Chapter 26
CHRISTMAS EVE
Theo had hardly said two words to me since getting up and as we sat in the ferry cafeteria eating breakfast, it didn’t look like that was about to change. We still hadn’t resolved the previous evening’s discussion, and he obviously thought he was in line for some sort of apology.
‘It isn’t attractive,’ I said.
Theo looked up from his plate. ‘What isn’t?’
‘A grown man sulking.’
‘Who says I’m sulking?’
My expression hardened.
‘I’m sorry if it comes across that way, because I’m not. I’m just worried.’
I thought back to the beginning of our sorry chain of events, unable to recall any understanding shown for my concerns. ‘Cry me a river. When this all started, you thought it was funny, remember?’
Theo sighed and put down his knife and fork. ‘You’re right.’ He put his elbows on the table and clasping his hands, looked at me direct. ‘I was wrong and I’m sorry. The last thing I should be doing is making you uncomfortable.’
If I’d heard a man apologise once, I’d heard them a hundred times. ‘Does that mean the pity party’s over, and we concentrate on what we’re here to do?’
Theo let out a laugh. ‘Say it like it is, why don’t you?’
Aside of his sulking, Theo clearly wasn’t a morning person. Opening his mouth, he yawned so wide, if he hadn’t put a hand up I’d have seen his tonsils.
‘Are you going to be all right driving today?’ I asked.
‘I’ll be fine.’ He hid yet another yawn. ‘I just didn’t sleep very well.’
‘Really?’ Our bunk beds might not have looked especially comfortable, but images could be deceiving.
After a solid eight-hours without even as much as a hot sweat to disturb me, I’d awoken refreshed and ready for another day on the road.
‘I’m surprised you weren’t dead to the world the second you hit the pillow.
’ I cut into a pork sausage. ‘I know I was.’
‘Someone was snoring,’ Theo said.
‘You’re obviously a light sleeper because I never heard a thing.’
Raising an eyebrow, he stared at me.
Fork to my lips, I paused. ‘I hope you’re not suggesting…’
Theo stared at me some more.
‘Rubbish. It must have been the person next door. I don’t know if you noticed but those cabin walls are pretty thin.’
Theo got back to his food. ‘If you say so.’
I most certainly did. ‘So what’s the plan?’ I asked.
‘First we need to head to the supermarket.’
‘Why?’ As far as I was concerned, we didn’t have time for shopping trips.
‘Because it’s Christmas Eve and everywhere might close until Boxing Day.’
I supposed he had a point. ‘Any idea on where we might sleep tonight?’ I pictured us in his Smart car. Eyes closed yet bolt upright.
‘Well, we know Maeve and Jackson are headed south.’
‘But not where in the south.’
‘Which is why I think we should drive to Clermont-Ferrand.’ He pulled out his phone and brought up a map of France.
‘It’s more or less in the middle of the country, see.
Meaning we can swing left, right, or carry straight on once we know more.
I’ve emailed a couple of hotels there too.
’ He checked his watch. ‘We just have to keep everything crossed they’re open for Christmas.
’ Putting his mobile back in his pocket, Theo came over all pensive. ‘Can I ask you something?’
‘That sounds ominous. Is it about last night?’
‘Yes and no.’
‘Okay.’
‘I was wondering what makes you think Maeve should be in an old folks’ home?’
I picked up my coffee. ‘It’s hard to explain. Lots of little things really.’
‘Grief brain.’
‘Excuse me?’
‘Difficulty concentrating, forgetfulness, impaired decision-making. These things can happen when we experience grief.’
There I was, thinking Theo was a chef not a doctor. ‘That sounds like perimenopause to me.’
‘We don’t just have an emotional response to loss. There are cognitive and physical symptoms too.’
‘All I know is, Mum’s not the same since Dad died.’
Theo laughed. ‘Of course she isn’t. And she won’t ever be again.’
‘I also know she’s using this trip to prove she’s more capable than I give her credit for.’ I sighed, thinking about all the internet trolls going after her. ‘The worst thing about it is I understand why. I can’t deny I’ve been a bit hard on her lately.’
Theo gave me a half smile. ‘Ignore what I said last night. That was me just sounding off. I was wrong.’
‘I won’t argue with you there.’
‘But I still don’t get why you’d put her in a home.’
My hackles rose. ‘Firstly, I wouldn’t put Mum anywhere. It would be her choice. And secondly, you’ve known Mum how long?’
‘Long enough to know she’s not losing her sanity. That she’s still mobile and taking care of herself. Maybe if you visited more often, you’d realise that too.’
‘I visit Mum all the time.’
Theo raised his eyebrows.
‘All right, I visit once a week.’ I finished my coffee. ‘Not that you can talk. You’re never home either and you’ve got a son sat waiting for you.’
‘That’s because I have to work.’
‘Which probably explains why Jackson’s with Mum right now instead of in Settledown where he belongs.’ I rolled my eyes. ‘He probably didn’t want to spend Christmas like Kevin.’
‘Who the hell’s Kevin?’ Theo asked.
A nearby member of staff was gathering up empty plates. Upon hearing Theo’s raised tone, she stopped mid-collection and looked our way.
I blushed at the attention and us both recognising her as the woman who thought we were newlyweds and had delivered food to our cabin, Theo and I smiled pretending all was well.
Shaking her head she diverted her attention.
‘The boy in Home Alone,’ I said, lowering my voice. ‘Macaulay Culkin’s character.’
Theo looked at me, incredulous. ‘Excuse me for having a job.’
‘Had.’
‘Sorry?’
‘You got the sack, remember.’
‘Because I put my son first and told my boss I couldn’t work over Christmas.’
Surprised to hear that, my expression froze. I fidgeted in my seat and refusing to lose face, flicked my hair to the side. ‘Glad to hear it. And did you tell Jackson of your plan?’
‘I didn’t get the chance.’
‘So, we’re both to blame for this fiasco.’
Theo leaned back in his seat. ‘Yes, I guess we are.’ He sighed. ‘We’re not all as lucky as you, Erin. Some of us have to juggle and every now and then, instead of waiting for a ball to drop, we have to choose which one to let go.’
I looked at the man, incredulous. One, it wasn’t my fault he’d chosen to have a child, and two, people usually liked to tell me what I was missing out on as a single woman. Not the positives I’d gained.
As the two of us stared at each other, an awkward silence descended. A silence I refused to break.
Theo suddenly stood up. ‘Refill?’ he asked, picking up his cup.