37
Liam
When I was a teenager, Layla leaving so abruptly sucked. I liked her more in that twenty-four-hour period than I’d ever liked another girl in my young adolescent life. And the fact that we never got to say goodbye or have any closure ate away at me for months. I still thought fondly of her for years after. But this time when she left, it shattered me. Even though we promised to talk every day. Even though we said it’s not forever. It sucked.
But I know that it was a much harder decision for her than it was for me. She would have to change and give up so much, and I would have to give up nothing. And yeah, some people might say that I come with baggage. At only twenty-five years old, she would be taking on a six-year-old child.
So, I let her go. It wrecked me. She’ll be back though. I know it. And if she doesn’t come back, if she for some reason decides she needs to stay there, then I will leave this place that I grew up in, this place that I love and Jackson loves, to be with her. I don’t have a nine-to-five keeping me anywhere. And Jackson will adjust. His grandparents won’t be happy about the extra three hours between us, but they’ll manage.
In the meantime, while she figures things out, I’ll make sure she doesn’t slip away. It’s been a week since she left, and while she’s been busy preparing to start her new job, I’ve called and texted her every single day. She’s been calling and messaging me too.
“Why don’t you just go stay with her in Sacramento for a while, if you’re so miserable without her?” Dex asks me. I’m sitting in his kitchen visiting while Jackson is back in school.
“You know I can’t, man. Jackson. School.”
“We could all help watch him…your parents, me…”
“No. I appreciate it. But he needs stability. Structure. He’s been through enough.” I sigh.
“Yeah, you’re right,” he sighs in return. “Don’t worry, bud. This will pass, and it’ll all work out. I know it.” Dex says, sounding truly optimistic.
“You always were a hopeless romantic,” I force a smile.
“Yeah,” he says a little glumly, “I am.”
I study my friend for a moment. At the best of times, Dex can be the most lively person in the room. And it’s genuine, but sometimes he keeps up that facade to hide when he’s really hurting. I’ve seen him go through two big heartbreaks in his twenty-seven years, and he took them both incredibly hard. Now he’s here supporting me while I go through a tough time.
Truthfully, I’ve never been this messed up over a girl before. I never met anyone who was all that worth it. Then Layla waltzed into my life and turned that notion upside down.
I’m going to visit her in Sacramento next weekend. After that, she’s starting her new job. I was more than a little bummed that she ended up taking it. But I didn’t tell her that, of course. It’s not that I don’t want her to succeed, but where does that leave us if she’s embarking on a new career there? Not to mention, I don’t even think she’s crazy about the job. I think she just hasn’t admitted that to herself yet. If it were her true passion and she was completely ecstatic about it, I’d want her to follow her dreams and succeed, and I would sit back and support her as she did that. But this doesn’t feel like that.
“Alright, dude. Let’s go,” I say to Dex, tired of moping around and talking about how shitty I feel. I want to do something to take my mind off it. We’ve been doing a lot of snowboarding, snowshoeing, and snowmobiling while Jackson is at school. Everything is snow-related around here in the winter.
While all of this keeps me busy physically, it hasn’t stopped my mind from wandering back to her.