Chapter 6
When I enter my room, like the inexperienced child I always hoped I wouldn’t be, I grab my computer and went onto Google and search for “Camorra.” I know I can get the answers I want whenever I want, maybe even the source of all the crimes, but I want to know what they do to prepare myself for a real conversation.
I open the window to their activities, and I see Gambling, money laundering, trafficking weapons, trafficking drugs.
Prostitution, extorsion, fraude, loans with high interest rates, possible human and organ trafficking, illegal immigration, and various legalized businesses.
My stomach twists, and I feel like I could throw up at any moment.
I would be an accomplice to all of this; my marriage would help all these crimes to increase.
I would marry without love for the gain of two institutions.
I hear someone knocking on my bedroom door and voices calling my name, but my head won’t let me distinguish them, and my body won’t rise to open the door.
I ignore the calls and lie in bed, closing my eyesandletting sleep take over.
I was always considered a headstrong child, and at just seven years old, I told my grandmother that I would do whatever it took to safeguard the family name so that I could pass it on to my children.
I said that if I had to, I’d marry for business, and I remember how that sentence left my grandmother staring at me dumbfounded.
But I knew exactly what I was saying. I once overheard my father talking to his father about the fact that girls were often used as bargaining chips inside our circles.
I remember my father saying no, that I was too fragile and kind for that.
I remember disagreeing with his words in my thoughts; I would be capable of whatever it took.
I would become a woman capable of raising the Mancini name higher and higher.
From that day on, I tried to stop fantasizing about true love, about a fairytale story, but my dad was right: I’m as fragile as a crystal vase; one bad move, and there’s a crack.
Marrying for love is still something I want.
I want to form a loving family to be happy.
But the world is not a wish-granting factory, and so I decided that I would become as close as possible to the woman I had always wanted to be.
Strong, fearless, obstinate, determined.
I’d be the one to take the Mancini name to new heights.
I might not have love, but I’ll have money and power, andthen I’ll decide what to do with it.
And I’ll do whatever it takes to make it happen, even be the wife of the next Capo di Capi of the Camorra.
I can do it; I’m capable; I’m strong enough.
I go down to have breakfast, still in my pajamas, my face slightly swollen and red from crying last night. All eyes turn to me as soon as I set foot in the dining room.
“I’m going to do it!” I declare loudly and clearly, leaving everyone around the table confused. “I’m going to marry Luca!”
Suddenly, everyone’s face takes turns shocked, and I know they are all confused by my statement.
“What? What do you mean? You don’t have to do this, Chiara. Don Henrico shouldn’t even have suggested it; it’s madness!” Lorenzo says exasperatedly as if trying to control the anger inside him.
I look at my dad, and his face is impassive; he looks at me and studies me thoroughly with his stare, trying to unravel my mind. Everyone seems to be having a debate about my future, a debate I don’t feel capable to listen to, so I continue to stare at my dad, picking up on his every move.
“Enough, stop arguing. What do you mean you’ve agreed to marry Luca? Just yesterday, you ran out of this very room when the matter was brought up. What changed?” He asks bluntly, in the same way, and tone of voice that I’ve seen him use in business meetings.
“I’m a Mancini; family business comes first; it’s what you’ve done all your life; I can do the same.
Besides, it’s not like I’m fantasizing about a fairytale kind of love; being respected is enough, and Luca promised me that,” I calmly say, not negotiating my loveless marriage same as him.
“But I have my conditions, of course. I’ll do my studies; I can date and have freedom during my study time, and if I want to quit, I can do so at any time. ”
“Chiara, dear, you don’t have to do this. You shouldn’t sacrifice your life for your family, let alone for the company. We’re fine, we don’t need desperately of this partnership; it was just a suggestion,” Grandma insists clearly and affectionately, giving me that smile that only she can give.
“Okay, enough of this nonsense. This is ridiculous; Chiara is eighteen years old. Eighteen, and you should have refused the offer on the spot. What kind of parents are you who say absolutely nothing when someone tries to buy your daughter?” Vincenzo shouts toward our parents, leaving Mom shocked and with tears in her eyes.
Vincenzo never shouts at anyone, especially Mom.
“You’re honestly fine with handing over your only daughter, the youngest of the three, to the Camorra in exchange for more money and power.
Isn’t what we have enough? If you feel it isn’t, sell yourselves.
You’re both single; marry into the mafia, but don’t hand my sister over to a murderer. ”
“Vincenzo…” My father’s voice contained a clear warning: not another word, don’t make your mother cry. Her tears had always been his weak point.
“But…” His gaze lingers on my mother, and the words die in his mouth; he looks at me, confused and angry. Perhaps he feels unable to express himself as he would like so as not to make my mother feel worse.
At this point, tears flow freely down my mom’s face. She lets out a small hiccup and appears to be in pain, perhaps guilty. My dad continues to show no reaction whatsoever, remaining in his cold businessman’s mask.
“Chiara, could you accompany me to my office so we can talk about this in a more civilized manner?” He ask calmly, looking into my eyes.
“You’ve got to be kidding. There’s nothing to talk about.
She’s still a kid, your daughter is eighteen, and you want to hand her over to the Camorra.
That’s the kind of father you are. Isn’t it enough that you left us behind?
” Lorenzo questions in a hurtful way, making Dad turn his back on us and walk into his office, leaving the door open for me after he enters.
Without saying a single word to anyone, I follow him silently into the study, closing the door immediately after entering. Dad is sitting with his back to me, looking over the garden of the mansion outside.
“Are you sure about this decision?” he asks, without facing me.
“I remember Grandpa saying once that he always wanted a serious partnership with the mafia, which is why he started selling weapons to them. He said that this way, he could make sure that everyone was protected and that if anything happened, he could set the world on fire so that his family could stay as it always was.” Dad looks surprised.
“He said he tried this partnership years ago, but it wasn’t accepted, and when they changed their minds, you were already married to Mom, and Lorenzo was on the way.
He warned me that one day, I might be chosen to ensure our family’s power and protection, and now that I have it, I don’t intend to disappoint him, even if he’s no longer here.
And I know that you, too, have always wanted to be involved in some of the Camorra’s business, and this is your chance. ”
“You don’t have to do it, Chiara. Your brothers are right; this is not your obligation. I never wanted you to find yourself in this position; a forced marriage is not what I pictured for my only daughter.”
“I know that, and this is my decision. I want to be untouchable Dad. It may sound ridiculous, but I want to be so powerful that no one can ever reach me; I want to be at the top where it’s hard to be hurt.
I want to be unbeatable; I want to be a queen, and in the Camorra, I can be all that,” I say, remembering Luca’s words from the day before.
“Are you sure about this?” he insists with the phone in his hands, and I know that the moment I say yes, my life will change forever. He will call the Capo of the Camorra, and I will become, even if not definitively, one of them.
“Yes, you can let Camorra know, and don’t forget my conditions,” I answer, turning my back on him and on my life as I’ve known it until today.
I go upstairs and into my room, still numb from my decision, wondering if I really made the right choice, if I won’t regret it later,andif I’ll ever be happy with my life from now on.
I try not to think about it, pick up my copy of “ The Great Gatsby ,” and enter another era where happy endings are not guaranteed, just like mine.