CHAPTER 15
Summer
One week has gone by since I told Ethan I just wanted to be friends.
One painfully slow, silent week.
No more notes on my pillow.
No good-night texts.
No reason to glance at the fire station whenever I drive by…
but I still do.
The Christmas tree stands tall in the coffee shop window, glittering with white lights and cinnamon-scented ornaments. Every morning, customers compliment it, and I smile, pretending it doesn’t make my chest ache a little every time I plug it in.
He hasn’t come by once.
Not to the coffee shop, and not to dinner at the ranch.
I tell myself it’s good. I tell myself this space I asked for is exactly what I needed.
But every night, when the lights dim and Mia is asleep, the quiet feels too heavy, like I’ve shut out something I wasn’t supposed to lose.
So I throw myself into work and into being the best mom Mia could ever ask for… but nothing fills the hollow ache I keep pretending isn’t there.
At five p.m., I pick Mia up and head to the Hawthorne Ranch. I see Penny’s car parked outside, and Mia practically launches out of the backseat the moment I unbuckle her.
“Lily! Josh! Look what I made for you!” she shouts as Josh opens the door with a grin.
“Hi!” I laugh softly, taking in the scene. Lily is placing freshly baked Christmas cookies onto a plate while Josh scoops Mia up, spinning her in a circle.
“The house was so quiet without you, Mia. I’m glad you’re back,” he says, kissing her cheek. She beams, glowing under the affection.
My own father never picked her up. He barely spoke to her, unless it was to tell her to sit still and go with the servant.
“You made us something?” Lily asks, kissing Mia’s other cheek.
“I made a kissmas painting for you!” Mia wiggles to get down, then unzips her little backpack and proudly pulls out her artwork.
“Oh wow, that is a beautiful work of art, Mia.” Penny comes over and hugs her, studying the painting like it’s a Van Gogh. “I love it!”
“Who are all these people?” Lily asks, standing beside Penny and Josh, who are still admiring it.
I walk over and look more closely. Mia painted evergreen trees in the background and, in front of them, nine big figures and one small figure, all smiling.
“That is you, Josh,” she says, pointing. “And that is Lily, and Dex, Ethan, Cas, Jace, Penny, Grace… and here,” she taps a woman in a red dress, “this is Mommy. And I’m next to her.”
“Oh wow, this is gorgeous. I’m going to frame this one,” Josh says, making her beam.
“Really?” she asks, eyes wide.
“Of course,” Lily says, hugging her. “It’ll hang in my favorite room in the entire ranch.”
Mia gasps. “Where?”
Lily points to a spot beside the refrigerator. “Right there, where I can look at it while I cook.” She winks. “Good spot?”
Mia nods so hard her pigtails bounce. “Yes!”
“I’ll buy a frame first thing tomorrow,” Josh says.
“It’s really beautiful, Mia.” I run a finger over the woman in the red gown, she’s wearing a crown. “Why a crown?” I ask gently.
“Because you’re a queen,” she answers simply.
My heart warms. “Where did you get that idea?”
“Ethan said I was a princess and you were a queen.”
My heart stutters, nearly stops.
“Oh…” is all I manage.
Penny’s knowing eyes cut to mine.
“Summer, I wanted to ask if you wanted to go out with me tonight,” she says as Lily ushers Mia toward the cookies.
“But it’s Friday. Isn’t girls’ night next Thursday?”
“You’re working yourself to death,” she says, waving her curling iron like a weapon. “One drink, Summer. One. It doesn’t even have to be alcohol.”
It’s strange seeing Penny here before dinner, she usually comes with Cas every evening.
“Penny’s right,” Lily adds. “Some grown-up girl time would do you good. And it gives Josh and me an excuse to spoil this adorable princess.” She taps Mia’s nose, making her giggle.
“A sleepover with Lily and Josh?” Mia’s face lights up like I handed her a puppy.
Lily is absolutely in on this. I should’ve known.
“One drink,” I warn, narrowing my eyes at Penny. “And I’m having a soda.”
“Deal.” She grins, already victorious.
And I already know I’m going to regret this.
◆◆◆
The bar is packed, music, laughter, low lights, the smell of whiskey and citrus peel. Penny and I weave through bodies and take our seats at a small table near the bar. My pulse stumbles the second I see him.
Ethan.
He’s standing with a few guys from the station, sleeves rolled up, hair mussed, that same damn almost-smile tugging at his mouth, only this time it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. Someone cracks a joke beside him, and he laughs, but it’s muted, practiced. Controlled.
Two gorgeous women hover close, leaning in when they speak, touching his arm, tossing their hair the way women do when they want to be noticed.
A sharp, ugly twist hits my stomach.
You have no right to feel this way, I tell myself. You told him you didn’t want him.
But jealousy doesn’t care about logic. It burns, quiet, humiliating, deep in my chest.
The thought of him with someone else makes my heart ache like a fist has wrapped around it and started to squeeze.
And yet… Ethan doesn’t flirt back.
He laughs politely, but his shoulders stay rigid, the muscles tight beneath his shirt. His gaze keeps drifting away from them, scanning the room like he’s searching for an escape. Like this whole thing is a performance he wants no part of.
Then his eyes find mine.
Time stops.
My breath catches.
For a single heartbeat, neither of us looks away.
Then the muscle in his jaw tightens, and he looks away.
That hurts more than I expect it to.
Because in that moment, I realize something with sudden, painful clarity:
I didn’t just push away a really good man.
I pushed away the one man who saw me.
The gentlest, most loving man I have ever known.
“Is that Jealousy I spot in your eyes.” Penny’s knowing eyes are on me and I don’t know what to tell her.
“I hate feeling like this.” I whisper.
“You think about what I said to you a week ago?” She tilts her head, like she’s trying to say it in the most gentle way.
“I knew I made a big mistake the second those words left my lips and I saw something go out in his eyes.” I confess.
“He’s a good man Summer, I’m sure he’ll understand if you explain yourself to him.”
I nod. “I know I just… I guess I needed time to win my fears.” I shrug.
“No time like the present.” Penny nods towards the bar and I take a deep breath.
I’m done letting fear decide what kind of love I think I deserve.
I put my glass down, hands shaking. “I’ll be right back,” I mumble to Penny who smiles triumphantly .
I cross the room, weaving through people and noise and laughter, rehearsing what I’ll say.
I’m sorry. I lied, you’re more than a friend to me…I was scared. You mean more to me than I let on.
But when I reach the bar, he’s gone.
My heart drops. I turn in circles, searching, but the door’s swinging shut behind him, the cold night air rushing in his wake.
Too late.