Chapter 34
Arthur
Four Months Later
Submit.
I couldn’t believe it. I only had two assignments left and then first year was done. I knew people said that first year went fast, but this felt supersonic. Almost like someone had hit fast forward on a two-hour movie, condensing it into only a couple of seconds of snippets. That was the weirdest part, the time felt so quick, but the person I was when I first arrived here all those months ago felt almost lightyears away. At the risk of sounding like the cringiest person alive, there were so many things as of late that I had to be grateful for. Every piece of assignment feedback I got was incredibly positive, it was like the lecturers were finally starting to see me and of what I was actually capable. Somehow, the firm barrier I’d had up for nineteen years of my life had started to break away and I found myself slowly beginning to contribute to seminar discussions, and actually enjoying it, who knew. The job at Waterstones was great. My main duties included organising the new stock, but I even had opportunities to suggest books that I thought they should add to their shelves, let’s just say their sci-fi section was looking a lot less sad now. I also found that I didn’t mind when customers approached me. Sure, to begin with my body practically froze on the spot when someone asked me to advise them on ‘the best historical smut you have,’ that wasn’t so fun. But I ended up quite enjoying the thrill of the chase, scanning through the shelves to locate books that people couldn’t find, chatting with them about their favourite genres in the process. The pay check was ideal and meant I could actually eat. I transferred the rest of my scratch card winnings into my savings account, only to be touched in emergencies, I didn’t really need it now.
Mum and dad had been in contact a lot, and I went home way more frequently this semester than the last. Touch wood, dad and I hadn’t shared a bad word on any of those occasions. I thought I was going to choke on my dinner when he suggested going for some late-night bodyboarding down at Durdle Door, just the two of us. It was…nice. I knew being fatherly didn’t, (and probably never would), come easily to him, but he was trying and I really appreciated it. Sam was well, Sam. We’d had many a Dominos study session, loads of laughs, he was very much still head-over-heels in love with Poppy too, who might as well have been the 6th member of our flat now. She was over ours more than she was at her own. I couldn’t get over how they’d been together for over half a year now, fair play to them. Life really was great, what could I say, but there was one thing, or should I say person who seemed to be growingly absent from all of this.
Ember had started to pull away since the day my parents came to visit. At first, she said it was to do with the mass of new work she had for semester 2, and I understood that. However, as the weeks became months, I heard less and less from her. We were no longer in any of the same modules together this semester. The once Poppy and Ember duo visits, gradually became solo, no excuses were even given any more, it just became the norm. The endless text chains that made us so glad that were both on unlimited contracts, became scarce and then practically non-existent. I tried to reach out like she did for me when I was in a bad place, but from someone who has been there, you can’t always help a person who doesn’t want to be helped. But still, 4 months was a hell of a long time for radio silence. The confusing part was also that Poppy had said that she was absolutely normal whenever she was in the flat with her and Amy. She was studying like normal, achieving good grades, not overworking herself, but not slacking, still having fun and laughing…just not with me. I tried to shake off the sting that came with knowing that. I had no right to be offended at the fact that she was living her life. After all, we were just friends. She never indicated otherwise and neither did I.
Even though you know you should have.
I shamelessly found myself often scrolling through her Instagram feed, my stomach fluttering and heart buzzing whenever I saw that humongous grin, flashing her full set of teeth. I don’t know what I did wrong, but perhaps tonight, I had the chance to find out. Poppy had suggested having some nearly-at-the-finish-line drinks, and apparently Ember was coming. Whether she knew I was coming too or not was a different story, but I’d like to think that she wouldn’t go out of her way to avoid me, especially when this was meant to be something nice for everyone.
“We’re going to Komedia for the drinks by the way,” Sam shouts from down the hall.
I guffaw. “Seriously, clubbing? I thought it was for more casual bar drinks.”
Sam chuckles, “Yeah-we’re having drinks at a bar…that just also happens to be in a club.”
“Isn’t that where they have those ‘non-stop 90’s/noughties bangers’ nights?”
“You bet,” he says through a smirk. “Apparently that’s the best kind.”
Great. The last time I set foot in a club setting was at the SU during freshers, I inwardly cringe at the sequence of events that happened that night. I felt so small. Nonetheless, I shake off my shoulders, that was months ago. I’m not that guy any more, things have improved massively since then. I don’t have to get shitfaced anyway, it’s just a bit of end of year fun with some mates, and Ember. Your mate, your friend Ember.
Yep. I’m doomed.
◆◆◆
How can anyone enjoy themselves when the floor is this sticky. Honestly, I’ve had to unstick my trainers from the floor about three times already, listening to the squelch sound caused by substances that god only knows. This displeasure is made even more gross by the fact that it’s that packed in here, I can smell the pungent BO permeating from armpit to armpit. Call me old, but I’ll never see how anyone can do this multiple times a week. Despite this, I know I need to grin and bear it, it’s for a greater cause. The greater cause being a 5ft 5 brunette whose currently looking just as sheepish as I feel, her long wild curls flowing freely down her back, wearing some sort of 60’s style mini dress and white go-go boots, (I’ve grown up with a sister, don’t judge my knowledge of women’s fashion), that will almost definitely not be white by the end of the night, if this floor is anything to go by. I don’t know who gave her the permission to walk around looking like that, but I’d be an idiot not to admit to myself that…she looked breathtaking. I could feel the heat rising through my face as I tried to give her a friendly smile. It was hard to do though, especially when the times I had actually seen her recently were so few and far between. Thankfully, she smiled back. A smile that wasn’t quite her molar-flashing grin, but one that was warm and slight and infinitely better now I had seen it in person, rather than through a picture on a screen.
