”
“Hmm … you know I know you and London are really together now, right?”
“Because of the date? We’re just taking that slow.”
“Eh, the heavy snogging I saw in the kitchen last week didn’t look very slow.”
Embarrassed, guilty, I squeezed my eyes closed. “Kels, I’m sorry—”
“I don’t mind. I mean, I don’t want to see it, but if you’re worried about telling me, you don’t need to be worried. I like London.” She patted the arm of the cardigan as if it represented my wife.
What I’d always feared in this arrangement with London was Kelly getting attached only for London and me to fall apart. “Well, we’re not certain of anything. We’re just seeing how it goes. That’s why we didn’t want to tell you.”
Kelly seemed confused, her gaze searching. “But you love her, Dad. I can tell.”
Fuck, that shredded me. I jerked my head forward because my eyes burned with emotion. “I have more than me to think of.”
“If you mean me, then I don’t think you can really choose not to love someone just because you’re worried what I think.”
My daughter’s wise words hurt me more. “M’eudail,” I whispered.
“I’m always going to be a wee bit afraid, you know.” Kelly nudged me. “Will London hurt us like Jill hurt us? I can’t help those thoughts. But I’ll get over them, Dad.”
“You don’t need to get over anything. You’ve had enough getting over things for the sake of other people to last you a lifetime.”
“I’ll get over them, Dad,” Kelly repeated, her expression fierce. “Because you are always trying to make everyone happy before you think of yourself. And London makes you happier than I’ve ever seen you.”
Until this morning.
“You make her happy too, Dad.”
Until this morning.
Since I couldn’t admit the truth, I smiled at my daughter, wrapping my arm around her shoulders to draw her against me.
The cardigan smelled of my wife’s perfume.
That ache in my chest flared again. Ignoring it, I pressed a kiss to the top of Kelly’s head and whispered, “Do you know how much I love you, m’eudail? ”
“I do.” She cuddled deeper into my side. “I love you too.” Then she glanced up at me, eyes searching mine again. “You should tell London you love her.”
If she felt me stiffen at the suggestion, she didn’t mention it.
Instead, she leaned her head against my shoulder and watched the night beyond our home. “London deserves to be told she’s loved. The people who were supposed to love her didn’t do it right. She deserves to be loved by someone like you, Dad.”
Emotion choked me, my nose and eyes stinging at my daughter’s timely and poignant reminder.
As hurt as I was by London comparing me to Nick, I needed to put myself in her shoes. What happened to her was not a normal breaking down of a relationship. That man had twisted her into emotional and mental knots. He’d terrorized her. Alienated her from her friends. Controlled her.
And I was wrong telling Tierney what London had shared in confidence.
The issue wasn’t if I could forgive her for saying what she said.
The issue was if London could see past her own fears enough to realize that what I had done hadn’t come from a need to control her.
She felt suddenly very far away.
Too far away.
Panic threatened to overwhelm me, but I took a deep breath, feeling Kelly’s solid weight against me, a reminder to stay grounded and in the moment.
I’d give London the weekend and then as soon as she returned, we would talk this thing out. I just had to hope that she wanted me enough to forgive my mistake.