Chapter 18
Lani
I’ve been home for three months now and today, I came to the decision that I refuse to continue living in fear. When Evan gets out of the shower, I plan to let him know that I’m going back to work. I’m sick of letting Jackson dictate how I live my life. He took my freedom when he abducted me and continues to do so even after I’ve escaped. He’s stolen so much from me and my losses just keep piling up—time with family and friends, countless jobs, income...I don’t even have my cute little car anymore. I’ve been relying on Evan financially, which means he’s now my keeper, and that bothers me. I want my own money for when I need to buy things, like last week when I thankfully got my period. Evan and I were reckless the night we started having sex again, so I was worriedly waiting for that time of the month to arrive. When it finally did, I had to ask him to pay for my tampons, and I hate feeling completely dependent and useless.
On the bright side, things are improving between Evan and me. The sex is straight up incredible! No one moves inside a woman like Evan does and my stomach does flips just thinking about it. What I don’t like is that we use sex to avoid dealing with the bigger issues.
I head to the living room and wait for Evan to come out. I’m surprised to see that he’s already standing in the kitchen doorway with our daughter. He doesn’t have a shirt on and his tattooed chest is a far contrast from our daughter’s perfectly pale, flawless skin. It’s so adorable and it makes me melt at the sight. Evan takes in my smile and offers his own. He’s so fucking gorgeous.
“Say ‘Hi, Momma’,” he tells Harper as he turns her around towards me and making her little hand wave at me.
“Hi, baby,” I say, walking over and kissing her sweet forehead. Turning to Evan, I ask, “What are you guys doing? ”
“Well, I’m getting her ready so I can take her to Noah’s. The girls are coming over here to hang out with you for a while. I know you can’t go out, but I think seeing them will help get you back in the swing of things,” he explains. I haven’t hung out with the girls since I’ve been home, so this will be nice. And since he brought up the topic of getting back out there, I decide that now is the time to tell him I’ll be returning to work.
“Evan, can we talk for a few minutes?” I ask.
“Sure. What’s up?”
“I want to return to work,” I mumble under my breath because I know he’s going to freak out.
“No.” His response is simple and without emotion.
“No?” I pointedly ask, raising an eyebrow at him.
“No,” he repeats calmly and matter-of-factly.
“Sorry, maybe I wasn’t being clear. What I should have said was...Evan, I’m returning to work,” I irritatedly state.
“No, you’re not.”
“Yes, I am,” I reply firmly.
“Look, I’m leaving. The girls will be here in a few minutes, so we’ll talk later. But there won’t be much talking—the answer will still be no,” he dictates, ending the conversation. I glare at him, knowing I can’t slap the arrogance out of him while he’s holding my baby.
Evan
Harper and I are in the elevator on our way up to Noah’s penthouse. As I wait to get to his floor, I reflect on my conversation with Alani just before Harper and I left. I’m still pissed that Alani would even think of returning to work while Jackson is still out there. Now that Molly, Kerrigan, and Missy are headed over to see Alani, I’m dreading coming back home to finish our conversation. I know they’ll be supportive of her and give her the encouragement she needs to try standing up to me. Well, it won’t happen—there’s no way Alani is going back to work right now.
The moment the elevator door opens, I’m attacked by four of my nephews.
“Whoa. Are you guys excited to see Harper?” I ask, looking down at my nephews. They all shout ‘Yes!’ in unison and I bend down so they can all get a look at Harper. There’s a bit of pushing as they crowd around her, so I have to remind them, “Be gentle, boys.”
“Here, she can have my Spider-Man,” Gavin offers, laying his toy on Harper’s belly.
“I think she’s still too small for that one,” I say, smiling at Gavin. “Maybe you can take care of it for a few more years before giving it to her.” He removes it from her belly and takes off running. The other boys follow suit except for Cade, who just eyes her intently.
“Would you like to hold her?” I ask.
“Yes,” he replies, coming closer. I hand her off to him and he carefully cradles her before going over to the couch to sit. I bet he’s a big help with his sister, Juley.
