Chapter 15
Chapter Fifteen
Dante
I hadn’t slept for more than two hours at a time since Mia had gone missing. I was mentally and physically exhausted. Sure, she was back where she belonged, but we still had a lot of ground to cover to find her perpetrator. None of us could carry on the way we were going. After speaking to Salvatore and identifying that Enzo had only a limited number of places left where he could be hiding, we’d appreciated that the fucking bastard was as good as caught, and all we had to do now was to close the net on him. Alessio had made it clear that we were now only allowed to go twelve hours without rest.
So, here I was, laying on top of my bed, in the early evening. My body was still thrumming with pent up adrenalin, making sleep and even rest evasive. I intentionally hadn’t contacted Giovanna since earlier that day, even though my hand had hovered over the call button more than once since I’d showered.
And there was my problem.
What I was telling myself was it was because I wanted to hurt her. Make her pine for my company, to crave my voice and touch. But laying there staring at the ceiling while sleep evaded me, I began to understand what I’d been trying so fucking hard to ignore.
I was lying to myself.
And I was terrified of sleeping, because every precious hour of sleep I had managed to wrangle, she claimed my head space as her own. Each moment we had spent together during the past few days played out like a film in my head.
The more I saw her there, watched her hair shine in the sun or candlelight, heard her laughter and pain, the more I wanted to phone her. But I knew if I did, I would get down on my knees to beg her to meet me again. So, until I worked my way through the crazy notions inside my mind, the only place I could trust to keep my hands was underneath my head, gripping my hair.
This wasn’t how this was supposed to go.
‘You just need a fuck.’ No sooner the explanation had left my mouth, my head began to envision the way she’d felt in my arms—was it only the day before? My cock began to harden behind the confines of my black trunks, as my body screamed at me to relieve the ache in my balls that was accompanying it.
‘No more.’ I squeezed my eyes tight.
I was a man who exercised restraint in all things, and rubbing one out at the thought of her was not happening. Call it my punishment, call it me trying to gain the upper hand over my thoughts, call it what you want; it wasn’t materialising.
The sound of early evening rain caught my attention, and I refocussed my taut body on listening to the sound of the storm that was obviously about to roll in. Until, at last, my body relaxed enough to welcome sleep, even if with it, it brought dreams of her… and I could ask myself where this game of revenge of mine had started to unravel.
I’d been waiting in the long corridor refusing to take part in the pissing contest her bodyguards were frantically trying to draw me into.
The more they stared and attempted to make me feel uncomfortable in their presence, the more I made my posture relax. With every fold of their arms, crack of their knuckles and grunt that left their mouths, I recognised just how much I was getting to them and couldn’t hold in the grin that was threatening the corners of my mouth. Hearing Giovanna’s voice just the other side of the closed door had me clearing my throat to get their full attention and letting that shit spread ever wider until my grin nearly touched both sides of my jaw.
‘Again… you can go,’ Paulo reiterated.
I winked at him quickly and then dipped my gaze to the floor just as the crack in the door began to widen.
‘Dante.’ She spoke my name breathlessly, as though she didn’t expect to still see me there.
Deliberately, I lifted my eyes from the floor to find hers and as I watched, her tear-stained face began to show her happiness at the fact I’d stayed, and not for the first time I was worried. Worried that this game I was playing to piss off her big brother was going to backfire in my face.
‘You stayed,’ she uttered disbelievingly.
‘Of course.’ I pushed myself off the wall and moved towards her. ‘I needed to know that you and your mama were okay.’
‘We told him to go, and that he would have been contacted later.’ Paulo spoke and I intentionally made no effort to look at him, instead keeping my eyes focussed on the beautiful yet vulnerable young woman in front of me.
‘And you don’t want to know what I said to that… other than that Don De Luca had given me his express permission to help you with your mama, and I wasn’t leaving until I knew you were both okay,’ I explained.
‘Has my papa returned home?’ Her voice quavered slightly as she spoke, making me in no doubt of her emotional state.
‘No, not yet.’ I shook my head but never broke eye contact with her, knowing I wanted her to feel without explanation that I was there for her.
‘Oh.’ Her reply was laden with uncertainty.
