Chapter Thirty-Four
TWO WEEKS LATER
Elly
The lights of L.A. light up the dark sky outside my office window, but it’s lost some of its luster. Since I got home, nothing feels right, like I’m the one thing that’s not like the others.
I don’t belong here anymore.
Well, I say anymore, but did I ever really belong here in the first place?
Ever since I came back from Oklahoma, I feel even more empty than I did before I went. Gray is my first thought every morning and my last thought every night.
Does he think of me?
Was I easy to forget?
When I got back to the office, I was told Harris is taking family medical leave for a couple of months, and I suspect whatever’s wrong with him may be a result of why he wasn’t in his hotel room that night or the next morning.
He deserved whatever he got.
Asshole.
The first week I was back, I watched my phone like I was waiting for a life-or-death call from my doctor, hoping Gray would call.
But he never did. I even hoped Mr. Harlow might call to ask about the documents I gave them, just that little connection through the phone line would have made me feel closer to him, but he didn’t call either.
My father avoided all my calls and attempts to meet with him last week, but I finally got him pinned down. I’m sure Harris gave him all the dramatized details with a big helping of exaggeration on the side. And I’m sure he left out the part where he fucked up.
I sent the digital files I compiled while in Oklahoma to my father before I even stepped on the jet to come home. I’m not taking the blame for Harris’ dumb ass, but it’s probably inevitable at this point that it will somehow come back to me.
As I sit here looking out the window, my nerves have got me tied in knots and I’m using my breathing exercises to calm myself.
I haven’t been this nervous since I got a C on my report card in seventh grade.
Just knowing how disappointed he was going to be with me had me vomiting in my bathroom before he got home from work.
Glancing at my watch, I stand and try to rub some of the wrinkles out of my slacks and push my hair behind my ears. Closing my eyes, I think of my mantra I’ve been repeating to myself for the past two weeks: ‘if you can do this, you can do anything’. Squaring my shoulders, I leave my office.
Taking a deep breath, I knock on his door and wait to hear his gruff, ‘Come in’.
He’s standing by his window, his back to me, when I step in. It’s a power play he likes to use to let me know he doesn’t plan to spend much time with me.
What he doesn’t know is the conversation he thinks is going to happen is very different from the conversation we’re going to have. Even all the deep breaths I’ve been taking haven’t been able to calm the burn in my chest.
Standing across from him on the other side of his desk, I don’t bother with the smile he’s used to, instead, I wait for him to turn and face me. He looks every bit the GQ billionaire everyone would see on the cover of a magazine with his hands in the pockets of his tailored suit.
Mirroring his stance, I slip my hands in the pockets of my slacks, my bracelets jingle together on my wrist. It’s the only sound in the room as we look at each other.
I can barely believe what I’m about to do, the taste of freedom is just one step away from this prison I’ve put myself in.
There are two paths in front of me: one takes me away from the unnecessary pressure and stress of staying with my father, but I lose him completely, the other allows me to keep my father but I spend the rest of my life trying to achieve the unachievable.
Deciding to jump right in before I lose my nerve, I clear my throat.
“I want to tell you this personally instead of letting you find out through emails with HR. I’m leaving the company.
I’ve given my thirty days, but I have some personal time logged, so my office will be cleared out be the end of the week. ”
The only indication he heard me is the muscle tick next to his eye, his gaze is boring into me. For the untrained eye, no one else would know he is about to flip his lid, but I see it.
He studies me for a full minute, our eyes locked in a battle of wills. I won’t back down this time. Harris went too far and I won’t be a part of this. I hold his stare to let him know I’m serious.
“If you leave, you’re cut off, and don’t expect to find another job in this city.” His face is indifferent aside from the red flush in his cheeks.
The threat hurts, especially coming from the man that’s supposed to love me unconditionally. But I swallow the ache that’s bubbling up from my chest and try to keep my composure.
I smile at him. “You don’t have to worry about me, dad. I won’t tell anyone you encouraged an employee to burn down someone’s barn with the horses in it attempting to scare them into selling their land to you.”
His eyes narrow ever so slightly, clearly not expecting to hear me stand up for myself. If I learned anything from him, it’s how to be shrewd and uncaring. To use a term I heard from Hallie, ‘what’s good for the goose is good for the gander’.
“Don’t start something you can’t finish, Elly.” His normally smooth voice has an edge. “If you choose this road, you’re on your own. When things implode on you, and they will, Elly.” He huffs out a breath. “You’ll get nothing from me.”
The little girl in me wants to retreat, abort, go to a safe place where she can pretend it doesn’t hurt. A real father, a good father, would tell me I always know where to find him if I need him.
I remind myself I don’t need him. A deep breath helps me straighten my spine and square my shoulders, even though I can hear my heartbeat and rushing blood behind my eardrums. “I am finishing it, dad. I don’t like what you do, so I’m throwing in the towel.
We can end this peacefully, or I can remind you I’ve had my fingers on the pulse of this company for years. ”
His glare is his only response.
“I know things, dad. Things I know many people won’t agree with. It’s up to you.” Even with my hands in my pockets, my fingers are trembling, and I take another deep breath to steady my voice.
“If you walk out of here, don’t ever come back.” The disdain in his voice is breaking my heart and tears sting the backs of my eyes.
I make a last-minute decision to get some stuff off my chest before I walk out of here for the last time. “The only thing I ever wanted from you was a kind word. Approval. Recognition.”
He jerks his head back like a jolt of lightning just hit him, a look of irritation mixed with disgust on his face. “What does that have to do with business? You get all of those things by being employed by me.”
“No Dad, those things should have been offered by a father to a daughter, and I should have fought harder for that when I was young, but I didn’t. I settled for any crumbs you would give me. Unfortunately, the only way to get anything from you is by working with you.”
He only turns his head and looks out the window. “This is what happens when women get involved in business, they try to devalue everything with feelings.” His usual jab at my lack of a penis equating to lack of sense.
Realizing it doesn’t matter what I say, I will always be less in his eyes, I take a deep breath. “Yes, well, me and my feelings will be out of your hair in a few days.” I take my hands out of my pockets and let them hang at my sides. “I love you, dad.”
He doesn’t say a word as I turn and walk out of his office for the last time.