Chapter Nineteen
WINTER CAME WITH morning chills and mild, sunny afternoons, and though the days seemed to drag on, the weeks passed quickly.
Killian watched as everything settled, as everything slowed.
Kade found a rhythm in his new role, his new friends helping him catch up and soon the chaos that had been those autumn weeks subsided.
It was concerning how close Kade was getting to Porthos.
It made his skin crawl and his stomach clench whenever he saw them together, which was more often than not these days, along with another dark haired elf with distant noble blood.
Killian and Kade were both busy with their duties, both servants of a master they couldn’t refuse, but they always found time to meet.
Carved out spaces in their schedules to visit each other in the Keep or in the infirmary, and of course in Killian’s quarters.
After that first night he’d found Kade curled in his bed, the younger elf always seemed to find reasons to break in.
It’s too cold in my room, Kade would say. Or, it’s too loud. I can’t focus on my studies.
Bullshit reasons, but Killian never called Kade on it.
Killian liked coming home to find Kade curled in front of the fire, a large text propped on his lap or doing extra studies at the desk or waiting by the fire with two portions of dinner, and on bad days, he would find Kade fast asleep buried under the blankets in his bed.
On rare nights—special occasions only—Killian would treat Kade with a short excursion into Fyar’s garden.
They could never risk staying too long, as the king often ventured there in the middle of the night himself when he couldn’t sleep.
Some visits they would wander, Kade prattling on and on and on about all the different plants he recognized, and even about the ones he didn’t, wondering aloud at their properties and uses.
Killian, ever supportive as he was, listened.
The words meant nothing to him, but he was satisfied to fall into a lull at the rise and fall of Kade’s voice.
They would always end up in the pavilion overlooking the lake, tucked into the corner on adjoining benches, watching the fish swim in circles under the moon. Talking. About nothing and everything all at once.
Healing.
Over the past few months, Killian had found himself feeling more at ease than he had in the last century at the palace.
There was a lightness in his chest when he woke up and a warmth in his heart when he went to bed.
He was sure it was because, at any moment, Kade was somewhere under the same roof.
That knowledge alone settled something in him.
He only needed to remember to keep himself in check.
Things had been loose lately, too easy and too nice. Killian had allowed himself to get a bit too comfortable. Blurring the lines between fantasy and reality.
Killian easily lost himself in that Kade was there, so close that he could touch him.
He had a hard time keeping his hands to himself.
A lingering touch here or there, an arm over Kade’s shoulder, a hug.
He was beginning to forget all the reasons he was trying to stay away in the first place, lost in a closeness that almost hurt.
And that was dangerous.
Killian just got this back, he couldn’t lose it already. Not because he was reckless and stupid and happy.
Kade sat on the water’s edge, his fingers leaving ripples over the moon’s reflection. He traced meaningless patterns in the water’s surface. “It’s beautiful here. Peaceful and quiet. It’s a shame more can’t experience it.”
“It’s only so peaceful and quiet because more elves can’t experience it.”
“True,” Kade chuckled. “The palace has been quiet these days. Everyone’s left.”
Just before the new year, life in the elven kingdom of Netyere stopped. Shops and restaurants closed and elves left the cities in droves, traveling the distance to their familial homes to celebrate the coming new year with those they loved.
The palace was all but empty. It’s ivory halls silent.
It was always Killian’s favorite time of year. “All that’s left is you and me and Hokda. Whoopee. Familyless workaholics, the lot of us.”
“Hey! We’re family!”
“Are we?” Killian quipped. He was mostly joking. Mostly.
Kade’s smile melted and something unreadable gleamed in his eyes. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
Why did he say that? “Nothing. It was nothing.”
Throwing an arm over the rail in a forced casualty, Killian turned away from Kade and looked out over the water. He needed to learn to keep his fucking mouth shut.
Kade’s amber eyes bore holes in the side of Killian’s face. “Killi.”
“Kade.”
Letting out a long breath, Kade’s next words came out slow, each one picked carefully. “You’re right. In a way. You’re not my family.” Killian flinched. “You’re more. I don’t have the words to describe what you are to me.”
“It’s alright, Kade. You don’t have to explain anything to me. It was a joke—a bad one apparently.”
“I don’t think it was,” said Kade. He swallowed.
“When you were taken, it nearly killed me. I felt like my entire world was crumbling around me. It was like I’d lost everything.
I stayed in Turell and I took care of Pella and I worked the fields and I paid my father’s debts because I had to.
There was nothing else for me. Then, word came that you were pardoned, and all I wanted was to go find you.
