38. Chapter Thirty-Eight
Chapter thirty-eight
Days pass, and Willa remains unconscious.
Lira and I barely sleep, trying to do what we can for her.
Hendrix is much better, so that's one less thing to worry about.
I still wish I'd kept that tonic for Willa, though.
Along with using her magic, Lira also found a small needle in the pack that wasn't lost and managed some basic sutures to help the wounds close.
It's not enough—we need to get her off this mountain and back to Raviaz for proper medical care. Problem is, how do we manage that when carrying her will do more damage?
Camp is silent, a heavy somber feeling thick in the air at the loss of Xaavi.
Watching the squad's faces as Zenn relayed what happened to their newest and youngest member broke my heart all over again, as did the fight between Zenn and Felix, when stress got the better of both of them.
Felix made a crack about how we would've made it to Willa sooner if we weren't tangled up in each other.
Even though he apologized later for lashing out from a place of fear and worry, the accusation still stung. Mostly because I'd already been having similar thoughts, and Felix avoiding me wasn't helping with the guilt.
Sitting around the campfire, Zenn stands to address us.
"I know we're all worried about Willa and hurting over Xaavi.
While we knew coming out here would be risky, none of us expected to lose someone, especially not like that.
As the day closes out, I'd like to acknowledge the man he was and how much he'll be missed.
His dry, quiet humor, undeniable kindness, competitive spirit at cards, and the incessant scratch of his pencil on paper are just a few ways he added light to our squad. "
As Zenn speaks, the setting sun dips behind him, as if the Goddess was in on the plan and wanted to honor a fellow creative soul, painting the sky with vivid streaks of pinks, apricots, golds, and blues.
Felix pulls out his final stash of Miana leaf, and Jeska stokes the fire high as stories and memories of our fallen friend are shared.
Later, Lira puts a hand on my arm, asking how I'm doing with such gentle kindness.
It makes me want to cry. "I was packing up Xaavi's things," she says in a voice thick with tears, "and I thought you might want to see this.
" She holds out one of the sketchpads he’d always have within reach, like the urge to draw could strike him at any time, and he needed to be ready.
There are only a few pages left in this one, and my heart cracks when I flip it open to reveal a pencil sketch of me, hair twisted up, surrounded by bowls and ingredients. The piece he must have been working on a few mornings ago while I was making cinnamon buns and he was on watch.
The tears come when I flip to the next one and see an unfinished picture he must have started immediately after, when I thought he'd gone back to bed. It's Zenn and I, heads close together, cradling steaming mugs in our hands and looking at each other in a way that makes me ache.
"I'm going to finish up, you should keep those," Lira murmurs, pulling me out of my grief. Smiling at her with glassy eyes, I nod gratefully before tucking the pictures away.
More days pass in a blur, and I'm a wreck.
I know I'm down to the absolute dregs of my energy reserves, but whenever I try to sleep, I can't shake the feeling of being soaked in Willa's blood or the memory of Xaavi's hollow face.
Then, panic grips me, and I'm convinced something bad will happen if I close my eyes.
All the worst case scenarios flood in—maybe she's stopped breathing or her wounds have reopened, maybe we missed something and she's got an infection or an internal injury. Even though I know that's not possible with Lira's magic, I can't do anything except obsess.
Willa stays out here near the fire, where one of us can watch her at all times, so I have the tent to myself, which only makes it worse. A constant reminder of what went wrong, as if I need one.
Reading me annoyingly well, Zenn comes to sit by my side, holding out a plate of cold meats, pickles and a piece of flat bread.
"You need food and sleep." I can’t stomach it, even if he’s right.
Shaking my head, I set the plate down when he won't take it back. He’s hardly been around in the last few days, keeping busy hunting or poring over maps with Nav, trying to come up with ways to get us off this mountain when it's safe to move his sister.
The two of them have been scouting possible exit paths and even made it up to the final cave yesterday with Jeska, finding nothing.
I don't have the heart to care that solstice is less than two weeks away; I just want Willa to open her eyes.
Zenn picks up the plate I discarded and pushes it into my hands with a frown, firmly enough to make it clear he's not taking no for an answer. "She needs you to eat," he insists.
Gripping the plate so hard, my knuckles turn white, I snap. "I can't. She's not waking up, and I can't do anything to help her. So forgive me if I can't eat a fucking slice of bread right now."
