21. Call Him #2
He clicks his tongue, clenching his jaw a tick and letting something vaguely related to a snarl leave his lips. “Don’t act like that,” he demands in a dangerously calm voice. “Don’t pretend like this is something it’s not.”
It’s almost like he’s more upset that I’m even acknowledging it. The real issue isn’t whether something really happened between us—it’s just the fact that I said it out loud. Parker wants things to stay blurry. He needs to be able to deny it when he gets too scared.
I know it’s not just me who’s felt things.
If he really wanted boundaries, he should’ve set them years ago.
Before the late night talks…the small, but meaningful acts of service to show me he cares.
Before he kissed me. Before he dropped to his knees on the night of my birthday.
Before he woke up one day—more than ten fucking years ago, at that—and decided he would do just about anything for me.
It all changed when I was old enough for it to actually mean something. Something he stayed away from because a feeling that complicated could be lethal.
He looks at me like I’m the only person in the room, but sure…it doesn’t mean anything.
I inhale slowly, unballing my fists. The insides of my palms hurt from my nails digging into the flesh.
“I can’t believe you’re actually talking to me like this,” I murmur quietly, throat burning.
Opening his mouth, Parker’s expression shifts, but he’s too late to get another word in.
“If you don’t have feelings for me, then that’s completely fine,” I continue.
“But the way you’re talking to me right now—I mean… am I really that much of a fuck up?”
“No,” he says before his mind can even catch up to him. He runs a hand down his face and exhales sharply. “Anders, I never said you were a fuck up.”
“You don’t have to say it. The fact that you can barely look at me now without glaring…speaks volumes.”
“Stop.” He takes a step closer. My entire body burns. “You are not a fuck up. I don’t ever want to hear you degrade yourself like that.”
But it’s fine for him to degrade me?
“Then what is so bad about liking me?” The question makes me feel pathetic, but I need to get this off my chest.
“Nothing—”
“Because I could call Seth right now and he would be on his knees the second he saw me.”
Something snaps in him. He rolls his shoulders back like he’s doing everything he can to restrain himself, clenching his jaw even harder. “Then fucking call him, Anders.”
I freeze and blink a few times.
“Call him,” Parker says again, taking a step closer. “You’ll find out exactly how long it takes before I put that short fuck through a wall.” Parker swallows hard. “We had an agreement. You promised me you wouldn’t see him.”
My mouth hangs open. “Umm. Months ago…”
“You’re not going out tonight. I think you should stay.”
I laugh coldly. “Yeah, it’s cute you think you can just ground me.”
He gives me a chilling look. “I swear to God, Anders.” Parker takes another step forward. “He doesn’t get to touch you.”
My stomach drops. “Oh, my God.”
“He doesn’t get to put his hands on you.”
“You hear yourself right now?”
He doesn’t answer.
“Oh, okay. ‘Cause I was wondering if you were insane.”
“I meant what I said.”
“Oh my God,” I mutter again, tuning him out. I think I might be going insane.
No…I’m definitely going insane right now.
I clutch at my chest, the room suddenly feeling unbearably hot.
My skin prickles with painful goosebumps that bring nothing but sharp, flashing heat.
He gives me a concerned look, reaching out like he’s trying to steady me, but I take a step back.
“Parker,” I breathe. “You’re, like…genuinely crazy. ”
I almost expect him to take offense to it, but he doesn’t. His eyes widen and there’s a small vein visible in his neck now. Parker huffs repeatedly like he’s forgotten how to breathe normally.
“Either you fuck me, or he does.” I laugh thinly.
“No.”
“Oh, I am getting fucked tonight.” I practically chomp each word. “So if you have a problem with it being good ol’ Seth—”
“I have a problem!”
I stop.
“I have a fucking problem,” he bites out. “You’re not going to stand here in my goddamn kitchen and utter another man’s name.”
“You do realize what you're saying to me right now?” I scoff, laughing manically again. “You’re acting like you have some fucking claim on me. That you’re just entitled to having a say in who I sleep with. We’re just friends, right?” My ears ring. “You sound insane. Like, genuinely insane.”
Parker takes another step forward. His eyes lock onto mine. “Promise me you won’t let another man touch you.”
The room goes completely silent. “You don’t get to decide that,” I mutter weakly. “You don’t.”
“Tell me,” he breathes, “that I’m the only one.” His words come out chillingly calm. I already feel like I’m losing.
“No,” I say automatically, shaking my head. “No. You had your chance…you fucked it all up.”
“I’m the only one,” he murmurs, as if saying it out loud makes it true. “You know that.”
I shake my head in denial. “You pushed me away. It’s too late.” There’s nothing good that could ever come from this. All he causes is hurt and disappointment. I can’t…rely on him. Not anymore.
He isn’t good for me.
Parker cups my jaw, squeezing hard, and tilts my head back. I close my hand around his wrist, but I can’t quite decide if I want to push him away or pull him closer.
I need to be locked up.
“You have no idea the lengths I would go through,” Parker says in a false softness. “Anders,” he sighs, blinking and shaking his head. “You have always been mine.”
My breath catches.
His words replay in my mind over and over again like a broken record.
And then his face softens a little, but not in a way that feels sweet. “And I think…I’m not sure how much longer I’ll be able to hold myself back.”
Don’t. Don’t. Don’t.
I can’t.
I can’t go through the pain all over again just for some scraps of affection.
The only way to get out of this is to rip the bandaid off.
I know it’s gonna hurt. I know it’s probably going to drain the life out of me…
but I owe it to myself to stand up. I can’t keep letting him get away with doing this to me.
At some point, it becomes my fault. I need to stop acting like I’m a fucking bird.
“I guess you’re just gonna have to get over that.” I lower my voice, shoving him away with the tiny ounce of respect I still have for myself. “Because I’m done standing here.” The lie tastes bitter the second it leaves my mouth. “I am done waiting for you.”