Chapter 9
CHAPTER NINE
EVE
“ I don’t think we need anything else,” I laugh as I push the overflowing cart to the checkout line. Ryder insisted we go shopping this afternoon for some things he wanted to get Ryland.
Ryder turns to grin at me, and my heart does a little flip. It’s the first genuine smile I’ve gotten from him, and a sliver of hope weaves its way in. He has Ryland on his shoulders, and she’s happily sitting up there with fistfuls of his dark hair. She’s taken to him as if she’s known him forever. Like momma like daughter, I suppose.
“I want her to be comfortable in my place. She needs a place to sleep, a safe booster seat for the kitchen table and did you see how cute those swimsuits were? I mean, who could resist those pink ruffles on the bottom with a matching sun hat?”
“Obviously, not you,” I giggle, holding up the other three swimsuits he got her. “Or the one with watermelons on the front, the yellow one with daisies, and the strawberry one.”
“It came with strawberry-shaped sunglasses,” he grins. “That one was a no-brainer. Do you like strawberries, Rybug?”
“Stwaberries,” she says in her cute baby voice, causing us both to laugh.
“See? She loves it.” I shake my head at the two of them. They both are too adorable to even try to go up against. I start loading things onto the conveyor belt as Ryder lifts Ryland over his head and back into his arms so he can help me with the cart.
When I see the total, I automatically get out my wallet. It’s going to put quite a dent in the small amount I have saved, but I’m going to be looking for work soon and will be able to put some back for an apartment.
“What are you doing?” Ryder looks at the card in my hand.
“Paying for Ryland’s things.” I go to swipe my card and he takes it from me.
“I don’t think so.” He swipes his card and signs it before I can stop him. Pushing the cart with one hand, he leaves me standing there. The cashier hands me the receipt and gives me a good luck smile before I run to catch up with them.
“Ryder, wait!” Jesus, he’s got long legs and walks fast. He’s halfway across the parking lot before I finally catch up to him. “Why are you mad? I just didn’t want you to have to pay for all of the things I had to leave behind. It’s my fault we’re in this mess. My family is the messed up one in this situation, not yours.”
We reach Travis’s truck we borrowed, and he puts Ryland in her car seat before walking around to the back to load the bags.
“Will you talk to me, please?” I see his jaw clenched tight and can tell he’s pissed about something.
“I don’t need your daddy’s money paying for things my daughter needs. I’ve got plenty of my own, and I’m perfectly capable of taking care of her.” He shoves more of the bags into the bed of the truck.
“Daddy’s money?” Does he really think I would take a dime from that man? “Ryder, I don’t want a thing to do with my father’s money. Yeah, they gave us a place to live and bought things for her, but half the stuff I donated to children’s homes. I got a part-time job doing billing at a daycare so I could keep Ryland with me. I didn’t even trust my mother enough to be alone with her. I finished my business degree doing online classes, so between paying for that and refusing to get help from my parents with Ryland, I’ll barely have enough to get a place while I look for a job.”
I hear him sigh as he grips the side of the truck bed and bows his head. When he finally lifts his eyes to mine, I can see how much turmoil there is in those greys.
“I’m sorry. I just assumed you had this huge trust fund sitting there and the thought of him paying for anything of my daughter’s just got to me. I’ve missed so much because of him, and I don’t want him taking anything else from me, even if it’s as little as buying her new things. That’s my job, not his. I’m her father.” His pain sears through me, and I find myself automatically wanting to soothe him as I step close to him and put my hand on his heart. It starts beating rapidly under my palm as his gaze meets mine.
“You are her father, Ryder. Nothing will ever take that away from you again. He’s out of our lives for good. He never even held her once. Can you believe that? Her own grandfather. My mother did twice when she had friends over and pretended to be a doting grandma. Ryland doesn’t even know who they are. She never reached for them like she did you. She knows you are her dad, and she immediately felt love from you. He doesn’t have the power to take away anything else from us unless we let him.”
He looks down at my hand on his chest. I had stepped closer without even realizing it. Our bodies are pressed together like two sides of a magnet being pulled in the same direction. It’s always been this way between us and obviously still is.
His hand comes up, and he hesitates briefly before touching my hair and letting it run through his fingers. I close my eyes at his touch. It’s been so long, and something I’ve craved every single night we’ve been apart. I open my eyes and am met with the same kind of longing that I’m feeling.
“Ryder,” I whisper. I want more than anything to feel his lips on me again. I want back what we got taken from us. When he glances down at my lips, my heart races, and I grip his shirt tightly. He drops his hand and sighs.
“We should probably get back home. We have a lot to unpack and put together before dinner.” His eyes meet mine, and he’s put a wall back up, leaving me to guess what he’s feeling.
I release my hold on his gaze and reluctantly step back. “Yeah, you’re probably right.” I walk to the passenger door and get in. I’m silent most of the way back, too absorbed in my head to focus on the two of them having their own conversation—as best you can with a two-year-old, at least.
