47. Forty-Seven
Forty-Seven
Liam
Fred screams. I’d scream too if someone had shot me in the dick.
He deserved it. I should’ve chopped it off and shoved it in his mouth to choke on.
All these girl's lives he’s destroyed, probably raped some of them and one would call this a small price to pay.
I’m too gentle and I feel murderous this morning, murderous.
I’m actually surprised at how gentle I am being.
Especially after Tyler told me he stopped two men from raping Sara.
I’m grateful that fucker did something right, but it only infuriates me that she let herself be taken from Tyler.
Fred whimpers on the floor while Tyler freezes, running his hand through his hair as he stares into the void created by his disgusting adoptive father.
For a second, a flicker of relief and sadness appears on his face, and I’ve seen that look when I save these girls when they’ve lost hope of any other life for themselves. Tyler looks like I freed him and motherfucker is actually making me feel sorry for him.
I look at my watch, eight thirty am. Mateo gathers the folders, and Damien makes a call to our cleaning guys. I guess this is the perfect time to have breakfast before I shoot, kill, and bury my evil uncle.
“Let’s have some breakfast and get on with our lives.” I blurt out.
They all look at me as if I’ve lost it. I have. I truly have. I’ve been focused on one thing, and that’s breakfast because it’s the normalcy of every day. It anchors me to know that no matter what I face, life keeps going.
Riviera must see in my eyes that this has nothing to do with a damn breakfast. He’s right.
I can’t even stomach an ounce of food. I would rather choke on food than my own thoughts of how broken I feel and will feel in the next couple of hours.
Sara might not be dead, thank God for that, but in my story, in my heart, I need to kill her character.
“Yeah, bro… Okay, yeah. Let’s… have breakfast.” Riviera looks over at Mateo.
Truthfully, I’m as frozen as Tyler. I can barely speak any words… Where should I begin? I hate him… but he’s my blood, although for what he’s done to Sara, blood will never be enough.
“I’ll make some eggs,” Tyler says casually, a spoken language of trauma and haunting silence between all of us, but I stop him.
“Why did you put her on that boat, Tyler?” He must hear the tone in my voice between needing a truth that can hold me together or his death sentence. Fred’s whimpers from bleeding out can only motivate him to choose his fate carefully.
He pauses with an egg carton in his hands, placing it back down on the kitchen counter.
“I knew you’d come for her. The men you killed in the underground, they were going to rape her. I stopped them.”
“Why?” I ask sternly.
“I… couldn’t let that happen. I never thought I’d see a way out, and this was my life — constant leverage, threats, groomed by that piece of shit.
” He points at Fred. “But I didn’t want her to ever really get hurt.
When I was told to stalk her, I wanted to provoke you, not at first, but then I thought maybe you could be a way out.
I didn’t want to do this.” He extends his hand and grips his hair.
“I wanted you to put an end to all of this. He had a fixation on Sara, and it all became a lot more personal to him.”
I walk over and crouch down to Fred, close to death but not there yet. I never thought my uncle was a bad man, if anything, I had times I wished he was my dad instead of his brother.
“How’s that little family reunion going for you, Fred? Ready to pay a visit to your piece of shit of a brother?” He can barely keep his eyes open, drifting in and out of agony. I stand up and kick him, earning a scream coming out of his throat that is music to my ears.
I stand and look at Tyler. “You can make those eggs now.” And I don’t miss the held breath he lets out.
We eventually all sit down, Damien, Mateo, Riviera and Tyler. In silence.
“Did you know I was your… brother?” My stare slams into Tyler. I can barely say the word, and Damien nods at me, as to say, ‘breathe.’
His eyes snap up to me, looking at me, the same way I look back at him, seeing if we have any similarities, and Sara definitely has a type… His dark hair, height, and facial structure are so similar to our father’s.
“No… my God, no. I didn’t. I didn’t even know he wasn’t my real dad. He mentioned he had a brother, but nothing else.” His eyes look down as his jaw ticks.
“You didn’t miss out on anything with our dad.” I tell him, sitting up straight, and place my elbows on the table, preparing myself to ask this question. Fred still silently whimpering in his own pool of blood.
“Tyler… Did he… did he hurt you?”
