34. Cameron
34
CAMERON
Lizzie locked herself inside, and the only option I’m left with is to bang on her door and try to explain myself, hoping she’s listening.
“Please, Lizzie, open the door. I didn’t mean any of that. I’m an idiot for saying it, and if you just hear me out, I can make this all right again.”
My banging and yelling are met with silence. I’ve got to try, though, so I just pray she’s listening on the other side of this door as I talk.
“Listen, Renee showed up late last night unannounced. I told her to book a hotel in town, but the girls woke up and guilted me into letting her stay the night. She slept in the guest room. Nothing happened between us. I’ve barely spoken to her.”
More silence.
“I have no idea what she told you, but I promise you that I would never jeopardize what we have for my ex-wife. She means absolutely nothing to me. You’re everything. You mean everything.”
What the fuck have I done? Every word that Lizzie said was right, and instead of acknowledging the truth of her words, I got defensive and decided to cut her down. I used her insecurities against her and broke every ounce of trust we’ve forged together.
In a matter of minutes, I may have ruined the best thing to ever happen to me.
I need her to listen. To believe me when I say I didn’t mean those things.
When I tell her I love her and that she’s it for me.
I don’t know if any of it matters anymore. But that doesn’t mean I won’t try every day to win her back.
“Cam, can you please leave? Please.” Lizzie’s voice breaks. I can hear the tears in every word, causing my heart to break. I want to tear the fucking door down. “I just need some space right now. I need to get everything ready for tomorrow anyway. I’ll see you and the girls then.”
Fuck. I’m losing her. I can feel it.
She’s shutting down and fortifying her walls.
I don’t want to, but part of me knows I need to do what she says. I have no choice. If I keep pounding on the door, her mom and dad may come over, and I’m sure she doesn’t want that. I shouldn‘t either, especially knowing her dad might not be very understanding of me breaking his daughter’s heart.
I’m a fucking asshole.
So I’ll give her a little bit of time.
“I’ll leave, Lizzie, but this isn’t it. We aren’t over. When you’re ready, we’ll talk, and I’ll make things right. We’ll sort out whatever the fuck Renee said to you. I promise.” It takes everything in me not to tell her I love her, but I won’t say that for the first time through a door. She deserves so much better. “You know me. You know how much you mean to me. Believe that.”
Turning back toward my house, I spot my ex-wife on the porch with a fucking smile on her face. She has no idea what’s coming. I should have left her outside last night instead of listening to the girls.
When she arrived at midnight in a cab, claiming she came all the way from the airport in Des Moines, I was completely caught off guard. She didn’t call or text. She has always hated Brantley Falls and only came here once in all the years we were together, which means the only reason she’s here is to start trouble.
I’m done.
“Wipe the fucking smile off your face, Renee,” I seethe once I’m in earshot.
“Ohhhh. Did you and your little girlfriend have a fight?” she asks with a laugh.
I can’t believe I ever tolerated her poison. It makes me sick to think that I ever wanted to share a life with her, and, honestly, if it weren’t for the girls, I would think that chapter of my life was a complete failure and a waste of my time.
“Pack your things and say goodbye to the girls. I’m calling you a ride to go back to town. You can get a room there or go home for all I care. If you’d like to talk with the girls, call on Thursdays like we arranged. If you’d like to see the girls, you’ll need to get approval from me ahead of time. In fact, please call my lawyer to arrange that. No showing up unexpectedly. If you do, you’ll be out on the street, regardless of what the girls say.”
“You can’t be serious, Cam.”
There’s nothing I can or want to say to her, so I stare at her while using every ounce of self-control not to physically remove her from my property right this instant.
“So that’s what you’re into now?” she asks while pointing at Lizzie’s home. “The sweet, na?ve neighbor girl that still lives with her parents? Does she say yes to everything you ask of her? Let me guess, she never puts up a fight or causes any waves, right?” Her words are bitter and hateful. “You were never enough for me, Cam. You never wanted to do the things I liked. All you did was hold me back.”
“You mean wanting to go out to clubs every night and get drunk while we had two kids at home? People are supposed to grow up, Renee. You were never interested in that, and instead of deciding to split up, you decided to cheat on me.” I’m so fucking tired of this same old song and dance. It’s always the same fights with her.
“You never fought for me, Cam. You never tried,” she whines.
I look behind her to make sure the girls are not listening. “You’re right. There was nothing to fight for once you decided to let some other man’s dick inside you.” I take a deep breath because I know she’s baiting me and I’m falling right into it. “It’s time for you to leave. Say goodbye to the girls while I order you a ride. And make sure to leave my shirt.”
“You’re such an asshole. You always have been. I don’t know what I ever saw in you,” she spits out.
“Money and a little fame,” I answer bluntly.
Renee scoffs and heads inside, yelling for the girls to come and say goodbye. I can hear her telling them that she has to go back home for work, so her visit is getting cut short.
That right there tells me I’m making the right decision by kicking her out. She wasn’t here for Addy and Mackenzie. She doesn’t give a damn about them. She only came out here to start problems.
I pull out my phone and order her a ride that should be here in twenty minutes. The faster she’s gone, the sooner I can figure out a plan to get Lizzie back.
Before I know it, Renee comes striding out the front door with her small suitcase rolling behind her. The car I ordered is also pulling down the road to my house, so I’m thankful I won’t have to awkwardly wait with her.
I load her suitcase into the trunk while she climbs into the backseat, but before I close the door, I force myself to ask, “What did you say to Lizzie? She said you told her things that could only have come from me.”
“Just made sure she knew how pathetic she is.”
God, I hate her.
“What. Did. You. Tell. Her?”
She smiles big now, and I know what’s about to come out of her mouth isn’t going to be good.