My body is still humming from that almost kiss, and I absently touch my lips as a small smile escapes. I had been waking up in night sweats more times than I could count, so afraid that he had moved on and had forgotten all about me. I went through all the scenarios in my head…married, engaged, girlfriend or single, and just flat-out hating me and wanting nothing to do with me. The relief I felt when I didn’t see a ring or any evidence of a girl at all in his place lifted a weight off my shoulders that I had been carrying around. For the first time since I left, I feel hopeful that my parents didn’t ruin everything we had.
I feel his eyes on me and glance his way. I remove my fingers from my lips and get another glimpse of what I’m feeling before he shuts it down. He focuses back on the road and I notice he has a tighter grip on the wheel. I threw a lot at him in a short amount of time, and I know it’s going to take some time before he can release the hurt and pain I’ve caused him. The Ryder I still know and love with everything in me is still in there, though. I can feel it, and when he’s ready, I’ll be right here waiting for him.
“That ought to do it.” Ryder fastens the last screw in the toddler bed. He insisted we stop at a furniture store on the way home to get Ryland a bed and a dresser to put both our clothes in. We rearranged some of the furniture in the living room and were able to set up a cute space for her in the back corner as a bedroom. I insisted on sleeping on the couch and giving Ryder his bed back. He’s way too big to be comfortable on a couch for however long we stay here.
I smile as I walk over and put the freshly washed princess sheets and blanket on the bed. “Way cuter than the pack-and-play I had in mind.”
“And ten times more comfortable. Max never slept well in those, and I don’t blame him one bit,” he laughs. His phone dings next to me, and I glance down at it before I can stop myself.
Mackenzie
I’m looking forward to seeing you tonight. I’m almost done getting ready, and then I’ll be heading over there. ;)
Jealousy shoots through me as I stare at the text. Who’s Mackenzie?
“You got a text from Mackenzie. Sorry, I didn’t mean to look. It just popped up.” I hand him the phone, avoiding his gaze.
“Fuck,” he says, taking the phone and reading it. “I completely forgot about our date.” He glances at his watch. “It’s in thirty minutes. Shit.” He looks over at me, and I see the guilt on his face before he looks away. “I’m sorry. I’ve got to go. Can you tell Ryland that I’ll see her in the morning?”
“Sure.” I watch him walk to his bedroom as I sink down on the sofa. I have no right to be upset. He’s probably had lots of dates and has slept with other women. A guy who looks like Ryder doesn’t stay lonely for long.
He comes back out, and my eyes roam his body. He put on dark jeans and a nice black t-shirt. There’s no way this Mackenzie girl is going to deny him anything tonight. He’s like a walking sex god. I swallow down the envy that’s coursing through my body, feeling sick to my stomach.
“I shouldn’t be out late. I’ll have my phone on me if you need me for anything. My brothers are here too.”
“We’ll be fine. Don’t worry about us. Go have fun with Mackenzie.” I try to keep the bitterness out of my voice but fail miserably.
Sighing, he runs his hand through his hair. “Mackenzie is…”
“You don’t have to explain yourself to me, Ryder,” I say, cutting him off. “I was gone for three years. It would be stupid for us to think that we both waited all this time.”
His jaw clenches tight, and his eyes harden. “Yeah, I guess it would be stupid to think that,” he spits out before opening the door and leaving me to the silence.
I lay my head back on the couch and close my eyes. I don’t know why I said that. I know it’s childish, but I wanted him to feel some of the jealousy that I’m feeling right now. It’s painful to imagine him with other women, but it’s a whole other ballgame to see him walk away right in front of me to be with one.
I’ve been asked on a few dates over the past couple of years, and I’ve turned down every single one of them. His lips were the last to touch mine, and I wanted to keep it that way. No one’s ever compared to Ryder in my eyes.
Needing comfort from the one person who can give me some peace right now, I get up and go in search of my daughter. Travis and Sophia came by earlier so she could play with Max. I step outside and see everyone sitting on the outdoor sectional. Even though it’s warm, they have the fire table going as small flames lick the night air.
I look for Ryland as I walk over and don’t see her anywhere.
“Hey, Eve. Did you get everything set up?” Jake asks when I approach them.
“Yes. She’s going to love it when she sees it. Where’s Ryland?” I ask, looking around.
“Miles took her down to the beach for a walk.” Travis nods his head at the two figures I see in the distance down by the water. I smile as I see them together. Miles and I haven’t gotten to talk yet, alone, and I want to make sure we are good.
“I’m going to go talk to Miles.” Understanding reaches Jake’s eyes as he looks at me. He gives me a small wink of encouragement as I walk toward the deck stairs.
The sand is soft and warm from the day’s sun as my toes sink into it, and I make my way to the water’s edge.
“Momma!” Ryland’s sweet voice rings out as I get closer. She’s squatting down, looking at something in one of the water puddles that formed on the beach. “Stawfish!” She points her little finger, and I see a small starfish in the water.
“Oh, Ryland, that’s so amazing! It’s your first starfish.” I bend down to examine it with her. “Have you been having fun with Uncle Miles?” I glance up at him and meet his eyes for the first time. He gives me a small smile, and I breathe a little easier.
“My-My.” She points to Miles, and he laughs.
“My-My?” I raise my eyebrows at Miles, who shrugs his shoulders.