“Yes, he repetitively hurt me, if you want to call it that.” He pauses, “I’ll let you read between the lines. I can’t bring myself… to s-say how.”
My blood turns to ice and Mateo shifts uncomfortably in his seat. I’m going to throw up. I take another bite of my food, hoping it pushes it all down.
“How old were you when it started?” I ask, easing back into my chair as Damien watches him like a hawk.
“Ten years old…” he hesitantly says, choking on a sob but keeping a strong posture.
I nod in understanding. He was a child. I can’t forgive him for what he’s done to Sara, to us… but I can see when the devil is at your door and not know how to uninvite the somberness it leaves behind.
My father and uncle were very sick men.
I pinch the bridge of my nose and release a breath. “Breakfast is over.”
I offer a reassuring smile to Tyler, grab my gun and walk over to Fred. To ease Tyler’s eyes staring back at me, I say, “he’ll never hurt you again. But I’ll kill you if you ever do anything to Sara.”
And I shoot Fred as his frightened eyes turn… vacant.
When I get home, Fiasco is a little tornado, or a big tornado, clearly, the cafeteria has been good to him. Everyone gives him treats every chance they get. As he spins around me, my heart swells and breaks at the same time… Maybe it’s her dog more than mine.
After setting my keys on the counter, I look for Sara and walk over to my bedroom. She’s there sleeping with my shirt balled up under her chin. I want to crawl to her, make love to her, keep her, but I’m so hurt.
She instantly wakes up. “Liam?”
“It’s all taken care of. You’re safe now. The village is officially your oyster again, and I called your mom, she’ll be home tomorrow.” My voice holds so much anger, and I’m trying to make this easier, but I can’t.
“I promise on everything I am that I will never put you through that terror again, Liam. I haven’t been able to think about anything else,” she says, reaching for my arm, sitting up on the bed, but I put distance between us.
“Sara, I’ve stripped your clothes of acid, I’ve pulled you out of a warehouse and a yacht, twice. But I can’t pull you out of your own self-destruction and blindness to how it made me feel each time.”
“Liam— please.”
“I’m done believing that what we have is enough for you!” She flinches at how loudly I yell at her. I’ve never yelled at her like this, and guilt springs free like vines choking my heart.
“Liam… think about the girls we saved, the families we’ve reunited. Please, Liam… please.”
“I know, baby, I know. I’m so proud of you.” I cup her face and turn around, sliding her suitcase out of the closet and unzipping it.
She storms off the bed, erasing the distance between us as her hands cup my face, I let her. I need her touch, one last time. I love her too much, it hurts.
“You need to rest, you’re exhausted. Please hold me, Liam, hold me. I beg you.”
She tries to wrap my limp arms around her, but I can’t bring myself to hold her.
It’ll hurt, it always hurts.
“Let’s get some sleep. Give me a chance to wake up next to you every morning.” Her hands reach around my waist, her head to my chest as she peers up at me with a hundred tears for too many lifetimes.
My hands fist her hair, and I bring her closer to me and crash my lips to hers, her breath of relief leaving her slowly. I kiss her with everything I have, our tongues tasting what we know we will never find in anyone else. A love like this is impossible to find again.
I break our kiss. “No, baby. You had already made that promise.” I pant through my heavy breaths, my tears threatening to spill, but I’m a man, I’m a fucking man… or maybe a coward. A coward too hurt at the sting of all of this. It’s too intense.
I pull out her shirts, pants and throw them in her suitcase, and wrap a scarf around her with trembling hands and emotions I can barely contain. “I promised to keep you safe, but now I need to protect myself from you.”
Her tears slip and break, her heart shattering to the ground, with mine. The understanding that I’m letting her go, hitting her and I don’t want to hurt her, but I can’t lose her again… and it’s easier to set her free.
“No… no, Liam, please. No, I finally understand what it means to truly love someone. I love you. I love you so much. I did it to protect you, Liam. I wanted to help.”
Her panic is breaking me. “I can’t do this, Sara.
I can—I fucking can’t. Don’t you see it?
You’re destroying me! You had the best version of me, and you didn’t keep it.
I would’ve protected you, Sara. You just had to trust me.
Why did you put yourself in that danger?
