Chapter 17
Lani
I’ve been home for a month, and although I’m happy to be safe, I still feel like a prisoner. Since nobody knows where Jackson is, I’m not allowed to go outside of the penthouse. I can’t just go for a walk in the park with Harper in a stroller like a normal mom. I don’t know how much longer I can handle being cooped up like this. I’m still scared, but I know that I need to start living again—and so does Evan. He still hasn’t returned to work full time. He goes in a few days a week, but other than that, he stays at home with Harper and me. Whenever we do have to go out, it’s a big production. When Harper had an appointment a few days ago, Evan not only had security all around us, but he even had Maddox escorting us. I’m sure Evan means well, but sometimes he can go overboard with trying to keep us safe.
Although Evan and I are getting along, there’s now an awkwardness between us since I’ve been back. With me being gone so long, we probably both changed a lot during our time apart. I’m not used to having Evan always being gentle and quiet. I appreciate it—believe me, I really do appreciate it. But it also confirms that he’s not being who he truly is. I may not be quite ready for the aggressive, arrogant Evan yet, but I feel like his feelings for me have changed. Before I was taken, Evan let me know how much he wanted me. Since I came back, all we are to each other are Harper’s parents—and that’s it. I’m wondering if he resents me in some way. His whole life has changed, and now, he’s stuck in an apartment with a daughter he didn’t want and me—an emotional mess half of the time. He doesn’t see his brothers very often, and he just surrounds himself with me and Harper around the clock. One day, as he was laying Harper down, I heard him sighing. I looked at him and he had an irritated expression on his face. I know he loves Harper, but I’m sure being a father is taking its toll on him. Even if Harper and I can’t leave the penthouse, he should be able to.
To top it off, I’ve been struggling with this whole motherhood thing. It seems like I can’t do anything right when it comes to caring for my daughter. I’m not able to produce milk, so we’re stuck with using formula. Luckily, Harper tolerates it and has even been gaining some weight. Even with the breastfeeding problem solved, there’s still the matter of my inability to burp her properly once she’s fed. I feel bad when she starts crying from the discomfort, and I don’t know how to calm her down when she’s cries, like Evan does. Evan has taken to fatherhood like a fish to water, but I feel completely useless when it comes to our baby. I know I’m not a natural like Molly and Kerrigan, but I was wrong to ever think I could do this without Evan. I love my daughter, but at times I wonder if she’d be better off without me.
Evan
Alani’s been home for two months now, and I still sometimes sit in awe of my new life. I never would have pegged myself as a family man, but I like coming home from work to see my girls. Alani tries to put on a happy face, but I know she’s struggling. I don’t want to add to her stress by pushing her to talk, but it’s killing me that she won’t let me ride out her highs and lows with her. With our little girl keeping us busy and my moving back into my own bedroom, we never get a chance to sit down and have a real talk—about her, us, or plans for the future.
Harper now has her very own ice princess-themed room. It’s a very girly room and my manhood takes a hit whenever I sit in there for too long. I’m surprised by how much I love being a father, but maybe it’s because Alani is her mother. Maybe the real reason I never wanted kids was because I’d never truly loved a woman until Alani came along.
We spend most of the time at home and it often frustrates me—especially at night, when I lay Harper down to sleep. I want to be able to take my family outside of our home and show my baby girl off to the whole world. But I have no idea where Jackson is, so I’m caught between wanting to have a life with Alani and Harper outside of the penthouse and wanting to keep them safe. At this point, I’m afraid Harper will be homeschooled. I feel like I’m failing my family. The former Governor, now Senator Morgan still gives me updates, but it’s always the same—no news.
My frustration with the problems Jackson continues to cause my family are matched by my growing sexual frustration at having Alani around without being able to touch her. I’m in constant fear of having my sexual frustrations come out when Alani is around because I don’t want her feeling any more pressure than she’s already experiencing. I need to find a way to stay level headed, but jerking off a couple times a day does nothing to relieve the mounting pressure. Something has to give, because I know Alani and I are both at our breaking points.
It’s late in the evening and I’ve kept myself locked away in my study. I told Alani I was working, but I’ve just been trying to relax and unwind. Realizing that it will never happen until Jackson is dead and gone, I decide to go check on my girls since they’re the only ones who seem to calm me—even if it’s only for a little bit.
