Chapter 10
CHAPTER TEN
RYDER
W ell, that went as good as expected. I hated hurting Mackenzie, but I had to be honest with her. I can’t believe I had forgotten about the date but when I realized the time, I knew I couldn’t cancel last minute. She at least deserved a nice meal and an explanation about why it would be our last. Luckily, she was very understanding about all that had gone down in the past couple of days and appreciated my honesty even though it wasn’t what she wanted to hear.
I’m not sure where Eve and I stand, but I know that under all the emotions I’ve been feeling since I first saw her, I still love her and have never stopped.
The comment she made about not waiting these past three years has stayed in the back of my mind, tormenting me. Did she really leave and push me out of her thoughts? The thought of her with another man makes me see red, and the more I think about it, the more it pisses me off that while I was waiting for a ghost to come back, she was off doing God knows what.
I pull into the driveway and park in the garage before going into the main house. Pouring a bourbon, I take a big swallow to dull the anger flowing through my veins. It’s like everything I’ve shoved down for the past three years wants to come out all at once. I down the rest of my drink and pour another one. The warm liquid finally does its job, and I feel myself getting more of a grip on the emotions slamming into me.
I walk outside and quietly enter my place. It’s after midnight, so I know they will both be asleep. Dinner was over at ten, but I’ve been driving around aimlessly with my thoughts, trying to calm myself the fuck down.
I go over to Ryland first and smile when I see her in her new bed. She’s clutching a teddy bear in her arms, and I gently brush back her soft curls before placing a kiss on her head and inhaling her sweet scent. I fix the covers around her before turning and seeing Eve on the couch. She’s in a tank top, and I stop when I notice she’s just wearing a thong with it. Her shirt has ridden up, exposing her flat stomach. Her breaths are even as her breasts rise and fall. My hands itch to pull down her top and taste what’s always been mine. What should have been only mine.
She moves to her side, and I feel myself get hard when I see her perfect ass exposed to me. How many times have I buried myself inside her while I felt that ass pressed against me as I rode her hard from behind? My hands form a fist at my side as the need to touch her becomes too much. I’m not in the right mind frame, and I’m treading on dangerous territory. My dick throbs against my jeans as I force myself to keep walking to the bathroom.
I quickly undress and turn on the shower. Having her this close, half-naked, on my couch is tempting me, and I don’t trust myself not to do something I’ll regret in the morning. I fist my hand around my swollen erection and moan when I go long and hard down my length.
Thoughts of her immediately appear, just as they always do. “Eve…” Her name escapes my lips on a growl. I’m unable to stop myself as images of her on the couch flood my mind. I hear a small gasp and look up to see blue eyes staring at me. I didn’t even notice I had left the other door open to the living room.
Her gaze roams my naked body, making me even more feral with need as I see the heat flash in her eyes. She takes a hesitant step forward, and I close my eyes tightly.
“I’m not in a good headspace now, Eve. You need to go back to bed,” I said.
“What if I don’t want to?” She whispers. I open my eyes to desire flashing in those blue eyes.
“I’m angry with you right now, and I don’t want to hurt you.” I see the shock in her eyes before she quickly recovers.
“You have every right to be angry with me. I can take it. I’ll take anything you can give me as long as you give something, anything, that tells me you still want me.”
“Does this look like someone who doesn’t fucking want you?” Her gaze takes me in again, lingering on how swollen I am right now. Cum leaks out, and she licks her lips, causing me to growl.
I watch her slowly remove her tank top and thong. She’s just as beautiful as I remember, even more so if that’s possible. She walks closer and steps into the shower with me. I will my body to relax, but everything it’s been begging to have is staring me in the face right now. She’s my addiction, and I feel myself start to spiral out of control.
“I’m yours, Ryder. I’ve always been yours.”
I back her up until she hits the wall. My finger trails down her neck to her breasts before I circle her nipple. I pinch it hard, and she gasps before closing her eyes briefly and meeting my eyes. Eyes that I have no doubt show a dangerous storm in them. She doesn’t run, though, as she meets my hard stare straight on.
“How many, Eve?” I roam my hand down her stomach and cup her pussy. I push two fingers in roughly and bite back a moan at how good she feels.
Her eyes cloud with desire as I torture her with my hand. I know every inch of her and what makes her desperate for release. She blinks, trying to focus on what I’m asking her.