“It’s a funny thing. Karen Crosby and I met before. We went to a modeling camp together when we were like twenty years old in Chicago. Small world, right?” I glare at her, waiting for her to continue. “Apparently, she hooked up with some firefighter guy who wouldn’t stop talking about your girl and how you ruined his chances of getting in her pants.” She laughs out loud now. “Karen’s honestly pathetic. All she wanted to do was talk shit about the stupid girl you’re fucking. She’s so jealous of her because of you and the other guy, whatever his name is. She kept saying she must have a magic pussy to get all?—”
I shut the door in her face. I don’t need to hear any more.
Fucking Karen. Fucking Brian.
As the car drives away, I feel like some weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Now I need to talk to my girls to make sure they’re okay and then move on to Operation Get Lizzie Back .
I walk inside and find the girls sitting on the couch with their iPads. They seem to have no idea of what’s even going on, but I know better. Although it may be true for Addy, Mackenzie, on the other hand, is sneakily aware of everything happening and has gotten very good at acting oblivious so she doesn’t upset those around her.
Which I know is what she’s doing right now.
“Hey girls. You okay? I know that was a lot, and I’m sorry you had to see that.” I sit between the two of them and hope I’m not completely fucking them up with all the decisions I’ve been making lately.
“Mom wasn’t very nice to Lizzie,” Mackenzie whispers, still staring down at her iPad without actually watching what’s playing on the screen.
I remove the tablets from their laps and prepare to have a conversation I didn’t think I’d have to again.
“Your mom is going through some stuff, so she isn’t always acting the way she should. She loves you guys very much, but it may be better if she stays away until she’s figured everything out.”
“Okay,” Mackenzie says.
“Okay. But what about Lizzie?” Addy asks.
“Well, I kind of messed up, but I’m going to figure out how to fix things with her. We’ll be okay,” I say, trying to reassure them.
Funny how they don’t seem concerned about everything that went down with their mom, but as I watch their faces, I can see they’re worried about Lizzie. About us. That says a lot, doesn’t it?
Lizzie has been there for them more in the last two months than Renee probably was for their entire lives. They were closer with their nannies than they were with her, which shows how absent she was.
“Is Lizzie still coming over today? She said she was going to. Will she still want us to come tomorrow?” Mackenzie asks shyly.
“Of course she’ll want you to come tomorrow. She wants to show off all your artwork. Lizzie is mad at me, not you girls. You’ve done nothing wrong, I promise. I don’t think she’ll be over today, though.” There’s a bitter taste in my mouth as I say the words.
“Oh. Well, can we still open the gifts she brought us?” Addy asks before grabbing one of two gift bags that I didn’t even notice were by their feet.
“What gifts? Lizzie gave those to you?” I ask, thoroughly confused.
“She gave them to us before Mom said mean things to her and she fell.” Mackenzie doesn’t look at me while she says this. Probably worried she might get in trouble for spying when she shouldn’t have been.
“I’m sorry you heard all that. We adults should have known better. Go ahead and open the gifts. We’ll thank her tomorrow at the art show.” I try to smile to cover up the shame I feel for exposing the girls to all that.
When they do, they each pull out a little stuffed plush of some sort. Addy’s looks like some kind of mutated rodent, while Mackenzie’s is very clearly a horse. Addy squeals with excitement and hugs her creature tight to her chest. Mackenzie, however, just stares at her horse with a mix of longing and love.
“What are those?”
“We made these with mud. The first time Lizzie watched us.” Mackenzie looks up at me with tears in her eyes, now hugging her horse close as well. “I don’t want Lizzie to leave us. I love her. You have to say sorry, Daddy. Please,” she cries.
“Lizzie’s not leaving us, sweetheart. It’ll all be fine.” I wrap my arms around her small shoulders and hug her to my chest, already feeling my shirt dampen from her tear-streaked face.
“But Mommy left us when she was mad,” Addy says, tears filling her eyes as well now.
“That was different, Addy. I promise to get Lizzie back. You don’t need to worry. Now tell me more about these,” I say, pointing at the animals, hoping to distract them from their grief over everything that’s happening.
Both girls start recounting that day at the start of summer, weeks ago. Mackenzie talks about how Lizzie complimented her horse over and over again. How she was so sad that it would be destroyed the next time it rained and how she wished she could keep it forever.
And I know.
I know Lizzie, being the most thoughtful and kind person she is, somehow took pictures of their creations to surprise Addy and Mackenzie with them today. Probably to reassure them before the art show tomorrow, where the girls will be displaying their work to friends and family.
She showed up for my daughters when she didn’t have to. She makes them feel special every day with words of praise and encouragement. With small acts of kindness like braiding their hair or reading them stories.
Instead of wanting to spend time alone with me and getting a sitter for Addy and Mackenzie, she chooses to do things as a family and include the girls as much as possible. We eat dinner together every night or with her parents at their house. We’ve had barbecues with Morgan and Nikki and her family and the guys and Lia. Whatever we do, we do together, and it all comes naturally.
It’s been the best two months of my life. Lizzie made me a better man, a better father, a better brother, a better friend. All she does is subtly push me to fulfill all my dreams. She never oversteps or pressures me to do anything. All she ever does is encourage and support and reassure me of all I’m capable of.
And what did you do?
I annihilated her because I couldn’t handle the truth. I can’t commit. Even though I know she’s mine, I haven’t found the courage to tell her I love her even though I do. I don’t know how to pull the trigger because I’m so scared to fail again.
That stops now.
It’s time to commit to this next chapter of my life.
It’s time I prove to her that I’m so madly in love with her that I won’t accept us not being together.
Because I don’t know what my life—our life—is like without her anymore.