17. Cameron
17
CAMERON
As expected, I’m met with a barrage of questions from Morgan when I come inside the house. All I let her know is that Lizzie and I enjoy each other’s company. Morgan isn’t happy with my lack of details, but even I don’t have all the answers and details right now. What am I going to tell her, that Lizzie and I are going to be fuck buddies for the foreseeable future?
Yeah, not happening.
I manage to get Morgan out the door after she realizes she isn’t going to get anything juicy out of me. Once she leaves, I check on the girls before I take a hot shower.
When I pull my phone out of my pocket, I have a message.
Lizzie: Hope you enjoy your shower.
My dick had settled down, but here we are again, and it only took one text. So I walk in there and relive the moment Lizzie moved her body against mine and the little breathy moans she let slip. I grip my cock and jerk up and down, imagining it’s her hands on my body.
It doesn’t take me long to finish, and while it takes the edge off, it’s really not enough.
Especially since I’m unsure of what I’m doing with her.
What if I’m making the biggest mistake with Lizzie? Will she really be okay with it being just sex? She said yes initially, but she doesn’t seem like the type of girl to go along with a casual fling. And I wouldn’t want to get in the way of her finding someone willing to give her more.
Even if that leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. Which is a problem in and of itself.
What if this arrangement isn’t enough for me either? What if I’m setting myself up for failure knowingly? With how possessive I feel toward her and how much I need her, I know she’s different from any other woman I’ve been with. She has the power to make me stray from my plan—the one that saves me from getting my heart broken again and allows me to devote myself entirely to the girls. Because what Mackenzie and Addy need more than anything else right now is normalcy, love, and attention. My needs don’t really matter.
And still, I find myself replying to her message anyway before I close my eyes.
Me: If only you had been there.
* * *
I spend the next couple of days going hard at renovations around the house—the ones I can handle, that is. Mikey and his crew are doing a great job with the big stuff, but I still need a few small things to keep me busy and feel productive.
I asked Nikki to watch the girls for a little bit so I can lose myself in retiling the bathroom and painting the office and the girls’ room.
After losing football, I know I need something that can be an escape. Something that is mine. I also know that the answer to this is the gym, but I can’t get over my own fears long enough to actually do it. Much to Wyatt’s annoyance, since I’ve been avoiding moving forward with it.
Doing small stuff around the house here and there is cathartic in a way I never realized it could be and the only time I feel like I can think. And I’ve been thinking a lot. Mostly about my dad and all the words of wisdom he passed down at various points in my life. I figure I can find some real-life pointers and advice in his words if I try hard enough.
All that comes to mind are his lectures on the importance of work ethics and ways to manage money and the best ways to be a kind and loving dad for Mackenzie and Addy. When I was going through my divorce with Renee, he told me how true love will find you no matter what and that, when it does, you have to be ready for it. After my divorce, he told me mine was still out there, waiting for me. I laughed it off, but it always made me wonder if he knew something I didn’t.
In all the years of advice and insight, those were the only words I had a hard time believing. I never told my dad this, obviously, but true love and happily ever afters became a myth for me.
Of course, all this reminiscing only made me think about Lizzie and the message I had on my phone this morning when I woke up.
Lizzie: Maybe you should have asked.
Damn it, I want to be selfish. I want her. But the way I found myself smiling at that short message worried me.
I may not be able to keep it to just sex with Lizzie. Because, even now, I know my feelings for her have moved past just friends. Being friends with benefits while being neighbors will mean she’ll start spending more time at the house. I know the girls will fall in love with her too, if they haven’t already.
Which will be the biggest disaster of all when she finds her Prince Charming and it all blows up in my face.
So, over the next couple of days, I take the coward’s way out and avoid Lizzie like the plague. I don’t join her on her blanket under the stars at night, even though it’s all I can think about. Instead, I watch her for a few minutes from my kitchen window and use all my self-control to stay inside. The girls and I wave hello when we see her in passing, but I keep my poker face on.
I never replied to her message, and she never sent another.
When she comes to me with her decision, I’ll either agree with her that it’s for the best or apologize for propositioning her to begin with.
As much as I want her to be mine and wanted to stake my claim on her days ago, I can now see that she never will be. That I can’t ever let it be.
Lizzie Montgomery is everything I want and everything I can’t want at the same time.
It’s fucking maddening.