“How many what?” I go deeper, and she moans, causing my dick to throb against her stomach.
“How many guys have had this sweet pussy?” I release my hand, and she whimpers from the loss of contact as I slowly suck my fingers clean. God, it’s been so long since I’ve tasted her. I’m breathing hard as I press my erection into her stomach. “How many have tasted you?” I grasp the side of her face and dig my hands into her hair tightly, forcing her to look at me. “Tell me.” I wait for the answer, my heart beating painfully in my chest, hoping I can get past this jealousy I’m feeling.
“You were the last person to touch me, Ryder. The only one I’ve been with and the only one I want,” she whispers, placing her hand over my heart where her tattoo lies. Her lips are inches from mine, and our breaths become heavy as we stare at each other. “I know you’re still angry with me for leaving, and I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you. Just don’t shut the door on us completely,” she begs.
She waited. Those two words scream at me as I search her eyes for any sign that she’s lying, but all I see is the Eve I fell in love with… my Eve. My lips touch another for the first time in three years as they come crashing down on hers.
Moaning against my lips, she eagerly welcomes me in as I roughly take what I’ve been missing. Our tongues collide with an urgency that has me biting her bottom lip before sucking down hard. I feel her fingernails rake down my back, and I relish in the sting it brings, matching what I feel on the inside.
The need to be in her overtakes all of the questions I still have as I lift her up against the tile. She moans her approval as she rubs against me, desperately wanting what we’ve both been denied. I break the kiss and take in her closed eyes and swollen lips.
“Look at me, Eve.” She opens her eyes as I wait at her opening. “Don’t ever fucking leave me again,” I growl out. “I want to hear you say it,” I say when I see her nod.
“I won’t. I promise.”
I plunge in deep, and my whole body goes still when I’m completely covered in her warmth. I rest my forehead to hers, and emotions overtake us both. I feel the wetness of her cheek against mine as tears fall silently down her face. I’ve prayed every day that I would feel her again, and it’s like no time has passed as our bodies instantly recognize each other as home.
I start to move, savoring the feel of her tight around me until the need to make her mine again overtakes me as I go harder and deeper. I grip her ass tightly, knowing I’m being too rough but unable to stop this frantic need.
The water rains down on us, our bodies slick and molded together as one. She fists my hair as I feel her start to tighten around me. When my name leaves her lips on a cry, and I feel her squeeze me tightly, I pour into her on a moan. My body trembles as waves of pleasure shoot through me.
I bury my face in her neck until my heart rate slows, and I can catch my breath again. It’s then that I notice her body shaking under me as she quietly sobs against me. I release the firm hold I have on her and slowly lower to the floor.
Guilt slams into me as I see all the red marks on her from my fingers digging into her flesh. I turn my back to her and place my hands on the wall, bowing my head. I’ve never once looked at her in anger, let alone bruise her fucking skin.
“Ryder?” She sniffles. The fact that I made her cry is like a knife to the gut.
“Just go, Eve,” I say quietly. I shouldn’t have touched her tonight. I knew I wasn’t in the right headspace. I’m still so angry that I missed so much these past three years. I know it’s not her fault, but the need to punish her, to make her feel the pain I feel, is consuming me, and I don’t trust myself right now.
I don’t even know if I can trust her not to leave again if she was ever backed into a corner like she was before. We’ll never know if she chose right, but the bottom line is she did choose, and she chose to walk away from the life we had built together. She chose to walk away from…me.
I feel her come up behind me and flinch when her hand touches my back. She immediately pulls it away. I want to turn around so badly and just pretend none of this has ever happened—to carry her to my bed and keep her there forever. I clench my fists against the wall and fight off the urge to give in. Eve and Ryland deserve the best version of me, and I need time to get over this feeling of betrayal. I need time to trust her again.
I hear her start to walk away before she hesitates and stops. “I know I’ve thrown a lot at you all at once, and I know it’s going to take some time for you to forgive me, but I’ll wait, Ryder. I’m not going anywhere, and I’ll prove that to you.” I turn and watch her walk out of the shower before she grabs a towel and wraps it tightly around her.