I look around the room and see my brothers at the bar, each of them holding a beer and smiling widely at me. I suddenly feel uncomfortably exposed. I mean, I’m close with my brothers, and we share almost all of the details of our lives with each other. But now, they’re seeing me as a dad. They’ve never seen the look of unconditional love on my face or the look of pride. With all my successes, I’ve never felt proud about any of it, but I am proud to be Harper’s father. I break the silence by asking them for a drink. As I grab a barstool and sit down next to them, I almost feel out of place. Sure, I’ve spoken with them since Alani’s return, but not to just shoot the shit. I don’t know what to say, so I sit here quietly for a few minutes. Finally, Maddox speaks up.
“Missed you, man,” he says, raising his bottle. Noah and I both raise ours as well.
“Sure you did,” I respond, punching Maddox in the arm. We laugh a little and take a few sips of our beer.
“How’s fatherhood?” Noah asks .
“Exhausting, but fantastic at the same time,” I admit, and I can’t help but smile thinking about it.
“It’s a good thing she looks like her mom,” Maddox teases, punching me back goodnaturedly.
“True. Although, in about fifteen years...I’m going to wish she looked like me,” I reply. I can’t stand the idea of having a teenage daughter. With Harper being just a few months old, I didn’t think I’d be freaking out about it so soon, but I am.
“You have nothing to worry about. I mean, she does have 6 older cousins and Cade,” Noah says, nodding towards Cade, who’s still sitting quietly holding my daughter.
“I guess I should thank you now and apologize for all the times I rode you guys about mass producing kids.” Yes, I’m definitely grateful Harper will have all these men looking out for her.
“Do you want more?” Maddox asks.
“I don’t think so, but I don’t know,” I reply honestly. I don’t even know where Alani and I stand, so I can’t really think about having more kids.
“Any news on the Jackson front?” Noah inquires.
“Nothing. And get this...just before I left, Alani informed me that she wants to go back to work,” I tell them.
“You’re not letting her, are you?” Maddox asks.
“Hell no. I’m dreading going home later. I just know Alani and I are going to fight about this. I just hope the girls don’t do all that ‘women stick together’ shit tonight.”
“I don’t think they will. They know the risks of having Jackson still out there,” Maddox says.
“Wait. Where are Brayden and Missy?” I ask, just realizing Cade is here, but Brayden isn’t.
“They needed a night out, so Brayden’s sisters are watching Juley. Cade wanted to come here when he found out you’d be bringing Harper, so we told Brayden to drop Cade off,” Maddox explains.
I once again turn to Cade and watch him caring for Harper. I see the look of a protective big brother and it makes me wonder what he must’ve felt the whole time they were gone.
Lani
I’ve been sitting here with Molly and Kerrigan for about an hour, having small talk. Mostly about our kids and the things I’ve missed out on. Kerrigan is going on about her new job and how she finally feels like she has accomplished something. I’m so happy to see the life in her face, and I want the same thing for myself. I know that if Kerrigan can survive what she went through, I can do the same. I decide to ask them for advice.
“Can you girls help me out with something?” I inquire.
“Sure,” they eagerly say at the same time.
“I want to return to work. I want to start living again.” Before I can continue, they look at each other and then back at me.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Molly hesitantly says, shaking her head.
“Ok, so when will it be a good idea? I’ve been home for months and we still don’t know where Jackson is. What if we don’t find out where he is for another five or ten more years?” I complain.
“Lani, I get that you want to get back out there, but now isn’t the right time,” Kerrigan says, backing up Molly’s opinion.
“I’m just so tired of being cooped up, tired of Evan having to take care of everything and tired of not being able to take my daughter shopping. I’m going crazy!” I vent.
“What did Evan say?” asks Molly.
“Not much. He just said no,” I answer, still annoyed with Evan’s response from earlier .
“Arrogant asshole,” Molly comments, trying to hide her amusement.
We talk a little more about my situation. Even though they’re worried about me, they also understand where I’m coming from. They suggest that I explain my honest feelings to Evan and accept his concern about me, and after that, we can work together to come up with a plan for my safety. It sounds reasonable to me, but I’ll have to wait and see if Evan will agree.