6. Marley
MARLEY
I shake my hands out, flexing my fingers after. It feels a little ridiculous to be so nervous. Jax probably knows me better than anyone else in this town, and yet it feels like approaching a stranger. A stranger that knows me inside and out.
It’s just Jax. Calm down.
Blowing out a breath, I march up to his door and knock. I pause before my next knock, wondering what I’ll do if he’s not here. I’ve memorized his work schedule, not that it’s hard given he works when I work. He should be here, but he could be visiting his parents.
Before I can think about it too hard, the door swings open and I get a flash of abs as he finishes pulling his shirt down.
“Mar? Uh, hey.” His hoarse voice sounds confused, but not unhappy to see me. Better than I am about being woken up in the morning, but I could barely sleep since he approached me with the ultimatum.
I square my shoulders and stare straight at him. “Okay.”
Jax’s eyebrows scrunch. “Okay? Okay, what?”
“Okay, I’ll give us another chance.” I get it out in a single breath, a little rushed while I try to calm my beating heart.
He blinks a few times, those startling blue eyes just staring at me as his mouth parts. “Are you serious?”
I scowl at him. “I wouldn’t joke about something like this.”
Jax grabs onto my arm before I can turn around and pulls me closer to his door. “I only asked because I wasn’t sure if I was dreaming.”
“You asked for a chance, I thought about it, and I realized...I don’t want to be alone, and I don’t want to be with anyone else.
” I find it easier to admit how I’m feeling the longer I’m in his presence.
“And like I said, I don’t want you with anyone else.
I kind of realized I was being selfish in these feelings. ”
Jax nods, but his lips pull up into a side smirk. “Come in. I was about to make some food. You hungry?”
“I could eat,” I admit, following him farther into his apartment.
I have to stifle the moan when the air is absolutely saturated with his scent.
If I were an omega, I’m sure I would have slick running down my legs.
I stop short, taking in his place more fully.
Photos hang on the wall, photos of us and his family.
I recognize some of the pieces on his mantle, trinkets we bought on our “honeymoon.” I always wondered why he didn’t just live with his parents, and now I know why.
My heart claws at my throat, tracking over the couch.
The same one I had on my wishlist when we were planning to move in together.
The green quilt is thrown over his chair, one his grandma had knitted as a wedding gift for us before she passed.
She was one of the only people who knew about us getting married.
“Marley? If it’s too much, we can go into the guestroom.
It’s a blank sheet.” His voice is as comforting as always.
I squeeze my eyes shut, grounding myself.
If I can’t handle a few memories of our past, I’ll never be able to handle a genuine relationship with him.
I shake my head and look up at his concerned face.
He’s always been the more sentimental one of the two of us.
“I was just surprised to see them. It’s been a long time.”
He shrugs and walks into the kitchen. I follow him silently, sitting at the counter. When he pulls out a can of Sunkist, I nearly cry.
“Jax.”
“Sorry. I don’t mean to come on too strong. I just—fuck, Marley. My whole life has been you, always has been. I was afraid if I changed anything, you’d never come back.”
Tears prick at my eyes, and I wipe them, tracing the rim of the can. “Did you ever grow to like them?”
“Fuck no. That shit is nasty. I usually donate them before they expire.”
I laugh, my heart aching to be closer to him. My tongue peeks between my lips and I sigh. “You don’t have to tiptoe around me. I want to give this a real try, and…that’s not going to happen if I never confront the past.”
His head cocks to the side. “You want to have this conversation now? Or you want food first?”
I grimace. “Maybe now because I don’t want to throw it up.”
He nods, grabbing an energy drink for himself and then nodding to the couch. Usually I’d opt to sit across from him during staff meetings at the bar, so Jax tries and fails to stifle a look of surprise when I sit right next to him.
“Where do you want to start?” he asks hesitantly.
I bite down on my inner cheek. There’s one burning question I’ve always had, but I don’t know how much it will hurt me to hear it. I have to do it though, if we have any chance. I’ll just have to accept whatever he says and not hold it against him.
“When you left for the city, did you hook up with someone else?”
