Chapter Thirty-Five
GRAY
THE WRENCH slips off the bolt of the garbage disposal, sending my knuckles across the hard plastic housing.
Fuck! Ignoring the blood on the backs of my fingers, I re-seat the wrench and start pushing the locked-up bolt again, regardless of the water that keeps dripping on my hand to make a good grip impossible.
When my knuckles fly across the plastic edge again, I throw the wrench against the back wall under the sink and pull my hand away. I knew I should have brought my fucking gloves, but I forgot to grab them after I fed the horses.
My head has been so fucked up lately that even the simplest or redundant of chores is littered with mistakes. I can’t even get a bolt off a god-damned garbage disposal. I pull my body out of the cabinet under the sink and sit on the floor to see how much skin I’ve taken off my knuckles.
“Come here.” Marley’s soft voice surprises me and I look up to see her setting the first aid kit and my gloves on the counter.
“I’m fine.” I growl and let my hand fall to my lap, ignoring the stinging pain that’s radiating over my hand.
Her blue eyes slide in my direction, and she lifts a brow. “Come. Here.”
Marley may be passive and sweet, but she is just as stubborn as Kinley. She told me once that having overbearing, stubborn brothers trained her well. Knowing she’s not going to let it go, I stand next to the counter and hold my hand out.
“What are you doing in here?” I ask, the gruff of my voice rivals my dad.
Her lips twitch when she says, “Sloane came and got me, she said you were gonna tear up her kitchen.”
Waving my hand toward the sink, I scowl. “It’s already tore up, that’s why I’m in here.”
She hums in the back of her throat in agreement, but I don’t miss the sarcasm.
She quietly washes away the blood and sprays the scrapes, blowing across my knuckles to ease the sting like I’m a child. “For fuck’s sake, Marley, I’m not a child.”
Her fingers tighten on mine when I try to pull my hand away and she keeps blowing on the scrapes as her eyes cut to me. “I beg to differ.”
Jerking my hand from her grip, I set my palm on the counter as I press my lips together so I won’t say anything I’ll regret. “Why don’t you just speak your mind?”
Her eyes narrow at me and I see the anger cross her face before she grabs my wrist and jerks my hand back over to her, determined to win the battle of wills. “Pull that hand away from me again and you’ll be eating your dinner in a sling.”
Rolling my eyes, I look to the window over the breakfast nook and clear my throat to keep down the bubble of laughter in my chest. Marley doesn’t get truly mad often, but when she does, it’s best to just be quiet and let her speak her mind.
She picks the tube of antibacterial salve from the kit and squeezes it on her finger. As she’s tenderly patting the salve on my knuckles, she says, “You should call her.”
Resisting the urge to pull my hand away again, anger creeps up my neck. “Call who?”
Her big blue eyes flick to me for a second and I can feel the huff of annoyance from her nose on my fingers. “You know who I’m talking about. You’ve been a bear for the past three weeks and everyone is betting on how long it will take you to call her.”
My arm twitches as the outrage almost has me pulling my hand away again. She stills at the twitch, her fingers tighten painfully on mine, and goes back to what she was doing. “Why is everyone doing that?” I growl through clenched teeth, biting back the urge to yell.
“Don’t growl at me, Grayson Lane. Everyone saw how the two of you looked at each other, and if you think we didn’t know you snuck into her room for three nights, you’re seriously deluding yourself.
” She wraps a bandage around one knuckle and squeezes it to make sure it’s going to stick.
“We all know you wouldn’t have done that with Lainey Rai down the hall if you weren’t feeling something deep. ”
Fucking hell.
I take a deep breath and roll my eyes.
As much as I try not to think of her, Elly is in my thoughts all day, every day. Her beautiful smile and those warm, amber eyes are looking at me each time I close my eyes. Restful sleep is a thing of the past, I toss and turn most nights wondering how she is.
Does she think of me?
Does she hate me for turning her away?
The pain of regret slices through my chest like it does every time I let myself think of the look on her face when I told her I wanted to put space between us. The one tear she batted away before she pasted on that damn smile I hate. Just thinking of it has me clearing my throat.
I feel like a complete asshole most of the time.
But all my thoughts always come back to the one same conclusion. I take a deep breath and let my hip relax against the countertop. “I can’t trust her, Marley.”
She wraps another bandage around my middle finger. Her blond head stays bowed over my hand, but her fingers softly squeeze mine in support. “Bull hockey. You know as well as I do you can.” She pauses and her eyes flick to me again, this time sheepishly. “That’s why I called her.”
My eyebrows fly up my forehead as she ducks her head a little, pulling out the last bandage for the third finger. “You did what?” I purposely keep my voice soft and flat to cover my anger at her calling, but I also can’t wait to hear what was said.
She takes a deep breath as she squeezes the last finger to make sure the bandage is secure. When she looks up at me, her blue eyes are full of love. “I like Elly, we all do. I wanted to know if she’s okay. I also wanted to feel her out to see if she’s someone we can trust.”
Looking at the window over the nook again, I pull my cap around so the bill is over my eyes. “And.”
Even though I’m not looking at her, I can feel her smile of triumph. “She left her father’s company, said she didn’t want any part of it. She’s been interviewing for new jobs and there are a couple of promising options.”
She left the company? A small spark of hope blinks to life in my chest.
Clearing my throat, trying to swallow the lump there, the feeling of regret even stronger, I look down at Marley. “How is she?”
Putting the tube and bandages on the counter back in the kit, she smiles without looking at me. “Oh no, mister, you don’t get to use me as your middle man.” She looks up at me when she picks up the kit and her small hand squeezes my forearm. “Call her.”
My sister, who doesn’t trust anyone outside the family, has put her trust in someone I’ve been questioning for weeks. What does that say about me?
That I’m a fucking asshole.
Her hand is still softly grasping my forearm.
“You think we all don’t know what you do for us?
” Her blue eyes volley between mine and all I can manage is a swallow, even though my mouth is like a desert right now.
“Your life revolves around this ranch, around us. Don’t get mad at me, but I haven’t seen you happy like that since Sarah was alive, and I want to see you happy again.
” She pauses and pats my arm before she picks up the first aid kit. “Call her.”
She leaves the room and my eyes drop to my gloves on the counter. My heart squeezes in my chest and I take a deep breath. I’ve typed in her number on my phone, only to close it before I touch the call button, so many times that I’ve lost count.
When she told dad her business card was in the files, I ended up sliding the card in my pocket when no one was looking. Just having the card with me is one little brick in the canyon of space between us. It’s something.
She lives in California for Christ’s sake, she so far away that trying to make something work would be ridiculous. We’d never see each other making way for all kinds of doubts and insecurities.
My mind spins with potential outcomes, most of which require me being away for more than a day or two. How can I expect my family to pick up the slack for me while I’m away?
I’m putting the cart before the horse, she might not even talk to me. It’s been three weeks. There is a good chance she won’t give me a chance to push her away again. I may have blown my only shot. Shaking my head as I look down at the counter, I know I have to try.
How did that little slip of a woman creep right into my heart? If it’s not love I’m feeling for her, then I don’t know what to call it. Being away from her is killing me, and I have been an ass the past three weeks, even I don’t want to be around me, I can’t imagine how my family is feeling.
After having her next to me for those three nights, my bed feels big and cold without her. Having her curled into me made me feel whole again.
I have to try.
Grabbing my gloves, I put on my coat and go to the stable to find dad.