Chapter 37
“Good morning, Mrs. Malus,” Alan, the cook, says. He’s looking past me and almost appears high, but I know better. Xavier held him spellbound one too many times and the guy’s brain is trying to process what limited info it has access to.
And he’s definitely been told not to look at me.
“What can I make you for breakfast this morning?”
“Something high protein but vegetarian, if it’s not too much work.”
“It’s my job to make you food,” he says, sounding robotic, and then quickly turns to start cooking.
I get a bottle of sparkling water from the fridge and sit at the island counter.
I brought the files from the M.E. to look over and wait a beat before opening them up, though I don’t think it matters if Alan sees anything.
I would bet money he’s been held spellbound to forget anything of interest he sees while at work.
“Morning.” Devon comes into the kitchen and goes right for a cup of coffee. “You’re up early, considering.”
“Considering I was out almost all night? I know.” I flip open a notebook, prepared to take notes. “I couldn’t sleep. I’ll run and workout later, then maybe nap. Why are you up?”
“I had an early appointment. Sometimes I run errands for Xavier and Theo during the day.”
“Ahh, makes sense.”
“What the hell are those?” he asks, coming over to the counter.
“Official records from the coroner’s office about some of the most recent victims.”
He takes a seat next to me and looks at the file I have open, grimacing at the crime scene photo. “This guy was only twenty-five?”
“Yeah.” I scan the report and jot down his birthday so I can compare it to the others.
Sometimes, demons can go after very specific things, but I’m doubtful I’ll find any connections other than these bodies were easy targets to possess.
“I’m guessing years of heavy drug use didn’t help, but all those wrinkles and gray hairs were definitely due to the you-know-what. ”
“The virus,” he says in a way that lets me know he’s talking in code but knows what I’m actually referring to. “It does that to a person?”
“Not all the time. The longer they’re infected, the more outside damage it does. This is more typical,” I tell him and go through another file. “Liquefied from the inside out.”
“Gross.”
“Yeah. You can usually smell these guys before you see them.” I wrinkle my nose. “Makes you realize just how stinky a zombie apocalypse would really be.”
Devon takes a slow sip of coffee. “What are you doing?” He eyes the notebook.
“Looking for any sort of similarities or connections that could help clue me in on why a group of, uh, viruses would go after people like this.”
“Are you finding any?”
I shake my head. “No. There is nothing other than just convenience. But I can’t shake the feeling I’m missing something obvious.”
“Let me take a look.” Devon slides the files over, and we line them up in chronological death order. “So the first five were all found close by each other.”
“My next step was to mark up a map,” I tell him. “I’m not as familiar with this area.”
“Good thing I am.” He playfully elbows me and smiles and then pulls out his phone, looking from the files to the map several times. “This is a little interesting, maybe?”
“What is it?”
“Blackwood Avenue is typically the, uh, most populated spot for the homeless. But it’s almost like the people wandered away from it.
Look at this.” He spends a minute or so dropping pins on the map where each body was found.
They were near Blackwood Avenue, as if they were solicited from the campsite. But to do what?
“So what would you do next?” he asks. “As a hunter.”
“I would go to the area, talk to people, and see what I could find out.” I raise an eyebrow. “You sound interested.”
“This is interesting.”
“If we’re dealing with demons, there is a chance you’ll get covered in blood,” I say right as Alan comes back into the kitchen. He doesn’t even react to my words, letting me know he definitely has been held spellbound a bunch of times.
Once my food is ready, Devon and I move to the garden so we can keep talking about demons. Nina came into the kitchen a few times, and while she’s also been held spellbound, it’s not to the same degree as Alan.
“Do you like hunting demons?” Devon asks me.
“I do. Maybe you can argue it’s because it’s all I know, but I get a sense of purpose and satisfaction from making the world a better place.
” And it’s fun to be able to kill…but I only have admitted that to Xavier.