Jax shuts his eyes, his hand tightening on his can. His throat moves in a rough swallow, and then he slowly looks back at me. “Yeah.”
I nod, expecting as much. “An omega?”
“Marley…”
“Just tell me, please.”
He blows out a long breath. “Yeah, an omega.”
It’s like a stab right into my heart, my deepest insecurity. I nod, a little too frantically.
“Was it—was she…better?”
Jax shakes his head. “He was different, not better.”
Everything in my body stands still for a few seconds.
He was different.
He.
I blink a few times. “A male omega?”
Jax stares intently at me and then nods. My lips part, mostly in shock. Never in the million scenarios I played in my mind did I think about a male omega.
“Does that make you uncomfortable?” Jax asks me after a moment of silence. His face is twisted in concern, like I’m judging him or something.
I shake my head. “No, I mean…I’m surprised. I’ve never met a male omega. I didn’t know.”
His lips pull into a playful smile. “He was my first, too.” I laugh a little at the tease, considering we lost our virginities to each other.
“He wasn’t looking for anything serious, just wanted a night,” Jax says.
I swallow firmly, shifting in my seat, feeling a little uncomfortable about my next question. “And you knotted him?”
Jax nods again, taking a sip of his drink while his gaze never wavers.
Blowing out a shaky breath, I open my own can and take a drink as well.
“You not going to ask if I hooked up with any betas?”
I tear my eyes away, trying to control the jealousy that sears through me. I should ask. I should want to know as much as I did about omegas, but I can’t bring myself to ask.
“The answer is no, if you’re curious. Same with another alpha.”
My attention snaps back to him.
He has amusement on his face.
“So just one omega?”
“And only one time,” he confirms.
“Why?”
Jax tilts his head to the side. “I could ask why you’ve never been with anyone else either.”
“That’s not—how did you know that?” I frown. Jax was gone for a while after our breakup, and as far as I know, no one in town really talked to him. We always kept to ourselves growing up.
He chuckles a little. “I asked. Anyone and everyone. Sometimes I think the only person who doesn’t know I’m so fucking in love with you...is you.”
It shatters me inside, my heart barely holding on while I close my eyes. I can’t look at him when he’s staring at me like that. It hurts so much, and yet it’s the best thing I’ve ever heard. Like music I never tire of and could listen to on repeat all day long.
I startle when his fingers brush my arm, but I don’t pull away from his touch.
“Can I tell you something without you getting defensive?”
My eyebrows furrow. “What do you mean?”
He sighs. “I just know you’ll take what I say the wrong way.”
With a scowl, I shake off his hand. “Just say it.”
His teeth dig into his bottom lip, and then he leans back on the couch. “I only slept with the omega because of you.”
The air in my lungs stalls, frozen in a tight prison of hurt. He scrambles to sit up, cupping my face.
“Not because you broke up with me, not because you said you were done. I just knew if we had any chance of finding our way back, you had to know that I don’t want an omega,” Jax explains.
I try and struggle to push down my agony, offended by his accusation.
He’s not wrong, though. If I admit the truth to myself, he’s not wrong at all.
It’s why I broke up with him in the first place, believing an omega could give him what I potentially never could.
My breathing comes a little fast, and I try to calm it while I repress the mean words I want to fling at him.
“Explain it to me.” We both wince at the hoarseness of my voice.
He scoots closer, and I stiffen, but for once Jax doesn’t back down. Our gazes are glued on each other, and he reaches over, his fingers playing with the end of my braid.
“It took me a little bit to understand why you broke up with me. Actually, that’s not true. My neighbor at the motel I was renting, she explained it all to me.”
I’m skeptical, and also irritated. He’d have to tell her our entire history for her to get the full picture.
“Don’t look at me like that.”
“Like what?” I retort.
“Like I betrayed your trust. You broke my heart too.” He shakes his head.
“Anyway, she told me that you broke up with me for my benefit. That you thought you were doing me a favor or something because you believed we wouldn’t be able to have any kids together.
That I was better off getting with an omega, but you knew I would never leave you, so you had to push for it. ”
I’m stuck paralyzed. Fuck me. Whoever she is, she fucking nailed it and buried me six feet under. Bitch.