Chapter 11
Luca follows me to my room right after Henry leaves.
The girls didn’t seem really happy about me accepting this conversation, but I didn’t care about that detail.
Maybe we really do need to talk and clear everything up before we move on.
Luca looks around my room, examining it, seemingly memorizing every detail.
I stop in the middle of the room, not really knowing what to do, and when our eyes meet, he moves closer to me, finally stopping his examination of our surroundings.
“I brought them for you. I know peonies are your favorite flowers, so I decided to buy them before I came!” He holds out the flowers toward me, and my heart beats too fast for his words.
I take them, feeling our fingers touch, and a shock runs through my body.
I bring the flowers toward me and hold them to my chest, almost hugging them, trying to protect myself from his gaze that seems to read my soul.
“What do you want to talk about?” Luca gestures for me to sit down, and I go toward the reading bench next to my window. I hear his footsteps following me, and he sits down next to me; his strong, muscular arm touches mine, and once again, my traitorous body reacts to him.
“Was that your boyfriend?” The shock runs through my mind, and for a while, I can’t formulate a sentence.
“I don’t have a boyfriend; you should know since your father’s soldiers follow me everywhere.”
Luca seems to be pondering his answer. “Having security never stopped you from dating. The deal was that you would do whatever you wanted during university.” I don’t answer or argue; I don’t really have anything to say.
My mind is racing, and I feel really confused.
“Are you in love with him?” My eyes turn to Luca, not expecting his question and the harshness of his voice when he asks it.
“I take it that was the reason you broke off the engagement.”
A dry laugh escapes my throat without me realizing it. Luca looks at me, and I think that, for the first time, I keep my eyes glued to his without looking away for a second.
“He wasn’t the reason I broke off the engagement, at least not the main one; yes, I wanted to go out with him without anyone following me.
But Luca, we were doomed to failure from the first second we met; we don’t know each other, we don’t know anything about each other, andlet’s be honest, you don’t even seem to be able to stand me.
We’re just two strangers who decided to get married.
Maybe this was all for the best. I like to believe that I don’t need love to survive, but I could never go through with a marriage where my husband can’t even look at me or hear my voice.
” I take deep breaths, trying to read his eyesand his thoughts, and I feel frustrated that I can never read him when he seems to be able to read me so well and so easily; it’s just unfair.
“To answer your question, no, I’m not in love with him; who knows in the future?
I’d like to fall in love with him in reality.
You know he’sreally good. The kind of person who cares about everyone’s well-being, who likes to see people happy and does everything to make them feel that way, he fights for the good, the best for everyone!
I think I’d like to love and be loved by someone like that! ”
After I’ve finished speaking, Luca’s eyes look colder than they ever have. His jaw is clenched, but if it weren’t for these small details that are only noticeable to those who are really close to him, his face would look as unperturbed as ever.
“Life is not a fairytale, Chiara, and he may not be your Prince Charming.”
His words seem full of certainty, and I wonder what he means by that.
“What do you care if he’s my prince or not?
Maybe I just need someone good in my life.
Maybe it’s not him, but maybe it is…” Luca doesn’t say a word.
I take a deep breath and try to gather the courage to speak.
“I realized today that I never really knew your opinion about this marriage.” My voice is low, and my eyes are glued to my hands.
“Your father was the one who proposed it; I had the right to think about whether it was something I wanted. I wonder if my decision disrupted your life in any way,if you were in love with someone, and I ruined everything. If for that you can’t stand me or you just don’t like me.
I wonder if I might be the reason for your unhappiness or heartbreak. ”
I don’t raise my eyes in his direction, afraid of what he has to say, whether his words will hurt more if I look at him, orwhether my heart will end up broken after this conversation.
“If I was really against marriage, do you really think anyone would force me to do it? This was my decision, too, Chiara; you never disrupted my life; at best, I disrupted yours. I knew what was going to be proposed that day; you were caught off guard, not me. Besides, I wouldn’t get married for any reason other than the Camorra.
