SO FAR OUT THEY’RE IN
SO FAR OUT THEY’RE IN
EVELYN
REMEMBER, EVELYN, THE RIGHT JEANS ARE THE CORNERSTONE OF YOUR WARDROBE, MIA declares.
We’re in a boutique in nearby Duluth with Jordan.
This is the Intro to Shopping class I need.
I’ve shopped at flea markets my whole life, except for Target excursions while visiting my great-grandmother.
And Nan is not the type to wait around while I try on twelve pairs of jeans to determine which one best suits my butt.
But Mia is. She shakes her head when I come out in some so-called boyfriend jeans.
Wouldn’t guys prefer if we wore girlfriend jeans? I ask.
It’s a vibe, says Jordan. Like the morning after when you don’t want to squeeze back into the bandage dress from last night, so you pull on his jeans and T-shirt.
I have no idea what a bandage dress is and visualize something that a mummy would wear. Boyfriend jeans definitely sound better.
But they don’t suit you. Your legs are your best asset, so you want jeans that draw attention to them, says Mia.
Like skinny jeans? They’re so far out that they’re almost in again, opines Jordan.
I give up on understanding fashion trends and just follow Mia’s advice. She’s moving rapidly between racks and pulls out a pair of jeans.
These ones.
I dutifully return to the dressing room, then return with the new jeans on.
Perfect, says Mia, and Jordan nods.
I peek in the three-way mirror, then look again. Magically, I’m taller, more stylish, and almost…sexy. The jeans are fitted at the top but flare out at the bottom. They cover my shoes and make my legs look even longer. I’ve always thought my legs were too long and tried to hide that fact.
She has a decent ass too, Jordan remarks. When they look at me in the mirror, it’s as if I’m a mannequin. Her gaze moves upward. No tits, though.
Mia giggles. Lucky for all of us, that’s what Vik prefers.
I flush. I’ve never looked at my body as a collection of disparate parts that can be evaluated in terms of how they attract men. My mother was very much of the beauty is as beauty does philosophy.
You need a pair of dressy jeans and casual jeans. Maybe some non-denim jeans, Mia muses. Luckily I have a clothing allowance for the year, although it appears I’ll be spending it all today.
What about my own clothes? I ask, once we’ve purchased an entire wardrobe of jeans, tops, underwear, coats, and even a party dress for upcoming Alpha Z events.
Your old wardrobe looks like it came from the discard bin at the Goodwill, Jordan states bluntly.
Mia is more charitable. There’s an acceptable level of individuality. So when you wear a thrifted Victorian top with your vintage velvet jeans, you look like someone’s granny. But if you wore the same top with your flattering new jeans, you’d look interesting.
I nod. I like the way that she breaks fashion down into principles. It’s a lot more helpful than advising me to burn my entire closet, which Angelica did.
I’ll come by your room, and we can decide which pieces you can work into your new wardrobe, Mia offers.
I thank her, though making all this effort for one man is making me even more nervous.
After a salad lunch at the food court, Jordan drives us back to the sorority house for my next lessons. Des and Angelica are waiting for us in Des’s room. As befits the Recruitment Chair, she has the biggest room of our little crew.
She looks better already, declares Angelica. Mia insisted that I wear my new clothes right away so that I’ll feel comfortable and confident in them.
Okay, time to educate you on all things Viktor. Des pulls up an actual presentation on her laptop. The first slide is a photo where he’s smiling and dressed in a suit. He looks much better when he’s not writhing on the floor. There are bullet points underneath.
Jordan lets out a low whistle. He looks really hot. Where did you get that photo?
From the Athletic Awards banquet last year, Des says. He won the Best Athlete/Scholar award. And some kind of hockey award.
So, he’s smart too? Well, he was at the library. My first impression of a good-looking dummy was wrong.
What is he studying here? I ask.
Des frowns, searching her memory until Mia answers, Engineering.
An impressively difficult major. But why did he need history books then?
Des clears her throat. Okay, the first thing to remember is that Viktor likes to make the first move. You should encourage him, but nothing too aggressive.
I don’t think that will be a problem. I couldn’t even speak English to Dan in the hallway, so I’ll be lucky to squeak out a hello to the daunting Viktor.
How much experience do you have with men? Angelica demands.
I’ve been on a date. It was with the son of my mother’s friend and pre-arranged by both of them, but it still counts.
