Chapter Thirty-one
Elizabeth
“Love is not love that alters when it alteration finds.”
What in the mixed messages?
I stared at my phone, wondering what Chelsea was up to. Of all the people in the world, she’d normally be the last to help patch up a busted romance, but lately, she hadn’t been herself. Maybe Cupid’s arrow had finally hit its mark and now she thought everyone was worthy of love.
No. That didn’t pass the smell test.
More likely, she just wanted Evan out of her space so she could have Bas—and his Polska Kielbasa—to herself. She’d practically ambushed me, saying things to Evan that I had not uttered. Go hiking with him, what the hell?
What was Evan even doing over there this morning?
I dressed for the cold weather, then stormed over to Chelsea’s, carrying on a full conversation with her in my head, still arguing with Evan, cursing myself for every decision I’d ever made, but mostly absolutely furious with Chelsea.
What Evan and I needed was a straightforward conversation, minus the booze.
What we didn’t need was a forced death march in the mountains.
Chelsea let me in, wrapped in a towel. I blew past her. “I don’t think this is a good idea.”
She nodded, then dug through her drawer. “You’re exactly right. You can do so much better.”
I sputtered. She’d been the one to suggest Crabtree Falls. “What are you talking about?”
“Evan.” She nearly fell over trying to pull on a pair of yoga pants.
“I was talking about hiking. Wait.” Her meaning hit me, and I reared back. “What’s your problem with Evan?”
“The fact he’s acting like you’re some kind of psycho whore.” Ah, there was the Chelsea I knew, but her change of heart was giving me whiplash.
“And that’s exactly why I don’t think hiking is a good idea.”
“I’m agreeing with you. I’ve had qualms about him since he ghosted you.”
I froze. “You what?”
“It was a dick move.”
Was she seriously going to make me defend him? “He explained why he didn’t call. And besides, we’d only known each other for one night. It wasn’t like I was his girlfriend. He didn’t owe me anything.”
“I can’t believe you’re making excuses for him. He’s sitting over at Basil’s playing the victim.”
So this was just about her getting rid of him by foisting him on to me. “Once again, that’s why I don’t think you should force him into a car with me for an hour as if nothing’s wrong. He needs time to process his emotions. I think I should give him some space.”
She started braiding her hair. “Right. Give him so much space he floats away. You deserve more than a guy who treats you like that.”
“Oh, Chelsea. Seriously?” Imaginary Chelsea had said much the same thing, but my real friend hadn’t been there when I needed her, and I wasn’t in the mood for her judgment right now.
Of course she’d advise me to cut and run.
That’s what she always did eventually. “Surely, you and Bas have had some disagreements?”
She shrugged. “Not really. I’ve nagged at him, but he’s never kicked a coffee table out of anger.”
Oof. I tried to picture Evan lashing out at an inanimate object, but I couldn’t.
Maybe that was proof I needed to shut it down, that I didn’t truly know him.
But she didn’t either, and I didn’t like being manipulated by her trauma anymore than I liked being a victim of Evan’s.
I wouldn’t try to fix what was broken, but sometimes people deserved more than what they thought themselves worthy of.
Lord knew, Chelsea had melted down enough times to recognize a soul in need.
“I’m not going to dump him the first time he overreacts. ”
She grimaced. “You’re not going to just give him a pass, I hope.”
No. I’d promised Evan some grace because I believed everyone made mistakes, and everyone deserved a second chance.
But so did I. And that fiction he’d imagined, the villain who could maliciously trick him, use him like some random piece of meat, had to die now. I wasn’t going to crawl to him and apologize for things I hadn’t done. I was finished with explanations.
Before I’d trust him with my heart again, he needed to let it all go, or let me go. But that was a conversation for me to have with him. It wasn’t Chelsea’s call.
“There is such a thing as a middle ground. I’m not a doormat, Chelsea. I’ll kick him to the curb before I let him walk all over me.”
She was right to expect me to chicken out. It was what I’d done the night before. But this was different. This was me leaving the door ajar for that hard conversation.
And so as we drove over, I came up with a compromise.
Bas and Evan emerged from the house as we parked.
I climbed out of the car and called over, “Crabtree Falls is too far away.” I watched Evan for signs of relief, but he mostly slumped, either still mad or embarrassed.
I hoped it was embarrassment, so I added, “Carter Mountain is much closer. Let’s go get some apple cider doughnuts, then take a leisurely hike up to Monticello.
Evan, have you been there since they installed the wooden paths? It’s lovely.”
Evan crossed his arms. If he walked away, that would be my answer. If he went along dragging this foul mood with him, that would be still another. I hoped he’d snap out of it.
Chelsea cracked wise. “You weren’t kidding about that cold front, weatherman.”
Evan scowled, then seemed to catch the jab and rolled his eyes.
Bas chided, “You sure about that? I’m detecting a lot of hot air.”
Chelsea chuckled, and despite my irritation with all three of them this morning, their banter made me laugh. It was obvious how good Bas had been for her. She volleyed, “So much atmospheric tension.”
Evan made frog lips, but he finally stepped away from the house and approached me.
Bas teased, “Oh, look, the barometric pressure is dropping.”
“Stop,” Evan said, laughing despite himself.
“Oh, he speaks,” Chelsea said.
I met him halfway, cautiously. “Is everything okay?”
He sighed and took my hand. “Yeah. I’m embarrassed by my reaction. And sorry.”
That was a good start. I studied his weary face for traces of the guy who’d spoken to me like I’d somehow cheated on him.
My knee-jerk reaction in almost any confrontation was to wave it away, to say it didn’t really matter.
But it did. And I was so tired of capitulating to everyone, to accepting less than I deserved.
I’d been learning to speak up for myself, partly thanks to Chelsea pushing me out of my comfort zone, partly thanks to Lauren driving me to quit a salaried position, but also thanks to Evan showing me how to simply ask for what I wanted.
I needed to put that growth to the test now and speak to Evan with my whole heart, whatever the fallout. I was also worthy of more.
My trust in him was shaken, but at least he recognized he’d made a mistake, and I wanted to hear him out. “Come on. We can talk while we hike. Bas and Chelsea will come, too.” I glanced at Chelsea, amused now at the stunned look on her face. “Right?”
“Nooo.”
I threw out the bait I knew would win her over, and maybe I had an ulterior motive. I wanted Evan to understand how innocent our game was. “Picking fruit is on the list.”
She glared at me, whining, “My breakfast. My delicious breakfast.”