Chapter Sixteen #8
There was nothing more important to a man than an heir, and she knew without a doubt that Riftan would want a son who would one day inherit his castle and land. Would his affections remain unchanged even if she shared the same fate as her mother? Her throat felt as if a thorn had lodged in it.
Maxi nervously leafed through the parchment, but the worsening pain in her stomach made it impossible to concentrate.
After staring blankly at the words, Maxi flung her quill away.
Ink splattered across the desk. She sat motionless, staring at the stains, before slumping over the desk and listening to the rain drumming against the window.
Why was it that worry and woe seemed to follow her all her life? The fear that she might possess some critical flaw in addition to the dozens she already had made her feel utterly hopeless.
Don’t think too much. As Ludis said, it just wasn’t the right time.
Maxi clung to that hope.
It had always been a habit of hers to imagine the darkest future. She always assumed that hardship was imminent. But was her life not slowly getting better?
She now had the perfect husband who was more than she deserved. She had friends and confidants. She had a safe, warm home. Her speech impediment was improving, albeit slowly, and she had even learned to use magic.
Maxi desperately chased away the fear that was beginning to coil within her like smoke. If God were merciful, he would bless her with a healthy heir someday.
—
Riftan was soaked from the rain when he returned. His robe clung to him, perfectly revealing the contours of his armor, and his boots were caked in mud. Maxi rose from the bed and draped a towel over his head. His cheeks were as cold as ice.
“Were you…out in the r-rain all this time?”
“I had to prevent landslides from burying the construction site. I couldn’t let two months of effort come to naught.”
Not wanting to soil the rug, Riftan pushed the door closed with his back. After peeling off his shoes and sopping robe, he tossed them into a basket.
“D-Do you think…it will be a flood?” Maxi asked, a little surprised.
“I don’t think it will be that bad, but it is problematic since the ground has already been weakened because of the monsters. The summer monsoons are also due in two or three months’ time, so it would be better for us to make the necessary preparations in advance.”
Riftan threw off his armor and the remainder of his wet clothes.
Maxi led him to the fireplace and handed him a towel that was large enough for him.
While he warmed his frozen body in front of the fire, the servants brought a tub full of hot water into their chambers.
As usual, Riftan began to coax Maxi to bathe with him.
Maxi stood as stiff as a rock for a moment before informing him with an embarrassed look that she was currently in an unclean state.
He gave her a puzzled look. “If you are unclean, it’s all the more reason for you to bathe with me.”
Maxi was slightly taken aback. How could a man who was so smart say something so foolish?
She had only bled four times since she had come to Anatol. The first was when Riftan had been away, and the rest when he had been too busy to spend time with her. There had never been a need for her to explain such a mortifying thing to him before now.
Looking embarrassed, Maxi stammered, “It’s that t-time….”
“What time?”
Maxi gazed up at him, close to tears. Her husband, whom she considered the best man in the world, stared back at her blankly. He did not have the faintest idea what she was referring to. How could she explain this without losing her dignity?
“What I mean is…I am c-currently in a state…th-that makes me unable to have relations with you…f-for about a week.”
“What in the devil are you talking about?” Riftan asked, scowling. “Stop being so cryptic and speak plainly. Are you rejecting me?”
Maxi could only gape at him. It seemed like he would not understand unless she explained it to him as directly as possible. Her eyes stung with unshed tears. “I am saying…th-that I am bleeding!”
The color drained from his face, and he began inspecting her frantically. “You’re bleeding? Where? How did it happen? Show me. We have to get it treated right now!”
Terrified that he might actually check the place she was bleeding, Maxi tried to pull away from him, but Riftan was apparently more frightened than she was. She barely managed to stop him from ripping off her dress in his attempt to find the source of her supposed injury.
“Y-You misunderstood! I am not hurt! I swear to you, I am not!”
“You said you were bleeding!”
Heavens. He truly did not know anything about the curse that women had to endure on a regular basis. She was unsure whether to laugh or scream. Deciding to calm him down first, she spoke as evenly as she could.
“All women…bleed r-regularly…once they are of m-marriageable age. It is…perfectly normal. M-My nurse told me that it is p-proof…that we are old enough to conceive.”
“Are you certain? Are you sure you are not sick or hurt?”
She nodded firmly.
Clearly still skeptical, Riftan studied her face before frowning. “But where exactly do you bleed?”
