17. Marley
MARLEY
“Marley.”
I swallow a scream and press my hand to my chest to calm my pounding heart as I stand up. I hadn’t heard anyone walk up to me while I was looking for a certain type of sauce on the bottom shelf.
My stomach turns when I take in the face staring back at me. It’s fuller and livelier than I’ve ever seen it, but I’d know her even without the dark circles under her eyes and the gauntness missing from her cheeks.
“I didn’t know you were back in town,” I say cautiously.
My mom gives a half-smile. “I’m not staying long. I just wanted to find you.”
I raise an eyebrow, not liking that sentiment at all. “Just me?”
She nods. “I’ll find Cooper another day. This is for you.” She hands over a large envelope, and I have half a mind to ignore it, but I reluctantly take it instead. I peek inside, confused when I can see cash. I look around, wondering if this is some kind of trap she’s trying to lure me into.
“What is this? Money? Where did this come from?”
Her fingers shake as she tucks her hair behind her ear and glances around us.
“I took part in a clinical trial, and they paid me a lot for it, but I don’t want it.
I want you to have it for—uh—all the times I took yours.
And everything you did to provide for all of us, really.
You took care of Cooper, and the house. It’s your money, Marley. ”
My nose stings, and there’s a prick in the back of ?my eyes. But the thought of the money disgusts me, as if it clears away the years of stress and pain. “I don’t want your money.”
She nods again. “I know, I know. There’s nothing I can do to change the past, but I don’t deserve to have all that, knowing how my kids lived. Take it, invest it, do whatever you want. But you deserve it more than me.”
I clench my jaw, wanting to decline it out of the principle of it coming from her. Hell, I’m not even convinced it’s legal. I take a calming breath and try to focus on what she explained. “You said a clinical trial?”
My mom smiles, one full of gratitude. “Yes, they’re studying the effects of a fated mate dying.”
It’s like a hole under my feet opens up and swallows me completely. A free-falling sensation that leaves my tummy unsettled. “Fated mates?”
Is she saying that my father was her fated mate?
Her throat bobs a little, and her face softens as her eyes drag over me. “You look so much like him. It still hurts sometimes.”
I turn my head away from her, staring at the jars of spaghetti sauce stacked on the shelves. She never really spoke of my dad, like ever. I couldn’t even find photos of him when I was younger.
“They think I turned to drugs because while I mentally gave up, my heart wouldn’t let me go while I still had attachments to my children.”
I frown, facing her again. “And what? Now that we’re older, suddenly it’s fine?”
She shakes her head. “I don’t know all the logistics, but there’s a drug they developed to block the hormone that triggers us finding our mate, numbs the bond or something like that. The overwhelming pain is dulled. Most people just die after their mate, a broken heart they say.”
“You were in pain?” I ask, my fingers curling tighter over the envelope.
My mom wraps her arms around herself. “It’s like there’s a constant chill through your body, a hole in your chest that aches over and over to be filled, but it can’t.”
“And now?”
A smile flits across her lips. “The ache is gone. Sometimes the cold makes me shiver, but I have the clarity to change it.”
“What’s going on?” Jax’s firm voice comes around the corner, his arm immediately wrapping around my waist.
My mom smiles up at him. “Jax Hardwick. I knew you’d always take care of her.”
He stiffens a bit, glancing at me in confusion.
I hold up the envelope. “She came to apologize, and give me backpay for my hardships.”
His frown deepens. “You look healthy, Robin. Sober.”
She nods, pulling something from her pocket and twisting a coin between her fingers.
“Nine months.” She puts it away, looking between us with a soft smile.
Her eyes flicker to the bite on my shoulder.
“Maybe one day we can work toward a relationship where I’m in your and Coop’s lives again.
I know it will be at your pace. Is it okay if I give you my number for… whenever that time comes?”
I don’t answer right away, so Jax pulls out his phone and hands it over. “Does Coop know you’re in town?”
She shakes her head, putting in her number and handing it back. “No. He’s never been as strong as Marley. It’s probably for the best that I leave him alone until he’s ready.”
