Chapter 43
I’m shaking as I turn away the flight attendant and try to focus on the stack of job applications I’ve brought with me.
They’re all bent out of shape and ripped from being shoved so quickly into my backpack. I have to reread the same section four times before registering the words. I’m so far past losing my mind. It’s still at security at the Vancouver airport.
“He’s going for an X-ray now. All we know is that he hurt his shoulder.”
I repeat Kellan’s words over and over as the plane shakes with turbulence.
My pen slips from my fingers and rolls out of view.
It’s so fucking squishy in here. There’s some dude with a mullet manspreading beside me, and I know my arm is pressing into his, even when I lean further against the window.
The air vent above me is only partially open, but cranking it more would mean standing to reach, and Lord knows this dude will huff again about me jostling him.
My skin is too tight over my bones. Shit, I want to just scratch it all off.
Beck can’t be badly hurt. The universe wouldn’t punish him like that. He didn’t do anything to deserve having his season goals ripped away from him. The team has been doing well, I think, and they’re already missing Asher Vaughn. What will happen if they don’t have their closer, too?
I gulp, focusing back on the application. It wasn’t my plan to go over these already. Eli seemed genuinely happy and maybe even a bit relieved when I told him my plans to hire another full-time barista. It’s been a long time coming.
Still, my hope was to focus on Beck first and then expand the team. There’s no point in finding someone to cover some of my hours if I don’t have a reason to stay out of the café. Beck was my reason.
Spending time with him has become my biggest priority, and that’s one hell of a shift. It’s not half as scary now as I would have expected it to be. I’m completely confident in my choices now.
I don’t want to be without him anymore. Not now, not tomorrow, and not ten years from now.
Maybe that’s crazy. It probably is. I’m still not changing my mind.
“He wanted us to make sure you knew. Rome wants to get him on a flight back to Vancouver tomorrow if he needs another opinion or it’s really bad. I’m sure he’ll call you later.”
I close my eyes, fear clamping around my throat.
The first thought I had was that I should have been there.
A few minutes was all it would have taken for me to run to the clubhouse so I could see him for myself.
Instead, I’m flying by myself for the very first time to a city I’ve never been to with the hope of him even wanting to see me.
Folding the papers back up, I decide I can’t focus on this. They crinkle when they’re shoved into the backpack under the seat ahead of me. A grunt comes from the guy beside me, and I roll my eyes before relaxing again.
He has no idea how lucky he is that I haven’t let myself elbow him in the dick.
Finn
I’ll be right there. He’s getting an MRI.
I almost throw up when I read his text. The entire Uber ride to the clinic, I was trying not to scare the poor driver. He was nice, too. Unfortunately, I wasn’t.
He doesn’t seem to hold it against me when he wishes me luck, drops my luggage on the curb, and then zooms out of the parking lot. I move too quickly to notice much else other than the rain. The weather is so similar to home here.
A head of messy blond hair is the first thing I spot the moment I step inside. Despite it being a small clinic, it still reeks like a regular hospital. The comparison does nothing to comfort me.
“He’s okay, Quinn,” he murmurs, awkwardly rubbing my arms. It’s only when I pick up on the pity in his tone that I realize my eyes are blurry. “The X-ray was negative. This is all precautionary.”
I try to find moisture in the desert that’s overtaken my mouth. “I should have been here.”
“That’s unfair to yourself. None of the WAGs travel with us to every away game. We don’t expect them to.”
“After everything—” I cut myself off. Shame is a jagged knife in my back. “I just should have. Even just for right now.”
Instead of arguing, he changes the subject. “He should be done by now. I’ll take you to the room.”
“Thank you.”
Once he releases my arms, we walk through the quiet hall.
There isn’t anyone at the front desk; all the chairs around it are also empty.
I’ve never been in a clinic that wasn’t open to the general public before.
It reeks of luxury, but I swallow any negative thoughts I have.
They’re taking care of Beck here, and that’s all that matters.
The door he guides us to is open. I pause, my feet stuck to the white tile flooring. A myriad of voices float from the room, most of which I recognize. Kellan’s low words are heavy and blunt.
“You need to be careful here. I don’t want to see you fucking wrecked again. Especially not now.”
“Appreciate the concern, man, but I’m not worried. You need to let off, or we’ll be having it out in the parking lot,” Beck replies.
He sounds growly. For the first time in over a week, I’m hearing his voice, and it’s so rough and determined. My toes curl in my shoes before I scold myself for getting distracted.
“They’ll be at this all night if you don’t just go in,” Finn says softly.
“What are they arguing about?”
“You.”
The jolt of the word drives me forward. I all but stumble into the room, and suddenly, various sets of eyes fall on me. It’s a lot all at once.
A lot of testosterone, for one. Towering male bodies crowd the otherwise normal-sized room, but I look for one and one only. My eyes are drawn to him like greedy magnets. He’s sitting on a chair with his baseball uniform still on and wrapped tight around his body.
His beard is still there, and fuck me, it’s all thick and bushy. Way more so than it was the last time I saw him. My fingers twitch, wanting to brush against it. But more than anything, I want to reach out and touch him everywhere, just to make sure he’s really here.
There are deep blue bags beneath his beautiful eyes, and his mouth is flat instead of curved into a dimpled grin or cocky smirk. My heart tugs sharply, and I move closer, taking slow steps toward him.
“We’ll go check with the doctor,” Roman says.