* * *
On Saturday, the girls and I spend the day at Nikki’s house to celebrate my niece Ava’s fifth birthday. It’s been an absolute blast, and it’s great to catch up with all my family in a positive setting, seeing as the last time we were all together as a big group was at my dad’s funeral.
We eat burgers, hotdogs, and cake, and I have a couple beers and hang with the guys. Liam, Reid, and Theo, who’s back from his month-long business trip, are always involved in family gatherings and celebrations.
We’re watching all the kids jump around in the bouncy house, and I’m trying my hardest not to think about Lizzie and how epically I’ve fucked up everything. Why couldn’t I just leave us as friends?
“So, are you excited for your welcome home party tomorrow night?” Liam asks, breaking me out of my internal spiral. “You’ve been ignoring our group chat these last few days. Have you muted us? My feelings are hurt.”
Reid gives me a pointed look that I decide to ignore. For now. As long as he’ll let me.
“You guys talk a lot. And I’m a single dad who just so happens to be renovating his house, so yeah, I’ve been ignoring your asses. Also, I told you guys I didn’t need a party. Nobody cares that much that I’m back.” I’m met with silence and looks of non-agreement. “Fine. At least not enough to throw a party for me. It’s not like I’m coming back from war.”
“True, but everyone is really excited about it, and we all want to go out and have a good time,” Theo says with a pleading look. “So just humor us, please.”
“Alright, alright,” I agree.
“Besides, I think all the adults here are going to need a kid-free night out after today. Just being around a bunch of kids is exhausting,” Reid declares while he lounges back in his chair and wipes some sweat off his forehead.
“Yeah, speaking of that, I’m a little worried the babysitter isn’t going to be able to handle all the kids.” Nikki has daughters who are seven and five years old and sons who are two and four years old. Add in Mackenzie and Addy, and it’s a lot for a high school babysitter to handle.
“The girl will do fine. She babysits for Nikki all the time, and your girls are little angels. Don’t worry about it,” Liam says while getting up. “Listen, Cam. You’re not bailing, so stop trying to come up with excuses. Come out, have a couple of beers, and catch up with everyone. It’s going to be fun,” he adds with a slap on my shoulder.
“Fine,” I begrudge. “What’s going on with you and Ellie by the way? I’m still confused from the night at Rangers.”
“Who’s Ellie?” Theo asks.
“Argh. Someone I knew and thought I’d lost.”
“That’s fucking vague,” Theo says.
“We spent one night together in Chicago, and I never saw her again, until recently that is. I had no idea she lived in Brantley Falls.”
“So what’s the problem? Based on how hung up you are on her, I thought this would be a good thing,” Reid says.
“I think I was more hung up on her than she was on me.”
“Sorry, man,” Theo offers with a pat on his shoulder.
We all decide to drop it once we see just how torn up Liam is about this and move on to the safer topic of sports. We last another hour before the heat and chaos starts to wear on the adults and everyone starts heading out.
Reid comes up to me from across the yard. I knew it was coming. I’m honestly surprised it took him that long.
“How’d the other night go?” Reid asks finally.
“Fine, I guess. I asked her to be friends with benefits , but I now realize that was a big mistake.”
“Why?”
“Because this is Lizzie Montgomery we’re talking about. I can’t treat her like a meaningless fuck buddy.”
“Having casual sex is completely normal for consenting adults and if she wants to have that with you, let her.”
“I don’t know. I just think it will end badly.”
“Maybe. But, maybe not. It’s funny how Lizzie’s crush back in the day has nothing on yours now.” Redi laughs.
“Fuck you.” I laugh back. “I’ll see you tomorrow with a smile on my face,” I say sarcastically and go off to find Addy and Mackenzie.
As I leave my sister’s house with the girls, I start to think about the guest list for tomorrow night and hope that Lizzie isn’t invited. I hate that thought, but Reid knows too much, Liam saw how I reacted to her last week at Rangers, and Morgan is way too invested in us.
What I fear the most, though, is that I won’t be able to resist her if we’re in the same room together. The people who will be at my party have known both of us our whole lives and will catch on quick to stolen glances and longing looks. Probably mostly from me.
I ultimately decide to keep my fingers crossed and hope for the best. Deal with it as it comes.
It’s hard when the thing you want the most is also the one that scares you more than you ever thought it could.
And this crush on Lizzie? It terrifies me.