Chapter 23
‘This can’t be happening,’ I said as I tried to make sense of all the numbers.
Mum’s viewing figures were astronomical and the amount of followers she’d attracted impressive.
While Ramp Lady might have driven viewers Mum’s way, surely it wasn’t enough to make them stay?
Then again, I wasn’t sure why Mum’s TikToks in their own right would appeal to the masses.
It wasn’t as if she’d said anything controversial or political to warrant such leaps and neither had she followed a trend or come up with some never-before-seen life hack.
I sighed. Social media was an animal I’d never truly understand.
Settling myself down, I pressed play on Mum’s latest instalment.
‘Bonjour à tous. Comment allez-vous?’ she said. ‘Blooming heck it’s windy out here.’
Maeve sat on the promenade deck of a ferry.
Not that I imagined she and Jackson had done much boat walking; they’d have been blown overboard if they tried.
With one hand on her head to keep her beret in place, she brought her phone screen closer to her face.
‘Look at that flag flapping about behind me. It’s hanging on for dear life.
’ She got back to the matter at hand. ‘Today is still the 22nd December.’
From what I’d seen and heard already, there was good news and bad.
On the one hand, she and Jackson were still alive, and Theo and I were on the right track with regard to their destination.
On the other, they were a day ahead. There was also the fact that Mum stood in front of a British flag which told me she and Jackson had sailed with a different ferry company, which in turn meant they’d taken a different route.
‘I’d like to start with some housekeeping, if I may?’ Maeve said.
I rolled my eyes. Mum, this is a TikTok not a work meeting.
‘Don’t get me wrong, it’s wonderful to have so many of you on this journey with us. And I’m grateful for the kind words and the encouragement you’ve given. We both are, aren’t we, Jackson? But some people, and I’m not naming names, haven’t been very nice.’
I recalled the less than kind comments aimed at me. You tell them, Mum.
‘Yes, Erin sometimes thinks she knows better…’
Excuse me? I frowned, wondering where Mum was going with this.
‘But don’t we all? I mean I have strong views on how she lives her life.
If it were up to me, she’d be finding herself a nice young man and settling down.
’ Maeve chuckled. ‘He’d have to have plenty of patience, mind.
And a good sense of humour. And preferably kids.
It’s not like Erin can give me grandchildren.
At her time of life, she’d be lucky to still have eggs. ’
My jaw dropped.
‘But it’s all right for me to say these things…’
Not to the whole blooming world, it’s not!
‘…because Erin’s my daughter. And I know firsthand what you don’t. That she has her good points too.’
Such as? I willed Mum to continue. It was only right she counterbalanced her observations with something positive like my great work ethic or, despite it being a stretch of late, how my smile lit up a whole room.
‘Anyway, I’m not going to say any more on the subject.’
My shoulders slumped. Of course, you’re not.
‘But I hope I’ve made my position clear, and we’ll have no more of it.’ Maeve smiled. ‘Back to why we’re here.’ She looked beyond the camera. ‘We’re having such fun, aren’t we, Jackson?’
Glad someone was, I glanced at my surroundings.
The panic the two of them had caused clearly hadn’t entered their heads. ‘We did plan on doing a joint video today, but the poor lad’s feeling a bit queasy. That’s why we’re out here, bless him. So he can get some fresh air.’
As a child, I suffered terribly from travel sickness.
A nausea like no other, once it took hold there was zero relief no matter how many times I threw up.
It seemed to grip my whole body and swirl through every cell in my being.
I shuddered at the thought and despite not being happy with Jackson, I couldn’t help but feel for him.
‘I still can’t believe I drove from North Yorkshire to Dover,’ Mum said.
You’re not the only one. Realising that was our first clue, I made a mental note. If they’d sailed from Dover, their starting point once they landed in France had to be Calais or Dunkirk.
‘And what a journey it was. I haven’t been behind a wheel since the1970s.’ Mum sighed. ‘It’s funny what you can do when you put your mind to it.’
Hilarious, Mum.
‘We only had one scary moment.’
From tailgating lorries to mistakenly finding themselves amongst the chaos that was Spaghetti Junction, Mum’s lack of driving experience was fraught with danger and as my body tensed in anticipation, I wasn’t sure I wanted to know.
‘I took the wrong slip road for the motorway.’ Maeve rolled her eyes. ‘Instead of getting on, it was where traffic came off.’
I felt the colour drain from my face. No wonder Jackson felt unwell.
It wasn’t seasickness he was suffering from; the poor lad was probably in shock.
I couldn’t believe Theo and I were stuck on a boat when Mum was putting herself and Jackson, not to mention the general public, at risk.