All four of them stare at me.
One date? Jordan asks. How is that humanly possible?
Well, when you’re home-schooled, you don’t meet a lot of guys, I explain.
Most home-schoolers develop social networks for that. Or send their kids to high school once they get older, says Des.
But that wasn’t possible for me. We kept a low profile as an American family living in Moscow. Some wives move back to the United States when their kids are in high school, but my mother would never live away from my father.
She’s a freak and this will never work, Angelica complains, not for the first time.
Mia holds up a hand. Wait, let’s just lean into this.
Evelyn has gorgeous eyes, so she can communicate that way.
Stare at him, but the moment he looks at you, look down.
Then look again, and the next time you catch his eye, give him a shy smile, and then look away again.
She demonstrates the wide-eyed look and the smile.
Of course, Mia is so poised and pretty that whole routine looks amazing when she does it.
I’m going to look like a bulgy-eyed bullfrog.
Still, she’s going to have to say something, Jordan says. My favourite catchphrase when a guy says something I don’t get is ‘Really?’ She demonstrates with a subtle lift of her shoulder. Really?
I blink at Jordan, wondering if she’s joking. She smiles back at me. It works for everything.
Just riff on whatever he says to you, instructs Des. Because Vik has no difficulty talking to women. Okay, next: PDA. He’s not really into it. He won’t pull away if you hold his hand or snuggle up to him in public, but he’s never going to be the initiator.
This results in a brief argument where Mia insists she never noticed this, Angelica agrees, and then Des insists that she’s the authority because she went out with him most recently.
People change. Maybe he’s like this now because he doesn’t want anyone getting ideas about being his serious girlfriend.
For sure, he won’t take you to any big public events like those Athlete Awards. Jordan motions towards the photo still frozen on the laptop screen. Sure, he’ll take you out to a nice restaurant, but never to a social event where he’d have to introduce you as his girlfriend.
What I really want to ask why these beautiful, popular women put up with anything but the best treatment. But it’s clear that all of them still have feelings for Viktor. Whether those feelings are positive or negative is harder to determine.
Hockey is the most important thing to him, and that includes the team. So expect to come second to hockey, states Des.
Jordan nods in agreement. Yeah, one night we went out to a restaurant, and he gets a call from one of his teammates.
I don’t even know what the problem was, but suddenly we’re getting our meals packed to go, and he’s dropping off me and my dinner while he goes on some rescue mission.
I was so pissed off. Like, these are grown men.
Can’t they handle their own shit without calling Vik?
Angelica sniffs. Would he do the same for one of us when we had a crisis? And don’t try to mess up his game day routine, that’s set in stone. He has to have his nap and his special meal. And you can’t ruin his pre-game concentration even if something important comes up.
To me, this sounds admirable. A captain should be there for his teammates. I have my own priorities, and I would never put a boyfriend before my schoolwork. Failing is forever. I had to fight to get to Monarch.
He never buys you gifts, Jordan adds.
To be fair, he pays for dates, Mia counters.
Jordan nods. I know, but some guys get you flowers and jewelry. Lana gets flowers all the time. Lana Hillier is the polished, perfect vice-president of Alpha Z.
Then Angelica turns to me. We went to all this work, and you’re not even taking notes?
I can remember everything. So far Viktor sounds like a normal guy.
He’s the team captain, so of course hockey is important to him.
Maybe he’s getting scholarship money from hockey and he can’t risk losing that.
Nothing they’ve said reflects badly on his character; if anything, he’s more impressive to me now.
Besides, how am I supposed to use this information? I can’t drop remarks like I’d never distract you from hockey into our first conversation.
Des closes her laptop. Come over every night this week, and we’ll practice. Then, by Friday, you’ll be good to go and we can help you get ready for the party.
I swallow, realizing that all this work is for naught. I’m definitely going to fail with Viktor. I hope his groin has recovered by now.
THE WEEK GOES BY WITH A FLURRY OF ACTIVITY UNTIL FRIDAY.
My brain has been stuffed with the knowledge all my sorority sisters seem to have had since birth.
I need to be more feminine, listen attentively, move confidently, develop flirtatious ways, learn the art of a good compliment, and, most daunting of all, own my sexuality.
I’ll have to find it first, though. I suspect it’s located somewhere in the new, tighter jeans I’m wearing.