16. Jax
JAX
FLASHBACK
After her third refusal, I know something is really wrong. It’s been this way since we went to the fertility doctor. I don’t agree with what he suggested, but Marley seems to have taken it harder.
“Why?” I ask, trying to hold back my irritation.
Her nose wrinkles. “Why what?”
“What’s wrong with this one? It’s perfect for now. The rent is low. It’s close to both of our jobs. Yet you said no.”
Marley’s throat bobs, and she shrugs, not looking away from the magazine she’s flipping through.
“No, that’s bullshit. Ever since we saw that doctor, you’ve been acting like this.
” Most of the time I leave Marley to work out whatever is going on in her head, knowing she needs time to reach her own decisions, but lately the vibe between us is different, as if our relationship is not as solid as I believed it to be.
As soon as we got home from Vegas and our surprise marriage, we started saving immediately to move out, telling no one.
We also stopped being so careful with protection.
After a year without any “accidents,” Marley started to get concerned.
Her eyes flare with anger, and she tosses the magazine away, glaring at me. “Like what?”
“Like you don’t care about our future anymore.” It hurts me to accuse her of it while also being afraid that if I bring it up, I’m going to be speaking it into existence.
She laughs, hollow and lifeless. “What future? Didn’t you hear him? You’re better off with an omega, not stuck with a beta.”
Fuck. I knew it.
“No. That’s not?—”
“It is. It’s exactly what he said, and you’re the one acting like it doesn’t matter.”
“It doesn’t!” I don’t mean to shout, so I repeat it in a softer tone. “It doesn’t. He never said it was impossible, just that our chances are better with an omega. So we have to wait a few years. That's fine.”
She pushes off my bed. “It’s not fine. We wait years, and then what? No babies still, then we start looking for a pack, and by that time, I could be pushing thirty and less likely to have kids anyway.” Her voice cracks, and she turns away from me to face the window.
For the first time in our relationship, I’m confused about how to approach her. I worry if I walk up to her, she’s going to push me away even more. There's been a growing tension lately that I’ve been determined to ignore.
“It’s just not that big of a deal to me, Marley.”
She turns around in a fury. “So you don’t want kids?”
I shake my head, frustrated with the way she’s twisting my words. “I do. It’s just?—”
“You do, but you don’t care if I can never give them to you?”
My heart pounds loudly. I do care, but not in the sense I think she means. If we never have kids, then so be it. Or we could look at other options, I don’t mind anything. I just want to be with Marley.
Something in her face breaks. “Exactly.”
I frown, my eyebrows furrowing. “Exactly what? I didn’t say anything.”
“You didn’t have to, Jax.” She wipes away a tear going down her cheek. “I think we should take a break, determine what we want.”
I blanch, my stomach turning at the thought. “No.”
Marley shakes her head. “We’re all we’ve ever known. Maybe it just wasn’t meant to be.” She barely gets the words out, holding her hand over her mouth.
I move to her, and when she flits away from my hands, I fall to my knees, reaching toward her.
It’s all I can do, shaking as I watch her tremble.
There’s a pain in my chest I’ve never felt before, a rejection that is soul deep.
Something is irrevocably wrong, fracturing between us, and I have to fix it or it may never be the same. “Marley, no. I don’t want anyone else.”
Dread claws at my throat and tears prick the back of my eyes. My lungs struggle to get air in as she moves closer to the door, a hiccuped sob shaking her shoulders. “Please, baby. Please don’t do this.” It hurts me to speak, and she shakes her head again.
“We need this. We need space.”
My vision goes a little blurry, and I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to make sense of what is happening. “No, no, no.”
Marley’s shoes scuff on the floor. “I have to go, Jax. I lo—take care.”
It knocks the wind out of me, and I fall onto my palms, trying to catch my breath.
My fist curls tight, nails digging into my palm as I bang it against the floor.
I do it over and over. The thud of pain with each hit is the only thing keeping me sane.
I don’t know how long it is before my father finds me like that, his hands pulling me off the floor.
He cradles my face into his shoulder, and I sob, finding comfort with his arms around me and the scent of my mother’s perfume nearby.
Three months later, I run to the city, but not before shredding the divorce papers Marley had me served. If she wants to get rid of me, she’ll have to find me, but something tells me I’ll be the one crawling back to her.