Chapter 5
When the party ends, I headed to my room, brushing away the stars stuck in my hair along the way.
I can’t get Luca out of my head, not even after several glasses of champagne.
The way he looked at me when we were alone made it seem as if his gaze was penetrating my soul.
It was frightening and familiar at the same time; his strong features and cold eyes, somehow, despite all their coldness, seemed to conceal warmth.
I take my dress off and plunged into the tub of hot water that awaited me, letting the oxygen escape from my lungs and closing my eyes, focusing on not breathing the water, focusing on time.
When my lungs start to burn and my head starts to scream, I open my eyes and see him in front of me, that look in his eyes that seems to be able to read me; I quickly pull my head out of the water and take a deep breath, feeling the oxygen scratch my lungs.
Why am I thinking about him? Why does the way he looked at me before he left seem to torment me?
He’s nobody to me; he humiliated me, made me feel like nothing, a villain, and yet I’m still thinking about him, trying to understand him.
“Chiara wake up honey, it’s lunchtime!” I hear Granny’s voice, but I don’t dare open my eyes; my head hurts like hell; I mumble something incomprehensible and stretch out on the bed. Chiara, come on. Everyone’s downstairs, andwe’re going to eat soon.
“I don’t want to; my headhurts!” I moan, making Grandma laugh and take the blankets off me, making me open my eyes immediately. I cover them with my hands because of the brightness in the room.
“No one told you to drink champagne like there’s no tomorrow; now get in the shower; I want you downstairs in thirty minutes at the most and presentable, please; we have guests.”
I get out of bed lazily after hearing the door shut and drag myself to the bathroom, quickly taking a cold shower.
I look at myself in the mirror and groan in disapproval; I look awful, with puffy eyes and dark circles, as well as some traces of makeup still on my face.
I quickly do my basic makeup and put on my red lipstick, put on a skirt and top, delicate sandals, spray a small portion of perfume on myself, and I’m ready.
I look at the clock on the bedside table and see that half an hour has passed.
I rush out of the bedroom and down the stairs, practically running, hearing voices coming from the dining room.
“So, little sister, how’s the hangover?” Vincenzo asks loudly, making my head almost explode, and everyone in the room laughs.
I look around and notice the De Santis family sitting at the table; I feel Luca’s gaze penetrate my skin, and a shiver travels through my whole body.
I look at the empty seat in front of him, grimace, and sit down on it.
“I’m not hungover, you idiot!” I say grumpily and with a slightly hoarse voice, making everyone’s eyes move in my direction.
“That’s not what your face says, dear!” says Grannie with a complicit smirk. “I also have had my moments of exaggerated champagne; enjoy life, my angel!”
“Thank you, Grandma!” I say with a smile on my face, feeling Luca’s gaze on me.
I try to look anyone but him. I can still feel his stare burning into me, and I look at him with his beautiful, icy complexion, staring at me without even blinkingas if he was trying to enter my soul and seek out my darkest secrets to use, one by one, against me.
I feel uncomfortable; he seems to notice and smiles ironically, making my whole body shiver.
The next thing I know, dessert is being served; I’m not sure if I’ve eaten or what was discussed during lunch, but all I can pay attention to is Luca; the way he looks at me takes all my attention.
I look around, and the conversation seems to be going nicely, but I can’t hear a single word; his eyes are still on me, like an eagle about to strike.
I look at him, and he shows no reaction.
I realize that someone is calling his name because he finally moves his eyes to something other than me.
“I’ve always thought that our families should forge an alliance; I talked about it with Luca last night!” Henrico said with a solemn look on his face as if what he just said was something completely trivial.
“An alliance? I thought this alliance already existed; after all, Salvator Weapons has been supplying the Camorra with weapons since your father was still Capo !” Dad says in a relaxed manner, slowly bringing the glass of wine to his lips and sipping it calmly without showing any emotion on his face.
I look at everyone around, and suddenly, it seems that the atmosphere has changed dramatically, becoming denser and without any smiles, as if everyone knew what was coming next, everyone except me.
“Yes, of course, and the Camorra has always valued our dealings, but now, as Capo, I think the alliance should be stronger!” Asserts calmly and impassively.
“And what do you propose for a stronger alliance, Henrico? I must admit that you’ve piqued my curiosity.”
“Simple, my dear friend Salvator, I propose that Salvatore Weapons only supplies weapons to the Camorra and no other mafia. We’ve been talking about doubling or even tripling our weaponry for some time now.