I don’t look away from Beck as everyone shuffles out and the door clicks behind them. My lungs finally inflate around a full breath, and the fog that’s been swarming my thoughts floats away.
“Quinn.”
My lips tremble. “Beck.”
“Come here.”
I move. My bags sit abandoned behind me.
Without jostling his shoulder, I step between his legs and cup his jaw, thumbs stroking across his thick beard. Talking isn’t a possibility. My throat’s too tight.
Just the scent of him is enough to send me over the edge.
I breathe him in with greedy inhales and drop my face to his head, guiding him toward my chest. The thick hoodie I’m wearing creates a thick boundary between us, but I can still feel him there, his heat bleeding through it.
It’s almost hard to do anything besides fall to my knees and kiss him.
“You didn’t have to come here. I’m heading home in the morning.”
“Don’t. Please don’t. Just let me do this.”
He hums gently, hands finding my lower back and pulling me closer. “I’m sorry if I scared you.”
“Of course you scared me.” Fear has me clutching onto him tighter.
“This isn’t supposed to be a sport where I need to worry about you injuring yourself every time you go out to play.
What happened? Kellan didn’t tell me, and I didn’t have a chance to watch the game.
I know that makes me terrible. I couldn’t even watch you play while you were gone.
But it was for a good reason. I’ve been trying to watch more recently. ”
His exhale ghosts across my chest. I run my fingers through his hair, then reluctantly tip his head back. Our eyes connect, and I quickly bury my hand back in the thick waves, needing the contact.
“I’ve never cared if you watched my games. Baseball doesn’t need to be important to you for me to love you. One of the reasons I do is because you’ve never viewed my career as anything but that. Ultimately, it’s a means to an end. I’m just lucky that I love playing it and have gotten this good.”
“It is important to me. The things you love, I want to love, too. It was selfish of me to not figure that out sooner.” I frown. “There was a lot I didn’t figure out sooner.”
With a wince he can’t hide from me, he stands. I move with him, taking a single step back to make room for him before instantly closing the gap again. Concern has me reaching for his bicep and dragging a soft touch up to his shoulder.
“Tell me what happened.”
He drops his head and presses our foreheads together. “Overworked myself. It could be a tear, but I think I just pulled something that was already close to giving out.”
“You were in pain the day I went to the stadium to see you. Why didn’t you say anything?”
“It wasn’t the time.”
“Because of my shit,” I mutter, as ashamed of myself now as I was then.
His hands find my cheeks, holding them in his large hands. The clarity and determination in his gaze cranks my internal temperature up a few thousand degrees. My heart flutters in my chest, reminding me of how giddy this man makes me feel.
“We need to talk. Where are you staying tonight?”
“I have no idea. My focus was on getting here,” I murmur.
“Good. No reservation to cancel, then. You’re coming back with me.”
I shiver. It’s not that I mean to react to his declaration, but I’m weak. Right now, I’m running solely on fast-diminishing adrenaline and nausea-inducing worry.
When he’s standing here holding me and saying that there’s still a place for me with him, I don’t have a chance of fighting how badly I need him. I’d sleep in this room with the watchful eyes of his teammates if it meant I got to be here with him.
I’m not leaving again unless he tells me to go.
“Okay,” I agree.
He tucks a piece of hair behind my ear and brushes a knuckle along the backside of it. “You’re not going to pull a seaweed drink out of your pants, are you?”
“What?”
“Just curious if you’re finished with your grovelling yet.”
I go red, somehow more nervous than before.
The smile that parts his lips has me unbalanced. “All you needed to do was call and say you love me, Quinny.”
“You deserve more than a phone call, Beck. I’m so sorry for hurting you.
” I ignore the crack in my voice. The blur in my eyes is annoying, but I work past it.
I reach up and clutch his wrists. “But that isn’t to say that I don’t love you.
I do. I love you. More than I thought I could love anyone.
In a way that terrifies me and turns me into this tiny, nervous version of myself whose first instinct is to run so I don’t wind up hurt.
I saw the open-hearted, brave way that you love and imagined what would happen if that love wore out.
If I sat you down and told you all about my life before you and it scared you off.
I thought it would be easier to walk away before that happened, but it wasn’t. It still hurt.”
His thumbs rub beneath my eyes. I feel the dampness on my cheeks and press into his touch, my breath wavering.
“There’s so much I want to tell you, and I really hope that I’m not too late because this week has been hell.
I miss you. There’s too much silence now.
I don’t know how to fill it properly, so I don’t, and then I just sit and I miss you more until I’m wishing I could go numb.
Maybe I should have dumped the entire drink idea and simply chased you down and demanded you give me another chance.
If you hated it, then I can do something else.
It was just an idea I had. You know, because you used to get all these drinks from the café, even though you hate coffee.
I wanted to call back to that, and then the baseball rules—”
“Stop, baby. You’re rambling.” He’s grinning, and I do the same, watching his dimples appear.
“Sorry.”
Shaking his head, he lowers his mouth to mine. The kiss is wet, soft, more like a curious brushing of lips. It’s so different from our last one. I sink into the warmth of it, allowing my eyes to close.
It’s everything I needed. There’s still so much to talk about, but right now, this is perfect. It’s confirmation that we’re going to be okay.
My biggest mistake was assuming that he wasn’t going to accept all of me, and I won’t make that one again. We’re going to figure this out. I won’t accept anything else.