“I’ll have a vodka coke please bud,” Sam shouts to the bartender over the music, “moneybags over here is paying,” he laughs, pointing to me. The cheek.
“I’ll have one too please,” Poppy chirps.
“And me,” Amy sings.
I smile, shaking my head. “Single or double?”
“Single or double?,” she guffaws, “double obviously. The night is young!,” Poppy giggles.
The music is so deafening, I can barely hear myself speak. I turn around towards Ember and end up edging closer to her, gently speaking in her ear, “do you want a drink? I’m buying.” I swear I feel her body shudder. I gulp as I realise how close my body is to hers, the electricity rippling through my veins.
“Uh-,” she swallows, “Y-yes please. I’ll have whatever Pops is having, thank you.”
It’s so good to hear her voice again, to see her. I give her a warm smile. “No problem.”
I know I said that I wasn’t going to get absolutely shitfaced-and that wasn’t a lie- I’m still not a huge drinker- but the drinks were definitely flowing tonight. Maybe it was the nerves of being around Ember again, maybe it was the fact that all my senses were massively overstimulated by the sticky floor, the mixed stench of BO and Beer, the blaring music and the fact that everyone was stood so close to another, it was as if we were all going to be flat packed and shipped off together in a parcel at any given moment. The drink definitely helped to make everything that little bit more bearable though, the kind that leaves a soft hum in your throat and warmth in your chest. We’re all gawkily swaying to Toxic by Britney Spears when suddenly an announcement from a booming voice breaks the spell.
“There’s some lad here guys. Wait- what’s your name again?,” the DJ peers down to the mysterious figure. “Ah- Sam. Right, so yeah. Sam here says it’s his birthday today and wants a special request, think I should grant it?”
The crowd erupts into cheers, which I can only imagine translates to a yes.
“Amazing! He’s asked for a bit of a weird one, but if any of you out there are Austin Powers fans, this one’s for you too,” and with that he clicks off the speaker before a baseline kicks in. It’s long and drawn, but when the beat drops, it immediately bursts into some weird party remix of ‘Baby Back Ribs’ from Austin Powers.
Everyone starts howling with laughter, including me as I turn around to joke with Sam, “Oh my god can you believe that someone requested for baby bac-,” he wasn’t there, in fact, I looked around and couldn’t see him anywhere. How had we managed to lose him already? It was only when Poppy excitedly pointed to the figure squeezing his way through the crowd from the DJ booth that it dawned on me. “You requested it?,” I snorted as he approached us. He nodded, looking extremely proud of his accomplishment.
“It’s not even your birthday though, is it?,” Ember asks.
“Nope. Just needed an excuse to get him to play it didn’t I?,” Sam replies.
It’s then that we all burst out laughing as the strange, electro/dance remix of Fat Bastard’s voice booms through the speakers. Sam, Poppy, and Amy all perform some robot-esque style dance, whilst Ember and I clearly reminisce on the Halloween party all those months ago where we bonded over the zaniness of Austin Powers: The Spy who shagged me. In a moment of déjà vu, we manically start singing “I want my baby back, baby back, baby back, RIBS!” right into each other’s faces, eyes wild and smiles beaming. Whatever awkwardness was there before, definitely wasn’t there now. I couldn’t even really explain it away through the drinks as we’d only had a few, nowhere near enough to have no rationality or understanding of what we were doing.
It’s funny, as we laughed, sang and danced, all those overwhelming sensations had melted away. In that moment, it was like we were the only two people in the room, like no one was watching. I didn’t know what we were, or if there was anything to be. She might not even feel the same, but I knew with absolute certainty now that I did. Whenever I was around her, it felt like I was being welcomed home. We edge closer to one another and I’m aware that the song has probably long changed by now, we’re both just flailing our arms about to whatever beat we can feel, the golden flecks of her eyes boring into me. I feel an electrical pull, an impulse, an invisible string wielding us together. I don’t know what’s happening. I don’t want to do anything she’s not comfortable with, we haven’t even talked yet about our feelings or about the past few months. But my heart doesn’t care, and clearly hers doesn’t either, she’s so close now that I can practically feel the microscopic hairs from her face brush my cheek. Without thinking, I part my lips, my heart racing at a million miles per hour as I move so close that I can feel her breath on my lips, we’re getting closer, so clo-
“SORRY TO COCKBLOCK BUT WE’RE GOING TO GET SOME AIR, IT’S BOILING IN HERE!,” Sam shrieks directly into my ear, immediately shattering whatever that just was.
Both Ember and I let out dry coughs, “Uh-yeah-no, that’s fine. We’ll come too. I-it is quite hot,” I stutter.
I’ll say.