Maxi turned beet red. She had never imagined that she would find herself in such a mortifying situation. Did she truly have to spell it out to him?
After a long pause, Maxi whispered the answer in his ear despite being the only two people in the room. These visits were bound to happen to her again in the future. It would be better to explain everything to him clearly just this once so that she would never have to do so again.
“Are you…being serious?” Wide-eyed, Riftan stared down at her as though he found her words difficult to believe. His face was still ashen. “Are you certain that it’s normal for women to bleed…down there?”
“Y-Yes, it is perfectly normal! It’s something every woman g-goes through.”
“Then, this must not be the first time this has happened to you. Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”
“I assumed…that you knew. I was t-told…that it wasn’t something one had to explain. My nursemaid said that you would understand…if I hinted at it.”
To her surprise, his cheeks reddened. He began babbling excuses in an attempt to justify his ignorance.
“Maxi, I grew up in a mercenary group full of men. After I became a knight, I spent most of my life fighting in campaigns. What on earth would I know about women? All I know is that they have breasts, that it’s impossible to figure out what they’re thinking, and that they can bear children!”
Maxi was skeptical. He spoke as though he had never had a lover to teach him everything there was to know about women. She eyed his perfectly symmetrical face, his intense black eyes, and his sculpted body. He was simply too beautiful to claim inexperience.
Even if Riftan was not the sort of man who had regular conquests, she was certain that the women around him would not have left him alone.
Maxi recalled the brazen pair who had tried to come on to him on the day of the festival.
She did not think a man as insatiable as her husband would have resisted such blatant seductions all his life.
Feeling a sharp pang of jealousy, Maxi glowered at him. “I’m sure you know m-more than that. Even with me, you…”
“Even with you, what?” Riftan asked, cocking an eyebrow.
She bit her lip, then blurted something she would normally never dare to utter aloud. “Before I m-married you…I knew n-nothing of…my own body, but you…already knew. It was you…who t-taught me…h-how it was done,” she stammered.
Was she accusing him of using the skills he had learned from other women on her? Could there be anything more absurd? Even she could not understand why she was arguing about this.
Riftan looked bewildered, unable to grasp the intention behind her question.
“Ninety percent of the words spoken by mercenaries are obscenities,” he finally said, looking uncharacteristically flustered.
“Whenever they open their mouths, all they ever talk about is where and how to touch a woman, as if it were something to brag about. I’ve had to listen to such talk since I was twelve.
All I know are vulgarities, and, as it turns out, half of them weren’t even true… .”
He gazed down at her before glancing away. He cleared his throat and changed tack, trying to extricate himself from the embarrassing subject. “Anyway, I am glad that you are not hurt. Is it painful?”
“I do have a slight stomachache…and I feel l-listless…but it’s bearable.”
“You look pale.” He caressed her cheek before turning to the bath with a sigh. “I’ll bathe by myself. You should lie down and rest.”
Maxi did as she was told and slipped beneath the sheets. She heard bath water splashing behind her as Riftan washed, and she lay curled up in bed battling against the throbbing pain.
Awhile later, Riftan finished his bath and pulled on a pair of cotton trousers.
He lay down behind her and pulled her close, gently rubbing her lower abdomen with his warm hand.
Maxi moaned in relief. With his body still hot from the bath and pressed against her back, she felt her tense muscles relaxing.
He slid his other arm beneath her head and pressed his lips against her shoulder and cheek.
“It upsets me that you have to go through such a thing. How often does it happen?”
“It tends to h-happen intermittently,” Maxi replied, keeping her answer purposefully vague.
She prayed that he would not find out that her cycle was different from those of ordinary women.
His ignorance was a blessing in some ways.
Feeling relieved and hating herself for it, she snuggled deeper into his arms.
The sweet, refreshing scent that was uniquely his stirred her senses. He buried his face in her hair and inhaled deeply. A low sigh escaped his lips. “I hope it ends soon.”
It was obvious that his desire for her pained him, but even still, Maxi could tell that the sentiment was not because of his unfulfilled need, but because he did not want to see her suffering.
Riftan continued to stroke her tight stomach and caress the outline of her cheek. His touch was light, as though she were a delicate flower that could be crushed by the slightest pressure. Maxi traced the prominent veins on his arms as she slowly drifted off to sleep.