He doesn't even flinch, just calmly replies, "She is going to wake up. You made sure of that. And when she does, you know she'll be pissed if you haven't been taking care of yourself because of some misguided guilt about her getting hurt."
"For once, he's not wrong," a tiny voice croaks, and I whip around, not sure I can trust my ears. "Gods, Wils," I sob, rushing to drop down next to her, smoothing her hair from her clammy face.
"Hey, Aly." She gives me a tiny smile, scanning faces as the squad clusters around her temporary bed. Felix falls to his knees, grabbing her hand as the twins exchange a look that conveys worlds of fear and relief.
A tear trickles down her cheek. "The cliff, that man. Xaavi didn't make it, did he?" She looks to Zenn for confirmation, and he shakes his head slowly.
"It's a good sign she remembers details," Lira says quietly, holding her hands out over Willa and letting pale green magic flow from her fingertips.
"How is she?" Felix demands quietly, his sister managing small mouthfuls of water and tonic for the pain that soon helps her go back to sleep. Her body needs rest to heal.
"Coming out of unconsciousness is a good sign," Lira replies.
"Those wounds, on the other hand, they're in bad shape.
Whatever it was went through to the bone.
She needs proper sutures, complex elixirs, and balms to help the severed tendons and muscles knit back together and the skin to close.
Infection is the biggest concern of all, being out here.
Safe to say, she won't be walking any time soon. "
Despite the prognosis, tension around the fire eases, everyone returning to their meals and conversations. Including Zenn, who's at my side, full plate in hand before I can take two steps.
"Do you want to go somewhere with me tomorrow, just us?
" he murmurs so only I can hear. "Lira promised she'll watch Willa like a hawk, but I can't take you unless you eat and get some sleep.
" He holds up a hand, anticipating my protest. "Nonnegotiable.
It's a few hours of steep hiking, and I'm not carrying you if you pass out from exhaustion.
If you want to come, those are my terms."
Frowning, I consider for a second before I sigh and take the plate to sit with Drea, stealing half her blanket to cover my knees.
My frown deepens to a scowl when he sets a steaming mug of dark cacao on the ground at my feet, smirks, and saunters back to his conversation with Hendrix.
I'll die before admitting it, but he's right.
I can feel my body hum appreciatively as my energy restores with every mouthful.
"Looks like we have another victim of the infamous Adiston charm," my sister drawls, nudging me with her shoulder.
Another? What does that mean? Flushing, I search her face for any sign there's history between them.
She gives nothing away, only a teasing grin when she continues, "Well, what do you have to say for yourself?
It's ironic, you know? I remember a certain someone trying to warn me about getting tangled up with someone almost as off-limits as the one she's now swapping heated glances with across the campfire. "
Screwing up my face, I groan as she laughs. "Don't feel bad. We've all been there. I mean, look at the man." I shoot her a sideways glare, and she laughs even harder, throwing her hands up. "Calm down. I don't mean literally."
"You two never…?" I trail off, holding my breath as I wait for her response, hiding my humiliation by sipping from the mug of cacao.
I have to know. After the stress of the last week, I didn't think anything more was going to happen between us.
But there was clear intent just now when he asked me to spend the day with him, and even if it makes me selfish with everything else going on—and foolish, since we can't really be anything—I want more time with him.
My sister breaks into my thoughts. "No, you can relax.
I respect the man and appreciate a pretty face, but he doesn't do it for me.
Now, his second, on the other hand…" She pauses, eyes darting to where Jeska stands, rolling her neck.
Drea looks back to me with a knowing smile and raised eyebrows.
"Her, on the other hand, I would not kick out of the tent. "
Now I'm the one laughing. "Good to know."
Drea swivels to face me, a somber expression settling on her angular features.
"You know you’re playing with fire, right?
Not only are you currently in his chain of command, you could also wipe out his power with one drop of blood.
Not to mention, everyone knows the King wants him for Coria.
Forget being our next General—that man could be royal. "
The drink turns to ash in my mouth, and I set the cup down. Even though she's not telling me anything I don't already know, the reminder is an unwelcome one. Why does everything have to be so complicated?
I stand to clear away my dishes and head to bed. "Promise I'll be careful." Drea narrows her eyes, eventually nodding and heading around the fire to talk to the striking blonde she was just lusting over, leaving me to wonder what tomorrow will bring.