Chapter 38
Both of us freshly showered, I couldn’t stop smiling as Theo and I loaded our bags into the Smart car. Sex was a fantastic stress reliever and for the first time in a long time, my body and mind felt content.
‘Erin, Theo,’ Sophia raced over from the manor house, with Lucas close behind. ‘For you.’ She handed me the basket she carried. ‘In case you get hungry.’
I peeked inside. A flask, baguettes, charcuterie and fruit were just some of the goodies she’d put together. ‘Thank you. This is very kind.’ Appreciating yet more of her generosity, I didn’t have the heart to explain we had food in the boot from the previous day’s shopping trip.
‘It’s nothing.’ As she waved a dismissive hand, her smile turned coy and she suddenly eyed me.
‘Is everything okay?’ I asked.
‘I don’t know. You tell me. You look…’ She appeared to be searching for the right word. ‘Different.’
‘Do I?’ I put a hand up to my hair, suddenly self-conscious about what Theo and I had just been up to. ‘I can’t think why.’ I indicated the basket. ‘I’ll just pop this in the front.’
‘If you find yourselves in the area again,’ Lucas said. ‘You must come and visit.’
‘Likewise, if you’re ever in the UK,’ Theo said.
It was hugs all round as we said our goodbyes and as Lucas put his arm around his wife’s shoulder, we climbed into the car to begin the last leg of our journey.
Back on the road, we settled into a comfortable quietness.
My body still tingled from our bedroom escapade and Theo drove with a smile on his face.
Watching him, I wondered if things would be awkward once his body’s dopamine hit wore off.
Whether he’d see our connection as just great sex.
Nothing more, nothing less. And just as important, would I?
With the roads clear and our progress good, I stared out of the window as we clocked up the miles.
Watching the world go by, I thought about work and how I’d always loved my job; helping buyers find their forever homes, getting the right price for vendors, being the lynchpin that keeps the process moving and everyone happy.
But sitting there in that Smart car, it felt like something had shifted.
As if it wasn’t just Mum’s adventure coming to an end, but mine too.
For the first time since forever, I didn’t look forward to getting back in the office. Not because of Callum and Rory. They could run and jump as far as I was concerned. The issue was going back to a life lived on repeat. Up, shower, work, bed. My very own Groundhog Day.
Wondering when my world had become so small, I silently scoffed. It was a rhetorical question. Looking back, I knew exactly when.
It was the week after my thirtieth birthday party.
Thanks to some unexpected work trip, Andy hadn’t been able to attend the jamboree itself, and to make up for his absence was taking me out for a belated celebration.
I hadn’t a clue what he’d planned. All Andy had said was that it would be a night I’d never forget.
Naturally, I’d wanted to look my best and spent hours getting ready.
Bathing, shampooing, conditioning, shaving, plucking, trying on a gazillion outfits followed by goodness knows how many accessories, Andy was worth the effort.
I was still painting my nails, when much to my surprise the flat’s intercom buzzed signalling his arrival.
‘You’re early,’ I said as I swung my flat door open. My smile faltered and taking in the heavily pregnant woman stood before me, I crossed my dressing gown over my chest.
The poor woman looked tired, as if she hadn’t slept in days.
‘Can I help you?’ I asked.
‘Erin Gordon?’
Confused as to how she knew my name, my gaze went from her to the toddler holding her hand. Unable to deny his paternity, my heart broke in an instant. The little boy was the absolute image of his dad.
From that point on I’d never truly trusted anyone. I’d focused on work and until I met Hattie and Joyce, kept myself to myself. Even opening up to them didn’t come easy.
I felt Theo’s hand on my knee, and I turned to look at him.
‘Everything okay?’ he asked.
I nodded. ‘I’m just thinking.’
We passed a sign for an upcoming aire de repos and clicking on his right indicator, Theo took its slip road and pulled into a parking space. ‘Coffee?’ he asked.
‘Yes, please,’ I replied, more than ready for a caffeine hit.
We both climbed out of the Smart car and while he grabbed Sophia’s basket, I stretched out my back and legs. We made our way to a wooden table and bench and sitting down, Theo did the honours.
‘Pompe à l’Huile?’ he asked.