To knock on every door in Ingara, if that’s what it took.
But I couldn’t because I was stuck there.
It was all I thought about. You were all I thought about. ”
Kade said, ”You’re my entire world.”
Kade said, “But you’re not ready, and that’s okay. I can wait. I can wait for you.”
Killian turned slowly to look at Kade. He didn’t understand.
Kade smiled and nodded like he knew what Killian was thinking. He went back to tracing patterns in the water.
Killian closed his eyes. He didn’t deserve this, after all he’d done to fuck up Kade’s life. He didn’t deserve this, but selfishly, he would cling to it.
Refusing to let it go, ever.
Killian and Kade didn’t watch the first sunrise of the new year together.
Perhaps it was petty on Killian’s side, but he forewent that familial tradition.
This one night, he could let himself pretend.
Instead, he spent the night and early morning sipping spirits and lounging out on Fyar’s private balcony overlooking the labyrinth and distant forest; Fyar and Hokda at his side.
Loran hissed. “That hurts! Be careful!”
“Stop complaining,” snapped Killian, dragging Loran through the second courtyard. The lieutenant wasn’t even trying to make this easier on either of them. “It’s not even that bad.”
“Not that bad? You stabbed me.”
“Don’t be so dramatic. I didn’t stab you.”
Loran looked outraged. “What do you call this then?” The white bandage that had been tied around his upper thigh was soaked with crimson blood.
“Your own fault. You should have dodged. If I’d been actually trying to stab you, you’d be in a lot worse shape. Believe me.”
The two younger guards that had been accompanying Loran on a midday patrol were following closely behind their leaders, their heads hanging in shame and defeat.
Good. They needed to do some reflecting. Their performance had been less than acceptable.
There were a few apprentices mulling around the infirmary. Kade and his posse were front and center.
Hokda took one look at the beat up and bloody group and curled his lip. He tilted his head up towards the ceiling. “What have I done to deserve this? Can’t I just get one minute of peace?”
“Where do you want him?” Killian asked, ready to drop Loran onto the floor at that point.
“What happened?”
“He sat on my knife.”
“That is not what happened,” Loran protested. “I was attacked!”
Hokda’s eyes narrowed. “Is this a weird sex thing? Because I really don’t want to know what you two get up to in the bedroom.”
Killian waggled his eyebrows.
Hokda looked disgusted. Over the healer’s shoulder, Kade wore a matching expression.
“Galet. Porthos. Handle it quickly.”
The two apprentices showed the injured to private rooms just down the hall. Killian stepped back after leaving Loran in a Galet’s hands.
There was a light tug on Killian’s sleeve. Kade blinked up at him. “Are you hurt?”
“Not a scratch on me.”
“That’s not true,” Loran called loudly from his bed. “I know I landed a hit.”
“You did not.” He had. Just a small cut to Killian’s upper arm. No big deal. It wasn’t even worth healing.
“Come,” said Kade, tugging on Killian’s sleeve again. “Let me take a look.”
Kade led Killian to an empty room and closed the door.
Familiar with the protocol, Killian stripped out of his uniform and sat down on the bed. He looked expectantly up at Kade.
“What really happened?” Kade questioned as he began to inspect Killian’s minor injuries. “Or was it you who sat on your lieutenant’s knife?”
Killian winced when Kade pressed on his bruised ribs a little too hard. “Just some routine patrol checks. I need to know my guards are alert.”
“You attacked your own men?”
“Of course. Who better to test them than me?”
Kade nodded approvingly. Then, after cleaning the area, he placed his hand over the leaky wound on Killian’s arm and he felt Kade’s en spread a pleasant heat over his skin. There was no sting this time, nor lingering soreness when Kade pulled away to work over his ribs next.
Killian’s muscles jumped under Kade’s soft touch. “You’ve gotten better at this.”
“Haven’t I?” Kade preened. “Hokda’s finally teaching us the good stuff. Just in time too. Who knows how many more unsuspecting victims you’ll bring us.”
“At least one a day.”
“Oh yeah?” Kade frowned. “Does that mean I’ll be healing you once a day as well?”
“It comes with the territory.”
Kade’s frown deepened. He dragged a wet cloth across Killian’s skin, it came away red. “If you’re hurt, come see me, okay? No one else. Promise me.”
“Why?”
Kade just looked at him.
“I promise.”
Satisfied, Kade leaned back to inspect his work. He ran his fingers over where cut had once been. “No scars this time.” Killian shivered. “Be careful, Killi. I don’t like seeing you hurt.”
Killian could only nod.