Because he’s a pro at we listen and we don’t judge when it comes to maiming and murder.
“Could you teach me how to hunt demons?”
“Of course,” I say right away. “I can. But should I…that’s the question.”
“Why not?”
I take another bite of my omelette and look out at the garden. This is the kind of yard most people only dream of. Professionally landscaped and kept. It’s full of beautiful and expensive plants. You could host some crazy parties out here. It’s the kind of life Devon is used to.
Soft.
Easy.
Provided for.
And yet he has the same yearning for something more that I recognize, and my heart aches for him.
“Demon hunting isn’t easy.”
“I figured it wouldn’t be a walk in the park. You’re risking yourself and have to be in pretty good shape to fight monsters.”
“Yeah, but it’s more than that. It can be lonely. Seeing death and destruction can wear on you if you’re not used to it. And getting used to it probably isn’t the best.” I trade my fork for my glass of cranberry juice. “You deserve a good life. A happy life.”
His hand lands on my thigh. “So do you, Wren.”
“I know.” I pull my lips over my teeth and lean back in the white cast iron chair.
“Hunting demons makes me happy. It’s part of who I am.
” I bend my legs up, making his hand fall off my leg.
There’s still a part of me that’s drawn to him.
Attracted to the humanity inside of him.
But I’m starting to have feelings for Xavier, too.
I’m married to one, expected to reproduce with the other. Good thing it’s not complicated or anything.
Devon just nods and I know we’re both trying to ignore the little bit of awkwardness that’s hanging in the air.
“Do you think vampires have souls?” Devon asks after a moment. “I…I don’t want to lose my soul.”
“I don’t know,” I answer honestly. “It’s something that’s been discussed and debated in the Order. They also don’t think witches or werewolves do, but I feel pretty confident I’m just as human and soul-filled as anyone else.”
“You are human.” He shakes his head. “They really demonize anyone who doesn’t fit their narrative—literally.”
“Most of the population has, historically. And like all of the witches in Salem accused of witchcraft weren’t even real witches.”
“I don’t want to die,” Devon says and his whole body seems to relax after that confession. “Not yet. I want to grow old with someone.” His eyes land on me and my heart starts to beat a little faster.
“That’s how I envisioned my life, too. Maybe retired a bit from the demon hunting. Ya know, only on weekends or when the kids are busy at school.”
Devon chuckles. “You can have that life, you know.”
“Not here,” I blurt, without thinking. But it’s true. Though sometimes what you think you want doesn’t turn out to be what you actually want, and it takes a hard dose of reality to teach you that lesson. Still…it’s what I always imagined.
“You could find a coven,” Devon goes on and I turn, locking eyes with him. “A real coven who can teach you everything you should have been taught.”
“I can’t even imagine that.”
“You don’t have to imagine, Wren. You could do it.”
“Yeah…maybe. I mean, you’re right. I could.” I inhale, close my eyes, and let out my breath. “You don’t want to be a vampire?”
“No. I’ve thought about it a lot.” He nods his head up and down. “I don’t. I want to see the world. Eat food. Feel the sun on my skin. Look at Mabel. She had to watch her own children age and die. That’s not right.”
“It’s not, and no one should take your life too soon,” I say, able to sense his desperation.
It’s familiar—too familiar, and it’s making me emotional.
My whole life, I've been told my purpose was to rid the world of demons and monsters…to make the world a better place. I’ve been the Order’s perfect soldier, a tried-and-true killing machine.
But despite the bullshit I really do feel like I’m doing what I was born to do. Kill monsters. Save people.
Can I make Devon’s world a better place in a different way? I want to, but I don’t know how.
“I won’t let them turn you,” I promise. “I can talk to Xavier when the time comes. We can figure something out. Honestly, as long as he gets what he wants, I think he’ll be reasonable.
” The thing he wants is another biological relative to maybe then turn into a vampire if deemed worthy.
