Chapter 14
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
She was right; he hadn’t kissed her. He couldn’t.
He hadn’t kissed a woman in ten years, but this tiny little spitfire tempted him to break his most steadfast rule. Kisses spoke of intimacy and passion, and he was terrified that her kiss would tear him apart.
She was funny, smart, and he loved that wicked sense of humor. If he let her kiss him, if he really let her in, he had a feeling it would be the end of the world as he knew it. It wouldn’t just be another soulless encounter with Vivi, and he wasn’t sure he was ready for the change that might bring.
But his window of opportunity rapidly narrowed as her eyes filled with hurt and she turned away.
Without conscious thought, his hand shot out and grasped the back of her neck.
Her gaze snapped with fire as he spun her back to him, and her mouth parted to let loose the string of oaths he knew hovered on her tongue.
If he did this, if he kissed her, everything would change; he would never be the same. His gaze dropped to those perfect lips, and he knew then he had a split second to make a decision. Stay or go? Give every piece of himself to her or walk away forever?
The realization that he might never feel her next to him again cut through him like a knife, and he couldn’t bear the thought. Eyes fixed on her lips, he dipped his head and accepted his fate.
A little squeak of surprise escaped her lips as he hauled her up against him and crushed his mouth to hers. She tasted better than the sweetest treat, a mixture of sweetness and spice, sin and desire.
He locked his arm around her lower back, pressing their bodies even closer, and increased the pressure of the kiss as he carried her through the darkened house toward the bedroom.
He was right. Virginia had the power to wreck him.
As he turned off the light and left the bathroom, his gaze immediately fell on Vivi, where she lay curled up in the middle of the bed. She looked so content. So sweet. So… perfect.
Too perfect for him.
A familiar foreboding tingle began at the base of his spine and crept upward. An overwhelming emotion clawed up his throat, threatening to choke him.
Oh, God. He had to get out of there, clear his head.
Grabbing up his clothes, he watched Vivi’s still form as he moved toward the door.
She was snuggled up on her side, one arm tucked under the pillow, looking exactly the way she had when he left her that night at the hotel.
That seemed like a lifetime ago, yet at the same time, it felt as if it had just happened yesterday.
He slid out of the room, not bothering to close the door behind him.
He crossed the house at a fast clip, tugging on his shirt as he went.
At the back door, he stepped into his jeans and shoved his feet into his shoes.
He was out on the porch before he even knew what he was doing and paused, resting against the railing as he drew in his first full breath in minutes.
He’d tucked his bike close to the porch, and the chrome gleamed in the moonlight. He could climb on, take off without a backward glance. His mind whirled, and his heart raced as he took a step toward the stairs, then stopped. What was he doing?
He dropped his head and closed his eyes, willing everything to just… stop for a second. He needed to think. He needed to… He didn’t know what he needed. A huge part of him wanted to climb on his bike and escape. The other part wanted to crawl right back into bed with Vivi and not surface for days.
He locked his fingers together behind his head and paced the length of the narrow porch.
He paused by the door, staring up at the inky black sky.
If he walked away now, things would be over between them.
Vivi would never forgive him. Fear grasped at him, and he battled it down, drawing in several deep breaths.
He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t scared to death by the things he felt when he was with Vivi.
Everything with her was just so… different.
She made him want more, made him want to be better.
For years, he’d resisted anything even resembling a relationship. Now that it was right here in front of him, all he had to do was reach out and grab it. But he was being a coward. He let out a half laugh. Of all the things he’d faced in his life, this thing with Vivi concerned him the most.
His initial instinct was right on. This girl could ruin him, and that terrified him.
He wasn’t sure which was worse; that this might actually work out between them, or that it could crash and burn two days from now.
All he knew was the past couple of weeks without her had been brutal.
He couldn’t bear the idea of never giving things between them a chance and letting her slip through his fingers.
He was never one to turn down a challenge, and he hated the idea of being a coward—yet here he was, ready to run again. He couldn’t do it. She deserved better than him, but he couldn’t let her go. The idea of never having her again hurt too badly to contemplate.
What would Vivi think? He’d literally pulled out of her and bolted.
Guilt slammed into him, and he yanked open the door to the house.
He kicked off his shoes next to Vivi’s and crept back to the bedroom, praying to God she hadn’t noticed.
Maybe she was asleep. She lay in the exact same spot, except her body was now turned away from him.
He quickly shed his clothes before climbing in behind her.
But he knew the second he touched her that everything was wrong. Her body tensed, and she shifted away. But he wasn’t going to let her go again. “I’m sorry, Vivi. I freaked out.”
She shook her head but didn’t say a word, and he knew he had to explain. “I’ve never felt like this before. I just… It caught up to me all of a sudden and I couldn’t breathe. I just had to get out for a second.”
Her body shuddered next to his, but she refused to acknowledge his words. He grasped her bicep and tried to roll her toward him, but she resisted. “You’ll never know how sorry I am.”
Finally, she relented and rolled toward him. The tear tracks cutting down her cheeks threatened to slay him. “Ah, Viv.”