I felt helpless and no doubt Theo would too once he heard what had happened.
Oh, no. It suddenly dawned why Mum’s TikTok account had garnered such interest. First Ramp Lady and now this; people were waiting for her to have a car crash. You bastards.
‘If you’re seeing this, Erin, please don’t worry.’
Don’t worry! You could have caused a head-on collision. Viewers are crossing their fingers you do!
‘I soon realised my mistake. How could I not with all the beeping and flashing headlights coming at me?’ Maeve laughed.
‘Anyway, I pulled onto the hard shoulder and waited until a nice policeman came along. Talk about efficient. He put his cones out and stopped the traffic, enabling us to turn around and go back the way we’d come. ’
My heart raced at the thought of the rest of her journey.
‘After that, we drove around roundabouts twice. You know, to make sure we didn’t make the same mistake again.’
I shook my head as I pictured Dad’s old Volvo going round in circles while the two of them figured out which exit to take. Again, I thought it no wonder Jackson felt sick. I was beginning to feel nauseous myself.
‘I was a bit nervous getting onto the ferry but as you can see, I managed it.’
Goodness knows how. You could’ve bounced straight off that ramp.
Mum diverted her attention. ‘Are you sure you’re all right, Jackson? You’ve gone a funny colour.’
I understood why. The poor lad was, no doubt, scared for his life.
‘We’re almost there. We’ll soon be back on terra firma.’ Mum smiled as she got back to her audience. ‘He doesn’t have sea legs like me.’
Yep. That’ll be the problem, Mum.
‘Tonight, Jackson and I are staying in what looks a lovely little hotel. Then we’re back on the road tomorrow. We have a lot of miles to cover to get to where we’re going.’
Which is? Another clue that proved their trip was planned, I willed Mum to name the place.
‘France is such a big country.’
The reason why you need to tell me where you’re going, Mother.
‘And I can’t wait to see Gisèle. She and I used to write to each other but lost touch. That’s why I was pleased when I got my new phone and was able to sign up to not just TickyTok, but the likes of Facebook.’ Mum smiled. ‘It’s through social media Gisèle and I were able to reconnect.’
I stared at Mum in disbelief. While I’d guessed their trip wasn’t spur of the moment, I hadn’t realised it had been organised to that extent.
‘I can’t believe we’re about to meet for the first time. I’ll get to see her family. See her beautiful village with its abbey and cobbled square.’
Recognising that was another clue, I rummaged in my bag for a pen and scrap of paper to scribble everything down.
‘I’ve never travelled abroad before. Derek didn’t see the point.
Not when there were so many beautiful places to visit at home.
Don’t get me wrong. The British Isles have a lot to offer.
But it would have been nice to venture further afield.
’ Mum came over all wistful. ‘To throw a coin into Rome’s Trevi fountain; to follow in the footsteps of Christos Kakkalos hiking the trails of Mount Olympus; to gaze at Claude Monet’s Water Lillies at the Musée de l’Orangerie instead of seeing it in a book…
’ She pulled herself back into the present.
‘There’s so much to see and do and I’d like to think this trip’s just the start.
’ Mum giggled. ‘Travelling might not have been Derek’s thing, but I think he would be happy for me. ’
After the slip road incident, Dad would be mortified.
‘He was always on at me to get back behind the wheel and after today, I wish I hadn’t been so obstinate and listened to him. Obviously from hereon in I’ll be driving on the other side of the road.’ Maeve smiled. ‘Another challenge to overcome.’
Jesus blooming Christ.
‘But as long as I keep saying “Kerb to the right. Kerb to the right,” we should be fine.’ She snickered. ‘Hark at me, about to drive in France.’
I tried to calm myself and doubting the gendarmerie would be as forgiving as the UK police, added arrest to the list of potential disasters.
Her audience would be pleased though and no doubt looked forward to seeing Mum broadcast from the inside of a French gaol cell.
I sighed, already able to see the newspaper headlines.
British pensioner causes chaos on French road network.
‘I’m really pleased with how things are going.’
Watching Mum, I felt torn. I could see from her expression she was having the time of her life.
Animated and joyous, she was a different woman to the one I’d found half frozen on Dad’s bench, and I knew going after her was the right thing to do, if only to save her from herself.
But while a part of me felt bad for spoiling her fun, another part wanted to see her succeed as an up yours to the keyboard ambulance chasers following her progress.
‘Don’t forget to leave a comment,’ Maeve said. ‘Nice ones, mind. I don’t want to be having another word.’ She breathed a satisfied sigh and waved to her audience. ‘Au revoir, tout le monde. à bient?t!’
I paused the video replay and taking a second to compose myself, dove into Mum’s comment section.