What’s waiting another quarter century to a seven-hundred year old vampire?
He puts his hand on mine. “Thank you, Wren. It won’t be easy.”
“Nothing worthwhile is ever easy.” I flip my hand over and lace our fingers together. “But we’ll figure it out.”
“I think I already have.”
“Really?”
His head bobs up and down. “I bought two plane tickets to Europe. We can run away.”
“Are you serious?”
“As a heart attack.” He raises his eyebrows. “Which might not be the best thing to say when I’m talking about wanting to live. But yes, Wren. We could run away together.”
My mouth opens but no words come out. For years, I was dying to hear those words from Ryder. Run away together. As long as we had each other we’d have enough. But those words never came and he never had any intention of doing anything to be with me.
“I…I don’t know,” I stutter.
“What’s holding you back?”
I can’t say it. I can’t tell Devon that the monster I’m married to isn’t a monster at all.
Or, more accurately, maybe I’m finally letting myself see that there’s darkness inside of me too and instead of wanting to snuff it out, I want to embrace it.
For my whole life I’ve been told the magic that flows through my veins is bad in some way.
It makes me different, and that’s to be feared.
I’ve had to be kept in line because I would easily snap like a rabid dog.
Xavier isn’t scared of me. He sees the dark corners of my heart and embraces them.
“It’s him, isn’t it?” Devon’s face crumples and he shakes his head. “You don’t want to leave him?” He doesn’t have to say Xavier’s name for me to know that’s who he’s talking about. All I can do is shake my head.
“It’s not that easy,” I say, desperate to say something, even if it’s a lie, just to ease the tension. “I have to find out if my parents are alive. I dreamed about them last night, and I think they are.”
Devon looks at me for a minute and then goes with it. I don’t know if he buys this or just wants to make things better like I do. “Then find them.”
I pick up my fork and start cutting my toast into little pieces. “I plan to. If they’re out east, I’ll find them.”
“What do you need?”
“More maps so I can narrow in the spell.”
“Can we just print one?”
“Yeah. It doesn’t have to be a store-bought map.”
“Finish eating,” he starts, “and I’ll be back in a few.”
“Thanks,” I say, watching him get up. There’s still an awkwardness hanging in the air, feeling almost like I pushed him back into the friendzone after he asked me out on a date. Could I just run away? I thought about it when I got here.
Yes, I can. But even then, I knew how impossible it would be to carry out.
I’d be looking over my shoulder the rest of my life.
Between the Malus family and the Order, someone would be searching for me.
I would be on the run, not able to settle down and live out my post-hunter life fantasy.
But on the other hand, what kind of life will I have with Xavier?
Yeah, he’s my husband now, but what’s going to happen in twenty years when I’m aging and slowing down and he’s not?
Will he keep me around for appearances in some sort of political move? Will I get banished to a nursing home while the new, younger Mrs. Malus takes my place? Is it even worth it to worry like this? Two years from now is a stretch to consider, let alone being elderly.
“I printed several maps,” Devon says, returning several minutes later.
“And I think this is what you had last time. I got the book from your room too, hope you don’t mind.
” He sets down my bag of spell supplies on the table.
I take a final bite, finish my juice, and move onto the ground.
I start with a map of the Upper East Coast. It takes me a few minutes to clear my mind to concentrate.
I burn the herbs and prick my finger, just like before. Though this time, I see the faces of my parents that I saw in my dream. It’s them. I just know it.
“Sanguis sanguinis mei, ad te clamo. Te ipsum revela et mihi videam,” I whisper. “Sanguis sanguinis mei, ad te clamo. Te ipsum revela et mihi videam.” Just like last time, a circle forms.
“Connecticut,” Devon replies and shuffles through the papers. He has a map of each state as well. I repeat the spell and my heart practically jumps out of my chest because I’m staring at the city where my parents live.
“Hamden,” I breathe. “My parents are alive and live in Hamden, Connecticut.”