‘Your grandfather has, and he’s asked to see you just as soon as you were able.’
I reached out to hold her up as soon as I saw the colour drain from her face and her body begin to tremble. Holding on to both of her forearms as I steadied her, and feeling her reliance on me for that minor thing, I understood then that I wanted her to be dependent on me for so much more.
‘Come here.’ I pulled her closer to me and momentarily wrapped her up in my hold. Reluctantly, I released her just as suddenly and led her towards a light-coloured seat that I knew would be big enough for the two of us to sit down on while she regained her strength.
‘Better?’ I questioned.
‘Better.’ she agreed, sighing out loud as she swept her tongue over her lips. Memorised at the small but telling action, I felt my cock twitch in anticipation. I knew there was no way she could do it again without me pressing my mouth against hers, so I reacted the only way I could.
‘Get her some water,’ I demanded, not looking up at the two men who were now standing far too close to both of us.
‘I can’t believe that my whole life has been turned upside down in the space of a few hours,’ she started, as she lifted a hand to take the offered water.
As she started to drink, I watched as her anxiety consumed her. Her spare hand scrubbed against her leg, making the fabric of her dress bunch. Instantly, I covered her hand with my own, silently offering her my solidarity, all the while fighting against myself to pick her up in my arms like I’d done with her mama only an hour before and to take her back to England with me, where I could show how much being dependant solely on me could be to her benefit, and of course mine.
Lorenzo, the man that, until now, I had always had the upmost respect for since fighting by his side, stepped closer after seeing me touch her.
With a strength that I knew came from our connection, my anxious girl gave him a look that made him freeze and straightaway backtrack.
‘It’s a feeling I know only too well,’ I released mistakenly, giving her an insight into the pain I carried, making her turn her head and look at me intently.
‘You do?’ she questioned hopefully. I knew she wanted to know more; I could see she had many unspoken questions swirling around those unusual coloured eyes of hers. But knowing how much she had already affected me, I pressed my lips together tightly before offering her a non-committal agreement.
‘I’m not sure I know how to do all of this,’ she admitted.
Happy to take the direction away from me personally, I thought about my sister Sera.
‘You can, and you will, because you must. I know how much pain one person can deal with. Look at Serafina. Our elder brother was killed, and our papa had a massive heart attack, which damaged so much of his heart he now uses a wheelchair. Instead of going to university like she dreamt of, she married your brother at sixteen and lost their first child.’ I stopped myself from talking, as anger over what the sibling I was closest to had lost in her young life swept in and took a firm fucking hold.
‘I admire her so much. At least her marriage is a happy one.’ She smiled as a blush took away the pale pallor of her skin.
‘At least,’ I replied, trying hard to curb the sarcasm.
‘I mean, here I am at twenty and alone.’
‘Twenty is no age at all.’ I countered, and instantly regretted my tone when I saw how embarrassed she looked from my rebuff.
‘It might not be in England,’ she retorted. ‘But here, most of our marriages are arranged way before then.’
Fuck! Were they going to marry her off, too? And why the fuck do you care if they are?
‘Touché.’ I replied, feeling surprised at the anger that was seeping into every one of my pores at my internal thoughts. Then, as I attempted to shake its hold, I nodded at her hoping to get her to carry on. When she didn’t, but continued to stare at me instead, I was sure she was seeing right through me. Trying to deflect, I spoke again and asked something I wasn’t sure I really wanted the answer to. ‘Is your marriage already arranged?’
My hand froze over hers, making her look down at our conjoined hands. I was barely managing to control my anger at the thought of her with another man, another man that wasn’t me, and was pleased her eyes were no longer on me.
‘No.’ She all but whispered the single word as her head once again turned to face me.
‘Good.’ I nodded, feeling my anger go down a couple of notches and finding it hard to suppress my glee.
‘I’m not sure it’s good.’ At her answer I raised a questioning eyebrow at her. ‘I think it must be incredible to have someone to rely on, not only for your own happiness, but also knowing that you could be the catalyst of theirs, too.’ I caressed her hand encouraging her to carry on. ‘But apparently, I’m not good ‘Ndrangheta marriage material.’ She shrugged. ‘Maybe it’s my awkwardness or the fact I want more from my life than just marriage and babies.’
