EDITH, AKA HOT AND BOTHERED
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Have I come down with the flu? Ever since Val’s engagement party, I’ve been overheated. I feel flustered even when nothing is happening around me. I’ve never called in sick before. Instead of work, I hide in my family home and watch “The Real Housewives of Dubai.” No matter what is happening around me, my thoughts return to Duke McGraw.
I botched my plan! I was supposed to interview the younger men in the club. I never even considered the Blood-Red Suns’ president. Tuesday talked about Duke as if he were old like a grandpa. I guess technically he’s old enough to have a grandchild. His daughters are twenty-three and nineteen. But Duke isn’t old, and he is the dreamy kind of handsome.
I couldn’t believe he was real and lived in the same county. We’d almost met on several occasions, but I did my best to avoid the Blood-Red Suns. My pa always warned me about the other club.
“They’re young horny dipshits,” he’d say to me.
I heard him say something similar to my older brothers, but he usually skipped the “horny” part.
So, I dodged those men for years. Tuesday didn’t feel such fear. She is naturally mouthy like her ma. I’m smarter like mine. Yet, following the rules has left me lonely for years.
Of course, meeting Duke has changed nothing besides me knowing what I’m missing.
Once Duke’s blue eyes focused on me, I felt swept up in a storm of emotions. He’s so casually handsome. His deep-blue eyes are lined with thick lashes. His powerfully built body filled out his black T-shirt and jeans. I noticed a few grays in his otherwise thick brown hair. He was clean-shaven, but I suspect he’d look as sexy with a stubbled jaw. I ached with need as soon as he entered my space.
Despite feeling dumbfounded by his good looks, I remembered to put the bait out on the hook for him. I felt him nibbling at the line. I wanted Duke to validate what I was feeling. Yet, he ended up suggesting I find someone in another town.
Now what? Did I want to move? No, not really. Arcadia is a ritzy town, but the homestead is where my heart belongs. If I stay here, though, I won’t find anyone. That’s assuming I’m actually sick rather than lovestruck over Duke McGraw.
“Did you like any of the sweaty bikers?” Tuesday asks, visiting me after I miss work. “Is this why you look like you’re in heat?”
“Leave me alone, hussy.”
“I’ve been domesticated,” she says and flashes her ring in my face before crawling over me on the couch and shoving her body along the back. Draping her leg over both of mine, she traps me in place. “But let’s get back to you. You seemed upset after the party, and you’ve been hiding. Did one of those meatheads upset you? Should I sneak into their house and glue their balls to their thighs? I’m ninety-nine percent sure Bullet and Roxie would help me.”
“I didn’t like any of them.”
“And that’s why you’re sad,” she says and cuddles against me. “I don’t want you to move away.”
I think about Duke. I wish he were here right now. I don’t know what I’d say, and I look like a mess. However, I want to see him, and I need him to see me. I felt different while we talked, even if he got irritable at the end.
“Men suck,” I mumble, enjoying her cloying affection.
“No, no, just most of them. Some are good like in our family. I think maybe a random guy I met in passing was nice.”
My mind locks onto Duke. Is he nice? His club is filled with rowdy jackasses. While he seems smarter than Cubby, I don’t know what kind of man runs with such sweaty weirdos.
“How old is Duke McGraw?”
“Fifty-six,” Tuesday says in that brazen way she acts when she’s full of shit. “Or forty-six. Or maybe another age.”
“So, you don’t know?”
“Cubby said Duke was an old man. But he also said Duke had Lola when he was a teenager. I don’t think she’s old enough for Duke to be in his fifties. But I don’t know. Cubby has many great qualities, but thinking ain’t one of them.”
I flash her a dirty look, stopping her flapping mouth for a moment.
She smiles and continues, “Cubby also thinks everyone older than thirty is ready for Social Security.”
“Isn’t Cubby nearly thirty?”
“Yes, and I’m sure he’ll think he deserves Social Security on his birthday.”
Frowning at her, I wonder why she would waste time with such a dumb man. Tuesday acts like a slutty ditz, but she has genuine qualities, not made-up ones like Cubby. Fortunately, she stumbled her way into bed with a man worth keeping.
“Do you like Duke?” Tuesday whispers, making me go still. “Because your father will not be okay with that.”
“It doesn’t matter what I want. I’m going to end up alone or need to leave town.”
“Duke is attractive,” Tuesday says, still speaking in a whisper.
“He isn’t interested.”
“But you are?” she asks, seeming startled despite her bringing it up. “Why waste time with a guy who had his kids twenty years ago?”
Her words inspire me to tear up. Tuesday hugs me and whispers how I’m awesome and will find the right man.
