Chapter 41
Chapter
Forty-One
Angelica’s heart raced.
She focused on her breathing, the way air came into her lungs and went out. She kept it as steady as possible. Her feet pounded into the pavement, one after the other, the rhythm of her run propelling her forward.
This week had been hellaciously long, but it wasn’t in ways that she had expected. The hotel wasn’t that difficult a fix. And even though the conversations had been tough, they’d gone smoothly enough.
But the battle that faced her once they were done filming was going to be the hardest one she’d faced yet. Angelica kept her pace, moving around the property at a steady speed. Her goal wasn’t to push her body tonight but to release the pent-up tension that had built over the last week.
Josef.
He was going to give her a run for her money, but she wasn’t willing to let her complaints about his actions fall on deaf ears this time.
She would push and push and push until she had some sort of movement or decision from the studio and production.
Because what he’d done was out of line. And she wouldn’t let it go.
She turned the corner and stopped suddenly. She smiled as she found Hope staring at her, wind in her hair, tank top tight against her skin and body. The shadows from the near midnight moon cast across her, making it impossible for Angelica to decipher the look on her face.
“You’re not usually up this late,” Angelica said, catching her breath by leaning down on her thighs a little.
“You are,” Hope responded.
Angelica nodded. “Yeah, I don’t sleep much.
” She walked closer. “I’m glad to head back tomorrow.
This week has been tough.” She looked around, finding no one, and she walked right up to Hope.
Cupping Hope’s cheek, Angelica pulled her in for a kiss and a sigh.
She breathed in the moment, the connection that she’d craved since she’d gotten back from Los Angeles, but they just hadn’t found a moment to be together like this.
“I’ve been thinking about what you said,” Angelica started, staying close by Hope. She wanted to be in her presence. That much had been clear in the last couple of days. She craved that connection, the way she’d started to rely on Hope to meet her needs.
“What I said about what?”
“About going away for the weekend.” Angelica sighed, her lips curling upward. “I think it’d be a good idea. I have no idea when we could manage it between post and press and our other jobs, but I want to find time for it. Time for just you and me.”
Hope’s lips parted in surprise, a blank look on her face. “What if Eva were to come with us?”
“Eva?” Angelica stilled. A niggling fear picked up in her belly. Something about this didn’t feel right.
“Well, she’s my daughter, and I need to spend time with her.”
“You do,” Angelica quickly agreed. She’d never want Hope to disregard that relationship for her. That wasn’t what she was asking. “I thought you wanted time with just the two of us. Did I misunderstand?”
Hope sighed heavily. “I also need to spend time with my family.”
“I’m not saying you shouldn’t.” Angelica stepped back, putting her hands out to her sides. Where was this attack coming from? “I love Eva, you know that. I wouldn’t ever tell you not to spend time with her or make her your priority.”
“You don’t love her.” Hope shook her head, a deep line forming in the center of her brow.
What the hell was she thinking? Because Angelica was so lost. Something had changed in the last week, and she had thought it was just temporary stress, but maybe she’d been wrong. Maybe she’d been wrong about everything.
“I do, Hope. And I don’t think it’d be a good idea to go away for a weekend and bring Eva with us.
She’s not… she’s too young to understand.
” Angelica flexed her fingers, trying to find the right words to navigate whatever the hell this was.
Because holy fuck, she hadn’t been prepared for this attack.
“Besides, I thought it was in the rules—”
“Screw the rules, Ange.”
“Now you’re pissed.” Angelica stepped back, confusion swimming in her belly.
“Of course I’m pissed.”
“Why are you pissed?” Angelica widened her eyes and put her hands out to her sides, trying to convince Hope to talk to her instead of just yell at her. It’d been far too long since they’d been able to do that.
“Because you don’t get it.”
“What don’t I get?”
Hope gritted her teeth and turned around as if she was going to walk away. Angelica stepped forward, quickly, snagging Hope’s arm. “No, I’m not done with this. You’ve been distant all week. What did I do?”
“Everything!” Hope’s voice rang loudly through the yard. “And nothing,” she said more quietly.
“I don’t understand.” Angelica straightened her back and shoulders, trying her best to be understanding and compassionate, but the lack of answers grated on her nerves. Again.
“I don’t know if I can do this,” Hope whispered.
Angelica’s heart skipped a beat. Her chest tightened to the point that it was so hard to breathe. But she couldn’t walk away, not yet. Not until she knew. “Do what?”
“This!” Hope nearly shouted the word. “Us!”
“You seemed just fine doing it in the supply closet when we got here. You can’t just do whatever you want and think that there aren’t consequences, Hope.
Because there are. You can’t just take whatever you want and run with it, make decisions for other people and think that we’re just going to fall in line and do what you want.
We have feelings too. We have wants and desires and hurts and dreams.”
Angelica stopped. She’d gotten way ahead of herself, and she hadn’t been able to stop the words running out of her lips and taking control of the situation.
“I’m sorry, that was—”
“The truth.” Hope stepped forward, right into Angelica’s space. “That’s what you think, anyway, so just own it already. You think I’m impulsive. That I don’t think about the people around me. That I’m selfish and controlling and don’t give a fuck about what happens to my family.”
“Your family,” Angelica said, understanding finally where this was coming from. It wasn’t Angelica. It was Hope’s family. “I knew from the start that you’d choose them. I never expected anything less.”
