CHAPTER 14
Summer
I close up the coffee shop and make my way to the local store for some Christmas decorations.
The air outside bites at my cheeks, carrying the faint scent of roasted chestnuts from the vendor down the street.
By the time I push open the door, my hands are stiff from the cold.
Inside, it smells like artificial pine and the faint dust that clings to shelves this time of year.
I walk through the aisles, skipping anything that costs too much.
Turning a corner, I spot a section of half-priced Christmas décor.
The faded red SALE sign flutters every time someone walks by.
I find some lights, a couple of stars to hang, and a few small trinkets.
It’s not what I’d planned for the shop, but it’ll have to do this year.
My chest tightens a little. I’d imagined this first Christmas at the coffee shop filled with warm lights, a big tree, and that perfect holiday magic. Instead, I’m budgeting for dollar-store ornaments because everything we owned is ash.
But at least Mia and I got out alive.
At least we’re here.
And that’s because of Ethan.
I move toward the Christmas trees. There’s a corner at the shop that would be perfect for a big, glowing tree, but when I see the prices, I stop short. No way. Not this year.
Maybe I can make a tree out of coffee mugs… or old books, I think as I turn to leave the aisle, and walk straight into a hard chest.
I look up and meet familiar green eyes. Ethan steps back instantly, walls snapping up, his smile polite and distant.
“Summer. Shopping for Christmas supplies?” he asks. His voice is even, but the warmth I’m used to is gone.
“Hey, Summer,” Jude says, walking over with his arms full of Christmas lights.
“Hey, Jude.” I smile at him.
“Decorating the shop?” Ethan asks again.
“Uh, yeah.” I look down at my half-empty basket. “Just some small decorations.”
“Putting up a tree too?” Jude asks.
I shake my head. “Oh, no. I thought maybe I could make one out of cardboard boxes… or books…” I trail off, feeling Ethan’s eyes on me.
He knows why. He knows I can’t afford more.
“I need to get going,” I add quickly. “Penny has Mia, and I bet she’s driving her crazy.” I laugh, but even I can hear how thin it sounds.
“See you around,” Ethan says.
“Yeah, I guess I’ll see you guys at dinner?” I ask.
Jude nods. Ethan shakes his head.
“No, I have other plans. But have a nice night, Summer.”
He shoves his hands into his pockets, turns, and walks off. No frustration, no teasing, no lingering look. Just distance. Jude hesitates, glancing back at me like he’s not sure what to say.
“See you later, Summer,” he murmurs before following his brother.
The breath I’ve been holding slips out of me, shaky and uneven.
This is what you wanted, Summer.
He’s backing off. He’s respecting the boundaries you pushed between you.
He’s leaving you alone.
So why does it feel like someone just pressed a hand to my chest and squeezed?
I swallow hard, the ache settling low and heavy. My fingers tighten around the basket handle until my knuckles throb.
I need to focus on Mia. And the shop.
That’s all.
That’s enough.
Right?
◆◆◆
The next morning, as I drive Mia to school, I can’t stop thinking about the emptiness I felt at the dinner table yesterday.
Almost everyone was there, but Ethan’s absence was palpable, like music missing from a song.
Breakfast this morning was the same, every Hawthorne brother at the table except him, and it felt like a knife in my heart.
He’s not coming to his parents’ house because of me.
After I drop Mia off, I make my way to the shop.
The morning air smells of frost and roasted beans from the café down the street.
When I park, I see a big box with a red bow sitting in front of the door.
My breath clouds in the air as I walk closer, the small bags of decorations still in my hands.
I stop short when I see the note attached.
A gift from a friend.
I recognize that handwriting immediately. Ethan’s written me notes before, every night, leaving one on my pillow with a flower. When I didn’t find one yesterday, a hole opened in my chest. I never thought the absence of those notes could make me feel so… empty.
I pull the big box inside, the cardboard scraping softly against the floor, open it, and gasp. It’s the biggest Christmas tree I saw at the store yesterday.
I grab my phone and text him a picture of the box:
Ethan, thank you, but this is too much… I can’t accept it.
A few minutes pass. The typing bubbles appear, disappear, then appear again before his reply finally comes through.
I don’t know what you’re talking about
Then another text follows.
This is a gift from a friend, Summer. Nothing more.
Somehow, the way he calls himself a friend doesn’t sit right with me. The word feels like a door closing softly. I sigh. I guess I’ll have to send some pastries over to the firehouse today, just to thank a friend.
The bell jingles, and Penny walks in, the smell of peppermint and winter following her. She tried asking about Ethan at dinner yesterday, but I couldn’t bring myself to talk about it. The look in her eyes now tells me she’s heard something.
“Hey, bestie,” she says, walking over to hug me.
“Hey, BFF.” I smile, hugging her back. Her scarf is still cold from the outside air, and the touch grounds me.
She pulls away and glances at the big box with the red bow. “What’s that?”
I shrug. “Ethan and Jude saw me at the store yesterday, and I guess they figured out I didn’t have enough money for a tree for the shop. This morning, I found that outside with a note.”
I hand her the note, and she reads it. “Ethan?”
I nod.
“You don’t look happy about it.” She takes off her coat and sits at the counter while I start her coffee.
“I… it’s just…” I turn to her. I don’t want to lie to her too. “I guess I messed up.” I sigh.
“What happened, Summer?”
So I tell her everything that happened.
“Oh, Summer.” Penny takes my hand in hers, her eyes soft.
“I think you’re still in survival mode… You’re out of the storm, the sun is shining, but you can’t see it because the umbrella you hold above your head to protect you from the rain keeps you from seeing it…
” Penny shakes her head and laughs nervously. “Does that make sense?”
She asks, and I know she’s right.
“I understand.” I swallow hard, my throat thick.
“Summer,” she continues. “You’re not with the people who hurt you anymore. You left those. You’re surrounded by people who love you for you now. Those people don’t deserve to be punished for mistakes they don’t own…”
I know she’s right. I let my fear take over.
“I screwed up.” I shake my head, a fist squeezing my heart at the memory of how I treated Ethan this morning.
“Just because you never experienced that kind of good and healthy love doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.” Penny searches my eyes, and I feel a tear slip free.
“Look, if you don’t like Ethan like that…” she says.
I shake my head. “Ethan is perfect…” I whisper.
Penny smiles, a knowing curve that feels like sunlight through glass.
“Well then, to quote something a very wise and beautiful woman told me months ago, don’t let Kevin, your mom, and all those cold bastards you grew up around steal this from you too.
You already gave them too much. Time to take your power back. ”
I nod. “I’ll think about it,” I promise her.