Chapter 43
Ember
I felt lighter. The anchor that had been weighing on my chest had slowly heaved away and I could begin to breathe again. Arthur and I were on good terms, amazing terms. I feel my cheeks heat as my mind flashes back to our kiss. It was everything I could have hoped for and more, his lips taking me to a higher plane with every brush. My mum always told me that when you know, you know. Your gut would zing, your heart would pitter and you’d feel unified in perfect synchrony. I always thought it was a load of crap, a cheap marketing tactic by horoscope spiritualists to tell you who and who not to date, and if you didn’t feel it, gasp! looks like you’re destined to be forever alone. But in that moment, I felt all three. I know we’re only young and god knows what could happen in the future. After all, as the famous saying goes, ‘life happens whilst you’re making other plans,’ but for now, for once, we weren’t making any, we were going to seize the opportunity, live in the now and enjoy it. We’d sure waited long enough. As much as I’d wanted to stay in his room all day and bask in pure delight, there was one last pit stop I desperately had to make.
◆◆◆
Familiar giggles bellowed from the kitchen, travelling all the way up the corridor. My stomach cramped and churned as I got closer to the sound. I don’t know why I was this nervous. It was Poppy and Amy for heaven’s sake, not the grim reaper. It was more to do with the fact that we genuinely hadn’t spoken a word to one another in weeks. Granted, I did ignore their calls whilst I was gone, but some things were better said in person. Hesitantly, I reach my hand out to push the door, only to immediately dart it away again. As much as I was loving playing this internal game of self-destructive ping-pong, (note the sarcasm), I needed to get a grip.
What if they see you differently?
What if they don’t want you in their lives anymore?
What if-
The door swings open and I scream as I come face to face with Toby.
“Jesus Christ!,” he shouts, placing a hand on his chest, “I nearly shat myself then!”
“Uh-sorry,” I mumble, my heart still recovering from the jump scare.
He tuts, nudging past me to get through and I’m now aware that I’m in full view of the two girls staring back at me, their expressions unreadable.
“Ember?” They both ask, their previously undetectable expressions turning more dumbstruck.
Before I can reply, they both start sprinting towards me before engulfing me in a bear hug.
“Oh my god, are you okay?,” Poppy says into my hair.
“We were so worried!,” Amy adds, her voice lathered with concern.
That last slither of tension that I felt earlier is now starting to dissolve through their embrace. But I still needed to be honest.
Gently pulling away from them, I reply, “yeah, I’m okay. I just needed some time away from everything…to work on myself you know?” I’m aware that I’m sounding slightly cryptic, so I continue. “I presume you guys have seen the letter I wrote to Arthur?”
They both nod.
“Well, then you’ll know that it was absolutely never my intention to hurt anyone. I’m so sorry that I never told you the truth. It was something from my past that I wanted to keep hidden.” I lick my lips, “I guess I just wanted to start uni afresh, I wanted people to get to know me, for me. Plus, I didn’t think you’d for one minute believe me anyway, even if I’d told you.”
I notice a glint of humour in Poppy’s eyes, “I knew that there was something dodgy about the cat situation. I didn’t have you down as a catnapper.”
I stifle a laugh, “what can I say, you obviously know me.”
Her face morphs into one of sympathy now, “Ember, if anyone should be sorry, it’s us. We treated you like crap that night. I guess we were just…afraid, at first.” The nausea starts to rise when I hear the very word I didn’t want to.
Sensing my worry, she quickly reiterates, “but not now.”
Amy chimes in and to my surprise says, “we don’t care if you’re a three-headed alien from Mars in your spare time, we know exactly who you are, and getting to learn more about you is just a bonus.”
My eyes start to well up as I process everything they’ve just said. It’s funny how we hide the raw parts of ourselves, when in actuality, those are the very things that people are drawn to more, the things make us that little bit more intriguing. Sometimes people need an adjustment period, but the right people, the ones who matter, they’re the ones who will see you for who you truly are and love you anyway. They’re the ones who are worth their weight in gold. If you’re fortunate enough to have people like that in your life, you should cherish them always and never let them go.
“Oh, we do have another question though?,” Amy asks innocently.
I cough, prepping myself to answer the endless string of questions about witches and magic that they’re inevitably bound to have now.
“….have you had reunion sex with Arthur yet?,” she smirks.
Slapping her on the arm, I shout, “No!” The snorts start to pour out of all of us then. “But maybe we did make out in his bedroom…,” I wink.
“Told you, pay up!,” Poppy smacks Amy on the shoulder, adding yet another bruise to her catalogue.
Amy whips a crumpled ￡5 note out of the pocket of her jeans and shoves it into Poppy’s palm.
I feign shock, “did you guys seriously bet on whether Arthur and I would kiss or not when I came back?”
Amy shakes her head, “We bet on whether you and Arthur would FINALLY pull your finger out your arses and get together already.”
Smiling, I say “how do you both manage to notice this kind of stuff before I do?”
“Because we know you,” Poppy smiles. Communicating more in one sentence than meets the eye. She’s definitely not just talking about me and Arthur.
“Well,” Amy coughs, “we couldn’t tell that you were some badass witch on the side, so I’d say our skills aren’t that omniscient.”
“Omniscient?,” I squeal, “you alright there god?”
Amy guffaws, “whilst you’ve been off galivanting on your little self-reflection witchy retreat, I’ve been the one having to help Poppy memorise her flashcards for her philosophy of religion exam.”
“And what does it mean then?,” I ask through a grin.
“Fuck knows. But it sounded smart, didn’t it?,” Amy deadpans.
We all howl with laughter and it’s in that moment that the final wave of self-doubt washes back out into the shore. I’m surrounded by amazing friends, family and a partner who all love me for exactly who I am, the rough and the raw included. Relief fills my body knowing that I don’t have to hide that side of myself any more. I feel free, I finally feel like, me.