I clench my jaw, looking away from her. I never had a choice but to be strong. I never wanted Cooper to be, but I push down the bitterness and nod. Jax holds me tighter.
“Good. He’s happy, and I don’t want you to disrupt that,” I tell her, unsuccessfully keeping some of the anger out of it.
Her smile wavers, but she nods back, her eyes dragging over me again. “You look good. Happy. You have that ‘in love’ glow.”
She turns to leave us after that parting remark, and my heart races. My stomach churns to see her so close and just disappear again. “Mom!” I cringe at the crack of my voice, and she looks back in surprise.
“You look good, too. I hope…” I don’t know.
I hope it helps? That the trial stays successful?
I hope she continues to stay sober? It’s hard to express that, to let go of the years of resentment and painful memories.
But she’s still my mom, and the only part of the family Cooper and I have left.
We never knew our grandparents on either side.
I swallow roughly. “Would you be open to talking about him? My dad?”
Her smile is a little more broken. “Yeah. Whenever you’re ready, just call me. I’ll answer.”
Jax squeezes me, pressing a kiss onto my head as I let her walk away this time without stopping her. He takes the envelope from me, folds it, and puts it in his pocket.
“What do you want to do with it?”
I shake my head. “I don’t know. I’m not even sure I want it.” It’s not so much a bribe or token for forgiveness. It seems like she’s truly trying to make amends, but it still feels odd to have a physical reminder of how little she provided.
He hums under his throat. “Could donate it to charities for kids in situations like you and Cooper were in.”
I turn my attention to my alpha, rubbing over the spot that holds his heart. “I love you.”
I nibble on the corner of my fingernail, staring at the tiny plastic bag on the counter. The whole time I went to the store, bought the box, and brought it home, I was convinced I could do this.
Now that I’m alone in our apartment, I don’t feel so courageous.
It’s just a stupid test, a plastic stick that doesn’t matter in the scale of things.
It’s only been two months. We’ve barely started trying, so it’s not likely, and I know that.
I know all the statistics and probabilities, and yet I’m nervous to see the inevitable negative appear.
The app tracking my period said the best time to test was yesterday, but that’s not always helpful because my periods are usually a day or two off.
I can do this. Everything will be okay in the end.
“Babe?” Jax’s voice sends relief through me.
I slump against the wall. “In here.”
His footsteps thud in time with my heart until he finds me in the bathroom. He immediately zooms in on the pregnancy test, and his throat bobs. “Is that–”
“I haven’t taken it.”
He frowns. “What are you doing in here then?”
I let out a laugh that makes me seem as crazy as I feel. “Just staring at it.”
“Staring at the test?”
I nod.
“Why?” His eyes squint, like he’s assessing if I’ve truly gone mad.
My tongue peeks between my lips. “I’m scared.”
His shoulders fall, and he pulls me into his arms. “Baby…”
Tears prick, and I sniffle to get it under control. “I know it’s highly unlikely, but I can’t let go of this stupid hope that it worked.”
Jax rubs my back. “It’s not stupid to have hope. We both promised we’d give it time to see if we can do it before looking into other doctors. Time comes with the possibility of negatives.”
“I know. I know.”
“But we can still live in that disappointment,” he adds on.
I almost laugh again, because now he sounds as deranged as I am. “When did you suddenly start writing Hallmark cards?”
Jax snorts. “Hey, sometimes the comments on internet forums are very inspiring.”
My lips pull up into a smile. “Forums? You’re reading forums?”
He shrugs. “We can’t be the only ones experiencing this. I wanted to see if I could find anyone who can relate.”
“And?”
Jax looks over the test and back at me. “And...I think our dreams aren’t that far out of reach.”
I swallow the growing emotion in my throat, and I nod.
Grabbing the test, I tear it open and move over to the toilet.
I’m not ashamed to pee in front of him; he’s held my hair while I’ve emptied my stomach.
The man has put baby powder on the chafing between my thighs.
What’s a little pee when I’ve had to pop pimples for the man in places that they should not grow?
There’s no modesty between the two of us.