Air rushes out of my lungs when I hear the door close, leaving me standing there. Part of me wants to run after her and beg her never to leave me again, and the other part of me wants to bend her over my knee and punish her for leaving me in the first place. It’s the second part that has me walking back to my bedroom alone.
I’m drenched in sweat as I do one more rep in the gym. I know I’m pushing my body, but the burn feels good. I tossed and turned all night last night, knowing Eve was just on the other side of the wall. I swear I heard every little sigh she made in her sleep. My body is attuned to her every movement. It was like having your biggest temptation placed in front of you but too afraid to touch it because of the power it has over you.
I set the weights down and glance at my phone. Ryland should be getting up soon. I left her sleeping peacefully this morning as I quietly left for the garage. I still can’t believe I have a daughter. Every time I look at her, I worry that this is all just a dream I’ll wake up from, and they both will be gone. She’s the perfect blend of me and Eve and a constant reminder of the love we once shared. Fear grips me hard when I think about ever losing her again. I know Eve said she would never leave again, but can I trust her?
I bypass going through the main house and use the back door of the garage that leads to the pool. I love my family, but I’m not in the mood to hash out my feelings with them this morning. Tonight, I should probably call my parents and Savi, but right now, I just want to focus on my daughter.
I pull the key out of my pocket and unlock the door. I locked it when I left, just in case Ryland figures out how to open it. I’m going to have to childproof a few things around here to make me feel more at ease.
Her eyes light up when she sees me. “Muffin,” she grins, holding up a part of the muffin. I walk over to the kitchen table and grin back at her. She’s sitting in her booster seat, and her tray is covered in muffin crumbs.
Bending down, I kiss the top of her head. Her hair is still messy from sleeping, and it’s the most adorable thing I have ever seen.
“You have strawberries, too?” I ask, pointing to one on her tray. “You are one lucky girl.” She picks up a piece of strawberry and holds it out to me. Laughing, I open my mouth, and she feeds it to me. “Thank you, Rybug. So yummy.”
“Yummy,” she grins, fisting one and stuffing it into her mouth. I made sure to fill the fridge with her favorite foods. I didn’t want us to have to go to the main kitchen every time we wanted something. I selfishly want this one-on-one time with my daughter, and sitting down to eat breakfast with her every day seems like a good start.
I feel Eve’s eyes on me, and I brace myself as I meet those blues focused on me. We haven’t spoken or seen each other since I told her to leave the shower last night.
She’s standing by the kitchen island with a cup of coffee next to her. Her hair is also messy from sleeping, but unlike my daughter, there is nothing adorable about it. She has it up in a bun, and some of her auburn waves have escaped, framing her face. She hasn’t put her contacts in yet, so she’s wearing her dark-rimmed glasses, looking sexy as fuck in them. How the hell am I ever going to get a grip and sort these feelings out when she’s walking around in front of me looking like a goddamn sex siren.
I narrow my eyes when I see what she’s wearing. “Is that my t-shirt? I thought I lost it.” It comes out way rougher than I want, and she glances down nervously at it.
“Yes. I had to leave a lot of my clothes when I left, so I don’t have a lot of options. I’m sorry I stole it. You can have it back if you want,” she says quickly. “I just…” She fidgets with the hem of the shirt that hits her mid-thigh, revealing more leg to me, causing my body to react. “It smelled like you, and I took it,” she says softly.
I take off my backward hat and roughly run a hand through my hair before putting it back on. Images of her wearing my shirt while she was alone and pregnant enter my mind, and I bite back the anger of how unfair this all is. My family kept me from drowning, and she had a shirt that smelled like me.
“I don’t want it back,” I sigh. “Keep it. I need to towel off before I can eat with Ryland.” I avoid her eyes as I walk to the bathroom. Gripping the sink, I try to release the tension in my body that’s suffocating me. It’s not her fault, I remind myself. She was only nineteen, and I know how scared she was of her parents. She never went against them until I came along. I was her strength, she once told me, and to know she had to face them alone, all the while protecting our daughter, makes me see red. I would like nothing more than to be able to tell her dad exactly what I think of him right now.
I’ve got to find a way to move past this. I need to keep reminding myself that all that matters now is I have them back. I need to focus on Ryland and building that bond that was taken from us in the beginning. She’s all that matters right now, and once my emotions are back in control, I can focus on Eve and take back what’s mine.