My cock twitched again at the thought of filling her full of my seed and watching her stomach grow fat with our child.
‘You’re not awkward, you just need the right person to be by your side.’ I cleared my throat. ‘Maybe the truth is you don’t want to marry because of the constraints?’ I questioned.
‘I do,’ she answered, and I released an exhale. ‘I think it must be incredible to have someone to rely on not only for your happiness, but just maybe…’ She stopped talking as my hand began to stroke hers.
Rein it in, Dante.
I heard my head demand that I hold myself back. That this woman here was my way to get back at my obnoxious brother-in-law. But even I wasn’t that stupid. Right here on the seat I was sure was for decorative purposes only, I understood that for some reason I needed her to be all in.
‘Go on,’ I encouraged. Behind me, in the quietness of the hall I heard the unmistakable pitch of a radio connecting and knew it would be Salvatore with more orders or questions for her bodyguards. When footsteps sounded out as they walked away to converse with him, I felt the second Giovanna and I had a small window in time.
‘Go on,’ I encouraged again.
‘It must be wonderful to have someone who shares not only your dreams and passions, but also your fears, worries and concerns.’ She spoke fast, not overthinking her words and giving me a brief look at her truth.
No. You can’t be her someone. This right here is a game for Salvatore’s sake only.
‘It must,’ I agreed, before clearing my throat, removing my hand from hers, and standing quickly.
The second I disconnected from her; I knew it was wrong. It was so fucking wrong I wanted to fall to my knees and beg her forgiveness.
As she stared at the glass in her hands, not knowing where to look after my snub, I fought against pulling her up and into my arms. Instead, I reached out to her with one hand, hoping she understood the gesture.
‘Come on, let’s take you to see your grandfather.’
She placed her glass down to the floor and took hold of my offered hand. As I wrapped up her hand in my own, I tightened my fingers, not wanting to ever let go. When she lifted her eyes to meet mine, and stood at the same time, I knew I was all in. Pushing all sense of reason, my resolve, everything and everyone else out of my thoughts I lifted my other hand and brushed the back of my fingers over her cheekbone and watched her reaction. In those few seconds, I lost all sense of purpose until all I could do was to feel.
Feel? When all I wanted to do was to hate.
‘Mine.’ I sounded out confidently, totally believing in that minute what I was saying was true. Giovanna’s reaction was silent but so telling in her agreement.
If only life could have let us have just that, just that single moment in time without reminding us both of our family duties, but of course it couldn’t.
My eyes snapped open and a sense of hopelessness filled me.
She was it.
Giovanna De Luca was the woman I knew I’d one day meet. I’d been well and truly played at my own game, and I hadn’t a fucking clue what to do about it.
Just then a loud rumble followed by a resonating bang found me, from outside the open balcony doors. Suddenly, light filled my large room, making the light grey on the walls appear almost metallic. The storm had well and truly reached us in more ways than one. I leapt out of bed and strode up to where I knew I would find one of the fixes I needed. Pressing a pod into the coffee machine, I waited less than a minute for the machine to do its job. Removing the small cup, I added a small amount of iced water and chugged down the espresso. Instantly, the liquid began to bring my dulled senses more into focus. With it regenerating my system, I took a quick look at my watch and saw that it was only seven thirty. I’d slept for just over an hour and looking down, I saw I had the same boner I’d gone to sleep with.
‘Giovanna,’ I whispered to only myself, as a sense of acceptance and regaining my equilibrium found me.
Walking across to the open doors, I focussed on looking out to sea. The rain outside was lashing the villa washing it free of its sins.
I wonder?
With that one thought, I stepped over the threshold and out into the violence of nature that was happening around me. Spreading my arms out wide I stared up at the dark grey sky and closed my eyes to embrace the onslaught I was stood in. There I stood for as long as it took. Until each drop of rain stung my skin as soon as it connected with my naked flesh. My hair was plastered to my face making it difficult to see anything at all, except the beautiful girl inside my head.
It was her, I saw with a clarity, that I’d been waiting for my entire life. It was then I understood that I had to step up to be the man she needed, or stay the fuck away. Unfortunately, I wasn’t sure I could do either.