He dipped his head so it was next to hers and pulled her tightly to him, tucking her head into his chest and cuddling her close. “Don’t you cry for me, baby. I’m not worth it.”
She hiccuped a little as she fought to stifle a sob but didn’t say a word.
“I promise, sweetheart. Never again.” He held her even tighter, hoping that she would believe him. “I’ll never leave you again.”
Finally, her arms came around his waist and she clung to him as he kissed her forehead and held her close. “I’m sorry, baby,” he whispered next to her ear. “I knew the second I walked out I messed up. I just… I can’t let you go, Viv. You hear me?”
Her head bobbed against his chest in what he assumed—hoped—was a nod, and he kissed the top of her head. “I’m not leaving you again. You’re too good for me, but I won’t let you go.”
Her breathing eventually slowed and evened out as she slipped into slumber, but he lay awake for what felt like hours, just watching her as she slept in his arms. His heart seized in his chest at the thought of how close he’d come to losing her that night.
He couldn’t explain why she was so important to him; she just was.
It was more than the fact that they’d made love.
It was more, even, than the fact that she was his friend’s little sister and he wanted to keep her safe.
There was something about Vivi that just made him… crazy. He wanted to protect her. Possess her. Claim her as his own. He wanted to be as important to her as she was to him. He closed his eyes and eventually fell asleep, that last lingering thought clinging to his brain.
Most of the following day was spent packing up Ellen’s belongings and stacking the boxes in the living room to be moved to the storage unit later.
He didn’t care that it was boring; he just wanted to spend every second with Vivi that he could.
He offered to run home and swap his bike for the truck, but she declined.
She threw a curious look his way. “Where did you park? I know you didn’t drive your truck, and I don’t remember seeing your bike anywhere.”
Embarrassment caused heat to rise in his cheeks, and he cleared his throat. “I tucked it around back, by the porch. I didn’t want you to see it and throw a fit before I had the chance to talk to you.”
One dark eyebrow arched, and he shifted uncomfortably. Admittedly, waiting in the dark for her hadn’t exactly been his best idea. At all. But it had worked, and she’d finally dropped her guard and given in to the attraction he knew she felt for him. At least temporarily.
He could feel her putting distance between them with each minute that passed, and he hated it.
Although he tried to fight it, she told him he should go back to his place and spend the night.
It made sense in a way since he didn't have any clothes, but he hated to leave her when he’d screwed up again.
He couldn’t stand that things were so tumultuous between them. Though he wanted to fight for her—for them—he’d pushed her far enough already; any more and he could risk losing her permanently. Reluctantly, he did as she asked and gave her space.
It was a mistake. The next day at work was even worse. Gone was the warm, open, passionate woman he’d spent the night with. This Vivi ignored him at every turn. Any time he got within twenty feet of her, she turned tail and ran away like she didn't even want to be in the same room with him.
After yesterday, it stung more than he was willing to admit. He knew she still didn't fully trust him after he’d almost walked out the other night, but he’d spent the past twenty-four hours trying to alleviate her fears and prove to her that it wouldn't happen again.
By the end of the day, he could no longer stand it.
Only Miles, Knox, and himself were left, and he didn't want to put off the inevitable another minute.
He headed downstairs and cut across the lobby to look for Vivi.
Her eyes widened when she saw him coming, but she was trapped behind the front desk and couldn't escape him this time.
He was intent on exploring things with Vivi. After the taste of her he'd gotten that weekend, he wanted the opportunity to see where things could go. But the first step in that was coming clean. He wanted to tell Knox man-to-man that he was dating his sister.
Vivi darted a quick look around as he moved beside her. “What are you doing?”
“I want to talk to your brother.”
She tipped her chin up to look at him, wariness evident in her pretty brown eyes. “About what?”
He threw her a hard look. “I've known him for years. I won't disrespect him by dating you without his knowledge.”
Already, Vivi was shaking her head. “Please don't say anything. Not—” She rested one hand on his chest when she saw the dark look on his face. “Not yet. Everything is still so new.”
He couldn't help but feel like a dirty little secret. He took a step backward. “You don't want him to know about us?”
Something like regret crossed Vivi's face, and her gaze swept the room before returning to him. “Can we not talk about this here?”
From the tone of her voice, it sounded like she didn't want to talk about it ever.
He fell back another step. He wasn't going to lie.
He kind of felt used, and it wasn't a good feeling. He could feel the walls going back up, could feel himself pulling away from her. He’d thought they were on the same page; apparently, he was wrong.
Vivi reached for him, her face pleading. “Let's just talk about this later. You can come over or I can come to your place, whichever. Please.”
It was that single word she tacked onto the end that had him reconsidering. He had to meet up with Jaxon to do some recon, but he’d meant every word he told her Saturday night, and he wanted to prove that she could rely on him. “I'll be there after I’m done.”
Before she could say another word, he turned and headed for the bullpen. Heart racing, he made a beeline for his desk to grab his keys. He knew he’d hurt her, but she refused to give him a chance to redeem himself. Every time he took one step forward, she took two steps back.
He knew she was into him, but he couldn’t figure out for the life of him how to get her to trust him. He’d have to keep picking away at that hardened reserve and hope she would eventually listen.