Chapter Four #4
“I’m sure, but it’s okay to cry,” he says. “It’s okay to let yourself feel this.”
“It hit me out of nowhere,” I say. “The smallest fucking thing will make it feel like I am right there with him again.”
“What did it?” he asks as I sit up and wipe my face.
“I realized I was eating fast and all I could hear was the nasty things he would say to me,” I say. “You know… There was one time he force-fed me and made me literally oink. If I didn’t, he would slap me until I did.”
“Goddamn, that’s horrible,” he says. “Dad once force-fed Mom, but then shoved his fingers down her throat to make her throw up. It was… I very much dislike meatloaf now because of that.”
“That’s vile,” I say. “Is he dead yet?”
“Unfortunately not,” he says. “I take him food every day. Not sure why I do it because he is still mean as hell, but I guess it’s different now that he is old and fragile. He’s not the same man I used to be terrified of.”
“There was one time that Jason was passed out drunk and left his gun on the table…” I say. “I sat there and stared at it and thought of all the ways I could try to get by with shooting him.”
“Yeah, I always wanted to wait until he was passed out and set the house on fire,” he says. “Watch him burn for taking her from me.”
“I wish I could bring her back for you,” I say after a moment.
“I wish I could have saved you from all that pain.”
“Well, I’m here now,” I say.
“You sure are,” he says, nudging my shoulder. I look over at him, and he grins mischievously.
“Shut up,” I laugh.
“I didn’t say shit,” he laughs with me.
“Mhmm,” I say, picking up my plate.
“Got the windows open? It’s a lot cooler in here,” he remarks, and I nearly choke on my food. I start coughing, and he laughs.
“You live to tease me. I am convinced.” I say.
“Teasing would be asking if you enjoyed…”
“No!” I say loudly and shove his arm, making him laugh again. “Don’t say it.”
“Okay. Okay,” he says with that cheesy grin still on his face.
When we finish eating, I take the plate to the sink. I start washing everything, and he takes the items from me to dry and put away. When I am done, I am dragging. I am so damn tired, but I like spending time with him.
“You look exhausted,” he remarks.
“I am,” I admit. “I’ll probably end up being with the detective most of tomorrow. I’ll end up having to disclose everything about the trafficking shit.”
“You should get some sleep then,” he says.
“Yeah,” I say. “I don’t know if I can sleep with all of these windows open, though. Makes me afraid someone will get in.”
“Well, shut these out here, and leave the one open in your room,” he says.
“You were just waiting for a moment to slip that in somewhere,” I remark.
“You could definitely put it that way,” Bodhi laughs, and I blush again. “Look at me.”
“Ugh!” I groan. He lifts my chin again and steps close so I have to look at him.
“I’m sorry, Olivia,” he says gently.
“For what?” I ask quietly.
“I didn't realize the curtain was open. I will spare you the explanation, but I should have been more mindful,” he says sincerely.
Oh, this poor man. He doesn’t realize I watched him… He thinks I ran away.
“Uh…” I laugh.
“I’m serious. I should have been paying attention. I feel bad that I scared you like that.”
“You didn’t scare me,” I say. “I… Look… I… am going to hell… I’m going to hell, Bodhi, and it’s going to be because I most definitely watched you… I should be the one to apologize… I… Did you say… Wait, don’t answer that.”
“I won’t,” he says with a smirk. “But I will say that you are an amazing woman, Olivia. Can we get past this, okay?”
“Yeah,” I laugh.
“I’ll help you shut and lock these windows, and then you go get some sleep,” he says.
One by one, we go through and shut all of the windows. Once I check them all, he goes to the front door and turns to face me. “Thank you for feeding me,” I say.
“You’re welcome,” he says. “Sleep well, Liv.”
“You too, Bodhi.”
When he leaves, I lock the door and go to my bathroom to get ready for bed.
I go through my normal routine of washing my face and applying lotion before sitting down to pee before bed.
When I go to wipe, I hiss in pain. I have a bump or something right on the entrance of my vagina, and I am fucking terrified that it’s herpes.
I can’t ignore it forever because it would be a shame to die of a pussy infection.
I could drive to a clinic a few cities over, but I realistically won’t have time until after I go to court.
All I can do at this point is keep it clean and not fuck with it.
It’s already swelling, so I need to avoid it getting worse.
Right now, it only hurts if something touches it.
As I am getting into bed, I look over and see that Bodhi is also getting into bed, but he is sitting up with a book.
He is watching me curl up, but in a way that I can see him.
He smiles sweetly at me, and I return the smile before letting my eyes close.
Knowing he is right there watching over me is comforting enough that I can fall asleep.