“I think the uncle part is still hard to say, so I became My-My. Jake sounds more like Wake, Travis is Twav, and Sophia is Fee. Max is the only one who’s still Max,” he laughs.
“That’s too adorable. She’s always been so shy and just wanting me. I can’t believe how more outgoing she is here.” I stand up and watch her pick up another shell to put in the pink bucket that Ryder got her today.
“She just knows we are family.” He watches her, and my heart swells at the love shining in his eyes. Even though he’s three years older than the last time I saw him, he still looks like the same Miles I know and love. His dark hair is shorter on the sides now and long enough on the top where it falls in his eyes every once in a while. Like Ryder, he has way more tattoos covering his body. His small eyebrow and lip piercing are new. It suits him, though, and just adds to his good looks. I bet his groupie list is a mile long after they see him play the drums.
“I’m sorry, Miles, for everything. I know I hurt you all, and I’ll live with that guilt for the rest of my life. You and Ryder are my best friends, and it destroyed me to leave without saying goodbye. I was just trying to do what I thought was best for you and your family.”
“I’m not going to lie, Eve. It wrecked Ryder. I had to watch him live with that pain day after day while I dealt with my own. I was so angry at you for so long. The not knowing was the worst. Ryder became obsessed with trying to find you. We even hired a PI. After a year, I finally talked him into letting it go, but he never could let you go in his heart.”
“I didn’t know about the PI. I’m sure my father found out about him and paid him off to keep quiet.”
“After what you told Ryder, that would make sense,” he sighs. “This is all sorts of fucked up, isn’t it?” He gives a small laugh.
“Yeah, it is,” I say softly, looking at my daughter and wishing things could have been different in the beginning. I swipe a tear away and hug my arms to my chest.
“I think we’ve all been absorbed in our pain to not notice yours. It must have been hard for you these past three years, too.” I meet his eyes and see the Miles I know and love as I fight to hold back the tears.
“You have no idea. If it weren’t for Ryland, I would have given up a long time ago,” I whisper. “She gave me the strength I needed to get out of bed each morning. You all were the only family where I’ve ever felt loved. He was my forever, and to have that taken from me and to live each day knowing I hurt the ones I loved the most in the world killed me.”
“We still love you, Eve. You’ll always have us as a family.” He opens his arms, and I don’t hesitate to throw myself at him.
“I love you, too, Miles. I never once stopped. I thought about you every single day. I would have rather died than hurt any of you. I hope you know that,” I whisper into his shirt.
“I do know that.” He rubs his hand over my back in soothing motions as I give in to the guilt. “You’re going to have to forgive yourself at some point, Eve. You were nineteen and pregnant. Your dad found your weakness and used it against you. You did what you did because you loved us. All of us would have done the same thing in your shoes. We protect the ones we love and we can’t be angry with you for that. It’s time you let go of the guilt. I think three years is enough pain for all of us, so how about we move forward and enjoy the fact that I’m an uncle again to the most adorable little girl I’ve ever laid eyes on.”
I sniffle against his chest. “She is pretty adorable, isn’t she.” I smile and wipe away the last of my tears as we watch her dump her bucket and start to put all the shells back in.
“We will have our hands full when she’s older,” he laughs before getting quiet again. “Thank you for bringing her back home to us.”
“It’s where she belongs.”
“It’s where you both belong,” he corrects me.
“That’s to be determined. Your brother is on a date right now with Mackenzie,” I mutter, releasing myself from his hold.
“Oh shit! I completely forgot about that.” His shoulders shake with laughter. “I bet he’s going out of his mind right now.”
“That makes two of us. I knew there was a chance he could move on at some point…I just wish I didn’t have to witness it.”
“You’ve got it all wrong, Evie girl.” He grins widely, and I can’t help the smile that appears on my face when I hear the nickname he always used to call me. “This is the first date he’s been on since you left.”
I narrow my eyes at him. “You don’t have to lie to me, Miles, to make me feel better. I was gone for three years, and guys like Ryder don’t stay lonely for long.”
“I’m not lying. I swear,” he laughs.
I search his eyes and try to see any reason to doubt him. Is he really telling the truth? “This girl must be really special then. I guess time will tell if there will be a second.”
“You don’t get it. He’s not going out of his mind because he doesn’t know what to do. He’s going out of his mind because he’s going to have to tell this girl that he found you again. He’s going out of his mind because he’s sitting with a girl right now, wishing he was back here with you and Ryland.”
“I don’t know, Miles. He’s barely touched me since I’ve been here. I’m not sure he wants to give me a second chance.”
“Maybe because he knows once he does touch you, he won’t be able to stop. He wants to get his emotions under control first. There’s a lot you still have to talk about. He’s probably in his head about all the guys you’ve dated and trying to get past all these emotions creeping up from seeing you again.”
“There was no one, Miles,” I say, shaking my head quickly. “All I thought about was getting back to him.”
“Then your first step, Evie girl, is letting him know that.” He grins at me before scooping up Ryland and making her giggle as he spins her around.
Could it really be that simple? Thoughts race through my head as I process what he just told me, and one thing slowly starts to bring my heart back together. He waited for me.