“So then why be with me? Why continue this?”
Angelica’s lips parted. The words were on the tip of her tongue, but the last thing she wanted was for them to be said in anger and frustration.
Especially when she knew for a fact that Hope couldn’t—wouldn’t—reciprocate them.
This was Angelica’s folly, and she needed to face the consequences of her choices, of her actions.
“God, Ange, you think I’m the selfish one?” Hope scoffed at her and shook her head. “I can’t do this. I really can’t do this anymore.”
Angelica’s eyes stung. Pain swelling in her chest, but she’d expected this, hadn’t she? She’d already cried her tears and prepared her heart for this to happen. She just hadn’t thought it’d be so soon, so unexpected.
“It’s not worth the risk to my family.”
Angelica dropped her chin. That’s what it always was, wasn’t it? She was never worth it. She stepped backward, putting space between them. She had nothing left to say. She had nothing left to give.
Another step.
Angelica looked up, meeting Hope’s tortured gaze. She should have known better. Not just to jump into a semi-relationship with Hope, but she should have known better to protect her heart. She shouldn’t have allowed herself to fall in love. Not again. Not like this.
Step.
Drawing in a deep breath, Angelica pressed her lips into a thin line before she broke the hold Hope had on her and turned around.
She walked away. She left Hope standing there in the wake of everything crumbling around them.
And she wouldn’t force herself to go back.
She wouldn’t make either one of them deal with this any longer.
She refused to look back at Hope. Because if she did, then it would send her world spinning out of control. She reached her room and pressed her shoulders against the cold door, closing her eyes.
She wouldn’t cry.
She refused to allow herself to do it.
She’d shed enough tears over Hope already, and now wasn’t a time to add to them. Staring at the room in front of her, Angelica made perhaps the rashest decision she had in a long time. Pulling out her phone, she sent Lyric a text.
Angelica: I need to leave for LA. Immediately. You’re free to return for the remainder of your stay or feel free to check out and head home.
She stared at the message. Lyric had to wake up and see it.
She didn’t want to call her and have to say anything out loud right now.
She needed to just disappear for a bit, find herself back at home, back in the rhythms that weren’t this godforsaken television show, in the life that she hadn’t built with Hope in mind.
Lyric: Yeah. Sure. Everything okay?
Angelica almost said no. She almost typed out that word.
If anyone would understand what was going on, it’d be Lyric, right?
She’d been around for so long. She understood Angelica in a way that no one else did, including Hope.
They were two peas in a pod some days, and others, well most of them, she was Lyric’s boss. Not her friend.
Never friend.
But God, a friend would be so nice right now. Someone she could run to and cry on their shoulder, someone who would try to understand and be caring with her. She’d thought she’d found that in Hope, but she’d been wrong. So very wrong.
Walking directly into the bedroom, Angelica snapped open her suitcase and started shoving her clothes into it. She didn’t worry about folding them, she didn’t even try to separate them out. She just needed to get the hell away from here.
When the knock echoed through the suite, Angelica sighed with relief. She walked to the door and opened it to find Lyric in her jammies and a loose t-shirt, with a concerned look on her face. “What’s the emergency?”
“I just need to get back to Los Angeles,” Angelica said, not wanting to elaborate.
“Okay.” Lyric brushed her hand over her face as she stepped in and reached for Angelica’s suitcase. “But I’m stopping for caffeine.”
“Of course. It’s on me,” Angelica said, lowering her voice as she followed Lyric outside to the vehicle.
She slipped in the front seat and buckled herself in, preparing for the long drive back home. At least they weren’t far. At least she could escape this way. With filming done, there was no point in her staying there another night only to leave the next morning.
Lyric said nothing until they got on the highway with caffeine in hand.
“What happened, boss?”
“Nothing happened,” Angelica said with a quick shake of her head.
God, she wished she could sleep on the drive back tonight, but she knew she wouldn’t catch a wink.
Emotions turned into a raging storm inside her, and she’d be lucky to even be able to think tomorrow when she tried to catch up on work.
“Did you and Hope…?” Lyric paused. “Look, I know you don’t like talking about personal things, but I’m not an idiot.”
Angelica held her breath. She looked Lyric over from the side, the slackness of her jaw, the way her hands were light on the wheel. Angelica’s heart thundered. She’d thought no one knew. She’d thought…
“We had an argument, yes.” Angelica whispered those words, not sure she could say or add anything more to them.
Because if she were to confirm what Lyric was clearly inferring, then she would have one more person she’d have to worry about spoiling her secret.
And she couldn’t have that. She could never allow that.
“So instead of talking to her to work it out, you’re running away?” Lyric glanced at her. “You don’t run away from problems—big or small, Ms. Shields. Not in all the time I’ve known you.”
“I’m choosing to run away from this one.” Angelica folded her hands in her lap and stared out the front windshield. “And that’s all I’m going to say about it.”
“All right.” Lyric sighed heavily. “I guess it’s going to be a very quiet ride home, then.”
“Yes. It will.”
Angelica ground her molars together. Silence was exactly what she wanted—and needed—right now. Silence to think, to mope, to stew. Tomorrow she could come back with where to go from here. But tonight was hers and only hers.
And she wouldn’t let anyone else take that from her.