I walk into the living area and see Alani sitting out on the balcony, so I join her. Letting out a long sigh, I greet her, “Hey.”
“Hey,” she responds.
“Is Harper asleep?”
“Yeah, she fell asleep about twenty minutes ago,” she replies, a smile appearing on her face.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t any help today.”
“It’s alright. Evan?”
“Yeah?”
“Do you resent me and Harper?” she asks hesitantly, the sadness apparent in her voice.
Where the fuck is this coming from? “No. Why would you ask that?”
“We could move out, if you want your space and life back,” she continues to say, ignoring my question. I’m about to snap, but I remind myself to tread carefully .
“You and Harper are my life,” I tell her softly. I try hard to keep my voice calm, in an effort to not push her away.
“That is what concerns me. You don’t do anything except worry about me and a daughter you didn’t want in the first place,” she explains.
That does it. “Listen, Alani. I want our daughter. I’m a grown ass man and I can make my own decisions. I don’t regret coming inside you and I don’t regret being with you. I sure as hell, do not regret my daughter! How many times and how many ways do I have to tell you that for you to believe me?” I snap at her.
“I don’t mean to upset you. I know you love Harper, but I’m afraid that once this whole Jackson thing is over, you’ll wake up and wish you’d never met me.”
“Alani, I’ll say this one more time. And I swear to God, it’s the last time I’ll be saying it. I want you both. Forever. No matter what,” I tell her, frustrated. I watch as Alani looks down at her hands, balled together on her lap. I know she heard what I said, but I also know she doesn’t believe me. So I soften my voice before I say it again, “I want you.”
“But.…” She starts to open her mouth, but I’m done playing nice. The last thing I want is a fight, so I get up and walk inside, closing the door behind me.
Once inside, I pour myself a shot of whiskey and down it quickly before going to the couch and sitting down. I hear the sliding door open and she sits down next to me. I take a deep breath because I promised myself that I wouldn’t push her away—no matter how much she frustrates me.
“I’m sorry, Evan. Please don’t be mad. I guess more than anything, I’m afraid of losing you.”
“I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere,” I assure her.
“Do you still want me?” she inquires. I look over at her, because I think she’s talking about a different kind of want.
“Why wouldn’t I?” I ask, confused.
“Because I’m needy, emotional, and I drive you crazy,” she answers with a slight humor in her voice.
“Do you still want me, Alani?”
“Yes,” she admits in a whisper. I pull her on top of me and I place my hand behind her neck to pull her in for a kiss. When her lips meet mine, I’m reminded of what I’ve been missing.
“I want you, babe,” I say into her mouth. I don’t know exactly what she wants from me right now, but I reason that she’ll stop me if she isn’t ready.
I place my hands at the hem of her shirt and start pulling it over her head. Her eyes go wide, but she doesn’t say anything as I put my hands on her back and undo her bra. When I see her perfect tits that have grown some, I groan. I don’t waste any time placing my mouth on them and start swirling my tongue around her nipple. I hear her inhale sharply and the sound she makes turns my cock rock hard. Without breaking my tongue’s contact with her nipple, I lift her up so I can pull her shorts down. Once she sits back on my cock, she starts to grind herself against me—it feels amazing. I stop her for a brief second and move her off of me, placing her on the couch while I undo my pants and take them off. I quickly sit back down and place her back on top of me. I look at her and ask, “Are you sure?”
“I’m sure,” she replies with need in her voice. I lift her and place my dick at her entrance. I’m shocked and totally pleased when she impales herself on my hard cock. She starts raising herself up and down, her perfect tits bouncing in my face.
“FUCK, you feel so good,” I groan.
“Mhmm” is all she can manage as she licks her perfect lips and continues to grind down on me. I’m about to come, so I start to thumb her clit, rapidly stimulating her towards an orgasm as she rides me hard.
“EVAN...OH…EVAN!” she screams, digging her fingers into my back. Her pussy clenches down hard on my dick as she cums, and I thrust myself up into her a few more times, as hard and deep as I can before I find my own release. CHRIST! It’s perfect. Alani’s head crashes onto my shoulder, exhausted, and I fall back into the couch, finally feeling relaxed.
“Thank you,” I whisper.
“No. Thank you!” She lifts her head to smile at me before laying it back on my shoulder.