Chapter 39 #2
‘That’s enough teasing from you, Lizzy,’ Sage said in a voice that a kindergarten teacher might use.
‘Fine!’ Cam moved towards me, but as he did so, something dawned on me. And it had nothing to do with gender roles and everything to do with power. As a fighter, you never wanted to be underneath someone, you always wanted to be on top.
‘Actually – wait,’ I said, straightening up and holding out my hand. ‘On second thoughts, I’m going to sit on you.’
Cam narrowed his eyes at me suspiciously, before realisation washed over his face. ‘Always the fighter, Lizzy.’
‘What can I say, you bring it out in me.’
With great reluctance, I climbed onto Cam’s lap. I could not believe I was doing this, but apparently I was. I wrapped my legs around him and then very slowly lowered my arms and rested them on his shoulders, turning my head away so as not to look at him.
‘Okay, now what? Can we just hurry this thing along, please,’ I said.
‘Wonderful, now put your foreheads together. And do not argue with me,’ Sage said in that same scolding tone as before.
‘Whatever,’ I said, trying to be casual about the whole thing.
‘This is ridiculous,’ I muttered under my breath.
‘Last time our foreheads were together, I believe you left a bruise.’ Cam smiled at me and started manoeuvring his head into position. I gave a long sigh and did the same. As our foreheads touched I kept my eyes focused upwards.
Sage floated behind us, her arms waving gently like that coral in the current.
She rang a tiny bell that sounded like fairy wind chimes and began softly humming something that sounded vaguely Gregorian but was possibly Enya.
Then came another scent – burning sage and ylang-ylang.
This time I rolled my eyes, but then . . .
Something shifted. Something also started rising, climbing up my stupid spine, and then I made a catastrophic mistake, I opened my eyes and that was when I felt it. That undeniable pull.
Sage stopped moving and came to sit by us, placing her hands on our heads again. ‘I pick up on something very rare with you two,’ she said softly. ‘Your souls are such ancient companions. They always return to each other, no matter how far apart they’ve been.’
Oh, for heaven’s sake.
‘Lizzy!’ she scolded. I considered swearing at her in my head, since it was obvious she could read my mind, but I didn’t.
‘I feel something else too. Pain. Unspoken words.’
My heart jolted in my chest.
‘It’s time to say the words, the ones I see floating in the air between you. Say them, now.’
Cam exhaled. I felt him shift.
‘I’ve been trying,’ he said, his voice lower now, no teasing in it. ‘I tried to say them the other night, but she ran away and returned with a fish.’
Sage gasped. ‘A fish? Fish symbolise rebirth and transformation. Perhaps, Lizzy, your spirit knew it was time to feel again.’
‘Oh my God . . . NO! My spirit knew the fish was dying and I put it in the bathtub, okay! Sorry, I can’t do this, I’ve had enough.’ I started pulling away, trying to climb off Cam’s lap, but he held me in place.
‘Stay,’ he said. One word. But there was something in it, an edge of desperation maybe, that stopped me in my tracks.
And suddenly I felt like I couldn’t move, as if the word itself had weight and was pushing down on me.
I suppose I could have fought it, but I didn’t.
Instead I leaned in again, put my forehead to Cam’s and synced my breath with his.
His hands tightened around my back, and I let mine settle on his chest. I was falling into him, physically, emotionally .
. . whatever the hell this was. This sensation of relief, of resignation, of something washing over me and making me feel . . .
‘I have feelings for you, Lizzy. Real ones. I think I’ve always had them.’
‘Cam . . .’ I whispered, the serenity of seconds ago gone and replaced with a growing panic.
‘There was something I should have said to you all those years ago . . .’
Panic, panic, panic.
‘. . . when we were lying in bed together and . . .’
I couldn’t take it!
I jumped up, out of his lap, off the mat, and I ran. Out of the pavilion, past the flower petals and into the jungle.
‘See?’ I heard him say. ‘I told you. When I try and tell her how I feel, she literally runs.’
The last thing I heard was Sage calling after me to go find another fish.
She wasn’t in the room when I got back. She was probably jogging up and down the beach. Maybe I’d pushed her too far. I knew how she was – always bolting when something got too real. Always needing space when things started to matter. But just because she ran didn’t mean I wasn’t going to say it.
Not this time.
I’d give her a bit of breathing room. Let her do her thing. And then I’d say the words. The ones I’d kept bottled up for way too long.
I flopped onto the bed and lay down. I was exhausted. I’d barely slept for three nights. It was hard to sleep when you felt like all your nerve endings were on fire because you were in close proximity to the thing you’d wanted more than anything for the longest time.
I’d close my eyes, just for a moment. I reached over, grabbed her pillow and pulled it to my chest. It smelt like her. I pressed my face into it and closed my eyes.
I never wanted to not smell this again.
Yeah. Just a second. I’d shut my eyes for just a second . . .