How do I keep you if you can keep yourself away from me? ”
She clings to me, desperate, her nails digging into my chest. “Liam… I was so scared to lose you, you had already been shot. I thought I was doing the right thing. I never wanted to be away from you. I love you too much, please.”
“You and I both know that wasn’t the right thing to do!” I slam my fist into the wall, and she stumbles back, falling to her knees, fear in her eyes. Sobs louder by the second…
“Sara…” I crouch to her, but she doesn’t look up. She’s broken. I broke her. I knew I could never be who she needed me to be.
Clutching her by the nape and pressing my forehead to hers, I fall to my knees, my tears now mingling with hers as I whisper, “you’re better off without me. You’re safe now.”
“No, Liam. No.” She sobs quietly. “I’ll never be better without you. Never. Never without you.” She screams of pain and I hate this, but I can’t stop the train of devils taking me on this ride, parading my fears in a mockery of survival.
“You’ve made that decision for the both of us.
” She yells and pushes at my chest, pain laced with unforgiving tears.
All her tears carry the sound of her broken heart.
A haunting melody burying me alive as she continues, “I know I’m re-reckless, but I’ve never been more scared than when I thought I might not come back to you.
That fear kept me alive, it was that fear that pushed me to do what I did…
but now I wish I had never, and I mean never, come back to you.
Never gave my heart to you, my body, everything! ” Her face is twisted in agony.
“I don’t regret anything, Sara, for what it’s worth, I’ll always love you.” At that, she zips her suitcase close, unable to control her sobs and storms out of the house.
Voices, time, seconds— all warp into one. Joe’s voice and hers in the background haunting my every thought.
I can’t do this. I can’t do this.
My knees are stuck to the rotating ground. I destroyed everything that means the most to me, because having to survive without her is too hard, too fragile, too consuming and I’d rather learn how to live without her.
I’ll learn. I will.
“You’re going to let her walk away?” I don’t turn around to look into Joe’s eyes. I can’t move. “You’re letting her walk away, Liam? Do you know how hard it was for her to watch me walk away?”
I spin, our gazes locking on each other. He sees the pain I’m in. I want to scream and break everything.
“Go get her, she’s all yours.” I mumble.
“No way, man. Get up.” Joe storms to my side, pulls me up, and grabs me by the shirt. “What are you doing?” He grits his teeth in my face.
“She should’ve let me protect her! Not leave me!” I scream, pushing him away from me. Feeling sick with myself, disoriented by my own choices.
My vision is becoming blurry. I’ve carried everyone’s expectations of me… all the time, every day, and I’m drowning. I’m finally submerged.
“At the risk of dying for you, asshole!” He smacks me against the wall, but it does nothing to calm the voices.
“Exactly! I can’t lose her when she’s choosing to risk us. I can’t. I can’t.” I breathe, sinking to my knees, cupping my face in my hands, my heart shattering.
“So, you break her heart instead? What’s wrong with you? How do you not see you’re doing the same thing? She was heroic about it— You’re a coward!”
“Fuck you, Joe!”
He drags me back up and punches me in my face. I stare back at him. I don’t have any more fight in me.
“I saw the way she looks at you, Liam, the way she loves you, and it breaks my fucking heart because I love her, and she loves me, but she loves you so much more. So much more, bro. Don’t do this. She won’t survive. She won’t try to move on.”
My throat dries at his words imploring me. The irony coming from him… but it’s because he’s more familiar with the pain than anyone else. Her.
“I can’t lose her again—” I’m surrounded by fear, by my past, by too many things that I can’t continue loving someone this much. It burns, it hurts, it punctures my lungs.
“What if you don’t lose her? What if being with her hurts less than denying yourself what’s right in front of you?” Joe asks, his posture open to me, trying to make me see what I refuse to think about.
“How are you okay with any of this, Joe?” I scoff, wiping the blood from his punch at my mouth.
“Because I made the same mistake that you’re making right now. I let her go, except I did it to protect her, but you’re doing it to protect yourself. Either way, you’ll regret it for the rest of your life. I know I already have.”
He walks away, shaking his head, and stops to look back around, straight at me, into me.
“Liam, I know it feels like she left you, but she didn’t. She risked it all to be with you, and you are denying her the one and only thing she was fighting for. Fight for her.”
He’s right, but I’m drowning.