Chapter Twenty-Seven #11
Maxi walked over to the window and looked up at the pale, late-winter sky.
A flock of migrating birds passed overhead and into the distance, their cries echoing through the crisp air.
In the midst of the crushing sadness, something seemed to awaken inside her.
It was too painful to be called hope and too fragile to be considered resolve.
She opened the window to let the cold wind wash over her flushed face and fill her lungs. The pale gold sunlight seeping through the clouds seemed to signal the end of winter. The world seemed cruelly beautiful as it awakened from its slumber.
Riftan did not come back the next day, and Maxi deliberately avoided seeking him out. She wanted to give him time to marshal his thoughts. But when there was still no sign of him on the fourth day since their return from Loverne, Maxi plucked up the courage to confront him in the council room.
When she reached the door, she could not bring herself to open it.
How many more times must she rip his heart to shreds?
It made no sense to her that she had to beg him to let her temporarily leave his side for the sake of their future together.
She stood at the entrance fidgeting with her skirt before taking a step back.
She stared down the slowly darkening corridor, lit by the remaining sun filtering through the windows.
Despite the temptation to return to her chambers, she managed to collect herself and stepped toward the door. She cautiously pushed it open.
Inside, Riftan was asleep on the couch. Maxi began creeping into the room but froze when she spotted an upturned goblet on the floor. He must have spilled wine, as there were deep red, blood-like stains soaking the carpet.
Maxi carefully picked up the goblet, wrinkling her nose as the pungent alcohol assaulted her senses. Next to the cup lay an empty wine bottle. It was clear that he would not be in any condition for a proper conversation.
With a sigh, Maxi shrugged off her cloak and draped it over Riftan’s sleeping form sprawled across the velvet couch. She was about to leave when she heard his choked voice.
“She always stood on the hilltop, staring into the distance.”
Maxi froze and turned to look at him. Riftan slowly opened his eyes and gazed back at her, his dark irises bleaker than she had ever seen before.
“The woman who gave birth to me. Whenever the sun rose, she would comb her hair and go up the hill. She was waiting for the man who abandoned her.”
Maxi tensed when she realized that he was finally revealing a glimpse of his secretive past. Laced with derision, his flat voice rumbled softly through the room.
“Can you believe it? She waited more than ten years for the man who had used and cast her aside like an old shoe. A man who no doubt had long forgotten about the peasant wench he once amused himself with.”
Riftan’s cynical laughter chilled the air. Maxi hunched her shoulders and slowly approached. He did not seem to care whether she was listening or not.
“My stepfather was a husk of a man. For twelve years, he lived with a wife who wouldn’t even spare him a single glance.
And yet that woman was obsessed. She kept waiting for the man she had spent no more than a few months with.
She waited and waited…until she received word that he had died in battle, and promptly hanged herself. ”
Maxi reached out to touch his hand but pulled back halfway. She shivered as though her lungs had been filled with ice water.
Riftan scoffed coldly. “I found her dangling from the cottage ceiling. She was quite the beauty…but she met a gruesome end.”
He sat up and swung his feet to the floor. Maxi’s face was pale with shock.
Riftan studied her reaction with unfeeling eyes. “You see, I swore that I would rather die than end up like her. That I would never allow myself to become so miserable, waiting….”
Maxi dropped to her knees and clasped his hand in hers. Then, the moment she cottoned on to the thought that had seized him, her heart shriveled with fear.
Maxi desperately shook her head. “You are…n-nothing like her. You will…never be miserable. I will…I will be back before you know it. And then…I will never…leave again. Ever…I swear.”
“I am at my limit.”
Maxi froze as she gazed at his stony face. Only his coal-black eyes showed pain.
“All this time I’ve wanted you…it felt like I was standing on burning coals. Do you have any idea what that means? I had to keep moving. Never sitting, never pausing. Always…always on the run, through a hellfire that might never end.”
His raspy voice was strained with exhaustion. Only then did Maxi realize just how gaunt his face had become over the last few days.
He ran a hand over his haggard face. “I…want to be free of this pain now.”
“Riftan…I…”
Maxi opened and closed her mouth, at a loss how to respond. The reddish light filtering through the window cast Riftan’s face in gloomy shadow.
“If you leave,” he choked, “I’ll no longer wait for you.”
He continued when Maxi did not answer.
“I’ll stop thinking about you. This time, I’ll wipe you from my mind. I’ll stop making myself miserable.”
Maxi gaped at him, stunned.
He grabbed her forearm and stared directly into her eyes. Putting heavy emphasis on each word, he said, “Will you still leave me, then?”
All the air had been squeezed from her lungs. His black eyes held a warning—that this was the last time he would try to stop her. Maxi faltered and made to back away, but his grip remained vise-like on her arm.
Like a fish out of water, Maxi gaped noiselessly. Her heart pounded, and her throat stung as though she had swallowed glass. Her teeth chattered as she feebly repeated her words over and over like a parrot.
“I-I’ll come back. I’ll come back to you…no matter what, s-so—”
The last glimpse of light in Riftan’s eyes faded. Faced with the desolation in his gaze, Maxi found herself unable to continue.
Riftan slowly released her wrist. “Fine.”
Although she was the one who had tried to break away first, seeing him withdraw his hand felt like she was being abandoned in the freezing snow.
His hollow voice echoed around the room. “Then…go. To wherever it is you want…”
With that, he stood as if to indicate that there was nothing more to discuss. Maxi stood paralyzed, her face ashen, as Riftan walked over to the table. She leaped to her feet when he picked up a new goblet.
As she reached for him, he backed away and barked, “Don’t touch me!”
Maxi flinched, her eyes wide with shock.
Riftan glared at her as he snarled like a wounded beast, “If you touch me now, I’ll never let you go. I’ll keep you by my side by force if I have to. If that’s not what you want…”
He took a step toward her, and Maxi instinctively shrank back.
“…get the hell out of here right now.”
Maxi did not answer. She could only stand there trembling like a leaf.
“Don’t think for a minute that you’re leaving for my sake,” Riftan growled. “I never wanted this. You’re leaving…for you.”
Maxi stood as immobile as a nail hammered into a doorframe. Haltingly, almost without realizing it, she turned around on shaky legs. It felt like a knife was cutting into her flesh at every step.
She stared blankly at the long shadow extending from her feet. Though she wanted to look back, she was too afraid. She paused for a moment, as still as a statue, before stepping into the dark corridor.
When she had made it a short distance away from the council room, a crash sounded behind her. Maxi flinched at the deafening racket. A chill prickled over her scalp, and she wondered what on earth she had done.
Had she gone insane? How could she consider leaving him? She could not bear to lose him, even if it meant losing the whole world.
Maxi whirled around, but her feet were rooted to the floor. The urge to rush back and tell him that she would obey his wishes tore at her insides. Even so, she could not take a single step.
Tremors coursed through her entire body as she stood in the corridor, unsure what it was that held her there. Tears streamed down her cheeks. Did she really have to leave despite this pain? Why was she so desperate to stand on her own two feet? She just wanted to surrender.
Fighting back the sobs racking her body, she turned away once more. The invisible force around her began breaking down with each step. She felt like a chick emerging from an egg into a godforsaken world. Maxi bit her lip as her chest filled with grief and fear.
Light from the setting sun pierced her teary vision. She turned to gaze at the crimson light splintered and scattered by the windowpane. Then she took a step. She felt as though she would split in half from the pain.
Another step…Then another…