9. Mack #2
“Don’t judge me,” I grumble at Waffles, who lies beside me, panting.
“You know, you could go home and get some water.” He whines at my suggestion and nudges me with his wet nose.
“Yeah, that’s what I thought.” I shake my head, leaning back and resting on the marble.
It’s cold to the touch, connecting with my bare flesh and eliciting goosebumps as they spread across my skin.
Fluffy white clouds roll across the bright blue sky. The sun sits low, barely awake for the day. Much like me. Every day that Olivia has been gone, the sun hasn’t seemed to erase the darkened parts of me.
“Another day, Liv. Another sunrise without you. It’s only getting fucking bleaker,” I murmur.
“Day after day. It’s been over 1,800 days since I last heard you speak.
It’s been 43,000 hours since I last set my eyes on you.
Seen your smile. Or heard your laugh. Fuck.
What I wouldn’t do to make you laugh again.
Remember that one time you accidentally snorted Dr. Pepper out of your nose?
” I laugh to myself, wiping a hand down my face.
“If you were here, I’m sure you’d tell me to stop my pouting or some shit. ”
A small tear trickles down my cheek.
“But that’s the thing about this grief, Liv.
It’s supposed to lessen. It’s supposed to go the fuck away, but every day when I wake up and you’re not beside me, I lose myself to it a little more.
I’m not the same Mack you left when we buried you.
I’m—” Different. Harder. Rougher around the fucking edges.
A man you’d probably hate if you saw me now.
A man who didn’t leave this town like he promised.
A man who uses his fists and weapons to get his way.
“I wouldn’t be who I am now if you were still here. ”
Olivia shaped me into the best version of myself. She listened to my anguish and accomplishments. Without judgment.
Olivia was the best of us.
Emotions burst open inside me, exploding outward until my eyes are stinging more with unshed tears. Waffles nudges me again, licking my hand until my fingers run through his yellow fur.
I sigh, turning over and tapping her headstone three times.
“I love you, Livy. Today. Tomorrow. Forever. And into the fucking afterlife. Now, I have to go see what JJ found out about who did this to you.” My fingertips brush over the crack on the 224 before I jump to my feet and shake the emotions from my body.
“Next time, Buttercup. I’ll bring you another rock from my run. I couldn’t find any today.”
Inside this fence line, I’m vulnerable. I can cry to her.
Talk to her. Tell her every-fucking-thing.
No one will see me here. They don’t dare set foot in the graveyard besides our parties.
Beyond the boundary of the fence, where real life exists, I return to the Mack everyone knows and loves.
The cruel jokester. Someone they don’t dare to fuck with. Ever.
We’re the kings of this fucking campus. Everyone bows to us. They do our bidding without question. And that’s the way I fucking like it.
I like being untouchable.
As I leave the graveyard and hesitate by the iron fence, glancing at Olivia’s headstone one last time, a figure walking toward campus makes my steps falter.
Oliver fucking Davenport.
I narrow my eyes at him. There’s something about that asshole that has the hairs on the back of my neck standing on end. Something I can’t put my goddamn finger on.
But I’ll find out.
I’ll find out everything I can about him. Especially since that fucker looks like he left the woods. Is he the asshole destroying everything I hold fucking precious? My fingers curl into fists, aching to sink them into his stupid face.
Well, I’ll find out.
I take a step in his direction, but my phone buzzes in my pocket.
JJ: You said you were coming…
I roll my eyes toward the sky. How mad would he be if I spilled some blood outside the Coliseum?
Probably fucking pissed. He’d waggle his bony finger at me and sign some curse words mixed with the middle finger.
Yeah, yeah. I know, asshole. We aren’t supposed to fight outside the ring.
It would give the other gangs on campus ideas.
Ideas we don’t want to facilitate. Like…
murdering us or the others. This is neutral ground, after all.
We all get along like happy fucking children and create alliances.
Good for business.
Bad for my need for vengeance and questioning.
Mack: I fucking am…
Ugh. Whatever. Oliver fucking Davenport can wait.
A few days, at least. Then, I’ll pounce and make his life fucking miserable.
Too bad I can’t throw him into the ring with someone who could kick his ass.
I thought Brutus was up for the damn task.
Fuck, was I wrong. How the hell did that little weasel knock Brutus off his ass and out within five minutes?
Whatever. I’ll figure it out. I’ll get to the bottom of every-fucking-thing. Even if it kills me in the process.
Waffles follows me slowly as we make our way up the hill toward the mansion. I stop momentarily, gazing at the thick patch of daisies blowing in the slight wind, spreading their petals until the sun blazes down on them.
I tip my head back, doing the same, letting the morning sun blaze down on my sweat-soaked flesh, bringing me back to life.
I swallow hard, staring into the deep blue of the sky as I rub over my left pec. A deep ache forms beneath my hand, pounding with the best of my broken heart.
Those are her favorite flowers.
By the time I slam through the front door with Waffles on my tail, I face JJ and Hux, resting in the kitchen. All the pain from two seconds ago hides away in the back of my mind momentarily until tomorrow morning.
Grief is such a fucking vicious cycle of bullshit. I can only erase it for so long before it comes back and attacks with a vengeance, bringing me back into the darkness I crawled out of when I heard Livy had died.
“Okay, I’m here, fuckers. What’s so important?”