I cap the test, putting it on the counter before finishing up and washing my hands.
“Now we wait,” he says, pulling me back into his arms.
I rest my head on his chest, not looking away from the blinking screen. “How many do you want?”
Jax rumbles under my back. “As many as you’ll give me, and as many as you want. Your body. You’re the one pushing them out.”
“That’s such a cop-out,” I tease.
He kisses the side of my head. “Yup, and I’m not changing my answer.”
I snort, reaching over and grabbing the test so we can both watch it closer. It only takes a few moments, yet it feels longer.
He takes the test from my hand, tossing it toward the sink just as the two words appear.
“Hey—” Jax flips me to face him. His mouth crashes down onto mine; my grief flickers away as I kiss him deeper. Everything melts away when he kisses me like that. Like the world stops, and it’s just the two of us.
My arms wrap around his neck and my legs wind around his waist as he picks me up in a quick scoop. He carries me out of the bathroom to our bed, his lips caressing mine the whole time.
My back hits the mattress, and Jax pulls away, kissing down my neck.
We both groan when his tongue runs along the bond mark.
My pussy throbs, and I gasp when he yanks my tank top and bra down, sealing his lips over my hard nipple.
His thigh presses against my center, and I arch my hips, rubbing along his jeans.
There’s an urgency I haven’t felt in a while, needing him everywhere and all at once.
He growls into my skin, and one hand slips down my stomach then into my pants to cup my pussy. I know he must feel my desire through the bond.
“Regardless of what that says, I’ll have to keep filling this beautiful cunt.”
I shiver and nod. It’s as if we’ve been making up for lost time; we’ve been unable to stay off each other.
It’s the exact opposite from the first time we started dating.
When we were teens, sex scared me. The possibility of pregnancy was like a death sentence in my mind, so we avoided sex.
He waited nearly two years before we finally lost our virginities to each other.
Now here we are, and sex was the first thing to bridge us back together.
I arch up into his hold, my hands sliding over his muscled shoulders. “Yes, Jax. I want it.”
His panting breath fans over me. “You want my cock? My knot? My cum?”
I nod. “All of it.”
Jax shudders once before he hurries through pulling the rest of my clothes off. When he moves to kiss me again, I push at his chest and click my tongue at him. “Naked. I want to feel all of you.”
“God, I love you,” he groans while tugging off his shirt and pants.
Warmth spikes in my chest, and I’m still not used to it. It’s one thing to hear how someone feels about you, and it’s another to experience it. I bite on my bottom lip, sending a flicker of affection through the bond. Jax moans, his leaking cock springing out from his tight boxer briefs.
“Don’t do that again unless you want me to come immediately.”
I chuckle and pull his face down to kiss him deeply as his hips line up between my legs.
He has a kind of praise kink, but instead of being told how good he is, I just tell him how I feel about him, and he’s like putty in my hands.
Don’t know what to call it, but it’s hilarious to whisper how much I love him in his ear to set him off like a rocket.
His thick ruddy tip presses at my entrance before surging forward and stretching the walls of my pussy.
The ache of it never gets old, the feel of him filling me a constant reminder of how well we fit together.
My fingers tangle in his hair as my legs wrap around his waist. His warm, hard chest presses into mine, squishing my breasts against him.
There’s no telling where I begin and he ends.
We're so entwined, and it’s how I prefer it as he rocks his cock inside me, his swollen knot teasing to be allowed in.
His hands slide up, forcing my arms above me, and he tangles our fingers together. I look up at Jax, his deep blue eyes drilling into mine as he rocks over and over.
Our shaky, panting breaths sync as if we’re one, and he leans down, brushing our noses side by side.
“I love you.”
My heart soars, and my hand squeezes his. “I love you.”
He kisses me, picking up speed until I feel his knot start to swell.
He doesn’t stop, doesn’t push into me, just continues fucking me and kissing me until I’m right there with him.
I pant against his lips; my pussy clamping down on his cock as he groans.
I gasp as he comes, the warmth of him spilling inside me setting me off as bliss rolls through me.