Chapter 1
Gina
Iscrape the empty food into the trash and slam the plate into the sink. Water splashes onto the counter, and a chip of porcelain flies off the plate as it splits in two.
"Damnit."
The sink’s full of water and I plunge my hand in, fishing around for the broken pieces. My finger nicks something sharp, and I jerk my hand out of the water. Blood oozes out of a small cut.
“God damnit.”
This night couldn’t get any worse.
Sucking on the end of my finger, I yank the plug out with my other hand. But I pull the damn thing too hard, sending more water cascading over the edge of the sink to slop onto the floor.
“Mother fucker…”
I don’t usually curse this much, but then I don’t usually have ghosts from my past turning up to dinner.
Of all the people to walk in the clubhouse door, it had to be Sean bloody O’Leary.
Now I’m all flustered and annoyed and doing stupid things like breaking plates and cutting myself and splashing water all over the kitchen.
I’m down on my knees mopping up with a dishcloth when the kitchen door swings open.
By the way the hairs on the back of my neck stand upright, I know it's Sean.
I stand up immediately, knocking my hip painfully against the edge of a cupboard. But damned if I’m going to be on my knees for my first encounter with Sean O’Leary in seven years.
“Hello Gina.”
My name said in his Irish lilt makes my knees feel weak, and I grip the kitchen counter for support. It’s beyond annoying that after all these years he can still make me weak in the knees like some giddy schoolgirl.
But I’m not a schoolgirl. I’m a thirty-three-year-old woman, and I’m not going to let this man have the satisfaction of knowing the effect he’s having on me.
“Hello Sean.”
I plaster on a smile that I hope gives nothing away about my thumping heart and the weak knee situation.
The bleeding’s stopped in my finger, and I retrieve the broken plate and toss it in the trash.
Plates are piled up on the counter after the club dinner, and I make myself busy rinsing dishes and loading up the dishwasher. It gives me something to do rather than look at his annoyingly handsome face.
“How have you been?” he asks casually, as if it's been a few days since we saw each other and not seven years.
“I’ve been good, Sean, and you?” If he wants to play it casual, fine. Two can play at that game.
“Yeah, yeah, I’ve been good.”
I bend over to get the dishwashing detergent from under the sink.
“You look as good as I remember.”
I straighten up abruptly when I realize that he’s checking out my substantial ass.
I’ve always been a big girl, but in the last seven years I finally gave into my weight. If I crave chocolate cake, I eat it. If I want to eat ice cream straight out of the carton while watching Desperate Housewives or wherever, I do.
Because seven years ago, I made a pact with myself. I would never, ever let a man hurt me again. And with that came a sense of freedom. I no longer try to look a certain way to please a man. I do what I want, I eat what I want, and I don’t give a damn what clothing size I am.
And Sean O’Leary checking out my ass is not going to change that.
I turn to face him, and he's leaning casually on the doorframe.
The years have been kind to Sean. His dark hair is peppered with silver.
There are lines around his mouth and crinkles at the edges of his eyes highlighting the fact that he's spent a lifetime smiling.
His beard is longer and scruffier in an endearingly rugged kind of way, and his lips are just as full and kissable as I remember.
He catches me looking at his lips, and they turn up in a cocky smile.
It’s like he knows exactly what I'm thinking. Like he always did.
I pull my eyes away from him and turn the dishwasher on.
“You look the same.”
It’s a lie. Sean must be nearly forty now, and the years look good on him. He’s got a calmness about him, a dignity that wasn’t there before. Sean was always a good-looking man, but now he’s downright devastating.
My stomach’s tying itself up in knots, and it feels like a cage of butterflies are beating against my chest. And deep down in my core, there’s a stirring that I haven’t felt in a long time. Seven years to be exact.
“Are you back for a visit or for good?”
I try to sound casual, hoping he can’t tell my body’s gone into overdrive at the sight of him.
“It depends.”
Of course it does. Sean was never one to make a commitment. I should know. We were together for two years, and he never proposed. I should have known he would leave me one day. But it was still a hell of a shock when it happened the way that it did.
I don’t even bother to ask what it depends on. Probably some club business that I don’t know about. The best I can do is try to stay out of his way while he’s here and hope like hell he goes back to Ireland quickly.
“You never answered my letters,” he says quietly.
I pause halfway through scrubbing out a pot. Sean walked out of my life seven years ago. Admittedly those were extreme circumstances, but he didn’t even say goodbye.
“No,” I say simply. “I didn’t.”
“How come, Gina? Why didn’t you ever write me back?”
I rest the pot on the drying rack and turn to face him. The cocky grin has been replaced by a serious look with something like yearning.
There was a time when I was so angry at Sean that I used to imagine all the things I’d say to him when I saw him again. But now that he’s here in front of me, I don’t feel angry. I just feel tired.
“You left me, Sean. Did you really expect me to respond to your letters?”
His face falls.
“I never meant to hurt you, Gina. You know I would have stayed if I could.”
It comes out soft as an Irish breeze, and I remember the way he used to whisper sweet nothings in my ear as we made love, driving me wild with his accent and his hot breath on my skin.
Whatever happened between us, whatever we both regret, it was a long time ago.
“It doesn’t matter, Sean. We really don’t need to drag it all up. There was a time when I would have done anything for closure. But now, do you know what, Sean? I just don't care.”
He stares at me for a long moment.
“I don't think that's true, love.” His eyes sparkle as he takes a step towards me. “I think underneath that voluptuous, mouthwatering chest of yours, your old heart still beats for me.”
Only Sean could be so crass and so romantic all in the same sentence, and only Sean could see through me so utterly.
I wipe my hands on the dishcloth and discard it on the drying rack.
“You’re mistaken,” I lie.
My heart’s banging in my chest, and every nerve in my body is firing. I hope to God it doesn't show. I do not want to give this man the satisfaction of being right.
“I really don't care why you’re back or how long you’re staying. Let's just agree to stay out of each other's way, and we'll be fine.”
He gives me another cocky grin. “I’m not agreeing to stay out of your way, Gina. You’re too pretty to look at.”
I roll my eyes. Sean was always a charmer, and nothing’s changed.
“I’m done in here.” Meaning with the kitchen clean up and done with this conversation.
“I’ll give you a ride home on the back of my bike.”
A memory flashes into my mind. Cruising down the highway. Gripping Sean’s waist with my chest pressed into his back, my hair blowing in the wind. Young and in love and carefree. Stupidly thinking that this would be my forever.
“No thanks.” I shake the memory out of my head. That was two different people a lifetime ago. “Not necessary. I'm having work done on my bathroom, so I’m staying at the clubhouse tonight.”
“Now that’s a coincidence.” Sean cocks his head, a cocky sparkle in his eyes. “I’m staying here too.”
My mouth drops open before I can stop myself. “You are not.”
“Yes, I am, as it happens. Bruno insisted. I’ve already dumped my stuff in the last room on the right.”
It’s the room next to mine that’s joined by a shared bathroom. This couldn’t get any worse. But I can’t let Sean see now much it bothers me.
“Just stay out of my way, Sean, and we’ll be fine.”
I push past him and out of the kitchen, hoping that he doesn't hear the hammering of my heart as I pass by.
Sean O’Leary is staying in the room next to mine. The man who broke my heart so badly I swore off all men. The man who still makes my insides twist and my core tighten.
I'm so fucked.