We would seal the deal, I would pay more for the weapons, and Salvatore and his family would receive a commission for their business with the Camorra. ”
“You know that this means a loss of money, Henrico, not supplying weapons for other mafias. It could also offer danger to my family, and I’m not going to risk that, ever!
” Dad reply seriously, looking deadly. “Besides, to receive a commission from the Camorra, we both know that it’s not enough to fill in a contract! ”
“If the deal is sealed, not only do I guarantee your financial losses, since you would be part of the Camorra’s business, but I also guarantee your family’s safety; after all, in the Camorra, deals are made of blood ties!”
“What do you mean by blood ties?” Mom ask hurriedly, as if the air was running out of her lungs.
“Simple, I propose that Luca and Chiara get married, an unbreakable union. Chiara would become a De Santis, and then the Mancini would be family!” For a moment, the air stops circulating, and I feel my lungs tightening and my head spinning; I see mouths moving and everyone’s gestures, but I can’t hear anything that’s being discussed.
All that goes through my head is that I’m a commodity, a simple exchange commodity, to power two businesses.
I should be handed over to the mafia for them to do as they please.
I feel tears gathering in my eyes, and my heart squeezes; I can’t breathe.
I get up from the chair in a leap, causing it to bang on the floor, and all eyes turn in my direction.
I don’t say anything; I can’t. I rush out of the dining room, into my dad’s office, and let my body slide against the wall.
I close my eyes and try to focus on my breathing.
It doesn’t work, and I start to cry compulsively, making it harder and harder to breathe.
I feel a hand on my shoulder, but I can’t open my eyes, still lost in my bubble of chaos.
I notice that the person is bending down in front of me, now with both hands on my shoulders.
The touch is warm and welcoming, conveying security.
I hear the person’s breathing in front of me, strong and rhythmic as if trying to get me to follow it.
Little by little, I manage to do so, and once the tears stop coming and my breathing becomes lighter, I open my eyes, and there he is with his fearsome cold blue eyes.
The one who saw me in that state and calmed me down was Luca.
“What are you doing here?” I say, trying to wipe away all the tears and make-up that keep falling freely down my face.
I try to get up and move away from him, but he won’t let me, putting his big, strong hands on my knees, weighing on them.
“Please, let me out!” My voice comes out lowlike I’m pleading, and I feel ashamed of myself for it for showing weakness.
“You have anxiety!” He whispers loudly, as if he’s mind had and eureka moment.
I nod my head in confirmation, looking down at my hands, ashamed that no one but my family and friends should know about this.
I feel Luca’s hand pull my chin up, forcing me to face him, and I feel a solitary tear roll down my cheek at the gesture.
Luca wipes it away calmly in a loving gesture.
“You don’t have to be ashamed; in fact, there’s nothing to be ashamed of; you’re human, Chiara. ”
I look into his eyes, and for the first time, I see something other than coldness; I see thetruth, perhaps a little pity.
“You shouldn’t be here!” I say, removing his hand from my face.
“Everyone is too busy talking business in that room; I wanted to know if you were okay. Or what happened.” He says, standing up quickly and returning to his cold expression.
“I’m not a commodity or a bargaining chip; I don’t want my life to be traded for weapons. I don’t want to be handed over to a mafia so that they can do whatever they want with me.” I quickly say everything that goes through my head.
“You would never be just a commodity, you hear me. You would be my wife, future Lady of the Camorra; no one would ever dare treat you badly or hurt you; I wouldn’t allow it.
You would never be a bargaining chip, and you would be a Queen regardless of whether you were in the Camorra or elsewhere.
And I can assure you that would be the case; I would never treat you as less than the Queen you are destined to be from the moment you are born.
And if anyone ever dares to disrespect you, you can be sure that I’ll make them pay for it; they must all bow down to you! After all, you are a Mancini!”
I’m speechless, staring at him; no one has ever spoken about me or defended me so fiercely, apart from my brothers.
I never thought a man like Luca could say something like that about me.
He still stares at me with the same fierce look as he had when he said all those words.
I don’t know what to say, I can’t move, and he notices it.
“I won’t force you to marry me, and I doubt your father will!
Obviously, it would be very beneficial for both parties, but the final decision is yours.
I just want you to know that if we get married, you will never be mistreated or neglected; I promise you that, Chiara!
I’ll try to be the best man and husband I can for you, and I’ll never allow anyone to not treat you right! ”
When Luca is done, he leaves the office, leaving me alone with my thoughts.
I never thought I’d hear such words from a man like him, a future Capo.
A cold man who kills and traffics, a man who humiliated me as soon as he met me, who made me feel bad and insignificant.
A man who, as much as I wanted to try, I don’t know if he’ll ever be able to love me.