“I felt a weird little connection with Duke,” I admit, whispering too. “It was dumb. He blew me off.”
“He’s very cranky about stuff, and he’s probably stressed about losing his club to Val’s overbearing personality.”
“Yeah.”
“What did you hope would happen when you talked to him?”
“Nothing.”
Tuesday kisses my cheek. “I won’t tell anyone your secrets. If you have a crush on Duke, I’ll keep my mouth zipped tight.”
“No, you’ll blab.”
Tuesday climbs over me until I’m pinned under her on the couch. Her blue eyes flash with hurt. “We might call each other names from time to time. I also made you eat grass that time.”
“No, I made you eat it.”
“Sure, feel free to remember it that way to deal with your shame.”
“Did you have a point?”
“You’re my girl, and I’ve got your back.”
“I still think you’ll blab.”
“Blab about what exactly?” Tuesday asks and climbs off me. “Is this thing you’re feeling for Duke real? Or maybe, just maybe, you’re feeling desperate to be loved. Could you be drumming up feelings for the only handsome, well-groomed man you’ve met who isn’t related to us?”
“I guess it’s possible,” I mumble and sit up. “But wanting him isn’t particularly convenient. He’s older and likely doesn’t want more kids. Besides, I know he isn’t interested in me. He made that clear at the party.”
“Oh, what are you fricking going on about, my lady?” she mocks and hugs me to her. “If you unleashed your charming side, that man, hell, any man would fall to his knees to worship you. But you hide behind your tough-chick armor. Such a bitchy bitch, you can be.”
“I’m going to be alone forever.”
“No, you’re just feeling negative. Pep up and get off the couch. We’ll go hang out with Alexis, Oana, and Roxie. We could get our nails done. We’ll make you feel pretty so you’ll stop feeling like a loser.”
“I don’t think I’m a loser.”
“Oh, well, you’re acting like one by hiding. The world is full of men. One of them is bound to make your heart race and your palms sweat.”
“Is that what happened when you met Bullet?”
“Not at first,” Tuesday says and smiles nostalgically, “I mostly wanted to rub my crotch in his face. Once I got over my horniness, I didn’t want him to leave my side. He seemed smarter and sweeter than other men. I didn’t care if he was actually better. I just knew how he felt to me. That’s all love is. Your heart rewires your brain to only want that one person.”
I think about Duke. He’s been on my mind nonstop since the party. I see him everywhere. That’s why I feel like shit and want to hide. But I see him in the house, too.
I even imagine his disapproval of my mopey behavior. He seems like a no-nonsense man. Or maybe not. He has a close relationship with his mom and daughters. The men on the homestead are tough guys, when necessary, but they have soft, goofy hearts with their families. That’s why the homestead is such a great place to live.
I force myself to leave the house and walk outside. To my right, I spot Alexis hiding under an umbrella and stitching up her clown outfit for an upcoming birthday party. To my left, I see Oana with her feathered blonde hair and flared jeans. She’s laughing with Roxie as they play with King Peepaw Jared’s mutt. I breathe in the familiar homestead scent and remind myself of my place in the world.
Though Duke McGraw’s heart might not be an option, Arcadia now feels like a pointless vacation when I’m hung up on a man. I consider what Oana suggested back when she first came to the homestead. My brother’s innocent yet feisty dream girl said if I wanted a baby and couldn’t find a man, I could choose to become a single mom. I’d even checked out sperm donor companies online. My parents would support my decision. I could put a house next to my brothers’ places and my kid would grow up safe on the homestead.
If love isn’t in the cards for me, I ought to focus on motherhood. Yes, I’m not powerless here. I still have options. I’ll pick a date on the calendar. If no man sweeps me off my feet by then, I’ll start building my house and choosing a sperm donor. Life can be just that organized.
Getting back into my routine, I hit up a regular haunt—Rock Hard Bar & Grill for a drink in the evening. Normally, I’m looking to meet a man when I come here. Tonight, I find myself stuck in my SUV, rethinking my future.
I could walk inside the restaurant and sit at the bar. A guy who doesn’t make me crazy but isn’t a loser could talk me up. We could agree to a date. I could build a relationship with him, even if we lack the chemistry I felt with Duke. Over time, that nice guy could become my husband. My kid would have a father. It’s a nice simple dream.
Confidence back, I walk inside the bar. I feel eyes on me. I suspect several men might make a move. Is that why I slide a ballcap over my hair and keep my head down? Why am I sending out a signal that I’m uninterested in male attention?
The answer is obvious.
None of the men in this place are Duke McGraw.