And don’t say that I can’t stand youwhen you don’t know if that’s true; if I couldn’t stand you, you wouldn’t be considered my future wife; you were chosen because you have all the necessary qualities to take on the Camorra alongside me. ”
My idiotic heart beats faster, knowing that he doesn’t despise me, but my lucid mind says that this isn’t enough for a marriage, not anymore.
My heart wouldn’t survive intact ina marriage that would be one-sided.
Maybe my mind has always been right that I didn’t need love because I didn’t know it.
Now that I feel his eyes on me and his presence around me.
I want, I need his love. Not because I’m longing or desperate for love. But because it’s him.
“It doesn’t matter if you like my presence or not; none of that matters anymore.
It’s over! Maybe you should find someone to be by your side, someone strong and resilient.
” The words come out of my mouth, making my heart squeeze at the possibility of being replaced in Luca’s life.
“I probably need someone good, someone who will make me a better person.”
Luca pulls my face toward him, making me look into his eyes; his touch makes me melt, and his eyes on me leave me paralyzed.
“You don’t need anyone to make you better; you’re enough; you’re a fucking queen, only you don’t see that.
” My eyes open wide in astonishment at his words, and I wonder if he really thinks that or if he’s saying itfor the sake of saying it.
“You probably tell yourself that I’m bad, and even though you’re my fiancé and insist that you don’t need love in your life, you’re still looking for a Prince Charming.
But let me tell you something about princes, that good guy you think you want that would improve your life and make everything easier and happier; he would sacrifice you for the greater good, he would risk your love for what he thinks is right and best for the world.
Not me, Chiara, I’m not like him; I’m not good; I wouldn’t risk your life or your well-being for anything; I’d make the world burn for you, and I’ll kill everyone if that’s what you want! ”
Tears threaten to come out at his confession. Luca is still holding my face, and his eyes fiercely stare into mine; there is no doubt in his voice or in his stare. I know I can believe him right now. I know that he would kill if I asked him to, that he would do it without hesitation.
“You don’t like me. You wouldn’t be able to love me! Before, I thought I could live with that. Now I’m not so sure.”
His eyes never leave mine, and I feel hypnotized by those icy blue eyes.
“I’m not going to swear eternal love to you, and you know it.
But one thing I can swear to you: I will do everything in my power to make you happy in the cruel world we live in.
I like you, Chiara. Maybe not the way you want me to, but inside my distorted being, there is something that really appreciates not only your company but you completely.
That’s the best I can offer anyone, the best a man like me can offer. ”
“Luca, I…” I can’t finish my train of thought.
Luca slowly approaches me, with his eyes still glued to mine.
I feel his eyes drift to my lips, and butterflies spread throughout my stomach.
He looks at me as if asking for permission, and I close my eyes and let him do whatever he wants with me, trusting completely in a man I don’t know is worthy.
I feel his lips touch mine, warm and surprisingly soft, My skin crawl and my heart beat faster.
He calmly sucks on my lower lip, strokes my lip with his tongue, and then asks for passage; I give it without really knowing what to do.
His hands rest on my waist and pull me toward him, making me touch his hard worked-out abdomen.
I take my hand to the back of his neck and stroke his hair, feeling his tongue explore my mouth calmly, feeling your soft touch on me, your soft lips on mine; all I want is this, every day for the rest of my life.
His touch, his kiss, his affection, his love, everything really.
The air is needed, and Luca leaves a soft kiss on my lips; I feel my cheeks burning, and I pull away slightly, causing Luca to tighten his grip on my waist a little more, not letting me go anywhere.
Another kiss is left on my lips, and my eyes meet his.
His big, strong, calloused hand runs over the soft skin of my face, and his eyes examine me.
“You’re so beautiful, a real queen! We can make it happen, Chiara, in our own way, but it can work. I can’t promise you a great love story, but I’ll do my best to be enough for you!”
“Even without love?” My voice comes out low and hoarse, and his eyes travel over my lips.
“Love is not a guaranteed thing in our world. Maybe liking someone can be enough.”