‘First you’ll have to tell me what that is.’
‘It’s a bread made with olive oil and orange blossom.
’ He tore me a piece. ‘Try some.’ While I did as instructed, Theo poured coffee into the two cups Sophia had also been kind enough to provide.
‘It’s a Christmas dessert that symbolises the breaking of bread at the last supper.
It hails from Provence, if I remember rightly. ’
‘Wherever it comes from, it’s very nice,’ I replied, taking another bite.
I glanced around our surroundings and being Christmas Day, I wasn’t surprised to see we were alone.
Other than the road we’d just come off, there was nothing but fields as far as the eye could see.
The air was cold but there wasn’t a cloud in sight and angling my face to the sun, I closed my eyes, enjoying the warmth of its distant rays.
I smiled at the aroma of the hot coffee Theo placed in front of me. ‘I could get used to this,’ I said.
Theo sat down opposite.
I wrapped my hands around my cup, happy to continue basking in the sunshine. ‘I bet it’s not like this in Settledown.’
Theo chuckled, no doubt, like me imagining nothing but grey, thanks to non-stop heavy rain.
Sitting there in the quiet, I felt like a hypocrite.
There I’d been, telling Mum she needed to get out more; all the while wittering on about Maple Manor because anything was better than shutting herself away from the rest of the world.
In my arrogance, I’d completely ignored the fact that I, too, had disengaged.
That my life was just as small and monotonous.
At least Mum had been brave and stepped out of her comfort zone. She’d chosen to get behind the wheel of a car and travel to France; unlike me who’d been forced into it. Instead of complaining, I should’ve been celebrating Mum’s achievements and thanking her for sandbagging me into giving chase.
But none of that explained where her travel companion fit it.
‘Tell me about Jackson,’ I said.
Theo’s eyes lit up at the mere mention of his son. ‘He’s bright, handsome like his dad, of course.’
‘That goes without saying.’
‘Shy and a bit of a loner. Although he wasn’t always that way. Once of a day he could talk to anyone. He was a real social butterfly.’
‘Really?’ I found that hard to imagine.
Theo drank a mouthful of coffee and staring at me for a moment, took a deep breath and exhaled. ‘Sasha, his mum, she passed away,’ he said. ‘A couple of years ago.’
My stomach lurched and horrified, my heart went out to Jackson.
‘Cancer. Jackson took it hard, of course. If I’m honest we both did. But him especially.’
I pictured Jackson with his overgrown fringe and immediately felt ashamed of myself.
No wonder he hid behind it. He probably didn’t want the world to see he was hurting.
I might not have had children, but I knew firsthand the pain of losing a parent.
It didn’t matter that Dad was in his eighties when he passed.
Or that he’d lived a full life. The grief hit hard, and I was a middle-aged woman.
At his tender age, goodness knew the level of pain Jackson was experiencing. Both he and his Mum deserved better.
‘It wasn’t long after the funeral he started skipping school and his grades slipped. He’s a good kid, but he wasn’t just grieving, he was angry. Then he started getting in with the wrong crowd.’
‘Hence, the move to Settledown?’
Theo played with his hands. ‘I thought with time and distance… you know.’ He looked at me direct. ‘One thing I didn’t bank on, was him doing a runner with Maeve.’
Theo’s accompanying laugh wasn’t fooling anyone. It was hollow, masking the pain he, too, felt. Watching the mother of his child through her final journey had to have been unbearable and I could only imagine how difficult it was to have to pick up the pieces and be strong for his son.
‘Although if I’m honest, I’m glad he did. Maeve’s good for Jackson. Whether it’s because they each understand what the other has been through or because they’re both just irresponsible, I really don’t care. I haven’t seen Jackson smile like he is in those TikTok videos for a long time.’
I couldn’t deny I’d thought the same about Mum.
It seemed Theo and I had more in common than I’d realised.
Not only had we both lost someone we loved, Theo feared for his son’s well-being as much as I feared for Mum’s.
‘I’m sorry you both had to go through that.
’ I reached out and placing a reassuring hand on Theo’s, our eyes locked in quiet understanding.
‘Come on,’ Theo said. ‘We should get going.’
I sighed. Not sure I wanted to.